Minor Annoyances
by Mysterious Penname
Summary: “The day Light-kun doesn’t have the need to speak over one hundred thousand words is the day I will eat quietly!” This is a series of drabbles about...well, L and Light annoying each other. Crack, OOCLight, COMPLETE
1. Shut up, Light

Disclaimer: I disclaim.

A/N: I've read a lot of fics about how much L annoys Light when they're chained together, but not many about L getting annoyed. I figured Light blabbing all the time would piss L off, so here you go.

Light's a bit ditzy in this, but it's for the story's purposes. Work with me.

This takes place when they're handcuffed together and Light's all doe-eyed and adorable instead of a psycho bastard.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

L stared at the computer in front of him, eyes wide and glazed and thumb nestled between his lips. He kept his gaze firmly on the screen, worried that… _that noise_ would start up again if he looked away. He couldn't be distracted form his work, not now. Not when they almost had a lead.

But then he realized something truly horrifying: he would have to look over at Light if he wanted the brunette to pass him his cake! And L certainly wanted his cake, there was no doubt about that. But was it worth the pain L would be forced to endure?

Slowly, and with a resigned sigh, L looked over at Light. "Light-kun, may I have my cake?"

Light looked over, his large caramel eyes shining over at L. "Sure," he said, passing L the treat.

L snatched it from Light's grasp and turned back to the computer, but it was too late; it had started.

"I still don't know why you eat so much sugar. You're complexion is all messed up because of it, and I don't want to know how many cavities you have in that mouth of yours! You should eat some vegetables, or have some protein in your diet! Honestly, I don't know _how_ you can stand cramming junk into your body all day long! _I_ have a healthy diet. As you can see, all of the food groups are represented with the proper servings every day…"

L's problem was that Light liked to talk. _A lot._ And every time L would glance at him after a prolonged period of silence, the teen would take it as an invitation to _chat_ with L like they were old chums, or _nag_ L like they were an old married couple. Chatting and nagging were two things that L did not feel comfortable with, and therefore he became annoyed when Light talked.

But he didn't want to anger Light, or hurt him, so L kept his feelings to himself.

"…And maybe of you could get even an hour of sleep at night, you wouldn't have those massive bags under your eyes!"

"Light-kun!"_I have to stop him!_

Light blinked, a bit peeved at being interrupted. "Yes?"

"Will Light-kun please read the file I just sent to him?" L asked, hastily sending a random file to his companion. "It is of utmost importance to the case."

Light huffed and turned back to his computer, opening the file and skimming it. "Ryuuzaki."

"Yes?"

"This is a file on how to bake a cake."

"…That is correct."

"This is of importance to the case?"

"Light-kun needs to read the file and examine it carefully," L replied, shoving a gummy into his mouth. He knew it didn't make any sense, but he would do anything at this point to sit in silence for a time period longer then five minutes.

He got his wish. For the next seven minutes, there was complete silence in the room. He reveled in it until Light decided to talk about something new.

"You know, that outfit Misa had on yesterday really was hideous. It looked like a bunch of spiders were trying to devour her! And she told _me_ that _my_ outfit was ugly! Psh! I had everything perfectly coordinated, don't you think? My belt matched my shoes, and…"

At this point, L tuned out and tried to concentrate on his computer, but Light's voice was like thunder next to him.

"…_perfectly_ coordinated!"

L nodded and found that he was gripping his keyboard very tightly, his knuckles turning white from the pressure. Then he devised a plan! If he could get Light to eat, then his mouth would be full, and with the teen's impeccable manners, he would never talk with food in his mouth!

_I'm not the world's top three detectives for nothing!_

"Would Light-kun like something to eat? I could call Watari up, and Light-kun could have whatever he wants," L offered, keeping his tone low to prevent showing his excitement.

"Hmm." Light narrowed his eyes, like he always did when he was thinking deeply about something. "No thanks."

"Nothing at all?!" L exclaimed, looking very intense, and Light scooted back a bit.

"Ryuuzaki, is there a reason you want me to eat? Have I lost weight?" Light looked down at himself, smoothing his shirt down to scrutinize his stomach. "I think I've gained all my weight back since my confinement, don't you? I mean, I've always been a bit on the thin side, but never _skinny_. Maybe I could eat more, but I don't really like to stuff my face like you do. And I certainly don't want to _gain_ weight! It all packs on around my stomach. When I was eleven.."

_Dear God, I just made it worse! He's gone off on another tangent!_

Eventually, that rant stopped and L got to treat himself to a few more minutes of silence. Grinning a little, L grabbed another gummy and happily chewed on it, eyes lighting up at the sugar hitting his taste buds. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Light turn his head toward him and he steeled himself for another tirade.

"Ah, Ryuuzaki…I've been meaning to talk to you about something…"

"What is it?" _What more could he possibly find to talk about?_

"It's just…when you eat, Ryuuzaki. Those gummies make such a loud 'smack' noise and it's very distracting. If you could be a little quieter, I'd appreciate it," Light said, smiling brightly and turning back to his work.

L paused mid-chew and slowly turned his head to face Light, eyes bugging out and fists clenching. He gnashed his teeth together and let out a little growl.

Light looked back over at L. "L…I didn't mean to offend you…I just need silence to work effectively, is all," he said tentatively.

"_Light-kun…_needs…silence?" L ground out.

"Well-"

"Does Light-kun have any idea how much he talks?! Day in and day out, he's always nagging me or bitching about some inane thing, and he tells _me_ to be quiet?!" L snapped. "The day Light-kun doesn't have the need to speak over one hundred thousand words is the day I will eat quietly!"

L whirled around back to his computer, and Light turned back to his.

"Ryuuzaki?"

"…What?"

"I don't talk a lot, do I? If I talked a lot, I think I'd notice. Like this one time, back when I was nine…"

L banged his head against his desk.


	2. Hair Care

A/N: I feel so silly posting this. Thanks for the feedback, everyone!!

Light hummed in pleasure as he ran the brush through his hair, flipping his brunette locks around and watching them glisten and shine in the mirror.

Ah yes; he was beautiful.

L sat on the counter next to Light, watching wide-eyed as he groomed himself.

"Light-kun is very vain. He seems to think he is a celebrity."

"Shut up, Ryuuzaki. I happen to care about how I look, unlike _some_."

L scowled and shoved his thumb between his teeth to keep himself from snapping at the teen.

Light grabbed his conditioner and smoothed it through his hair, giving his locks another flip and not noticing when they smacked L right in the face. "You know, Ryuuzaki. You could really do with a makeover." He cocked his head to the side, staring at L's hair. "I'd have a lot to accomplish, but in the end I'm sure you'd look _fabulous_."

The detective wiped the conditioner off of his face and shoved Light away from him. "Light-kun is not going to make me look fabulous."

"No, really. Let me have a go at it!"

Thus began their latest struggle, in which Light tried to get some conditioner on L's hair and L tried to fight him off. Eventually, with a well-placed kick, L sent Light flying backwards and into the wall.

"Light-kun will not put artificial 'silky-shiny' enhancers on my hair," L said factually, mocking the name of the hair product. "I am not as concerned with my outward appearance as he is!"

Light wiped a bit of blood from his lip and stood back up. He scowled at L, but began to formulate a plan of action he would carry out later.

Yes. L's hair would be silky-shiny by the end of the day.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Light's plan was working out perfectly! It was now midnight, and with a well-placed sleeping pill hidden in L's cake, the detective was now sound asleep.

Satisfied, Light whipped out his mountain of hair products and set to work.

The next morning, Light awoke to L perched on top of him, glaring daggers at the teen.

"Ryuuzaki! You look great!" he said with a nervous laugh.

Indeed, L's hair was trimmed and smoothed back and it looked very healthy, but L didn't seem to care about that.

"Light-kun drugged me and invaded my personal space!"

"You needed it!"

"I've never felt so violated!"

"You've never looked better!"

"I look like a fool!"

"But it's silky-shiny!"

Later on, when Light was nursing the bruise on the side of his face, he didn't regret fixing L's hair.

In fact, he was trying to think of a way to get L to change his wardrobe.

END

Next drabble: TV

**Reviews are to me as apples are to Ryuk. They motivate me.**


	3. TV

A/N: Dear Lord, another update. Thanks for the reviews!

Light tugged on the handcuffs to drag L away from the computer and into the kitchen. The older male had restored his hair to its messy state and hadn't spoken to Light much in the past few days, instead opting to work on the case incessantly. Light intended to change that.

"Ryuuzaki, you're going to burn your eyes out if you stare at the computer for any longer!" he nagged, giving the chain a swift tug and causing the detective to stumble a bit. "I can't believe you!"

L straightened up as much as he could and attempted to pull Light back to the desk. "It's called _conviction_, Light-kun!"

"Well it's ridiculous!"

"_Your face is ridiculous!" _L yelled, forgetting his usual speech patterns.

After that very badly sculpted insult, (quite possibly the worst L had ever given someone) the black-haired man was so shocked at his own childishness that he allowed himself to be pulled into the kitchen. Blinking dazedly, he watched as Light grabbed some crackers and then let himself be led to the couch.

Light turned the television on with a little grin and happily munched on his low-fat saltine crackers. L gagged.

"What do you want to watch, Ryuuzaki?"

The detective pulled his knees closer to his chest and rested his chin on them in something resembling a pout.

"Fine. _I'll_ choose something," Light snapped, and he switched over to some sort of fashion channel with a huff.

"Light-kun cares about fashion?"

"Isn't it _obvious_?" Light responded, gesturing down at his own outfit.

"I don't think so."

"Well, that's mister _'your face is ridiculous' _talking, to I won't take that into account."

L scowled, and the pair sat in silence for a while before he tired of the rambling fools on TV.

"Give me the remote, Light-kun."

Light shook his head.

"I can't watch this drivel."

"You can change it when the hour is up!"

"But I don't _want_ to watch this!" L said, reaching over and trying to grab the remote from its place next to Light's thigh.

"Well, that's too bad!" the teen replied. He held the remote up and pushed L's face away with the other hand.

L slapped Light's hand out of his way and leapt up like a frog, snatching his prize in mid-air and landing in a heap on the floor. He rolled onto his other side, aimed and clicked.

The TV shut off.

Light and L glared at one another for a few minutes, panting, until Light stuck his nose in the air and deliberately shoved another cracker in his mouth. He crossed his legs, kicking L in the process.

"You could have asked_nicely_, Ryuuzaki. You're soooo overdramatic."

"Yeah?! Well, you're…um…_stupid_!"

Light raised an eyebrow and shook his head.

L decided to give up on comebacks for the day.

Neither watched TV for a long, long time.

A/N: Please review!

**Up next:** Bananas


	4. Banana

A/N: I never established a setting. Oh well. I've just been picturing them in their hotel room.

Thanks for the reviews!

Light grinned as he snatched a banana from the fruit bowl and gave it a little twirl before sitting back down at the kitchen table across from L.

L watched his suspect closely for a moment before saying, "Light-kun seems awfully happy about that banana."

"I'm not allowed to enjoy some fruit, Ryuuzaki?" the teen asked.

L sighed and took a bite of his cake. "I just find it strange that Light-kun is so enthusiastic about a banana," he said with a small shrug.

Light reached across the table and smacked L on top of the head with his fruit. "Maybe I just like bananas more than you," he said. He leaned back and began to peel it.

"I have no doubts that Light-kun finds bananas more appealing than I do," L muttered, rubbing his head.

Grinning, Light broke off a piece of the banana and held it out. "Here, have some of it. It's nutritious!"

"No thanks."

"But it's fresh!"

"No."

"Have you even ever tried one?!"

"Yes, I have! I don't want one right now!"

"But you're so unhealthy! Just have this little piece!"

"Get it out of my face!"

Light stood up and leaned over a bit more, so the proffered food was inches away from L's mouth. "You'll never go back!"

"_I don't want the banana!_" L shouted, eyes bugging out. He slapped Light's hand away from him and the piece went sailing across the room, landing with an audible "plop" right on L's computer screen.

There was a period of silence after that, as it was following all of their fights, and Light sat back down with a nasty glare.

"That's what you get for not eating it," the younger male quipped. He crossed his legs and took a dainty bite of the remainder of the fruit. "It's called _karma_, Ryuuzaki."

L stood abruptly at that, snatched the banana from Light's hands, and smacked the teen's face with it, getting that perfect auburn hair gooey and sticky.

Later, as he tried to smooth his hair back into its former state, Light decided that he _didn't_ like bananas all that much.

A/N: Reviews fuel me.

Up next: Shower time


	5. Shower Time

A/N: Thanks for the reviews!!

* * *

"I need to shower, Ryuuzaki."

L looked up from his computer and saw Light looming over him, hands on hips. "Why does Light-kun have a need to shower? Didn't he just recently bathe himself?"

"_Three days ago!_ If that's your definition of 'recent', Ryuuzaki, then I think we need to have a little talk," Light said. Without another word, he yanked the chain and pulled L down the hall and into the bathroom.

"Fine. Light-kun may shower, but I will time him. Fifteen minutes," L said, unlocking the chain so Light could remove his clothes. "Hurry up."

Once the cuff was firmly put back on his wrist, Light stepped into the shower. He left the curtain cracked a tiny bit to allow the chain through.

L perched himself on the closed toilet, staring at the wall ahead of him and calculating percentages in his head when he suddenly heard humming.

"Be quiet, Light-kun!"

"_You_ be quiet!" Light snapped back. His humming continued.

Glaring daggers at the shower curtain, L clenched a fist around his hair and tugged at it. Light was so annoying to live with! If it wasn't the incessant talking or the humming in the shower that killed L, then it would be the obsessive neatness and…_nutrition_!

Time passed, and soon Light's fifteen minutes were up.

L huffed through the steam in the room and called, "Light-kun has had his fifteen minutes! He will get out now!"

"Just another second, Ryuuzaki!"

"_Move it_, Light-kun!"

"No! I _still_ smell like a damn banana, even though it's been a week, and I'm not leaving until I'm completely clean!"

"I'm suffocating!"

"Well, unlock this chain and get back to your little computer!"

"No!"

"Why don't you join me, then? You could use a shower yourself!"

"Certainly not! Light-kun has backed me into a corner. I will now use physical force to remove him from the shower."

L, head clouded from breathing in the steam, stood and gave the chain a hard tug. He didn't think of the consequences of this action.

Light came flying out, grabbing onto the shower curtain on his way. The curtain came crashing down and suddenly L was faced with a very wet (and very angry) Light sprawled on top of him.

This was problematic.

"You're such a moron!" Light exclaimed, pushing himself off of L and wrapping himself in the shower curtain.

L didn't say a word. He looked down, trying to get the blush off of his face.

"And to think you're the top three detectives in the world! Unbelievable!"

The older man ignored Light's complaints as usual and stood, trying to compose himself. "I didn't think of the results of pulling Light-kun out of the shower."

"_Obviously._ I didn't even get to condition my hair!"

The next day, L let Light shower by himself and he stayed in the other room on his computer.

He didn't want to feel that awkward again for a long, _long_ time.

* * *

A/N: Alas, the boys didn't want to have yaoi time in this chapter. Though L _did_ have an interesting reaction…Oh well. I don't have any control over them. DX

**On another note: Does anyone else think Misa's dub sounds like a three-year-old? Me no likey.**

Reviews make the world go round.

Up next: alcohol


	6. Alcohol

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys!! I'll try to keep with daily updates from now on, but I got sick and had to rest for a day.

**Note: Sake is written in this without the little accent (or whatever it's called), because I don't know how to type that on Word. Anyone care to tell me how?**

"Light-kun has a very low tolerance for alcohol."

"I'm not drunk! I haven't even…(hic) had that much!"

L had gotten a hold of some sake from Watari and had decided to give some to Light to see if he would reveal anything about Kira. He had played dirty before. This was nothing new.

Light let out a high-pitched, rather irritating giggle right in L's ear and the detective pushed him away, cringing.

"Light-kun will kindly refrain from doing that again in the future," L said. "Now, why don't we talk about Kira?"

"_Cause_! I don't wanna talk about Kira! Kira's a jerk-off!" came the slurred response.

"I agree. But I still want to hear Light-kun's thoughts on Kira. Explain."

"Aww, can't we do something _fun_, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked. He leaned over, his sake sloshing out and onto the floor. "I can think of lots of fun stuff we can do together!"

L shifted away from Light's leering, shaking his head. "Light-kun is not himself right now." He grabbed one of his strawberries and ate it to calm himself.

"Well, can we invite Misa-"

"No! No Misa!" L interrupted with a shudder.

"But…"

"No."

"…Fine. I don't like her, anyway. She makes me look…not as pretty as her. And that makes me feel bad, did you know?" Light said, rocking back and forth and looking up at the ceiling.

"That is very interesting, Light-kun. But-"

"_You_ could look pretty too, Ryuuzaki, if you did something with (hic) your hair. And your eyes. Can I call you Ryuu? I think that sounds cute! Ryuu!"

L, refraining from strangling Light, decided to humor him and cracked a grin. "Yes. Light-kun may call me that. Now, about Kira…"

Abruptly, Light stuck his tongue out and snatched L's bowl of strawberries away.

"Light-kun will give me my strawberries back."

"Why should (hic) I?"

"Because if he doesn't there will be unfortunate consequences."

Light took a moment to process this information, frowning and glaring down at the fruit until he determined that the next best course of action would be to throw a strawberry at L. He did so, giggling when it smacked L in the arm, leaving a huge red mark on the white shirt. "Ryuu! You're all _messy_!"

L looked down at his shirt with a dark scowl, shoving his thumb in his mouth to keep from yelling at Light.

"Do you wanna talk about Kira now? I hope Ryuu isn't too (hic) mad at me."

L looked back up, eyes widening. "Yes! Yes, Light-kun can tell me about Kira now! What is it?"

"I know something about Kira!"

"What?"

"Something _cooool_!"

"What?!"

"Kira," Light said, leaning very close to L, "sucks!"

L slumped down. "Is that what Light-kun wanted to tell me?" he asked sullenly.

"Yes!" This was followed by a series of hiccups and giggles, which eventually ended when Light sprawled out on the floor unconscious.

L ground his teeth together and decided to have a bit of sake himself.

A/N: **Thanks for reading! Pleeeeease review!!!**

Up next: driving


	7. Driving Part 1

A/N: Thanks for reviewing, everyone!

L decided that going out to a public area to see how Light would behave would benefit his investigation, and after asking Light (repeatedly) where he wanted to go, he always received the same answer: the mall. L was not comfortable with this, but he wanted to see Light in his element, so he agreed and they set out.

Unfortunately, Watari was occupied elsewhere on the day when L wanted to go, so he deduced that he could drive instead. After all, he was a genius.

"Are you sure you can drive, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked, as he was dragged out to the small sedan L had decided on. He frowned, looking the skinny detective up and down. "I mean, can you handle it?"

"Of _course_ I can handle it, Light-kun!"

L pushed Light into the car before him rather roughly because of the chain. The younger male huffed and settled down into his seat.

"Have you ever driven before?" the teen asked once he was buckled in and he had made sure the doors were locked several times.

"Once or twice. Does Light-kun think he would be a better driver than me?"

Light crossed his arms and gave an exaggerated hair flip. "What_ever_, Ryuuzaki."

"Very well. First, insert the key into the ignition. Turn at a one hundred fifty seven degree angle until the engine starts. Release the key."

Light jerked his head around to bug his eyes out at L. "What are you doing?!"

"Simply reciting what I have seen Watari do," L answered, not taking his eyes off the steering wheel. "Light-kun will now kindly shut up."

"Fine!"

"Place foot firmly on break. Put car in reverse." With that, L successfully pulled out of the parking space. "Break. Put car in drive and proceed with caution."

Light clenched down on the door handle next to him and grit his teeth. Eventually, L made it out onto the street and they went along at a slow pace. Other cars honked at them and passed them aggressively, but L seemed not to care.

"Don't you think you could go the speed limit, Ryuuzaki?" Light demanded. "We're never going to get there at this pace."

"One can never be too careful, Light-kun," came the terse response.

"Yes, _one_ can! You're going unreasonably slow!"

"I am driving what I have calculated to be a pace at which we have a two-percent chance of dying if we crash, Light-kun! We will continue at this speed until the destination is reached and I have concluded we can safely remove ourselves from the vehicle!"

"Well, you don't have to get all snappy about it!"

There was silence for a while, and they finally made it on to the street which would lead them directly to the mall. Light leaned back and tried to get himself to relax a bit.

"Why does Light-kun find the mall so interesting?" L asked.

Light stopped pouting and sighed in exasperation. "Because you can _buy stuff_, Ryuuzaki. And stare at people, obviously. Have you ever been to a mall?"

"No."

"You might like it."

L took a moment to look away form the street to shoot Light a disbelieving look, and in that one second, he didn't see the bird in the middle of the road.

The bird didn't see him either.

THUMP!

"What the hell was that?!" Light yelled. He grabbed the dashboard and braced himself.

"I don't know!" L said, looking in the rearview mirror. He gripped the steering wheel more tightly and his knuckles turned white. "I hit something?!"

"Apparently!"

"What do I do? Watari never hits anything!"

Light saw L beginning to freak out and tried to calm himself down. "It's okay! Just keep going!"

"But-"

"Just keep going and_watch the road_! If you kill me, I'll come back as a squirrel and crawl up your pant leg, I swear it!"

After that outburst, the only sound in the car was L's labored breathing until Light saw the mall on their left.

"The mall! We made it!"

"How fortunate," L sighed. "Turn the wheel a sufficient amount until the car is heading directly at the driveway. Enter the parking lot with caution, breaking every five to ten seconds. Look for a parking space that is within tangible walking distance from the destination. Calculate the percentage of finding a better space so time will not be wasted."

Light pointed at a space about halfway through the lot. "There, take that one."

"We have approximately a seventy one point five percent chance of finding a better space, Light-kun. Please leave the driving to the driver."

"Oh, well _so-rry_, mister professional driver, sir. I seem to have forgotten about your significant experience behind the wheel!"

L chose not to comment and indeed, they found a better spot in a matter of seconds. He couldn't resist smirking over at Light. "Turn wheel and direct car into space. Break gradually until at a complete stop. Shift car into park, activate emergency break, remove key from ignition. Unlock doors," he said clearly.

Light jumped when he felt himself getting pulled out of the car. His hip smashed into the emergency break and he hissed in pain. "Dammit, Ryuuzaki!"

L slammed the door shut and locked the car before slinking over to the front to inspect any damage the vehicle may have received with that mysterious "thump."

L pulled Light away before the teen could see the feathers lodged in the grill, not wanting to deal with any accusations of bird homicide.

A/N: **Please review!! That was really fun to write. I'll do a driving part 2 when they go back from the mall, definitely, because we all want to see spazzy Light behind the wheel, ne?**

No birds were harmed in the writing of this fic.

Yay! Death Note comes on in five minutes!! (Insert shameless fangirl squeal here.)

**The squirrel idea came from a quote by Jade Puget which was supplied to me by a wonderful reviewer. So I can't take credit for it.**

Up next: mall


	8. Mall Part 1

A/N: Thanks for the reviews! And correcting me on my dumbass typo.  And thanks to the people (other than the reviewers) who have put this on alert or faved it!

I'm not going to specify any store names in this, because I don't know what they have in Japan. I'm guessing it's not the same as here in the US.

"Let's move, Light-kun!"

Light had been peering into the same window display for over five minutes and L was becoming impatient.

"But look at that shirt! I'd look hot in it, don't you think?" Light replied, not taking his eyes off of the piece of clothing.

L tried to determine what Light's motivation was for just staring at something through glass, but came up blank. "Light-kun," he said, "needs to either go in the store and _try it on_ or continue trekking through these mobs of people. Staring at the shirt will not result in anything."

Light whirled around, hand on his hip, and said, "Do you even know how to shop? Part of shopping is looking at things! You don't have to run in and try everything on."

"What is the point of shopping if no purchases are made?"

"Purchases will be made!" Light half-yelled, before catching himself at the odd stares he received. "Look," he said, lowering his voice, "you have to have _patience_, mister detective. I pick out my clothing after many determinations and much inner turmoil. I have to consider so many factors: What is the label? Which store carries it? Is it comfortable? Does it accentuate my finest points? Will it attract g-"

"I don't care, Light-kun! Either try the shirt on or don't, because this rant does not interest me," L interrupted

"Fine! Maybe I will try it on!" With that, Light stormed into the store, tugging L along with him by the chain, and marched straight up to his coveted shirt.

L didn't see anything particularly special about the shirt: it was just a light blue button-up, one L was sure Light already had…

"I suppose you have to come into the dressing room with me."

L blushed and fumbled the key out of his pocket. "I trust Light-kun not to do anything, but I will give him three minutes exactly," he said, unlocking the cuff.

"What? You trust me _now_?" the teen asked disbelievingly.

"I trust Light-kun to be more concerned with his appearance and for his vanity to outweigh any possible murder schemes he may have concocted."

Light went flouncing into the room and L sat on a chair outside of it, watching the hoards of people go by. A couple strutted by him and he analyzed their body language.

_She is too clingy and he wants to get away from her. She probably experienced a lack of affection as a child._

Then a group of preteen girls went giggling by, and they pointed at L and laughed as a whole at his odd way of sitting and lack of shoes. One of them had a lollipop.

_I like lollipops._

Lastly, a gang of teenage boys walked past him.

_The one in the back does not like being around the others. The one in the front-_

"How do I look?!" Light said abruptly, springing out of the dressing room. _His voice is so loud!_

L shifted his gaze over to Light, who was donning his new shirt and holding his arms out, as if expecting praise. "Light-kun looks the same as he always does. He is merely wearing a shirt four point seven percent of a shade lighter than another one he owns."

Light scowled and twirled around. "Well, how does my ass look?"

"Light-kun has a new _shirt_, so why is he asking me to critique his behind?" L droned. He turned back to his people watching and jingled the chain. "Light-kun has two point three minutes to return to his normal attire and we will proceed to purchase the shirt."

"Whatever."

After two point one minutes, Light emerged from the room and L slapped the cuff back on him. Then the detective led his suspect over to the register.

"Wait! I don't have any money!"

L halted in his tracks. "Light-kun came to shop with no money? My suspicion of him being Kira has dropped by three percent," he said, with a long sigh. "I will purchase any items deemed necessary."

"…Thanks, Ryuuzaki."

They walked around for a bit after that, making a few more purchases, before L began to get antsy and they had to stop at a buffet. Clearly needing his sugar fix, L scurried over to the cakes and pies and heaped his tray full of them. Light grabbed an apple tart.

"I do not like being around so many people," L grumbled, as they tried to find a place to sit.

Light finally led them over to a table next to a mother with two little boys who looked about eight or nine. They sat, and Light wrinkled his nose when L dug into his food, but refrained from commenting.

After some time, the mother next to them got up to retrieve some napkins and one of the boys walked up to L, who pointedly ignored him.

"Mister?"

Nothing.

"Hey, mister. Why do you sit so weird?"

Nothing still.

"Can't you hear me?"

L merely bit into his pie, and the boy moved on to Light.

"Why're you chained together?" he pestered.

Like L, Light chose not to respond to the kid. He didn't want to talk to some snot-nosed little brat; he was above that.

"Are you two stupid or somethin?" the kid asked, poking Light's side. "Couple of jerks."

"I wouldn't poke him, little boy," L said suddenly, his unnerving gaze shifting onto the kid. "He's actually psychotic, that's why I have him chained to me. If he's poked one more time, he may become _murderous_!"

The boy's eyes widened and he looked up at Light in fear. The teen grinned down at him and, with amazing speed, the boy ran away crying.

Light snickered and nodded at L. "That was great! Dumb little brat," he said. "Maybe we should go, Ryuuzaki. Let me get my bags-"

The bags weren't there.

"Wh…wh…The kid! They were thieves!" Light exclaimed, jumping to his feet. "They took all of my stuff, except for my new underwear! They took my shirt! _I'll kill them_!"

"Up by four percent," L muttered.

A/N: **BTW**, that bird incident in the last chapter? Inspired by a true event that happened to me, but it was a lot messier and forty percent more traumatizing.

--You guys can decide whether Light's "Will it attract g-" was going to be "girls" or "guys." I know what I think it was. ;-)

--Has anyone read the yaoi (LxLight) doujinshi _Taikutsu_? If not, I highly recommend it. (Mind you, it's a bit explicit…) It features tied up!Light (which is like my crazy death note fetish…I dunno, him tied up in that cell really got me).

**Anyone else think Light tied up was the hottest thing ever?**

Enough from me.

**Please review!**

Up next: mall part 2 (Light driving will come the time after that, b/c I have more mall ideas for them. I'm just too tired to write it all out.)


	9. Mall Part 2

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, everyone! Thankyouthankyouthankyou!

After a fruitless search for the two boys, Light and L decided that it was best not to call attention to themselves and not report it to the security guards. Two handcuffed men –one of them particularly odd looking- reporting a bunch of lost merchandise would bee too noticeable.

And so, with heavy hearts, the unlucky duo returned to their buffet and finished eating, Light ranting the whole time about the thieves.

"Absolutely unbelievable!" Light said, as L picked at a brownie. "What do they want with my clothes, anyway?! It's not like _they_ have any fashion sense! Those little rodents!"

L looked up and saw that they had not visited many of the clothing stores as of yet, and he wondered just how much more shopping he could handle. Being around large numbers of people, as displayed with the boys, never resulted in anything good in L's mind. He returned his gaze to the red-faced teen across from him and cleared his throat.

"Does Light-kun want to go to any more stores, or has he gotten his fill of the mall?" he asked patiently.

"No, I haven't. In fact," Light said, face lighting up, "I wanted to have _you_ try a few things on."

"I don't think so."

"I do think so."

"Well, I must dis-" L began, but was pulled suddenly from his seat. "Light-kun!"

"Move it, Ryuuzaki. Your plain white shirt and old, baggy jeans are going to go."

"Go where?"

"In the trash, not come on!"

L scowled as he was tugged into a store which had a lot of stylish young men in it. This simply wasn't his type of environment.

"Light-kun is overly concerned with my appearance. It makes me question many things about him."

Light didn't hear him. "…And, oh! This shirt will look great on you! Look at this! And these pants will accentuate your-"

"Light-kun will hand me the clothing he has deemed appropriate for me and I will try them on this one time," L interrupted. He snatched the various things out of Light's hand and unlocked the chain. "Sit on that chair."

Light looked at the chair and wrinkled his nose. "But it's all chewed up!"

"Sit, Light-kun!"

Light sat.  
"Stay."

L went slouching into the dressing room and the younger male was left alone outside of it, arms and legs crossed in his usual style. He decided to indulge in some people-watching.

A boy walked by, maybe about his age. He was carrying a bright yellow shirt and some cargo pants into his dressing room.

_Those are the most god-awful clothes I've ever seen! People really need some professional help. I should charge them and tell them how to look good like I do._

After that, a man in his early twenties rushed past Light. The teen made a little noise of disgust and covered his nose daintily.

_Eew, he stinks! Maybe I need to teach them about hygiene first, then move on to clothes. Really, it just takes a shower! That's all! I need to tell Ryuuzaki that too. When was the last time that overgrown panda bathed, anyway?!_

Then, out of nowhere, a girl came up and was about to walk past him like the others, but stopped and blinked down at Light.

_Oh God, a girl. What does she want? Can't she see I'm busy critiquing these buffoons?_

"Hey Light!" she said, smiling. She held her arms out as if expecting a hug.

_Like I'm going to press _my_ body up against hers?! As if!_

"Do I _know_ you?" Light drawled, giving her his snottiest look.

She looked downtrodden. "Light, don't you remember me? I'm-"

"Light-kun picked out horrible clothes for me!" L exclaimed, abruptly stepping out from his little room. He had on a nicely-fitting pair of jeans and what would have been a good shirt…

…If he didn't have it on backwards.

"Please leave us. Light-kun is not dressing me properly and I must chain him to me once again," L said to the girl. She took one look at his glare and hurried off, not glancing back at Light even for a second.

L turned his gaze onto Light. "Who was that?"

"Like I care. You have your shirt on backwards, Ryuuzaki."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do."

"Maybe if Light-kun didn't pick out such complicated clothing, then I would not be in this predicament!"

"It's not complicated, you're just style-impaired!"

"Light-kun's taste is outrageous and over-the-top!"

"Are you kidding me?! I dress a billion times better than any of these brainless slobs in here!" Light retorted loudly.

Perhaps too loudly, because five minutes later, they were kicked out of the mall.

L slammed the cuff back onto Light's wrist, not looking at him.

"What? Are you going to give me the silent treatment? Fine. I guess that leaves _me_ to do all the talking, then," Light snapped.

"No!" L said. "Let's…let's go back home."

_Home?_ "Alright. But I'm driving this time, so you don't kill another bird."

"How did Light-kun find out about that?!"

A/N: Please review!

Up next: driving (part 2)

Yay! I can't wait to make that spaz Light drive!


	10. Driving Part 2

A/N: Whew! I've been so busy lately! Thank you all for the reviews!!

L shoved Light into the drivers seat from the passenger side, claiming that "Light-kun could take a beating better than him", and then he sat in his seat and stared at the teen.

"What?!" Light exclaimed, and L raised his hands in defense.

"Light-kun is extremely intense at times," he sighed, staring ahead of him. "His chances of being Kira just went up by approximately four point seven percent."

"Shut up, Ryuuzaki!" Light said, starting the car and shifting it into reverse. He backed up quickly and slammed on the breaks, put it into drive, and sped off. "I'm still pissed because of those brats who stole my clothes!" He went crashing out of the parking lot and into the street.

"Does Light-kun need me to relay to him the proper methods of _looking around him_ before tearing out into the street haphazardly?"

"I'm not a kid, you know. I can drive just as well as you, and I'll get us there in half the time."

L furrowed his brow and made sure his seatbelt was secure, actually putting his feet on the ground to assure maximum support should Light crash the car. He looked over at the caramel-eyed teen.

"Light-kun!" he said, eyes wide.

"What?!" Light yelled, slamming the breaks briefly before speeding back up. "What is it?!"

"Light-kun doesn't have his seatbelt on!" L reached across the younger man and tried to pull it over, but only succeeded in tangling the chain in the seatbelt by Light's waist.

So, with L's left arm secured firmly across him, Light drove on, yelling the entire time.

"Ryuuzaki, move your damn arm!"

"I am unable to move it!"

"I don't like it!"

"I know that!"

"It's very distracting! You'll make me crash!"

"Light-kun needs to _slow the hell down_ before he kills us both!"

"I don't care if I kill you at this point!"

"Up by ten percent!"

"Well, _your_ chances of being a pervert are up by ninety percent!"

That was when they heard it: a siren.

L strained to look behind them and blanched when he saw a police officer. "We're getting pulled over!" he said.

"Dammit, Ryuuzaki!" Light barked as he pulled over. "_Move your arm._"

The cop walked up to the window and Light rolled it down, trying to grin. "Ah…Hello, officer," he said lightly.

The cop removed his sunglasses and peered into the car at L, eyebrow raised. "What are you two doing?" he asked slowly. "You were swerving all over the road."

"We're not doing anything," L said. "The chain got stuck, you see…"

"Chain?"

"…We have a chain," Light stuttered stupidly. "We're chained together. It got stuck."

"Why do you have your arm across his lap, son?" the officer said, perplexed. "Were you two engaging in…certain activities-?"

"No!" they both said at once, and Light glared at L.

"We have handcuffs on, because of something we are involved in, and he was putting my seatbelt on for me because I forgot to…"

There were several minutes of silence as the officer simply stared down at the flustered pair, then he put his sunglasses back on and stepped back.

"Look. Frankly, I don't want to get involved with you two. So untangle yourselves and drive more carefully in the future, okay? Have a nice day." He practically ran off.

Light watched him drive away in disbelief before he felt L tugging at the belt again.

"Light-kun's hips are simply too large and have trapped the cuff."

"My hips are large?!" Light yelled, glaring at L. "My hips are perfect! I don't know _what_ you're talking about, acting as if I have female hips or something! Maybe you just have abnormally big hands!"

They had another glaring match for a few seconds and L rolled his eyes.

"Light-kun, I want to return to the room. I want to work on the case. I want to eat something sugary. If I do not have these wants fulfilled within fifteen minutes, I will be highly unpleasant to be around. So I will simply remove the cuff from my hand and we will continue moving. Understood?"

Light nodded reluctantly. He didn't want to cross L when he was being serious like this.

Eventually, they were back on the road and were nearing their destination. Every few minutes, some feathers would fly up from the grill and Light would look over at L accusingly.

"Light-kun is amazingly dim-witted sometimes," L said abruptly, staring out the window.

Light went flying past someone and ignored L.

"He spoke to the officer like a child would have."

Light honked at someone and tailgated them, still not listening.

"At times, I am perplexed that I ever came to the conclusion that he could be Kira, because he gets this blank puppy dog look in his eyes that is reminiscent of a three-year-old."

L hadn't expected Light to throw his arm over and blindly smack his face. He scowled at the pain and reached over to pull Light's hair.

"Don't. Touch. My. Hair."

L recoiled and the rest of the ride was silent, with the occasional honk and screeching of tires.

When they returned to their quarters, L went straight to the kitchen for some painkillers for his headache and some sugar to calm his nerves. He put an extra-strength tranquilizer in Light's tea and awaited a calm, productive, bitch-free night.

A/N: Thus ends their outing to the mall. I don't know how police operate in Japan, but I just improvised. Meh.

Please review!!!!

Up next: sleeping


	11. Sleeping

A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Free Hero. Happy birthday!!!

Thanks for the reviews!

L stared down at Light, who had passed out on the kitchen floor a few minutes before, and frowned. Giving him the tranquilizer had been a truly genius plan, but the timing could have been better.

_How do I move him?_

The detective crouched down next to Light and shoved his thumb into his mouth with a deep frown. This was an unfortunate situation: He finally had some peace and quiet, but he was stuck in the kitchen. And, he noticed with an angry grunt, the fridge was not in his reach!

Deciding on the best course of action, L kneeled and slid and arm under Light's shoulders, and another under his knees, and heaved.

His back cracked most dreadfully.

"Dammit, Light-kun! I never should have let him have that pie last night!" he whispered, releasing the younger man and standing back up.

Then, he got an idea.

He grabbed a pink blanket that Light had been snuggling around in the previous night, one the boy had conveniently left on the table, and threw it down on the floor. Then he kneeled back down and, with a mighty push, rolled Light over onto it. Then he stood back up, grabbed the edge of the blanket, and pulled.

_Success!_ he thought as he dragged Light down the hall and into the bedroom. Once in there, he left Light on the floor and climbed into bed, ready to get some sleep. It wasn't often he felt the need to rest, but after that car ride he was exhausted.

He slept.

A few hours later, Light woke up and blinked blearily around the room.

_Why am I on the floor?_

He sat up, groaning when his head spun. Everything seemed foggy…

"He drugged me!" Light muttered, remembering suddenly falling asleep in the kitchen earlier.

L opened his eyes when he felt the bed shift beside him. _Oh, he can't be awake. Please, just a few more hours of peace…_

"Move over, Ryuuzaki!" Light hissed, poking L in the back.

"I do hope Light-kun realizes the imprudence of awaking me at such an hour."

"I'm cold, move your skinny ass!"

"I find Light-kun's voice to be even more annoying in the dark."

"Fine!"

L clenched a fist as Light climbed over him, making sure to deliberately knee him a few times along the way.

Light settled down under the covers and there were a few moments of no noise other than the cars rushing by twenty stories down. L relaxed and began to fall asleep again…

"Ryuuzaki! Quit hogging the blankets."

"I have distributed the blankets equally on both sides of the bed," L said tiredly.

"But you're pulling them! They're going to tear!"

"Light-kun is a child!" L snapped, and he pulled on the blanket harder.

"I'm just cold because you left me on the floor after _drugging_ me!" Light retorted, and he tugged back viciously.

"That is because Light-kun never stops talking, and after that car ride, I needed to sleep!"

"I do too stop talking!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

At this point, the pair were pulling the blankets so hard that they threatened to tear, and not soon after…

_Riiiip!_

L froze and tried to calm himself. He could feel his face heating up in fury and didn't want to do anything rash to Light.

It was quiet, then Light spoke:

"Well, _good job_, Ryuuzaki. You tore the blankets! Now it's going to bee all drafty and cold and I'm not going to be able to sleep at all! I hope you're happy!" he said with a huff.

L found himself biting his thumb intensely and he pulled it out, tasting blood. "Light-kun."

"What, mister _top detective_?"

L turned around and, with a strength he hadn't possessed before, picked Light up and hauled him over the side of the bed back onto his pink blanket. The teen fell with a "whump!" and L slammed back down onto the mattress and closed his eyes.

"Light-kun will remain silent for the rest of the night and will not provoke me, touch me, or _breathe_ on me until I have slept for another two hours and I have awakened."

L went back to sleep, and Light glared.

L woke up to a pillow hitting him in the face two hours later.

He kicked Light and the younger male fell back with an "oof!"

"Up by seven percent!"

"Go to hell!"

Thus began their next day together.

A/N: Poor L.

Please review!!!!

Up next: cleaning


	12. Cleaning

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!

It was mid-afternoon, and L was eating his fourth box of cookies for the day. He had also gone through five lollipops, two chocolate bars, a whole cake and several cups of tea.

Needless to say, this was causing problems for Light.

One: The crunching, smacking, and slurping was making him nauseous.

Two: L never cleaned up after himself.

So Light was sitting in the middle of a pile of trash while L happily clicked away on his laptop. The teen was seething.

"Ryuuzaki?"

"Yeeees, Light-kun?"

_He's perky today._ "The mess," Light stated simply.

"What mess?"

"The one consuming my legs."

L looked around and raised an eyebrow at Light's complaints. He said nothing.

Light stood, eyes narrowed. "I can't function with your crap all around me!" he exclaimed loudly. "It's _all_ out of order _all_ the time! You're a mess, too!"

"If Light-kun has an overwhelming need to clean, then he may clean to his heart's content. But I will not move from this spot." L went back to his computer without another word.

Light stared down at L, face reddening, and he tried to reign in his rage, but he couldn't hold back a squeak of indignation when L deliberately threw half of a cookie onto the ground.

"Ryuuzaki!" Light whined.

"Light-kun is strangely effeminate today," L shot back.

"Well, you're _really_ annoying today!" Light half-yelled, looming over the hunched figure.

"I am merely pointing out a trait, Light-kun. Now please," L said, waving his hand vaguely in the air, "clean."

Light almost didn't, just to defy L, but he looked down again and saw the mess…

…And he went on a spree.

Boxes, wrappers, crumbs: none of them stood a chance once Light got to them. L unlocked the cuff so Light could continue his rampage throughout the living room and kitchen, and he watched as the teen mopped the floors, dusted the tables, and scrubbed the counters. He picked up every last bit of garbage in the place, down to the smallest crumb.

"You are a wonder, Ryuuzaki!" Light panted, finally sitting back down after hours of cleaning. "The mess you made was formidable, even to my superior cleaning abilities."

"Hmm. Light-kun will not hassle me about maintaining this cleanliness, I hope?"

"Like hell I won't! It's your mess, you have to clean sometimes as well!"

"The we will come to an agreement concerning this. What does Light-kun propose?" L said, shutting his laptop.

"You clean your mess and I'll clean mine," Light said. "I'm not cleaning all the time."

L nibbled on his thumb. "But Light-kun does not make a mess, thus his self-described _superior_ cleaning abilities will go to waste," he muttered. "I have another idea: If Light-kun cleans my mess, then I will allow him to go somewhere without the handcuff."

Light's eyes lit up at that. "Yes, that sounds good!" he said, feeling a little more enthusiastic.

"I will choose when he is able to venture into a place by himself, and it will happen only once."

"Yeah, whatever!" Light replied happily. Even if it was only once, going somewhere without the infernal cuffs would be great! He immediately thought about where he would go with no L attached to him.

Later on that day, L moved into the bathroom to work so Light could clean in there, and then finally went into the bedroom. Light scrubbed, vacuumed, folded, and sanitized until the entire residence was spotless, the young man empowered with the hope of going out somewhere without L.

Eventually Light finished and he fell back onto the bed to try to sleep, but found that he needed to go to the bathroom.

"Ryuuzaki?" he slurred tiredly. "Bathroom."

"Ah, yes. And what a perfect opportunity to give Light-kun his well-earned moment of freedom," L said lightly. He fished the key to the handcuffs out of his pocket and let Light's wrist free. "I do hope Light-kun will enjoy his alone time, as he worked very hard for it."

Light stared up at L, who was sitting next to him in his signature position. "Ryuuzaki."

"Yes?"

"My reward for cleaning the entire place, the _venture_ that you spoke of earlier, is being able to go to the bathroom by myself?"

"That is correct."

"…_That_ is my reward."

"Light-kun heard me the first time."

Light sat up and looked over at L, who stared back at him with huge eyes.

"Ryuuzaki…"

L woke up the next morning with various trash items placed on his body and crumbs in his hair. Light must have grabbed them when he had gone to the bathroom the previous night.

But L didn't care, because he had been looking forward to this day for weeks.

They were coming.

A/N: Please review!!!

Up next: visitors


	13. Visitors Part 1

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!!

**BTW, this chapter has very AU elements.**

**ENGLISH is in BOLD.**

Light felt the chain yanking on his wrist the next morning and he was pulled rather forcefully out of bed by the spidery detective.

"They're here, Light-kun! Please move quickly!"

Trying to ignore the vertigo he got from getting up so suddenly, Light stumbled into some of his signature khaki pants and pulled on a light pink shirt before following L to the door.

"Who did you invite over, Ryuuzaki? Are they guys?" Light chirped, trying to put on a happy face for their guests.

"Why yes, Light-kun, they are male. Though I don't know why Light-kun is so concerned with the gender of my guests," L replied, and before Light could respond he opened the door.

"**Hello, L!"**

Light stepped back when a blonde fireball came flying in, tackling L to the ground and dropping chocolate bars everywhere. Next, a white haired teen came shuffling in, arms full of toys. Watari followed with their suitcases.

"**Move, Mello."**

_They're speaking in English! I can barely make it out!_ Light thought frantically. _What if they're talking about me?_

"I'll leave you to your reunion," Watari said politely, walking out the door. "Call me if you require anything."

Mello stood and looked over at Light, hands on hips. **"Who are you?"**

Light merely blinked in reply.

"**Speak in Japanese, Mello. He is not comfortable with English. And please call me Ryuuzaki for the time being,"** L said, struggling back to his feet. He ruffled Near's hair. "Hello, Near. How are you?"

"Fine." Near went to sit on the couch, and Mello stepped closer to Light.

"You're Light, aren't you?" Mello demanded. He pulled a chocolate bar out of his tiny pocket and unwrapped it. He bit off a chunk and chewed on it right in Light's face.

"Do you _mind?_" Light said, taking a step back.

"Did you have L do your hair?" Mello said suddenly, peering closely at Light's poorly groomed mop.

"No!"

"Is that meant as an insult?" L asked quietly.

"Yes," Near said from the couch.

"Do you have some kind of a problem with me?!" Light snapped.

"Yeah, you look like a real bitch, that's what! And you're chained to Ryuuzaki, so you must be some kind of a pervert!"

"You little brat!"

L unattached the cuff as Light dove at Mello. He had expected this; Light and Mello were too much alike and too catty not to fight. He slumped over to Near and crouched onto the couch next to him.

"**How are you, Near?"** he asked, picking up one of the many robots strewn about.

"**I'm okay, Mello's a jerk."**

"**I agree. Light is a jerk as well."**

"**They are infinitely annoying, are they not?"**

"**Yes. Overly concerned with their appearances-"**

"**demanding-"**

"**loud-"**

"**sexually perverse-"**

"**and bitchy!"** they both finished at precisely the same time.

Near cracked a grin and snuggled a teddy bear under his chin.

On the other side of the room, Light got the air knocked out of him and he slammed down on the floor as Mello finally pinned him down.

"Gotchya, bastard!" Mello yelled.

Light cringed and looked over at L pleadingly. "Ryuuzaki, make choco-breath get the hell off of me!"

"**Mello, please remove your person from Light."**

"**Yes, Ryuuzaki!"** Mello chirped, jumping off of the brown-haired boy immediately.

"My God!" Light yelled as he stood up shakily.

After that fight, the four chatted for a while and before they knew it, it was time to eat dinner.

Light made his way into the kitchen and pushed past Mello to get to the fridge.

"Move it, blondie!"

"What the hell-"

"You little brat!" Light barked, and he slammed Mello into the counter.

"Light-kun!" L said, from where he was standing just outside of the kitchen, chain taut.

"What?!"

"Light-kun must restrain his righteous fury around the orphans!"

This wasn't a good start for the three-day visit.

--------------

A/N: Thus begins the visit. Next chapter, there will be more interaction, I promise.

You guys may have gotten an email for another story I posted, but I wasn't feeling it so I took it off for now. XD I might post it when I have a better feeling about where it would go, but I'm not going to post something and never update it. Oh well, it's all good!

Please review!

Up next: visitors part 2


	14. Visitors Part 2

A/N: Aah, I've been so busy lately! Oh well, thanks for reviewing, everyone! XD

**English is in BOLD.**

**Japanese is NOT in BOLD.**

**The bold doesn't show up on some browsers, apparently. The first line Mello says is in English, for the record. **

* * *

The next day, Light woke up to the bed shaking. 

_What the hell--?_

**"L – I mean, Ryuuzaki – wake up! Please wake up, Near gouged my arm with his stupid kiddy robot toy! Will you yell at him for me? He listens to you, but doesn't give a damn what I say!"**

It was the brat. He had his hands on L's shoulders and was shaking him violently, and was yelling in English. Light didn't understand a word of it.

"Please speak in Japanese for the sake of politeness, Mello. And I wasn't asleep; I was ignoring you," L grumbled. Light watched blearily as he sat up in a normal position and gave a great stretch. The teen cringed at the sound of bones popping.

"He _mauled_ me!" Mello screeched, holding out his arm to show a tiny cut on the side of it.

"Don't _cry_ over it, blondie," Light commented disgustedly. "I've been through worse than that."

Mello peered down at Light. "Like what?" he asked.

Light simply held up the chain.

"You don't like being chained to Ryuuzaki?! Are you insane?"

"Silence is required at this time for me to regain my composure," L interrupted, and the fighting pair quieted immediately.

"Mello, I will be in the other room in a moment. Wait there."

Mello scurried out with one last dirty look at Light.

"Light-kun does not like Mello," L observed.

"Well, obviously."

"I had thought you two would get along."

"Well, you thought wrong."

"Very well. Light-kun will join me in the other room and I will resolve the problem between Mello and Near," L finished, and he hopped to his feet suddenly, making Light climb over the bed to accommodate the chain.

They entered the living room and saw Mello seated on the couch and Near sprawled on the floor, playing with his toys.

_Why am I surrounded by such freaks?_ Light thought briefly.

"Near, please keep your robots to yourself," L said after a moment. "Mello, don't provoke Near." Then, apparently done with his speech, he walked into the kitchen.

Light smirked at the distraught Mello as he walked by and was rewarded with chocolate being thrown at his back.

"Is that it?" the brown-haired teen asked L as the detective rummaged through the cupboards.

"Yes."

"…But that was boring."

"I am boring, Light-kun."

_Pfft. Hardly._ Light kept his thoughts to himself.

They went back, L with some gummies in hand, and the detective sat down next to Mello.

…Which left Light without a seat.

"Move," he barked at the blonde.

"No way."

Light decided that he wanted to take control of the situation, so he daintily sat on Mello's lap.

"Get off of me!" Mello yelled.

"No way," Light responded, mocking Mello.

L merely raised an eyebrow and looked over at Near on the floor.

**"Near."**

"**Yes?"** the white-haired boy droned.

**"Throw me that blue robot."**

Near did so without a question and L caught it. He stuffed the rest of the candy into his mouth and held the robot up to Light's face.

"Light-kun is acting like a petulant child," he said, making the robot move as if it were talking to Light.

Light frowned at the toy. "Get that thing out of my face," he ordered.

"Light-kun is extremely argumentative and overaggressive. His percentage has gone up two percent." L was still talking with the robot, and it annoyed Light immensely.

"Yeah, Light. Mega-Robo says you're a dumbass, too," Mello added. "So get off of my lap and sit on the floor like a good bitc-"

"You shut the hell up, Mello!" Light leaned back, effectively crushing Mello's face with his back.

"**He's suffocating me!"** Mello's muffled voice came.

"Light-kun has made Ryuuzaki take drastic measures," Mega-Robo was made to say, and the next thing Light knew, he had been flipped over onto the ground beside L.

"Ouch!"

"I want to go to the park," Near said suddenly, looking up at L.

L settled back down and blinked a few times before nodding. "That sounds refreshing, Near. We will go later, once Light and Mello stop acting like three-year-olds."

Near nodded and hoped for a bit more peace at the park. After all, how much damage could those two do out in public?

A/N: Please review!

Up next: park


	15. Park

A/N: I apologize for the bold confusion last time. The editing thingy wasn't working right. No more bold for me.

Thanks for reviewing!!! And thanks to everyone that has faved/alerted this!

"Dear God, Near! Why did you have to bring that water gun with you?!"

The four males were currently walking down to the park, all prepared and ready to spend the day in the domesticated outdoors. L had stuffed his oversized pockets full of candy, Mello brought his chocolate stash, Light had packed himself a well-balanced lunch and some hair products (just in case), and Near had, of course, brought one of his toys.

…Which he was assaulting Mello with rather aggressively.

"Near, please control your shooting impulses," L said as they entered the park.

"Yes, Ryuuzaki."

Mello gave Near a smirk, but it was lost on the white-haired boy as he looked around.

The park was sprawling, with evenly-cut patches of grass on either side of stone pathways leading to benches. But the one thing that stood out was the children's area, which was packed with slides, monkey bars, teeter-totters, and-

"Oh my God, _swings_!" Light squealed. He promptly shoved his neat little bag into L's hands and took off toward the sand-covered area without another word.

L looked back at Near and Mello, who were fighting over the water gun, and he chose to ignore them as he was tugged over to the swing set.

"How does Light-kun expect to accomplish swinging with this chain on?" he asked.

"You'll just have to take it off for a few minutes!" Light would not be stopped by anyone as he pushed past a little girl to get to his destination.

"Up by fifteen percent," L said as he looked back at the child.

Once they reached the swings, L unlocked the cuff from his own wrist and sat back on a nearby curb, ready to watch Light swing to his heart's content. As he fished out a malted chocolate ball, however, he noticed that there was a distinct lack of swinging.

"Is Light-kun going to move or is he contemplating how to escape by somehow swinging into orbit?" he inquired.

Light looked over at him and blinked. "No, I'm waiting for you to come back over here."

"Why?"

"To _push_ me!"

L choked on his chocolate at this, and he flailed his arms around with a violent cough. Near and Mello saw this and came running over, Mello with the water toy in hand.

"He's choking!" Near said anxiously.

"Open up, Ryuuzaki!" Mello yelled, and he squirted the water down the detective's throat.

L managed to swallow then, and he composed himself shakily. "Light-kun wants me to _push_ him?!" he said.

"That's right," came the reply. Light was still perched on his swing like a princess, not having moved at L's coughing fit. "So get off your lazy ass and push me!"

L stood, shaking his head in disbelief, and he walked behind Light and gave him a little shove.

"Pathetic!"

"Light-kun is going to regret saying that." Push.

"That's _still_ not good enough."

"Don't worry." Push.

"You've got pretty big hands."

"And Light-kun has unsurprisingly dainty hands." Push.

"Whatever."

"The feeling's mutual." Push.

"Ryuuzaki?"

"What?" Push.

"That's high enough."

"What was that?" _Push._

"That's too high!"

"I can't hear Light-kun," L said, and with a particularly mighty shove, he stepped back to watch the young man panic.

Mello laughed and sprayed Light with the water gun as the auburn-haired boy swung so high, he appeared to be horizontal at one point.

"Mello, I'm going to shove that up your ass!" Light screeched. He desperately tried to drag his feet on the ground to slow his swinging.

The various parents surrounding them moved away from the cursing teen, scowling and covering their children's ears.

"Could you tell your friend not to use such language?" a mother asked Near politely. Her little boy had a toy airplane in his hand and was waving it around.

"Is that the new Deluxe Fighter Destroyer 2100?" Near asked the boy.

"Uh-huh," the boy said with a nod.

Near looked at the woman. "If you give me the toy, we won't bother you anymore."

She frowned and backed up. "Well, that's out of the-"

"Because you see," Near continued, "my friend there with the gun is prone to random displays of violence…Let's just say that you are lucky that's a water gun. And the one with the dark hair crouching over there is an uncontrollable pervert. The one on the swing is a psychopath. I'll tell him not to go after you if you give me the Fighter 2100."

The woman, now fearing for her safety, took the plane from her son and dropped it in front of Near. "Take it! Take it!" she cried, rushing off.

L watched her leave. "What did you say to her, Near?"

"Nothing untrue."

Later on (after Light screamed at L and Mello until L threatened to strangle him with the chain), the group went to one of the benches and sat down to eat.

L, Mello, and Near all watched as Light slid out a sandwich, an apple, and a small carton of milk from his bag. He adjusted them in front of himself and picked up his sandwich before he noticed the attention.

"What?" he snapped.

"Did your mommy pack that for you, Light?" Mello teased.

"I made this myself!"

"Ooh, he's a big boy now!"

"Light-kun, do not respond to Mello. Near, eat Light's apple. Mello, be quiet and think on your words," L said quickly. He didn't want to deal with any hissy fits.

Everyone obeyed. It was a silent meal, and after they were all done they decided to head back.

When they were walking back, Mello squirted the water gun at Light, but L moved suddenly and it hit the black-haired detective instead.

Light laughed as Mello received a cuff on the back of the head.

"You'll need to pack when we return, you two. You can't miss your flight tomorrow morning," L reminded them.

"Yes, Ryuuzaki."

A/N: I know, Mello and Near are going to leave. But I want to focus on L and Light again. (Okay, I'm lazy. I'll admit it. Meh.)

--Light's "bag" in this chapter: Draw your own conclusions. It's a man-bag. Or a purse.

Review please!!!! XD

Up next: Fingernail Maintenance


	16. Fingernail Maintenance

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!

-------------------

Near and Mello were packed and heading out the door, Watari carrying their suitcases for them. Light was overjoyed.

"Have a nice life, brat!" he barked, and he gave Mello a swift slap on the back.

"I'll see you in hell!" were the blonde's last words before he walked out the door.

"Please look after him, Near," L said.

Near nodded and followed after Mello, and Light made a point of slamming the door shut behind them.

_Near and Mello gave me absolutely no insight on Light's character_, L mused. _He either has superb acting skills, or-_

"Eew, Ryuuzaki! Look at your nails!"

_- he is extremely shallow. Is he truly so one-dimensional?_ L looked over at Light, who was still staring in horror at the detective's fingernails._Maybe I am overestimating him._

"Ryuuzaki, come here!"

L looked up and yelped as he was pulled into the bathroom. Light ripped open a drawer and began digging around in it in a panic.

"What is Light-kun doing?"

"You know that nail kit I have?"

L nodded. "Yes."

"I need it." Light grinned as he pulled it out of the drawer and bustled back into the living room with his prize.

"But Light-kun's nails are perfect," L said. "I hope Light-kun doesn't think that I am going to let him _groom_ me."

Light tugged L down onto the couch and snatched up one of the detective's hands. "Don't worry," he said, "you'll be thanking me when I'm through!"

"Light-kun is not going to be touching my hands for an extended period of time," L snapped, and he pulled his hand back.

"But they're chewed up! They're _offensive_!"

"I like them that way!"

"After you let me do this I won't talk for the rest of the day," Light bargained, and L took that into consideration.

_I can't deny that I would like some peace…Very well._ L nodded and held his hand out. "Light-kun will do this swiftly and painlessly."

For the next hour, L's nails were clipped, snipped, trimmed, buffed and polished to perfection, and when Light was done, the teen stared down at his work with pride.

"See, Ryuuzaki?" he said, beaming. "They're cleaned up now, and I even fixed your cuticles for you."

"Light-kun should pursue a career in cosmetology," L said dryly as he stared down at his nails. They were rather shiny…

…But what was that little flower design on his thumb?

"Light-kun," L said, as the other male organized his supplies.

"Hmm?"

"There is a floral design on my right thumb."

"Yes, I thought it would be cute."

L stared.

"Light-kun."

"Yes?"

"I have no interest in being _cute_. I do not like cute things."

Light looked up with narrowed amber eyes. "You don't _like_ it?" he asked dangerously.

L immediately tensed. The way he saw this, there were two ways to deal with this situation:

One: Tell Light his real feelings on the flower and deal with a Light-kun Temper Tantrum.

Two: Lie and escape Light's wrath.

He chose the latter.

"I like it, Light-kun. It's merely…_too_ cute for me."

Light huffed and leaned back on the couch. "Well, I was just trying to make you look decent," he said defensively.

"I'd look better overall if Light-kun didn't wear me out with his _constant_ jabbering."

"I was trying to be_nice_ to you! Don't you have a brain in that massive panda head of yours?!"

"Up by four percent. I resent being referred to as a panda."

Light, by this point, looked something like a volcano about to erupt. His eyes were bugging out, lips pursed, fists clenched…

"Light-kun looks like he is going to throw a fit."

Later on, when L was lying in bed next to Light and nursing his swollen jaw, he looked down at his nails and saw that he had broken one of them in their fight earlier. He frowned and began to gnaw on it out of habit. Then he went onto the next nail, and the one after that…

----

The next morning, when L saw Light sullenly staring at the detective's ruined nails, the percentage of Light being Kira dropped by ten percent.

Surely someone with such a simple mind couldn't be a mass-murderer.

--------------

A/N: **Please review!!!! It motivates me!**

Up next: music


	17. Music

A/N: Thanks for reviewing! I promise this chapter's better than the last one! XD

----------------

L was typing away on his laptop at breakneck speed. _Finally, I understand it! Light's sudden change in behavior, with all my research, leads me to believe that he is-_ but his thoughts were cut off.

"…_ev-ery wordo of-a lovu I use-d to say…"_

_What is he saying? He's speaking English?_ L turned to look at his companion and saw that Light had an iPod in one hand and headphones in his ears.

"…_now I paintu it ev-ery dayay. Maya-hee, maya whoo…"_

"What is Light-kun attempting to sing?" L snapped, plucking a headphone away.

"What?"

"That song."

Light rolled his eyes. "You don't know _any_thing. It's the Numa Numa song," he said. He reached for his headphones, but L held them out of his reach.

"Is it in English?"

"Yes."

"Light-kun's accent was-," L caught himself before he said _cute_. "-never mind."

"Give it back!"

"Does Light-kun always listen to dance music?" L inquired, holding up the headphones in between two fingers.

Light shook his head. "Of course not. I like different songs as well. What do you enjoy, Ryuuzaki?"

L thought for a minute. "Beethoven, Tchaikovsky, Bach…"

"Anybody within the last century?"

"No," L said, and he threw the headphones back at Light. "Light-kun will now be quiet."

Light gave a small "hmph" and went back to his music.

L tried to get his mind back on track, when he was distracted a second time.

"…_dancing-u queeeen, yo-ung and sweeeet , on-y-u seventeeeen…Aaaaaaahhhhhh…"_

"Light-kun!"

"Oooh, wooooah! You can daaaanc-u yoou can-" 

"Stop!" L yelled, and he unplugged the player from the headphones and clutched it to him. "Light-kun must stop singing!"

"Why?!" Light demanded.

"Because it is distracting me!"

"From what?" Light demanded, leaning over and peering at L's computer screen. "Coffee cake recipes? What the hell are you looking that up for? That has _nothing_ to do with the case!"

L squeezed his eyes shut in a desperate attempt to block out Light's existence, then he opened them slowly.

No luck. The teen was still right in his face, scowling.

"Perhaps," L said, snatching the headphones away, "if I listen to music, then I can block out Light-kun's presence."

"Hey!"

The detective put the earpieces in and randomly switched to a song. He wondered why it started off with talking, and cringed when the actual singing started.

"_I'm a Barbie girl…"_

_What idiocy,_ L thought, and he was about to turn it off when he looked to the side and realized something:

Light was bitching at him, and he couldn't hear it!

_Perfect! It's times like these when my atheism is challenged!_ L reveled in his moment of peace.

Light, meanwhile, became put out and he sat back and opened his own computer.

Both sat for a few minutes, working.

Then Light heard it:

"Hmmm…plastic…fantastic…hmmm…" 

_How come he can sing and I can't?!_ Light thought, outraged. He smacked L on the shoulder and the older male removed one headphone.

"Yes?"

"You're singing –horribly, I might add- and it's _distracting_ me," Light said, throwing L's words from earlier back at him.

"I do not sing, Light-kun."

"Yes you do! You just-"

"Don't accuse me of things I am not doing!"

"Oh, you're one to talk, mister _if Light-kun combs his hair one degree more to the left, then he must be Kira_!"

L shoved his thumb into his mouth and gnawed on it angrily as he replaced his headphone.

Light crossed his arms.

Three minutes later, it began again:

"…_do my little turn on the catwalk….hmm…shake my little tush_-"

"Shut the hell up!" Light screamed, and he dove on L wildly.

The pair rolled across the floor, hitting, kicking, pulling hair (on Light's part), and pinching (on L's part).

"Light-kun is a liar!"

"You're just a moron who doesn't even know when he's _singing_!"

_Crash._

"No! Ryuuzaki, you crushed it!"

L looked over to the side from where he was kneeling on top of Light and saw the iPod, in two pieces and showing no signs of life.

He reckoned he deserved the knee in the groin he received after that.

L sent Watari out the next day to purchase two new iPods.

Light was unhappy with the hot pink one L picked out for him.

-----------------

Disclaimer: Apple Inc. owns iPod. (I don't want Apple suing my scrawny ass.)

**Songs:**

--Numa Numa song, English version (You can find it on YouTube if you don't know what it is. Type in "Numa Numa English".)

-- Dancing Queen

-- Barbie Girl (It's kind of sad that L prefers _that_ over Light's voice.)

-- Too Sexy (…For My Shirt)

**Note:** When Light sings, it's with a heaaavy Japanese accent. That's why it's all misspelled, to show how he's pronouncing it. You guys can imagine what it sounds like. (What I would give to hear Light sing…) I'm not making fun of Japanese accents, I'm just describing what L is hearing.

**Please review!! Reviews are to me as cake is to L.**

Up next: Swimming


	18. Swimming

A/N: Thank you all for reviewing! I'm happy singing!Light got so much love. XD

--------------

Light wouldn't stop sighing.

He'd sit down. He'd sigh.

He'd eat. He'd sigh.

He'd read. He'd sigh.

And now he was staring outside, heaving a long, forlorn sigh.

"Light-kun."

Light lethargically swiveled his head over toward L, who was sitting next to him on the couch with a book. "Uhh?" he managed.

"Light-kun looks profoundly bored," L said, eyes skimming his reading material.

"You aren't even looking at me," came the dry response.

"From the excessive exhaling of carbon dioxide coming from Light-kun's mouth, I can deduce that he has been staring blankly at the wall for several hours, eyes glazed over and half-shut. This leads me to conclude-"

"Okay, I'm bored! I don't need to know your whole hypothesis," Light interrupted as he faced the wall again.

"Light-kun could use that new iPod I got him…"

"I don't want to," Light said. "Ryuuzaki, I need some exercise! I'm losing my mind."

L closed his book calmly and thought for a minute, before something occurred to him: the pool!

"Does Light-kun like to swim?"

------------

The pool was on the nineteenth floor of the building. It was relatively large, was tiled and had several chairs set out around it. It had a diving board and Light saw what he assumed was a sauna room at the far end.

The pair were in their swim shorts, but L opted to keep his shirt on. The chain had been removed and placed on a nearby table.

The teen immediately took off for the diving board, but then he noticed that L hadn't moved yet.

"Ryuuzaki, take that shirt off and jump in."

L took a quick look at Light's _perfectly sculpted_ body. "…Just swim, Light-kun."

"Come on!" Light goaded, stepping closer to L.

"No."

"I don't want to swim alone!"

"Leave me, Light-kun."

"Move it!" Light said loudly, and he grabbed L's arm and tugged.

"_Light-kun_!"

The two struggled for a while, and eventually L broke free and moved away toward the diving board. Light followed after him and grabbed his arm angrily.

L lost his footing.

The two males went tumbling over into the pool, and Light was angled in such a way that his shorts caught on the corner of the diving board.

_Riiiiip._

Light went crashing into the water rather painfully, and once he resurfaced he brushed the hair out of his eyes and looked at L, who was staring at him and smirking. In one hand the detective held Light's shorts.

"Revenge, Light-kun."

"No!"

The shorts were thrown out of the pool, where they landed in the corner with a wet slap.

"What the hell?! Revenge for _what_?!" Light screeched, his voice echoing around the room.

L doggie paddled over to the side of the pool and heaved himself out. "Revenge for Light-kun annoying me constantly," he said, standing up with a grunt.

"Well, I'm not as embarrassed as you may think!" Light shot back as he swam toward the shallow end so his toes touched the bottom of the pool. "I'll still get out!"

"I know when Light-kun is bluffing." With that, L shuffled over to one of the chairs and crouched in it, chewing on his thumb.

Light glared at L and tried to gather his resolve to step out of the pool. It wasn't anything L hadn't seen before, but walking _all the way_ to the other side of the room would take a while…L would get a really good look…

"Fine! I'll just stay in here, then!"

"Very well."

Over the next two hours, L called in Watari to bring him some sweets and his book, and he read while Light paddled around in the water.

Light suddenly felt like a little kid with mommy watching over him, and he stopped moving around so much. He made his way over to the ledge closest to L and folded his arms on it, resting his chin on them.

"Ryuuzaki," he said, trying to give L his most innocent face.

"Light-kun's puppy dog eyes will not convince me to give him his clothing back," L said, not looking up from the latest book he was reading.

"But, Ryuuzakiiiii-"

"Whining is even more ineffective."

Light resorted to a new method and splashed L. It ruined the detective's book, but Light still didn't get his shorts back.

-----------------

Over the next hour, Light tried various other ways to get to L:

_"It'ssss a smaaa waaaardo avteeer aaaaall…"_

"You're stupid, did you know that, Ryuuzaki?"

"…So when I was eleven, I had these huge glasses with these really thick, _bright yellow_ frames. Everyone would push me around and call me _Light Bright_. I don't need glasses anymore, though."

"…Well, when I was nine, I had to get braces because my two front teeth were all over the place. The orthodontist was presumptuous, so I stole one of his tools. I still have it somewhere…"

"…Water is overrated. So is rice. And chocolate…"

"I learned how to swim when I was six or seven. The teacher held me under the water to make me get used to holding my breath, but my father got angry and took him behind the building to _have a talk_. I never saw that instructor again."

"That Mello kid had really nice hair. Can you ask him what conditioner he uses? But don't make it sound like _I_ asked it."

"…This one time when I was twelve, the boys in my class invited me to play dodge ball with them. They made me try to dodge all of their throws at the same time. That's why my nose has this little tiny bump on the side…"

L didn't know how much more he could take.

Finally, he cracked. "Light-kun!"

"…but he stole my lunch money from me anyway-"

"_Light-kun_!"

Light looked up at L. "You're finally talking to me? I thought I was alone in here for a while," he drawled

"Light-kun is driving me mad."

"Good. Give me my clothes and I'll stop."

"No."

The two geniuses had a stare-down, and L looked away first. "Light-kun must be a prune by now."

"I am."

Just then, Watari came in with a massive, steaming hot pizza. L smiled and dismissed him and then looked down at the wide-eyed teen.

"If Light-kun wants pizza, he'll have to get out."

Light stared at the food, knowing that it would go to waste if he didn't eat it. He made his decision.

"I'll get out."

Light waded over to the stairs and clutched onto the hand rail. He looked back and saw L staring at him.

_Pervert._

Inhaling sharply, Light hauled himself out of the water and quickly walked over to his shorts. He covered his private area as best he could as he whisked by L.

"Light-kun must perform many gluteus maximus exercises."

"Shut the hell up!"

Light snatched up his ripped shorts and wrapped them around himself as best he could, immediately heading toward the pizza.

-------------

Later on, L and Light were lounging in bed. Light was completely limp and he was dozing off when L spoke:

"Light-kun?"

"Mm?"

"May I call Light-kun _Light Bright_?"

Light sighed.

-------------

A/N: …That's L's way of saying, "You have a nice ass." X3

---- FFN is being really slow. It had better not screw up my chapter. '

Note: Song Light was singing: It's A Small World. Which Disney owns (along with the other half of the universe). I hope it's stuck in your heads.

Please review!!!! Reviews are to me as the Death Note is to Light. (Except I'm not a psycho. Yet.)

Up next: Childhood


	19. Childhood

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!!! XD

-----------------

A few days later (after Light recovered from a pizza-induced food poisoning episode), the two males awoke to noise in the living room.

"Oh God, there's an intruder!" Light whispered, reaching over and latching onto L's arm. "What if he comes in and has a gun and he's Kira and wants to kill us and I _know_ your weak ass won't do anything and I'll get killed and everyone will think I'm a_ wimp_ and-"

"Stop babbling, Light-kun!" L snapped. He tugged his limb back and swatted Light away from him. "It's merely Watari! I have requested that he install something which I believe will be beneficial to the investigation."

"…Oh. Okay then, I'm going back to sleep."

"No. Now that Light-kun is awake, we will rise and begin our work early," L said. He climbed out of bed without another word, forcibly pulling Light out behind him.

"Don't be so rough! My stomach is still sensitive!"

"It's Light-kun's own fault that he is gluttonous and has no self control."

"Oh, _I'm_ gluttonous?! You inhale candy like a vacuum! You should take a look at yourself!"

L pulled Light into the other room and caught a glimpse of Watari walking out the door.

"Thank you, Watari. Did you feed them?" he said.

"Yes, Ryuuzaki," the elderly man said before exiting completely.

Light perked up at that. "Feed? Are they bunnies?!" he asked excitedly, and he rushed past L to take a look at the new arrivals…

Fish.

"Fish?"

"Fish," L confirmed standing beside Light to stare at their new fish tank.

Light turned and blinked at L, gaping.

"If Light-kun is attempting to perform an impression of the fish, then I am quite impressed. But however much fun it may be, I must ask him to stop because it is irritating me," L droned.

"I hate fish!"

"Light-kun is a brat."

The teen crossed his arms.

-------------

Later on that day, L and Light were sitting on the couch in relative silence before the black-haired man spoke:

"Light-kun?"

"Hmm?"

"Will Light-kun kindly close that pornography website he is looking at?"

"W-What? What porn? I don't look at porn!" Frantic clicking.

L held back an eye roll and faced his suspect. "Will Light-kun tell me more about his childhood?"

Light slammed his laptop shut and turned his head toward L. "Sure. What do you want to know?"

"What did Light-kun get his first girlfriend?"

The teen blushed. "I don't know! Girls didn't like me until I was about fifteen or so, because of my braces and…well…Light Bright, remember?" he said quickly.

"Ah, yes. Light Bright." The corner of L's mouth turned up a bit.

"Hey, don't laugh! It was traumatic! I remember this one time, when I was eight…We had to build dinosaur skeleton models. I got stuck with the stegosaurus. You know, the slow, boring one that only eats plants? Know what the other kids did to me? They took my glasses off and put them in the middle of my dinosaur so I had to break it open to get them back!

"And later on, when I was eleven, someone wrote in the bathroom _Light Bright loves Juro_. Juro was this ridiculously popular boy who always picked on me. He came to me after school that day and put gum all over my hair! My mom had to cut it off and I was very nearly bald."

At this point, Light looked very upset and he fingered his hair delicately.

"I now know where Light-kun gets his hair complex from," L said dryly, turning back to his computer. "When I was small, the others would call me _panda puff_ because of my hair."

"Panda puff?!" Light repeated, snorting.

"Light-kun derives amusement from my childhood shame," L observed.

"Panda puff!"

"I caused great physical agony to the last person who called me that."

Light closed his mouth.

"I got into many fights when I was young," L mused, chewing on his thumb. "I came out victorious in the majority of them."

"I got into fights too," Light said, trying to match up to L.

"Did Light-kun win his fights?"

The brown-haired boy crossed his legs. "…One or two…"

"Light-kun's percentage of being Kira just dropped by five point seven percent," L muttered, going back to his work.

"Hey! I can be mean if I want to!" Light knew that it was a stupid thing to say right after it came out of his mouth, but L didn't seem to care.

"Light-kun does not seem like a threat right now. I suggest he go and feed the fish."

Standing up with a huff, Light walked around the couch to the fish tank and leaned over it. They were tropical fish, varying in colors, and they all swam up frantically when Light held the food container over the water.

"Heh…Do you want to eeeeat?" Light sang. He moved the container around and watched as the fish swam from side to side, following it in a panic. "You'll have to move a little faster…"

"Up by ten percent."

"What?"

"Fish torture is Kira-like behavior."

"No it's not!"

"Feed the fish."

"No!"

"Feed them!"

"No!"

"Dammit, Light-kun!"

L stood and wrestled the container out of Light's hands, but the lid came off the top of it with a _pop_. The entire container emptied into the water and the fish gobbled it up. L grit his teeth and attempted some deep-breathing exercises.

"Look what you've done, _panda puff_! Now they're going to get _huge_!"

Maybe the fish weren't such a good idea, after all.

-------------------

A/N: Wow. That was total random crack. Oh well, this isn't supposed to make sense.

**The fish have a purpose!** You will see why I brought them in within a few chapters or so! So that's not completely out of the blue, I swear.

**Note:** Sorry if my review replies have been sending multiple times. FFN is spazzing.

**Carbucketty:** I totally used "panda puff" from our convo. XD Maybe you caught that.

**Please review!!! Or I'll send panda puff after you.**

I might post the next chapter tonight, but if not, definitely tomorrow.

Up next: Cooking


	20. Cooking

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!

**Note:** The fish should definitely be dead by now, but for the purpose of my story, they're superfish. XD They just gained weight instead.

-------------------

A few days later:

"Hey, Ryuuzaki!"

L kept typing.

"Ryuuuuuuuuu…."

Click. Type. Type.

"Hey! _Panda puff_!"

"I thoroughly regret telling Light-kun about panda puff. What is it?" L said, finally relenting and closing his computer.

"I want to cook you a decent meal," Light said firmly. "…But I can't do it with the chain on."

L looked over at the younger man sharply. "Kira-kun wants me to take off the chain."

"No! Light Bright wants to make you dinner!"

"Light-kun alludes to schizophrenia."

Light get out a frustrated groan and threw himself down so he was half-falling off of the couch.

L looked down at his overdramatic roommate and deduced that this whining teenager wasn't plotting any murders. Not presently, at least.

"Fine. One hour will be given to make me a meal."

"Yes!" Light sat up and went to hug L, but the detective held an arm out to block him as he fished the key out of his baggy pocket.

"Light-kun will not press his body up against mine any more than is necessary. I do not wish to smell his overly-rich peony shampoo, nor feel his-"

"Fine, you don't have to be a jerk!" Light interrupted, massaging his chaffed wrist once it was free.

"What will I be served?" L inquired, staring up at Light with huge eyes.

"Do you like fish?"

"Yes. Make me fish."

"Yes, _sir_," the teen muttered, bowing mockingly. He went into the kitchen with his usual confident strut and took out a frying pan, preheating the stove.

"Now I need the fish…"

Light hummed a little tune as he fished through the fridge. "Here it is!" He pulled out a fresh salmon, the last one they had.

"_Som-u-where…hmhmhmhm…beyond-u th' sea…"_ Light sang quietly, twirling around with his prize. _"My lover staaahnds-u-"_

_Slap!_

The fish fell.

"Dammit!" Light hissed, cursing himself. His cleanliness wouldn't allow him to eat the fish now – with L sauntering around with those _filthy_ bare feet all the time, there had to be colonies of germs on the floor! And now it would stink if he just threw it away! He had to get rid of it.

"Light-kun had better be preparing my fish in there! I hear him singing!"

"Ah…Of course, Ryuuzaki! Coming right up!" Light stuttered, as he picked up the fish and opened the small kitchen window. "This is one hell of a fish!"

"I don't hear frying!"

"You _will_!" Light called back, launching the ruined salmon out the window. _Godspeed,_ he thought. _Dammit, what do I do now? He's going to think me incapable of making a simple fish dinner!_

Then, something caught his eye.

Something wonderful.

_The fish tank!_

The fish were huge from the feeding frenzy they had had a few days back (the ones that hadn't gone belly-up), and Light's gaze rested on a particularly fat golden one.

It was perfect. He just had to get L out of the living room and then he could go in for the kill.

"Ryuuzaki!" Light called.

"Yes?"

"You know that strawberry-flavored lip balm I have?"

"Light-kun possesses strawberry-flavored lip balm?" L asked excitedly.

_Hook, line, and sinker._ "Yeah, do you think you could get it for me? It's brand-new…"

"Where is it?"

"…In my drawer in the bathroom. Thanks!" _Stupid bastard thinks he's going to use my lip balm. Oh well…time for the catch of the day!_

Light grabbed a large bowl from the cupboard and swiftly made his way over to the fish tank. _There you are!_ he thoughtexcitedly as he saw the yellow fish.

"Light-kun's lip product is not revealing itself to me!"

"Keep looooking!"

Light plunged the bowl into the tank and, surprisingly, caught the fish in it.

_Just as planned!_ He scurried back into the kitchen. _This sucker is heavy!_

"Light-kun is a compulsive liar!" L proclaimed from the other room, stomping back to the couch.

"You just couldn't find it! Sorry!"

"Go back to work! I don't smell anything cooking in there!"

_Someone's testy today._

…Now Light was faced with another dilemma: Killing the fish.

_Can I really kill it?_ he thought, anxious. He looked down at the fish swimming around in the bowl. _I have to!_

Light took out a cutting board. Then he looked down and attempted to think of a way to get the fish out of the bowl…

Not coming up with anything, he stuck his hand in and held back tears when the fish's slimy body rubbed up against him.

"No way," he whispered, tearing his hand back out of the bowl. "That's disgusting."

"Is Light-kun talking to me?"

"No!"

Light looked around frantically and, taking a deep breath, he grabbed a knife.

L frowned and looked up from his computer when he heard a muffled shriek come from the kitchen. "Is Light-kun having problems?" he asked.

"Ummm..._Ah!_ No, no! I have it! _I have it!_"

The older man considered going into the kitchen, but then decided to leave Light to his antics. Instead, he opened up a website on fish care.

Light was a genius, after all; he could handle it.

--------------

"This is good fish, Light-kun," L said. He grinned across the table at the amber-eyed boy and sipped his miso soup. "Light-kun is a very good cook."

"Thanks. It's my mother's recipe," Light said with a blush.

"Why isn't Light-kun eating any of the fish?"

"More for you!" Light barked out quickly. He giggled nervously and his eye twitched a bit.

"If I wasn't so sure that there are no poisonous substances in this building…" L trailed off and ate some more fish. "…_And_ there's the fact that Light-kun has been particularly moronic lately."

Light just sighed, but he jumped as L's phone went off.

"Yes?" L answered the phone, raising an eyebrow at Light's jumpiness.

Light watched as L's expression became more confused than he had ever seen it.

"A…what, Watari?"

_Oh no._

"A _fish_? A salmon?" L asked, looking down at his plate. He dropped his fork. "_Our_ fish?"

Light stood and began to creep back into the kitchen.

"Thank you, Watari." L hung up. "Light-kun!" he yelled, storming after Light.

"…Yes?"

"Light-kun threw a _fish_ out the window?"

"I didn't want it to stink up the whole place!"

"Does Light-kun know what kind of damage a fish can do when dropped from twenty stories up?"

"…No."

"It can go through a person's _sunroof_, Light-kun. Luckily, it was a parked car and we can pay for the damage." L stepped closer to the younger male and Light cringed back. "_Idiot._ Clean up."

"Yes, Ryuuzaki!"

"Think before acting."

"Yes, Ryuuzaki!"

"I expect a cake within the hour as compensation for the shock that this fish incident has put me through."

"Right away!"

------------------

Later, as L happily munched on his strawberry-filled cake, he watched when Light fed the fish much more gently than he had before. He looked on as the fish swam around, the red one, and the blue, green and yellow-

Yellow.

Where was the massive yellow one?

Naturally, L had memorized all of the eleven fish in the tank, and he _distinctly_ remembered a gigantic yellow one. He couldn't have missed it! It had been there just that morning.

L looked up at Light's eyes. They were guilty eyes if he had ever seen them. L wasn't the world's top detective for nothing.

"Fish murderer!"

Light spun around. "What?!"

"Light-kun _butchered_ the yellow fish!" L exclaimed, standing up.

"No I didn't!"

"It didn't grow wings and fly away!"

Light bit his lip as L's eyes bore into his. He buckled quickly under the intense scrutiny.

"Fine! I killed it! _I killed the fish!_ You were pressuring me to make you a dinner, and I dropped the other one and chucked it out the window so you wouldn't know! I've got blood…_chum_ on my hands! I admit it!"

"Light-kun."

"I admit it!"

"Light-kun."

"I'll never live it down!"

"_Shut up_!"

Light snapped his mouth shut and felt his cheeks getting hot. "Oh…"

"Light-kun's chances of being Kira have increased by twenty percent."

The teen looked up, angry. "What?! I felt bad-"

"If Light-kun is so barbaric about killing a fish, then killing a person would certainly be very simple for him. Light-kun's mental breakdown is just another useless display."

"…Oh."

"Light-kun committed first-degree fish murder and fed the victim to me," L snapped, walking past Light and going into the bathroom to brush his teeth. "I am highly offended."

Light sulked.

L sent an email out later as Light slept.

-------------

In England, Mello showed Matt and Near the security footage of Light crying while chopping up a fish.

It was the best blackmail material he had ever gotten.

-------------

A/N: See this here? (Points at crack.) This is what you guys get when MP is writing at 2:30 AM, has been up for roughly nineteen and a half hours, and is running on Pepsi and Valentine's chocolates. I apologize.

--Random Mello appearance. No, he's not coming back yet. Sorry. DX

Poor Light. Poor fish. Poor panda puff. I torture everything in this…

I threw in a few corny-as-hell fish phrases throughout this chapter, too.

**What the hell is Light singing this time?** Beyond The Sea, by Bobby Darin. Type in "beyond the sea" on YouTube and click the second one. You'll recognize it. ;-)

**Please review! Or Light will throw you out a window!**

Up next: Bicycling


	21. Bicycling

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!! XD

--------------------

L looked over at Light, who was sprawled dramatically next to him on the couch. After the fish incident the day before, the teen hadn't been saying much at all, and normally L would have enjoyed that.

Normally. But, as much as L hated to admit it…this new type of silent bitchiness was depressing him.

"Light-kun."

"Hmm?"

"Speak!"

"…Woof?"

"Good boy," L said, playing along with Light's sarcasm. He reached over and ruffled Light's hair.

Silence.

Light sat up and shifted so he was facing L. "Since when do you tell me to speak? I thought you were pissed off about the fish murder."

"I _am_ angry about Light-kun's violent fish butchery. But the pouting needs to stop."

More silence.

"Well, I'll talk more, then. Hmmm…I'm bored again. I'm _bored_, Ryuuzaki. Booo-"

"What does Light-kun like to do?" L asked testily. _Maybe I shouldn't have gotten him speaking again._

"I like to…dance and eat and…read…and-"

L let his head fall back and he exhaled slowly. "Something we could do _together_, Light-kun," he clarified.

"Well, I said dancing!" Light fired back. "You're so condescending!"

"I will not dance!"

"That's because you're a pill!"

"Light-kun! L solves international murder plots! L stops gang activity! L brings criminals like Kira to justice! _L does not dance!_"

Light stared at L, bewildered at the sudden speech that came from the detective. Then he crossed his arms.

"Well, I didn't _ask_ you to, panda puff!"

There was a tense quiet after that, in which Light eventually thought of something they could do.

"I like bike riding."

L thrust a hand into his hair and closed his eyes. "Light-kun," he said, "L does not bike."

--------------

A few hours later, the pair were dropped off at the nearby park with two bikes, two helmets, some extra gear for L, and a first aid kit.

L watched dejectedly as Watari drove off, and he turned back around to see Light putting on his pink and white helmet.

"I hope that my sacrifice will appease Light-kun," L said, as he bent down to pick up his own helmet. "My bicycling experience is embarrassingly limited."

"Take the chain off," Light demanded, holding out his arm expectantly.

"Do not order me around!" L snapped, taking the handcuffs off nevertheless. "I trust Light-kun to stay in my sight and to not go swooping off into the distance without me."

"I don't swoop! I'm not a _bat!_"

With that, Light ripped off his button-up sweatpants to reveal some very small (and very close-fitting) baby blue athletic shorts.

"What are _those_?!" L exclaimed, eyes bugging out. His helmet slipped out of his hands.

"My shorts. Didn't you see me put them on?" Light answered haughtily, turning around and giving his behind a swift slap. "Look at this. Do you see this? This _perfect_ ass is the result of-"

"I saw it when Light-kun was swimming!" L choked out, and he picked his helmet back up. "Please do not parade it in front of my face!"

Light ignored L and fidgeted with his helmet. "Do we have to wear these?" he whined.

"Yes."

The brown-haired boy watched as L put on all of his gear: a helmet, gloves, knee pads, and elbow pads.

"It seems my head is too large for this helmet, Light-kun. We'll have to call this off-"

"You have it on backwards, _genius!_"

Light stepped forward and put L's helmet on the right way, smirking as little tufts of black hair stuck out of the openings in the top of it. He snapped the strap closed under L's chin without looking.

Bad idea.

"Aah! Light-kun! My skin! _My skin is caught!_ Undo it! It hurts! Undo it!" L yelled, and his eyes watered as Light hurriedly unsnapped the helmet. A little spot of blood formed on the underside of L's chin.

"You're _bleeding!_" Light cried, and he turned around and covered his mouth, hunching over. "Cover it up! Cover it up!"

"It hurts!" L dropped to his knees and dug around in the first aid kit.

The two attracted some attention from fellow park visitors, and people moved away from them warily.

"Sanitize it!"

"I'm trying to!"

"Germs are going to get all over it!"

"Help me find a band aid!"

"I can't look at _blood_!"

L eventually found his band aid among the various heavy-duty pain relievers and splints, and he put it on his chin quickly.

"Did you do it?"

"I did it. Turn around. Light-kun is _completely_ undependable when in a life-threatening emergency situation!" L said. He took a deep breath and carefully snapped his helmet strap closed.

"…Can we go now?" Light asked breathlessly, looking a little pale.

"Yes. But I must confess something to Light-kun first."

"What?"

"I have only been on a bicycle once."

"…"

"Light-kun will stop doing his fish impression and help me!"

"Okay."

The teen got onto his own bike and looked over at L. "Sit."

"I am not a dog." L sat on his bike.

"Yes you are. Now push off with your leg." Light pushed off and circled around L slowly.

"No I'm not…This isn't too difficult," L muttered, getting his balance relatively quickly.

"Just don't get too cocky about it," Light warned, heading off down the path.

"Wait, Light-kun!"

"_Daaaaisy, Daaaaisy! Give-u meee youuur answerrr duuu. I'm half-u crrazy…hmhmhmhm…"_

"Light-kun is leaving me!"

"…_It-u won't be a sty-u-lish marriage…"_

"Light-kun! We are approaching a rather intimidating hill!"

"…_I can't-a afford a carriag-u…"_

"Light Bright! Where are the breaks?!"

"…_on-u a bicycle built-a for twooooo!"_

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

Light jumped as he saw a blur go flying by him on his right. "Ryuuzaki?!"

"Liiiiiiiight-kuuuuun! Fifteeeeen perceeeeen-"

_Crash_.

----------------

"Ryuuzaki, is your knee any better?"

L glared at Light.

"I'm sorry! For the twentieth time, I really am sorry! Here…"

Light contained his nausea and peered closely at L's gauze-covered knee. The knee pad had gotten ripped off when L had crashed into the tree, and now his skin was bleeding through the sterile wrappings.

"I have to change them," L grumbled.

"I'll get it." Light changed the wrappings gently, and the worried look on his face was almost enough to make L lose his sour expression.

"Light-kun's loud singing caused me to injure myself!"

"I thought you had control over the bike!"

L sighed and pushed Light away once the other male was done with the wrappings. "I called Watari."

"Oh. We're leaving, then?"

"No. He is bringing us something that will make this expedition easier and less painful on me."

-------------

A tandem bicycle.

"Good idea, Ryuuzaki!"

L nodded and dismissed Watari. "Light-kun will be on the front of the bicycle."

Light perched himself on the seat and turned around, waiting for L. The detective limped over and got on behind him.

"Pedal on three! One, two, three!"

They were off.

-------------

"These shorts are really riding up my ass, Ryuuzaki! Could we stop for a second?"

"No! We have established a momentum!"

"But it's annoying!"

"It's Light-kun's own fault the he wears such ridiculous, provocative clothing!"

"…Provocative?"

"Yes!"

"Who do they provoke?"

"Everyone! Now shut up!"

-------------

"…_My milkushaku brings all za boys to za bar…"_

"…_Eru…is-a for za way youuu look-u at-a mee…"_ L grit his teeth at that.

"…_Myyy heart-u wiruuu go ooooon…"_

"…_My humps-u, my hum-"_

--------------

"Is Light-kun usually kind to animals?"

"Yes!"

"Does Light-kun like teddy bears?"

"Yes."

"What is Light-kun's favorite color?"

"Blue. Hence my shorts."

"What is Light-kun's favorite instrument?"

"The harp. Why-"

"Does Light-kun find towers or beach balls more visually appealing?"

"Tow- Wait, what?"

--------------

"Have you ever kissed anyone?"

"Yes."

"I'm surprised. What is your favorite game?"

"Chess. Care to play sometime?"

"Prepare to lose. Favorite animal, panda puff?"

"I've never lost a game. I like porcupines."

---------------

Eventually, they ran out of topics of conversation and they rode in a comfortable silence. They were going along, the sun was shining, the wind was blowing in their faces…

"Hey!"

L frowned and glanced behind him.

"Hey, look at those two!"

_We're being harassed!_ L thought angrily. He looked at the oblivious Light in front of him and gripped his handles more tightly. _Light-kun will be essentially useless if we are physically provoked. .. They had better shut up._

"Look at the one with those shorts on!" Laughter.

_That's pushing it._

L stopped the bike.

Light blinked behind him. "Ryuuzaki?"

"Just a minute, Light-kun. I'll be right back."

L looked around him and saw that the aggressors were seated behind a tree. They were three males about Light's age.

"Uh-oh, guys, looks like we've got trouble!" one of them drawled as L limped over to them, taking off one of his gloves on the way.

Light, clueless as to why L suddenly disappeared behind a tree, reached into his pocket and pulled out some gum. He began smacking on it, and he abruptly heard some noises.

"I'm sorry!"

"Ow! Ow, please stop! Please!"

"Hey, man! Hey, you don't gottammmmph-"

_He must know them or something_, Light mused, and he concentrated on blowing a bubble. _Stupid gum!_

"Oh, God! Stop!"

"We didn't mean it!"

"Stop! Mmmmph! Mmmph!"

_This is the cheap gum! I can't believe I got this worthless stuff! And it's not even sugar-free. I can feel the sugar digging into my teeth! I guess I can give it to Ryuuzaki…_

"I give up!"

"We're sorry!"

"Mmmmph!"

Light spat the gum out as L walked out from behind the tree.

"Did you see someone you knew, Ryuuzaki?"

L nodded and got back on the bike. "Light-kun, let's head back."

"Okay."

---------------

Later on, Light went on another cleaning spree and began sorting through all of L's bike gear. He looked up at L from where he was kneeling on the floor.

"Ryuuzaki?"

"Hmm?" L said through a mouthful of cake.

"You're missing a glove. Do you know where it is?"

"It's…ah, _hard to say_, Light-kun."

"You're so forgetful."

----------------

A/N: …L is very overprotective. Can you blame him? (**--** For the record, he shoved it in the guy's mouth.) XD

More crack for you guys. Mrrh.

**What the hell is Light singing this time?**

- Daisy Bell (A Bicycle Built For Two)

- Milkshake, by Kelis

- L.O.V.E., by Nat King Cole XD

- My Heart Will Go On, by Celine Dion (ugh)

- My Humps, by the Black Eyed Peas

**Note:** Yes, I purposely pick annoying songs to get stuck in your heads! Nyah.

**---**Yeah, I know tandem bikes don't break like that. Oh well. **--**

**Please review!!! Or L will come after you with his bike glove!**

Up next: Collections


	22. Collections

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!!

-----------------

L was tiredly chewing on some gourmet gummy bears when he felt his eyes begin to droop shut. He yawned hugely, ignoring Light's comment about not covering his "gross" mouth, and he felt his eyes slipping closed…

He had been asleep for about twenty minutes when Light began bothering him.

"Hey, Ryuuzaki. Wake up, I want to talk."

In L's half-asleep state, Light's voice seemed far off and unclear…

"See, this is why you should sleep at night instead of _staring at me!_"

L heard himself grumble something in response. "Light-kun is unpleasant…"

"Wake the hell up!"

The detective opened his eyes and was greeted with Light's face about a hair's width away from his own.

"Light-kun will remove his face from the immediate area surrounding mine."

The teen recoiled and covered his nose. "Brush your teeth!" he said, sitting back in his spot. He grabbed a couple of blankets that were strewn out around him and wrapped them around himself so only his head was sticking out. He kept shifting around until L gave him a light slap on his blanketed shoulder.

"Light-kun needs to stop adjusting his nest. It is distracting."

"I'm not a bird. Besides, you're just sitting there, so what could I _possibly_ be distracting you from?"

"Kira-kun is bothering me."

Light simply stuck out his tongue and silence reigned for a while. L kept eating his snacks and yawning.

Then, suddenly, the younger male looked over with wide caramel eyes and an expectant hand emerged from his blankets.

L frowned. "I am not a palm reader, Light-kun."

Light huffed. "No, I want a bear," he clarified.

"Light-kun is _not_ welcome to my candy." L clutched the plastic bag closer to him.

"Just one?"

"No."

"Pleeeease?"

"No."

"Fine!" Light snapped, crossing his arms under his blankets.

"Light-kun's body language is appalling."

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is."

"Just give me one!" Light said, suddenly diving over and trying to wrench the bag out of L's grasp. He tried to cover L's face with one of his blankets, but failed.

"Light-kun is trying to suffocate me!" L yelled. "Three per-"

"Give me a bear!"

"I hope Light-kun does not force me to harm him!" L tried to swat Light away, but his companion would have none of that.

"I'm _starving!_ Just give me one!" Light managed to wriggle his hand into the bag and he felt the gummies brush his fingertips.

"Light-kun had better remove his hands!"

"You think you can control everything!"

"Light-kun is an egomaniac!"

"You're paranoid!"

"At least I'm not obsessive!"

"Will you just-" Light yelled, and he managed to close his hand around two of the bears before L's feet implanted themselves into his chest.

"_Oof!_"

The teen was sent sprawling backwards and onto the floor, but in his right hand he had his treasure. He looked down to see two orange bears half-squashed in his hand.

"Pity. I ruined Light-kun's cocoon."

Light ignored his comment. "I wanted red ones!" he complained.

Glaring, L was about to respond when his phone went off. "Be quiet, Light-kun…Hello, Watari."

Light reluctantly put the candy into his mouth, puckering up once the tang hit his taste buds. _I hate orange! But I do like pissing Ryuuzaki off. He didn't have to be so rough, though…_

"My hats? Why do you have them?"

Light perked up. _Hats? He has hats?_ He looked up at the crouched man and tried to picture him with a beret on.

_L can't pull off a hat._

"Very well. Bring them up here." L slammed his phone shut, looking very put-out, and he stuffed another candy into his mouth.

"Hats, Ryuuzaki?"

L sighed. "Yes, well…Mello brought a hat collection that I had when I was younger to Japan with him because they were taking up space in his closet. He dropped them off with Watari, but Watari does not want them in his room anymore."

"Hat collection?!" Light asked, snorting loudly. "You collected-"

"Be quiet."

"You know, I used to have a stamp collection," Light mused, still snickering up at L.

"Used to?" L asked as he unlocked the handcuff so he could deal with Watari in private.

Light's grin faded. "Yes. I brought it to school for show-and-tell one time and the other kids shredded it."

"How unfortunate." L ate another gummy bear to hide his smirk.

The doorbell rang.

L stood and shot a look at Light. "Stay." He locked the handcuff to the leg of the couch and walked off.

"Tell me if you want me to roll over, too!" Light called as L went to the door and answered it.

"Hello Watari."

"Here, Ryuuzaki."

The black-haired man frowned when Watari gave him the handle of a large utility cart.

"…Thank you."

Meanwhile, Light crawled over to the edge of the couch and reached around in L's candy bag to get a red gummy bear. He didn't notice L looming over him until he turned around.

"Oh, Ryuuzaki! I just took-"

Then he looked at L's head.

"-one."

A top hat.

"Watari couldn't fit this one on the cart, so he thought it practical to put it on my head. It's perfectly logical," was the only explanation L came up with.

Light stood up and stared at the hat, blinking.

L stared back.

Light smirked. "You're really puttin' on the Ritz there, aren't you, Ryuuzaki?"

The look of fury in L's eyes was worth the kick in the shins Light received.

------------------

"Ooow."

"Light-kun should know not to provoke me."

"Get me some ice!"

"No."

L ignored Light's whines as he picked through some of his old hats. He found a feathery purple one and put it on Light's head to distract him as he put the cuff back on.

"Hey!" the younger male complained, but he kept the hat on nonetheless. He watched as L went through stacks of hats and frowned when the investigator hurriedly stuffed one under his foot.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"No, let me see it!" Light demanded as he leaned across L. He tried to move L's leg, but the detective wouldn't budge from his perched position.

"Light-kun is being extremely aggressive!"

"I want to see it!" Light said, leaning over a bit more.

The purple feather on Light's hat hit L's nose and though he tried to fight it, L wriggled around in response to the tickle and the hat was pulled from beneath him.

"Got it!" Light proclaimed, holding up his prize.

"Dammit, Light-kun!"

"A panda hat?!"

Indeed, it was a panda hat. It had two furry ties to secure it under the chin, large black-and-white ears, and two huge plastic eyes similar to L's.

…It even had a little fluff of black hair on top of it.

"Put it on!"

Expecting this attack, L flung out an arm and blocked Light from successfully putting the hat on his head. The two struggled for a while, and eventually Light pinned L down, tugged the hat onto his head, and tied it neatly under L's chin.

Panting, Light sat back and readjusted the purple hat he was wearing. L slowly sat up, glaring. His hair stuck out in a mane of black all around his face.

"Looking good, panda puff!"

Without a word, L snatched up his candy and stuffed a handful into his mouth. Light, amused, leaned forward and looked through the rest of the collection.

There was a hat of every kind on the cart: formal, costume, casual… Light found a blue cap and hastily shoved it underneath his thigh.

_That matches my shorts perfectly!_

L exhaled loudly and looked through the hats himself, trying to find another one for Light.

_Pumpkin hat? No…_ he thought.

He looked over and saw Light fingering a cat-eared hat and singing quietly.

"…_where-u fashion-a sits…"_

_A beach hat? No…_

Then he found it.

"…_puttin' on-a za ritsu…"_

Quickly, L plucked the purple hat off of his suspect's head and replaced it with a yellow hat with a large, plush light bulb on top of it.

"Light Bright."

Light jumped and reached up to touch his new accessory. "Exploiting my childhood trauma again, you jerk."

"Do _not_ call me-"

But the two stopped their newly-forming argument when they heard someone unlock the door and step in. L put a hand on Light's shoulder and stood up, ready to fend off any attackers…

Soichiro.

"Ah, Yagami-san!" L stuttered, quickly removing his hand from Light.

"Hello, father."

The older man blinked at the pair. "Are we playing dress-up, boys?" he asked tonelessly.

"No!" Light said, ripping the light bulb hat off. "L has a hat collection."

L grit his teeth and tried desparately to untie the panda hat. "Light-kun must be a _knot_ expert," he said tersely, glaring down at Light.

"I'll get it." The teen stood up, trying to fight a blush at his father's penetrating stare, and he untied the hat with ease. When L took it off, his hair was smashed down, strands going in the opposite direction than they usually did.

"Well," Soichiro said, clearing his throat, "it's Matsuda's birthday tomorrow, and we were going to have a party for him. We wanted to tell you two so you'd join us."

"We'll be there," Light said. L nodded quietly.

"Okay. Well…try not to make too much of a mess, you two." With one last awkward look, Soichiro left.

Once the door shut, L and Light erupted:

"I looked like a fool in front of my father because of that ridiculous light bulb hat!"

"Light-kun has undermined by reliability as an investigative leader by _forcing_ me to wear a _panda hat!_"

"I don't want to go to a party!"

"Neither do I!"

"I think Matsuda is extremely irritating!"

"So do I!"

"So why are we arguing about this?!"

"I don't know!"

The two slammed themselves down on opposite ends of the couch and glared at various inanimate objects for some time.

After a while, L picked up his gummies and held them out.

"Does Light-kun want a bear?"

"…I guess."

--------------------

A/N: Fighting is a habit for them. XD I'm making them more domestic every chapter…

**--What the hell is Light singing this time?** –Puttin' On The Ritz, by Fred Astaire

**Please review!!! Or L won't let you have any of his gummy bears!**

Up next: Party


	23. Party

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!!

----------------

"I have no desire to attend this social event."

"Well, we have to go. My father will be angry if we don't show up, so grab the gift."

L scratched his head and blinked over at Light, who was fretting about the bedroom. "Gift?" he asked.

"Yes, the gift!" Light barked, adjusting his shirt. "Get it!"

"I do not know where it is."

"Yes you do! You just wrapped it!"

L brought a foot up to scratch his leg with. "Wrapped?"

"Will you _wake up?!_"

Before L knew it, Light's hand was flying toward his ass in an attempt to get his attention. He accepted the slap with a grunt and glared at the teen in response. "Light-kun is-"

"Shut up! I don't have time for your half-assed speech patterns right now!"

"-very wound up."

"That's because we're going to be _late!_ Do you know how _rude_ that is?! Do you know what _etiquette_ is? …And you're all disheveled, fix your hair!" With that, Light began digging through L's side of their walk-in closet for the soap gift box they had had Watari pick up for Matsuda.

L sighed, thrust a hand into his hair, and rapidly fluffed it up in an attempt to make it look better. "Light-kun never told me to wrap a gift," he grumbled.

"I told you four times," Light said as he pulled out the soap. "We'll just have to leave it unwrapped." He turned around and huffed at the sight of L's hair. "It's even puffier now."

"Light-kun, can we get this over with?"

"…Fine. Let's go."

------------------

When they arrived downstairs and they entered the workroom, no one was present.

"Oh, that's just wonderful," Light mumbled. "Where are-"

"_Surprise!_"

Light screamed and dropped the soap when confetti was blasted in his and L's faces. L clenched his fists reflexively and tensed up when Light cowered behind him.

"Happy birthday…Ryuuzaki?" Aizawa said, emerging from behind a desk with Soichiro. "We thought you were Matsuda."

"We were sure you two weren't going to arrive in time," Soichiro clarified. He walked over and picked up the soap from the ground and then began to brush the confetti out of Light's hair.

"Stop it, dad!"

"He's coming now," Watari said from where he was stationed on the other side of the room. Ide was seated next to him silently.

"Hide," Soichiro ordered, and the team scrambled back into their places, leaving L and Light to go behind the couch. On his way over, Light snatched up a party hat from a table.

L settled into his usual crouch and Light kneeled next to him.

"Put this hat on."

"Light-kun has a hat fetish."

"You're the one who collected them!"

L grabbed the hat and put it behind him. "I don't want it."

"But Ryuuzaki…"

Tired of Light's whining, L picked the hat back up, drove a knee into his suspects chest, and pinned him to the ground.

"Ryuuzaki-?"

L put the hat on Light, snapping the plastic string onto his chin with unnecessary force. "Light-kun will silence himself," L whispered.

"Yes, Ryuuzaki."

"Light-kun will not bother me about the hat."

"Certainly not, Ryuuzaki."

"Light-kun will not address me as _panda puff_ in front of the task force."

"I'd never _dream_ of it, Ryuuzaki."

Dominance established, L climbed off of the younger male and let Light sit up.

The door opened. They heard Matsuda's trademark nervous laugh.

"Oh no, did we have to meet somewhere else? The chief is going to kill me!"

"Surprise!"

Light stood up in time with the others, a forced smile on his face, and L pulled himself up slowly with a grunt.

Matsuda jumped and tripped on the confetti, falling heavily on his behind. L shoved his hands in his pockets and rolled his eyes.

"Matsuda-san is extremely clumsy," L said.

"Don't be rude, Ryuuzaki," Light hissed.

"Quiet, Light-kun."

Soichiro went over and helped Matsuda up. "Happy birthday. Matsuda," the older Yagami said.

"It's…Oh! It's my birthday! I completely forgot!" Matsuda stuttered, giggling and rubbing the back of his neck. He looked over at L and Light. "Ryuuzaki, you came for my party? Ah…thank you! Thanks!"

"Matsuda-san is a valued member of the team," L droned. "He has made so many influential discoveries concerning the Kira case that it is vital we devote some of our investigation time to throwing confetti at him."

There was an awkward silence as everyone but Matsuda registered the sarcasm.

Aizawa glared at L. "Ryuuzaki, perhaps you'd like to bring Matsuda's presents over here?" he said.

"Very well."

Ide and Watari came over with the cake and some balloons and placed them on the table near Matsuda, who was giddy from all of the attention.

On the other side of the room, L looked at the gifts. "Light-kun?"

No response.

"Light-kun must help me transfer these gifts to their proper spot immediately," the detective hissed.

Without a word, and not looking at L, Light picked up the gifts and walked over to the table.

_Light's so moody_, L thought with a scowl. _But I'm becoming accustomed to it._

"Thank you, Light," Soichiro said, shooting a glare at L.

"Soap?" Matsuda exclaimed, seeing the unwrapped gift. "I love soap!"

"That's from us," Light said. L glared at him.

"Thanks, you two!"

After opening the other gifts, Matsuda stood and talked with Ide and Aizawa, Soichiro spoke with Watari, and L inched toward the cake. He stuck a finger out to take off a gob of frosting, but Light slapped his hand.

"Don't do that!"

L ignored him and took the frosting anyway, sucking it off of his finger and smirking at Light. He went back for another scoop and Light smacked the back of his head.

"Ryuuzaki, that's not your cake!"

"Light-kun will _not_ tell me what I can and cannot do!"

"You're so rude!" The teen frowned and gave L a little shove on the shoulders.

"I'm tired of Light-kun!" L shoved back.

"Tired of me?! Then why don't you unchain us?" Another shove.

"Light-kun's percentage just keeps climbing higher and higher!" That said, L gave Light an especially hard shove and the boy went toppling over into the cake.

_Splat._

"Oh God, my hair!"

L blinked down at his fallen companion. _Hmm…Cake-coated Light-kun._

-----------------

Later on (after Watari got another cake and Light cleaned up), the task force was sitting around and eating their new cake when Soichiro asked L something:

"Ryuuzaki, have you ever had a…special someone? …If you don't mind me asking."

L shoved a forkful of cake into his mouth. "Mmmph. Mllijmh. Lllm," he said through his food.

"What?" Aizawa said, bewildered.

L swallowed. "I do not like repeating myself, Aizawa-san."

Light, picking up on a newly developing stare-down between L and Aizawa, clapped his hands and stood. "Matsuda, it seems my father and the others purchased you a piñata. Would you like to destroy it?" he asked, smiling brightly and attempting to move his frosting-dampened hair out of his eyes.

"Yes!"

Ide stood as well and grabbed an old broom handle that had been shoved in the corner. "Here you go, Matsuda."

"Neat!"

The piñata was strung up in the corner of the work room, a good distance away from the computers. It was in the shape of a large panda.

"Did Aizawa-san pick out the piñata?" L asked as they made their way over to it.

"How did you know?" came the snappish reply.

The chief rubbed his temples. "Matsuda, please get this over with. I'm getting a headache."

Watari came up with a blindfold and tied it securely around Matsuda's eyes.

"Okay, I'm going now!"

Timidly, Matsuda flicked the broom handle toward the panda, just barely tapping its foot.

"Matsuda-san needs to apply seventy one point five percent of his bodily strength to successfully break the piñata," L said, holding his plate of cake in one hand. "What he just exhibited was twelve point one percent."

Matsuda froze for a moment, but the grin stayed plastered on his face. "Oh…Okay, Ryuuzaki!" He swung harder.

"That was eighteen point three percent."

He swung again.

"Twenty-one point four percent."

And again.

"Nineteen point five. Matsuda-san is regressing."

"You're _ruining_ the piñata, Ryuuzaki!" Light whispered in L's ear.

"Light-kun is ruining my life."

"That's overdramatic."

"Perhaps we should give someone else a turn, Matsuda?" Aizawa asked impatiently.

"That might work! Why don't you go, Ryuuzaki?" Matsuda took off the blindfold and held out the broom handle.

L looked up from his cake. _I want to get out of here. Maybe I could finish this activity…_

"I will."

L let Watari tie the blindfold onto him and he held the broom up, getting ready to swing. Light stood behind him as far as the chain would allow.

_The volume of the panda…seventy point two…speed of the swing…weight of the tool used to break it…multiply…my own physical strength…_

Satisfied with his calculations, L swung the broom back and aimed as best he could.

He swung.

He felt it break.

He heard Light yelp and collapse behind him.

He sighed.

--------------------

"The panda's ear broke off from the head and shot backwards somehow."

L fidgeted his toes around one another and looked over at Light. The teen was holding an ice pack up to his head and around it L could see a bruise forming. They had gone back to their floor and were seated on the couch.

"It bounced off of my head, flew backwards, and smashed my father's computer."

L sighed and shoved a hand into his pocket. He reached around and pulled out a small candy bar that he had collected after the piñata broke.

"Will Light-kun forgive me if I give him this?"

"I'll forgive you if…you take me somewhere tomorrow."

"Where?"

"Well…The carnival is in town."

---------------

A/N: I'm not sure if they use piñatas in Japan. Well, they do now. XD Work with me.

-- We all love cake-coated Light, am I right?

**Please review!!! Or L will hit you with a panda ear!**

Up next: Carnival


	24. Carnival

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!! FFN won't let me reply to them, so bleh.

Where did I put my draft….

---------------------

It was midday when L and Light were dropped off at the carnival by Watari and they walked in, Light smiling and L scowling. The main walkway was lined with greasy food stands and game booths, and behind those, all crammed in one area, were the rides.

L stared up at a towering red roller coaster and held back a shudder. Next to that was an equally-frightening Ferris wheel and some children's rides.

"Let's go on the Ferris wheel!" Light said, grabbing the chain and pulling L toward it.

"I had a damaging childhood experience involving a Ferris wheel, Light-kun. I do not wish to relive it. However," L said, walking toward a stand with some lollipops, "I _would_ like a snack."

"Hey!"

L approached the candy stand and pointed at a large multicolored lollipop. "That one," he said to the worker.

"Ryuuzaki, are you going to go on anything? I don't want to stand around and watch the rides," Light said.

L paid for the candy. "Does Light-kun like games?"

"…Yes."

"Then we will participate in-"

"Hey, why're you two chained up?" came a sudden voice.

The pair looked at the vendor, who was handing L his change.

L pointed at Light. "He is under the impression that he is a cat. I am psychoanalyzing him and restraining him. You see, he is prone to fits of scratching and hissing," he said factually, and the man stepped back with wide eyes.

Light blinked rapidly as he was pulled away from the booth, registering what L had just said about him.

"I'm a cat boy now, Ryuuzaki?"

"Yes. Though I think it's going to take quite a bit to get Light-kun to purr."

L unwrapped his candy and began sucking on it noisily, and Light was about to comment when they heard gunfire come from one of the game booths.

Light tensed up immediately, but looked over and saw that it was a target shooting game. Fake handguns were given to the player and they shot out tiny pellets at plastic ducks behind glass.

"Does Light-kun want to attempt that activity?"

The teen shook his head. "I can't shoot a gun. Why don't you do it?"

L considered it for a moment, slurping thoughtfully on his candy, before he nodded and led Light over to the game.

The attendant's eyebrows raised when he saw L come slouching up with his lollipop to wait behind the man who was currently shooting.

"Are you going to shoot?" he boomed out to L over the popping of the pellets in the background.

"Yes."

"Got it!" the shooting man said, slamming the gun down. He had successfully knocked over one duck. The attendant handed him a tiny, oblong stuffed bear and he gave it to his girlfriend, who squealed over it and kissed him.

_Interesting reaction_, L thought, and he looked at Light curiously.

"Step up here, buddy. We don't have all day."

L nodded and, after giving the man his money, he picked up the gun with his thumb and index finger. He still held the lollipop in the other hand.

The worker laughed heartily. "There's no way you're going to get any ducks holding it like that," he scoffed. "You gotta hold it like-"

Without a word, L shoved the sucker into his mouth, flipped the gun into the right position, and shot.

_BANG. BANG. BANG._

Down went the ducks, one by one, as L aimed and shot each of them right in the middle of their painted on bull's-eyes. Soon enough, all fifty of them had been knocked down.

Light grinned at the crowd that had formed around L and patted his companion on the back.

The attendant stared. "Uh…Um, sir…which prize would you like?" he stuttered out, gesturing at the gigantic stuffed toys hanging on the side wall of the booth. "You…um, you obviously qualify for the largest size, since you only had to hit seven for that…"

L sucked on his candy for a few moments and considered his choices. There were dogs, cats, large plush hearts, bears…

And in the corner, he saw the one he wanted.

"I would like that ostrich."

The man frowned, still in shock. "What?"

"I want the ostrich," L repeated, pointing at his requested prize.

"Oh, okay…" The man wrenched it down from the wall and handed it over to L, who took it and shuffled off.

"Thank you!" Light called back to the bewildered attendant.

L made his way over to a trash can and threw out his lollipop stick, then examined his ostrich. It was about Light's size, had large, cartoon-like eyes, and had an overly-long neck.

"I do not know which species this is modeled after," L said finally.

"You deserve it, though. I've never seen anyone shoot like that!"

L turned toward Light and held the toy out. "Would Light-kun like to accept ownership of this ostrich?" he asked.

"You're giving it to me?"

"I have no use for such a thing."

"Then why did you play-" But Light was cut off when L shoved the ostrich at him.

He took it with a grin.

----------------

"Will you go on the Ferris wheel now?"

"No."

"Fine." Light adjusted his ostrich and stared at the rides with a sigh. He spotted a very slow-moving caterpillar ride and nodded toward it. "Will you go on that?"

"…I _suppose_ so."

Light had to leave his prize up wit the attendant and he and L squeezed into the back of a four-person caterpillar. The guy who they had seen shooting earlier was in front of them with his girlfriend.

"Will Light-kun scoot his hips over?"

"Will you stop telling me I have big hips?!"

The girl turned around and shot Light a strange look.

"What are _you_ looking at?" he snapped, and she whirled back around hurriedly. Light then attempted to shift to the side to give L his precious space.

"Hey, man. Have you got a problem with my girl?" the man in front of them said, suddenly turning around.

Light jerked his head up. "_What?_" he hissed, eyes narrowed.

L sighed and dug around in his pocket for some candy. _He's going to get into another argument with someone…_

"I said, have you-"

"I heard you, you ignorant jackass! And no, I don't have a problem with your _girl_. I simply don't like people _gawking _at me."

The ride jerked forward and they were off. Music played in tiny speakers that were installed into their seats.

_"It's a happy world…"_ the music went. The recording had children singing it, which irritated Light even more.

"She wasn't staring at you!" the man exclaimed.

"Yes she was!"

"Why the hell would she stare at you?"

"…_the wonderful, magical garden land!"_

"Maybe she didn't want to look at _your_ offensive countenance."

The guy snarled and twisted around a bit more. "Look, are you some kinda smartass?"

"_Ob_viously I'm of superior intelligence than you," Light drawled, with a little hair flip.

_"The caterpillar world…"_

L watched the argument and gnawed on some old butterscotch hard candy he had found in his pocket.

"Will you two knock it off?" the girl interjected, not turning around.

"Don't you get into it, bitch!" Light said.

"…_with all the boys and girls…"_

"Don't insult my girlfriend!"

"What are you going to do about it?!"

_"Sing along with our caterpillar song!"_

"Look, why don't you just run off with your creepy little boyfriend before I beat the living hell-"

_WHAM!_

"…_And you'll be in a happy land, too!"_

-----------------

"Light-kun is lucky that that man ran into the restroom instead of reporting him."

"He had it coming!" Light said, hugging his ostrich to him and walking over to the larger rides.

"That was a very forceful punch," L muttered.

"He insulted you!"

They walked in silence for while, then Light saw it:

The Demonic Cyclone.

"I want to go on that!"

L grimaced at the sight of the roller coaster he had spotted earlier. _I don't think so._

Light started off toward it, but heard jingling behind him and turned back around. He saw L unlocking the chain.

"We can go on it with the chain on."

L shook his head. "I am not going on it. I am merely making it possible for Light-kun to ride it," he said quietly.

"I don't want to go alone. Come with me." Light gave a pout.

"I have told Light-kun a million times that the 'pathetic, beaten puppy look' does not work on me!"

----------------

"Welcome to Demonic Cyclone. Please keep your arms and legs inside the car. If you have back or neck problems, we recommend you do not ride Demonic Cyclone. Kheel Parks And Entertainment is not responsible for any injuries that occur on Demonic Cyclone. Check your buckles…sir, please sit properly, thank you…Enjoy your ride!"

"Light-kun owes me!"

Light smirked as the coaster shot off and clicked up the track. L was sitting next to him, knuckles white from clenching onto his shoulder harness so tightly.

"Calm down, panda puff!"

They got to the top of the hill and looked down.

L blanched.

Light latched onto the detective's arm.

They dropped.

People on the ground heard a distinct "Fifty percent!" being screamed from the roller coaster and looked at each other curiously.

-----------------

"I hope Light-kun is satisfied."

Light nodded and smiled over at L.

"Light-kun wanted to go on the Demonic Cyclone, and we did," L mumbled. He sighed at his grinning roommate and got his phone out. "I'll call Watari and we can go back."

"Okay."

L called Watari and grunted when he heard that the elder was stuck in traffic. "Hmm. We'll go wait outside for you, Watari."

L led Light toward the entrance, but suddenly looked back and saw the Ferris wheel. He looked over at Light, who was fussing with the ostrich's feathers.

_Why am I doing this? Maybe it will give me some Kira information. I don't know._

"…Does Light-kun still wish to go on the Ferris wheel?" he inquired.

The boy blinked, looking at L. "Wh-? Oh, yes. You'll actually go on it?" Light responded.

"I believe I can repress my childhood trauma for the time being."

-----------------

They climbed into their gondola and sat in silence as they were slowly lifted into the dusk sky.

"Light-kun?"

"…Hmm?"

"Scoot over."

"Oh. Of course."

Light moved over so he was sitting opposite of L and he stared out at the city quietly for a while.

"…Watari is in traffic, then?"

"Yes."

"Oh. The traffic around here is nasty."

Silence.

"Light-kun's hair is sticking up."

"Dammit." Light tried to flatten his hair, but the wind just picked up again and blew it around. L's hair stayed stationary.

"Ryuuzaki?"

A breath. "Yes?"

"Oh, um…You're a good shooter. A really good shooter." Light mumbled, frowning down at his lap.

"I know."

"I know you know."

"So why did Light-kun say it?" L asked, cocking his head to the side.

"To bring it to attention."

"That doesn't make sense."

"Not everything has a formula, Ryuuzaki!"

"No, Light-kun just has a very complicated formula!"

"I'm not complicated! Are you saying I'm _high maintenance_?!"

"Don't jump to conclusions!"

Light thrust the ostrich out to smack L in the head with it, but L put a foot up to block it and it landed with a "whump!" on the edge of the gondola.

"Catch it!" Light said, and they both jumped up to save it, but they were too late.

They watched as the ostrich spiraled down to the ground below and fell in the middle of a screaming crowd.

"Light-kun lost his prize because of his clumsiness!"

"It's your fault!"

They threw themselves back in their seats and sat glaring until their gondola reached the ground. Once off, Light hunted down his ostrich and found it in the hands of some grubby little boys.

"Hey, those are the brats from the mall! The ones who stole my clothes!"

L held Light back from pummeling the boys and went up to them. They looked at him nervously.

"It's the handcuffed guys," one of them whispered.

"If you give me the ostrich, I will keep the psychopath I am chained to from butchering you," L said quietly.

The kids looked up at the looming pale man and released the toy.

"Now run."

They ran.

L turned to Light. "Light-kun had better keep this in his possession."

"I will."

------------------

The next morning, when a startled L woke up to the ostrich sitting on his chest, he wished that he hadn't won it for Light.

"Up by three percent," L slurred.

"Why?"

"…Ostrich assault."

------------------

A/N: Whew!

Haha. Light says, "Jump." L says, "How high?" I think it's cute. XD

**Please review!!! Or Light and L will drop an ostrich on your head!**

**I am completely open to suggestions about future chapters. Tell me what you like to see- arguments, them going out in public, etc. and I'll write it in here. Thank you!  
**

Up next: Movies


	25. Movies

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!!

------------------

"I absolutely _refuse_ to take Light-kun out in public again!"

"What did I do?!" Light asked, feeding the fish jerkily (only seven were still alive at this point).

L began gnawing on his thumb and didn't reply to Light's question.

"Come on, Ryuuzaki! You can't just say something like that and not give a reason for it!"

"Light-kun, don't overfeed the fish and kill another one," came the reply.

Light glanced down at the fish briefly before glaring back at L. "Don't try to change the subject!"

"Light-kun!"

"What?!"

"Shut up!"

"No! You know what, panda puff? I-"

L interrupted him. "Light-kun is _overfeeding_ the fish!" he snapped.

"Overfeeding? I'll show _you_ overfeeding!"

With that, Light popped the lid off of the food shaker and emptied the contents onto L's head. When it was empty, Light dropped the container and it bounced off of L and onto the floor.

The two glared at each other wordlessly for a few moments before L slowly rose to his feet, fish food pellets rolling off of his head.

"Light-kun."

Light, inwardly having a hard time not ducking away from the seething L in front of him, took a deep breath. "What?" he forced out.

"Light-kun is upset."

"Yes, I am."

"Why?"

"…I wanted to see that new movie, but I can't go without you because you're _chained_ to me."

L reached up and fluffed some of the food out of his hair. "Light-kun's response to me saying 'no' to a movie is pouring fish food on my head," L said, voice monotonous.

"…That seems to be the case."

"Very well."

"..Very well?"

"We will go to the movie," L mumbled as he shoved a hand into his pocket and pulled out a lint-covered gummy worm.

"Don't eat that. Why the sudden change of mind, Ryuuzaki?"

"I'll eat it if I want to. I just don't want Light-kun to be…as you would say, _all pissy_ for the next two weeks."

Light stared.

L slurped the filthy gummy worm into his mouth.

-----------------

Outside the movie theater, L and Light stood in line for their tickets, Light with his arms crossed and L staring dully around at everyone.

"Look at that couple, Light-kun."

Light looked over and saw a man and a woman kissing at a table. He blinked at L. "You really are a pervert, aren't you?" he accused, brow furrowed.

"I am no pervert."

"You are. You're a voyeur."

"I am no voyeur."

"So what did you do when you had those video cameras set up in my room?"

L scratched his head and picked out a few left over pieces of fish food. He flicked them at Light, who simply stood and stared in disgust. "I do not know what Light-kun is alluding to. I merely watched him to benefit the investigation," he said dryly.

"Next!"

Light pulled L up to the window. "Two for _Pumpkin Surprise_, please," he said with a huge, fake smile.

"Light-kun is extremely artificial. Up by two- _oof_."

Light elbowed L in the ribs, grabbed the tickets, and entered the theater lobby. L shuffled in behind him, holding his side.

"I'm guessing you want candy," Light said, hands on hips.

"Yes. But we have a forty-five percent chance of getting better seats if we go in and claim them first. I will venture out alone and get the candy."

They entered the theatre featuring _Pumpkin Surprise_ and Light frowned when he saw that the previews had already started. It was completely dark.

"Okay, Ryuuzaki. Just follow me up the stair- _ouch!_"

"Was that Light-kun's foot?"

"Yes!"

"Shh!" It was one of the people in the theater.

"Did someone just_shush_ us?" L whispered to Light.

"Yes. Just…come on!"

They were stuck sitting in the very bottom row next to an old couple and once Light was in his chair, L removed the chain from his own wrist and snapped it onto the chair handle.

"Wait," Light whispered, "what if there's an emergency?"

"Then I will come in and perform a valiant rescue."

"Hey-!"

L walked off.

Light crossed his arms and legs and was half-watching the coming attractions when he heard some people coming up next to him.

"Let's just sit here," a gruff voice said.

Light looked over and saw two biker-looking men and a girl who was dressed in such reveling clothing that Light almost gagged. They were sitting in the three seats next to him, one of which was L's.

"Oh, um…Someone's sitting next to me…" Light said quietly.

"Too bad," one of the men grunted.

"But it's _his_ seat…"

"You're here with a guy? Not too surprising."

Light frowned and shifted around an bit, causing the handcuff to jingle.

The insulting man next to Light looked down and raised an eyebrow. "You into bondage or something, pretty boy?"

"No!"

"Shh!" someone said.

Light scowled and shifted over in his seat as far as he could go. The old woman on his other side looked up and gave him a coy grin.

"What handsome young buck you are!" she whispered. Her husband glared over at the teen.

Light sighed and waited for L to come back.

--------------

L went dragging into the lobby, intending to maximize his time away from the idiotic movie.

_What is a Pumpkin Surprise supposed to be, anyway?_ he thought as he stared up at the combos. He saw the one he wanted and walked up to the counter.

"Whaddya want?" the worker asked, blowing a bubble with her gum right in L's face.

"The number three combination."

"Huh?"

L stepped forward. "_Combination number three_," he said loudly.

"What number three? What are you talkin' about?" she asked, smacking her gum.

"Three! Number three!"

"Which one?"

"The number three_combo!_"

"Well, why didn't ya say that before?"

"Because I do not like shortening my words!" L snapped. _This is what Light would be like without his intelligence._

"Alright."

L watched as she got his two bags of candy, a large soda, and a bag of popcorn with no butter (the last of which was for Light, of course). When she was done, he pulled out his money and handed it over to the girl.

"Here," she said, handing him his change. As he was taking it from her, he reached up and scratched his head with his other hand, and some fish food pellets went falling down from his hair and onto the counter and his food box.

There was a moment when they both stared at the fish food, and then at each other.

"That's pretty gross," she said finally, still chewing her gum. "Can you clean it up?"

"No."

L grabbed his food and shuffled off, leaving the girl to stare at him angrily as he disappeared into his theater.

"Light-kun. I got our food."

Light jumped at the sudden whisper and the bikers next to him looked up at L.

"I believe that that is my seat," L said quietly.

The man snorted and looked up cockily. "It's mine now. Why don't you take your little bondage buddy and get outta here?"

L leaned forward. "He is not my bondage buddy. He is a murderous sociopath and I am studying him. Now if you don't want me to let him loose on you, I suggest you move out of my seat," the detective whispered, eyes wide.

The three frowned over at Light, and the leader shook his head. "Like I'm gonna believe that."

"Don't make me hurt you," L whispered.

Disturbed by L's strange appearance, the man finally snapped under the investigator's unwavering stare.

"Fine Let's go, you guys. This movie's crap anyway."

L perched himself in the seat after the bikers moved out and handed Light the popcorn.

"I purchased Light-kun some popcorn in the hopes that if he has his mouth full, he won't be compelled to comment on the movie every two seconds."

"Hmph. Thanks, I guess."

The two sat for some time, watching as the Pumpkin Prince chased down villagers and ate them, and Light dug into his popcorn happily.

_There are a lot of strange-tasting kernels in this._

"That's him!" L suddenly heard behind them. He craned his neck around and saw that it was the cashier girl.

A man in a suit came up to them. "Sirs, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the theater. Please pack up your belongings," he said sternly.

"Okay," Light said, with a quick nod. If he resisted this, it would not look good for the Kira percentage.

L glared at the girl and cuffed himself back to Light. They followed the two out, food in their hands.

"Sir, she claims that you made a mess of the counter and walked off," the man said to L.

"Mess?" Light asked.

"Yeah, these little brown things came out of his hair!" she girl exclaimed.

Light raised an eyebrow at L. _Hmm. It's not abnormal for things to fall out of Ryuuzaki's hair._

"And we had some complaints about you two threatening people and disrupting the theater."

L chewed on his candy and, without a word, led Light outside and flipped out his phone.

"Oh well," Light said, "it was a stupid movie anyway. The screenwriting was terrible, the acting was…"

L prepared himself for listening to a long critique of every aspect of _Pumpkin Surprise_.

------------------

Once they were in Watari's car and on their way back, Light was still munching on his popcorn when he thought of something.

"Hey, Ryuuzaki. We'll need more fish food."

"There should be plenty in that popcorn bag, Light-kun."

Not catching the meaning, Light rolled his eyes and crunched down, frowning when he ate another one of those nasty tasting kernels.

------------------

A/N: What he doesn't know can't hurt him. XD Right?

--Sorry for the lack of (obvious ;-D) date-ness between them this time. I didn't want to go overboard with love-dovey cuteness because that just doesn't fit with these two.

**Please review! Or you will find some unexpected fish food in your next meal!**

Up next: Exercise (Yeah, I changed it.)


	26. Exercise

"Aww, another one of the fish died!"

"Perhaps Light-kun can fry it up for us."

Light huffed and looked at L, exasperated. "Don't you even care?" he demanded.

"No, not particularly. Would Light-kun like some cake?"

L and Light were in their room, L on his laptop and eating and Light staring forlornly at the dead fish.

"No thanks."

"Hmm."

Light blinked down at the fish one more time before he went and plopped down on the couch next to L with a sigh. "Well, I guess we can just leave it there and Watari will take care of it like the others," he mumbled, picking the remote up and flipping on the TV. "Do you want to watch anything?"

"Anything is better than _Pumpkin Surprise_," L responded with equal enthusiasm.

Light turned the volume on mute and looked over at the detective perched next to him. "Ryuuzaki, your panda puff is all messed up," he nagged. He reached over and tried to smooth L's hair down when some fish food came rolling out and landed on Light's thigh.

Light blanched. "Eew! Ryuuzaki!"

"Mmm?"

"I put that in your hair _three days ago_...I…"

"Mmmhmm." L kept chewing on his cake.

"You haven't washed your hair since then, have you?!" Light asked, hysterical. He grabbed some hand sanitizer off of the coffee table and doused his hands in it. "What the hell have you been doing in the shower?!"

"Does Light-kun wish for me to wash my hair?" L asked, turning those large, black eyes toward him.

"Yes! Do you know how disgusting that is?! I'm sleeping in the same bed as a filthy fish man! Take the cuff off and get in the shower _now_!"

L frowned down at his cake. "May I finish my cake fir-"

"No! Move!"

"Fine. Light-kun _is_ the hygiene expert…"

-----------------

L emerged from the steamed up bathroom with only a towel around his waist and he heard dance music and shuffling in the other room. Narrowing his eyes, he walked into the living room and saw Light…doing a jumping thing.

…In those ridiculous little blue shorts and a thin tank top.

"What is Light-kun doing?"

Light stopped his moving around and whirled toward L, choking when he saw that the detective was only in a towel.

Coughing filled the room.

"Does Light-kun need the Heimlich Maneuver performed on him?!"

Light kept coughing and waved his arms around frantically in front of him. His face was turning bright red.

"Hold still!"

L rushed behind Light, positioned his hands and was about to push…

"No…(_cough_)...no, Ryuuzaki. I'm (_cough_) fine."

L released Light and turned the younger man around to look at him. "Light-kun is okay?" he asked carefully.

"Yes. You just…surprised me when you came in (_cough_)."

"Light-kun was jumping around," L said. "Was that what he considers dancing?"

"No." Light sighed. "Have you ever exercised in your life?"

"I played tennis."

"I know that, but have you ever done an at-home workout? I doubt _you'd_ go to the gym…"

L adjusted his towel and looked at the TV. The workout video was of a young woman doing a series of jumping jacks and kickboxing techniques to some loud dance music.

"And _one_ and_two_ and _three_ and-" she was going.

"Anyway, I'm doing this because…well, you know how my stomach was upset the other day?"

L cleared his throat and looked down at his feet. "Yes. Light-kun has a very sensitive stomach," he mumbled.

"It must have been that popcorn! Anyway, the day after that I gorged myself and packed on a few pounds, so I have to get rid of them."

The detective blinked back up at Light. "Did Light-kun's hips grow even larger?"

"No! My stomach got a little pudgy, look," came the reply as Light lifted his shirt up to show L a perfectly flat, toned stomach.

"Light-kun did not get larger," L said, poking his suspect's midsection.

"Don't! That tickles," Light snapped.

L poked it again and Light pulled his shirt down.

"Stop it, Ryuuzaki."

Poke.

"Stop that!"

Poke.

"I'll break your hand off if you do that one more time!"

"Fine," L grunted, walking over to fetch the chain. "Though I am quite sure that Light-kun could never best me in a fight."

Light watched as L searched around for the handcuffs, and blushed when the towel kept falling down the black-haired man's narrow hips. "Ryuuzaki, go put some clothes on!" he said finally.

"Light-kun shouldn't be looking at where my towel is falling down," L said, grabbing the chain from between the couch cushions and shuffling over to Light with it.

"How do I exercise if you're chained to me?"

"I will exercise with Light-kun."

"Well, put some clothes on!"

"Okay!"

"Okay!"

L yanked Light into the bedroom and slid into some sweatpants, opting not to wear a shirt.

"Well, let's go exercise!" Light said insistently. "You're so _sluggish!_"

They went back and saw that the girl on the TV was now doing sit-ups.

"Are we going to do that, Light-kun?" L asked.

"Yes. Get down."

They both got on their backs and began doing sit-ups, Light panting and huffing and L keeping up with the girl effortlessly.

"How-" Light said as they went up.

Pant. "the hell-"

Grunt. "are you having-"

Pant. "such an easy time?"

"Light-kun is simply not as well-built as me."

Light frowned, stopped his sit-ups, and stared down at L's body unabashedly. L was, under all of those baggy clothes and that horrible posture, very well defined. Light leaned over a bit more right as L came up and their heads banged together.

"Ouch! Dammit, Light-kun!"

"It's your fault!" Light retorted, bringing a hand up to his head. "Oww."

"What was Light-kun staring at?!" L demanded.

"I was just comparing us! Let's do push-ups now!"

"If Light-kun thinks he can keep up with me…" L muttered quietly.

"What-?"

Without another word, L flipped over and began to do push-ups. Light just watched, wondering how that skinny detective could do them so rapidly…

_That's it! He's skinny, so he doesn't have much to lift up! I'll fix that._

Light got up, turned around, and sat on L's back.

L collapsed with an "_oof!_".

"Ha! See, you're not that strong!"

"What is Light-kun_doing?!_"

"I wanted to see if you could handle some extra weight!"

"I obviously can't handle _Light-kun's_ weight!"

"Are you saying I'm heavy?!" Light frowned and concentrated his weight on L's back a little harder. "_This_ is heavy!"

"Light-kun is crushing me! I'll pummel him once he lets me up!"

Light put a hand on L's head to smash the detective's face into the floor. "Sorry, can't hear you!"

"Mmph!"

Suddenly, L's hand shot up from nowhere and snatched Light's arm. Before Light knew it, the brown-haired boy was flipped to the side and under a flustered L.

_Wow, Ryuuzaki's totally lost his composure. His hair's really messed up…_

"Light-kun's repeated attempts to gain control over me are futile and suspicious!"

…_Look at him, trying to be threatening. It'd work better if he wasn't so disheveled…_

"I do not want to have to use excessive physical force against Light-kun to show him who has the upper hand!"

"You're pretty horrible at bluffing, Ryuuzaki."

L blinked. "What?" he asked.

Light cocked his head to the side. "Saying you'd beat me up when we both know you never would."

L began to scowl, but covered his expression up quickly. "Light-kun thinks that I would not hurt him?" he asked, voice more controlled than before.

"I _know_ that," Light said smugly.

"Light-kun is under the wrong impression."

"No I'm not."

After a minute of silence, L stared at Light and, with a sigh, began to lean down. Light froze up and tried to calm his breathing, and suddenly he felt L's hands on his stomach…

…tickling him.

"Ah! Dammit, Ryuuzaki! Stop it, I'll kill you!"

"Up by two percent."

Light tried to protest, but began laughing and couldn't form words.

"Light-kun thought that I would not inflict torture upon him. I have proved him wrong."

"S-Stop!"

When Watari came in to collect the dead fish and he saw L on top of Light, straddling the teen's hips, he made a quick about-face and decided to come back later.

Watari knew not to interfere with L's quirks.

----------------

A/N: ...Poor boys.

**Please review! Or L will come and tickle you!** (Is that really a threat?)

Up next: Zoo


	27. Zoo

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!!

--------------------

"There's a new monkey exhibit at the zoo, Ryuuzaki…"

L tensed at the sudden sound of Light's voice. "Why is Light-kun telling me this?"

"I just think it's interesting, is all." This was followed by a huge yawn.

L stopped shuffling through his papers and glanced down at Light, who was stretched out on the bed next to him. "Usually Light-kun does not wake up so early," he mumbled.

"They might have ostriches there…" Light teased quietly.

L perked up at that and looked over at the plush toy in the corner. "Real ostriches," he whispered.

"Um…that's right. May we go?" Light asked, with a languid stretch.

L tore his gaze away from the toy and tried to keep his eyes on the paper, not looking at the stretching, underwear-clad Light next to him. "If Light-kun wants to go that badly, then we will."

Light yawned and scratched his stomach. "Kay. Call Watari," he slurred, turning back over.

"Don't go back to sleep."

"I'm just waking up…"

L reached over and snapped the waistband of Light's boxers, making the younger male yelp and sit up. "Light-kun will remain awake if he wants to see his primate exhibit."

"Fine, fine."

--------------------

They got to the zoo around midday and had to wait in a long line to enter. In front of them stood two young men and behind them was a family.

"Ryuuzaki, why did you have to bring that huge bag of gumdrops? It's not as if you're thinking today," Light hissed, crossing his arms to shield him from the wind.

L, who was staring down at the shoes that Light had made him wear, looked up with huge eyes. "What was that, Light-kun?"

"The- never mind."

L dug into his plastic bag and took out a giant red gumdrop, holding it out to Light. "I know Light-kun likes the red ones."

The teen grabbed it and put it in his mouth. "'is ing eg ooo ig," he managed.

"I am not fluent in gibberish, Light-kun."

Light swallowed the candy with some difficulty and held himself back from picking the sticky leftovers out from his teeth. "It was too big. I have a very_small_ mouth."

"Light-kun shouldn't complain about things being too big when I offered it to him out of the kindness of my heart," L replied with a frown.

"I just don't like overwhelmingly gigantic things in my mouth!"

"I didn't know that Light-kun had a small mouth. Considering the way he talks _all the time_, I had assumed that it was quite large."

The line shifted forward.

Light flipped his hair out of his face and turned away with a "hmph."

One of the men in front of them turned around and shot an apologetic grin at Light. "I feel your pain."

The caramel-eyed boy leaned forward. "What?"

"I just know how it is." He gestured toward the man with him. "He's like that, too. Thinks you can handle anything, even if it's too big."

"Oh. O-kay," Light said, obviously confused.

"Want one?" L grunted to the man, holding out his bag.

"Oh. Um…no thank you." He turned back around.

"Good job, Ryuuzaki. Scaring everyone off with your candy."

-------------------

They finally got in and stared at the map for a couple of seconds before deciding where to go:

"I want to see the monkeys."

"Stop acting like a child. We're going to the ostriches."

"Oh, _I'm_ a child? And who's the one holding a bag of gumdrops?"

"Light-kun will not use my need for sweets as a basis for calling me immature."

"You're so selfish!"

"We're wasting time."

"..But I want to see the monkeys."

"Don't give me that look, Light-kun."

"…"

"Fine. We'll go see the monkeys."

---------------------

L watched as Light's eyes lit up when one of the monkeys approached them from behind the cage.

_Down by two percent for deriving simplistic pleasure from watching animals._

"Look at him, Ryuuzaki!"

L rolled his eyes and ate another gumdrop, afterwards grabbing a candy and giving it to Light.

"I don't want this," Light complained, staring down at it. He tried to give it back, but L had shuffled off to the monkey gift shop.

There was a sudden screech and Light jerked his head up to see the once-cute monkey baring its teeth at him and reaching for the gumdrop.

"God! You don't have to _yell!_"

It screeched again and rattled the cage.

Frightened, Light tossed the gumdrop to the monkey and it devoured it quickly and walked off. He was still tense when something was wrapped around his shoulders.

"Calm down, Light-kun."

Light looked down and saw that two plush monkey arms with Velcro on the hands had been put around him.

"You got me a monkey?"

L adjusted the monkey on Light's back. "Yes."

"…Thanks."

"Hopefully this will keep Light-kun from whining about anything for the remainder of the day," L said, heading off toward the ostriches.

--------------

"Why are you so interested in ostriches?"

They stood on the border of the ostrich exhibit, Light reluctantly eating some of the candy and L staring at the birds, thumb in mouth.

"These are of the three species _molybdophanes, syriacus_, and _massaicus_. See the one-"

"Ryuuzaki, I didn't ask for an ostrich lesson. I asked why you like them so much."

L rubbed the back of his neck. "Simple, Light-kun. I developed an interest in them at a young age because of the similarity of their tail feathers to my hair. The other children had a toy ostrich and they would always tease me about it. They would say I had ostrich hair."

"What about panda puff?" Light asked, throwing an orange gumdrop on the ground in disgust.

"That came after I developed bags under my eyes when I was a bit older," L said wistfully.

"Oh. That's too bad."

L continued staring at the ostriches.

Meanwhile, Light noticed some people sniggering at his back and tried to look at his monkey to see if there was something odd about it. But he couldn't crane his neck around far enough.

_They're probably just jealous because I have a monkey and they are without one. Therefore, I am superior to them. I have monkey clout._

"Does Light-kun wish to go to the pandas?"

"Yes."

Light adjusted the chain so it wasn't cutting off his circulation and followed L to the pandas. On the way there, he reached into L's pocket for a camera he had told the detective to hold for him.

"If Light-kun is attempting to make a pass at me, then he is going about it in entirely the wrong fashion…And give me my gumdrops."

Light heaved the bag over to L and pulled the camera out. "I was just looking for the camera. Don't flatter yourself," he replied.

"On the contrary, I wouldn't find that flattering at all."

"What_ever_."

"Up by point five percent."

"Why?!"

"Rudeness."

Light clenched his teeth and turned the camera on. _If rudeness were anything to base guilt upon, then Ryuuzaki would be at three hundred percent by now._

They approached the pandas and Light shoved L over in front of one of them.

"I'm going to take your picture."

"No, Light-kun is not." L tried to walk away, but Light pushed him back and stood as far back as the chain would allow.

"Smile."

"No."

"Smile!"

"No."

Light scowled and tried to think of something that would make L smile. He didn't want an ugly picture.

"Ryuuzaki, I think I'm losing my voice."

"Light-kun is finally losing his voice?!"

_Click. Flash._

Light, happy with the picture he had gotten, lowered the camera and shook his head. "No, I just wanted to get you to smile."

L looked downtrodden for the next couple of hours as Light blabbed on about how much it smelled.

------------------

Later on, as L dragged Light to the reptile house to go to the "hands-on" snake exhibit, something occurred to the younger man:

"Oh, God! I know what that guy was talking about earlier!"

"Hmm?"

"He heard our conversation about things being _too big_. He…must have gotten the wrong impression…"

"…Oh. How unfortunate. Let's go look at the snakes."

"I don't like snakes!" Light said hysterically, trying to pull the chain back out of the reptile building.

"These are nonpoisonous, Light-kun." With a firm tug, L pulled Light in.

Light, heart pounding and sweating profusely, stiffly followed L past the glass-contained snakes and other reptiles, and went over to the lowered area where people were touching the slithering creatures. "This is not something that I enjoy, Ryuuzaki. This is _really_ gross-"

"Light-kun needs to be quiet and play with his monkey if he is disturbed by perfectly harmless snakes!"

Light frowned and shifted the monkey around again, having forgotten about it. _I don't play with monkeys._

"Hello, guests!" an overenthusiastic zookeeper greeted, and before Light knew it, the man had placed a snake on his shoulder.

"Get if off! Get it the hell off! _Ryuuzaki!_" he screeched, freezing up immediately.

"Calm down, Light-kun." L shoved the zookeeper out of the way and plucked the serpent off of Light's shoulder with a heavy sigh.

"Done! I'm done! Get me out of here!"

"If Light-kun is quiet, then I will order pizza later," L said quickly.

Light quieted immediately, brushing a tear from his eye. He watched for the next few minutes as L had his fun examining the snakes. He made sure to glare at the incompetent zookeeper whenever he got the chance.

Once they exited the reptile house, Light was ready to pass out from all of the stress he had been put under and he collapsed on a nearby bench.

"Light-kun's adrenaline must have shot up to a very high level."

"Mmm." Light leaned forward and put his head in his hands.

"He is lucky I saved him from that perilous garden snake."

"_My hero,_" came the sarcastic reply.

"Does Light-kun wish to-"

"Hey, you two!"

The pair looked up to see a zoo security guard stomping over to them.

"What does he want?" the teen wondered as the guy approached.

"Listen. I'm going to have to ask you to leave the zoo," the man said to Light aggressively, crossing his arms.

"Why?" Light asked.

"You," the guard responded, pointing at Light, "fed a _gumdrop_ to one of our primates. We got it on our cameras."

L looked down at Light in disbelief. "Light-kun fed the monkey a gumdrop?"

"It was yelling at me and I didn't want to provoke it! I don't even like orange!"

The guard cleared his throat loudly and shifted his stance. "Please leave, sirs. Seeing as you're…cuffed…together, you're both going to have to go."

"Alright," L said, pulling Light up.

Light turned around to glare at the guard one last time and saw the man staring at the monkey on his back and sniggering.

_More monkey envy._

--------------------

After they got in Watari's car, Light took the monkey off and stared at it.

It had a pink shirt on that said "banana lover" in black lettering.

He flung the monkey over and smashed L in the face with it.

"But I thought Light-kun liked bananas."

--------------------

A/N: Haha. And you guys thought that L was being cute. XD

Note: The ostrich species are real. I got them from Wikipedia because I don't know a damn thing about ostriches.

**Please review! Or L will put a monkey with an embarrassing phrase on your back!**

Up next: Chat


	28. Chat

A/N: **You guys are wondering why it's so long.** Don't worry, it's just in IM format. XD  
Thanks for reviewing!!!

-----------------

L had forced Light to sit down and work on the case for a while and the younger male was rapidly becoming antsy. He looked over at L. "Ryuuzaki, do you have a screen name on that messenger thing?" he asked, interrupting L's rapid keystrokes.

"Yes."

"Sign on."

L popped a strawberry into his mouth. "Very well," he said, mouth full.

------------

**ttlysexi69 has signed on.**

**PandaPuff007 has signed on.**

_ttlysexi69:_ lol look this now u don't hav 2 hear me talk

_PandaPuff007:_ Light-kun, please work on the case now.

_ttlysexi69:_ no i wanna chat

_PandaPuff007:_ Very well. Chat.

_ttlysexi69:_ give me a strawberry

_PandaPuff007:_ No. These are mine. And I must say that I think Light-kun's online alias is a gross exaggeration of his sexual prowess.

_ttlysexi69:_ it is not! DX

_PandaPuff007:_ What does "DX" stand for? Dysfunctional Xenophobe?

_ttlysexi69:_ it's a smiley. use that genius brain of urs and look it sideways.

_PandaPuff007:_ I do not see anything.

_ttlysexi69:_ The "D" is the mouth and the "X" are eyes. It's not a Rorschach test, for God's sake.

_PandaPuff007:_ I still do not see it. Light-kun is using complete sentences now?

_ttlysexi69:_ Yes. I don't want to confuse you. Look, it's a distraught face. The "D" is a sad mouth. DX DX Not rocket science.

_PandaPuff007:_ This is nonsense.

_ttlysexi69:_ You're just overanalyzing it!

_PandaPuff007:_ I do not overanalyze! DX - That is my distraught symbol.

_ttlysexi69:_ You don't have to tell me it's your distraught symbol, I _know_ that.

_PandaPuff007:__Light-kun knows how to use italics. I am impressed. _**Does he know how to use BOLDFACE as well?**

_ttlysexi69:_ **Of course I know bold. Don't be so sarcastic.**

_PandaPuff007:__**Banana lover.**_

_ttlysexi69:_ I'm still going to get revenge for that.

_PandaPuff007:_ I finished my strawberries. They were good.

_ttlysexi69:_ Jerk. Go to this link: **Here**

------------

Light watched as L clicked on the link and snickered when the detective's face contorted in disgust. Glaring over at Light, L typed again:

------------

_PandaPuff007: _That was completely unnecessary and inappropriate! I am angered! DX!

_ttlysexi69: _Who's the banana lover noooow? lolz

**chocowhore14 has signed on.**

_chocowhore14: _Hi L! Kisses! 8-)

_PandaPuff007:_Hello, Mello.

_ttlysexi69: _Get out of here, brat face.

_chocowhore14: _Go to hell, bastard. If I were there with you, I'd stick my chocolate bar down your throat and watch you choke on it.

_PandaPuff007:_ Mello, please restrain your temper.

_ttlysexi69:_ Don't worry, Ryuuzaki. Mello's just got a nasty case of PMS.

_chocowhore14:_ I'm going to fly over there and strangle you in your sleep, bitchface!

_ttlysexi69:_ I'd like to see you try, little man.

**Voltronluva45 has signed on.**

_chocowhore14:_ Get the hell out of here, Near! If you're looking for your stupid robot toy, I buried it outside!

**Voltronluva45 has signed off.**

_PandaPuff007:_ Mello, be kind to Near.

_chocowhore14:_ Sorry, L. :'-(

**goggledgamer120 has signed on.**

_PandaPuff007:_ Hi, Matt.

_goggledgamer120:_ Hey, L. Mello, where did you put Halo?

_ttlysexi69:_ Who the hell are you?

_goggledgamer120:_ I'm Matt. Who are you?

_ttlysexi69:_ Light Yagami.

_goggledgamer120:_ I've heard about you. You must really sleep around a lot with a sn like that. Mello, where's my game?

_ttlysexi69:_ Just what have you heard about me?

_goggledgamer120:_ That you're a jerk. Mello, where the hell are you?

_ttlysexi69:_ Mello, I'll kill you the next time I see you! Talking crap about me!

_PandaPuff007:_ Up by seven percent, Light-kun.

_chocowhore14:_ Hey Matt. I think Near took your game. I can't find it.

_goggledgamer120:_ I'll kill him. No one touches my game and lives.

_chocowhore14:_ He's outside digging in the mud. I told him I buried his robot out there lmao XD

_PandaPuff007:_ Now it's "XD"? What is that?

_ttlysexi69:_ It's a happy face. Don't you see? It's clever because you just have to reverse it. XD DX XDX XDX

_goggledgamer120:_ I'm going to go raid Near's room. See you at dinner, Mello.

**goggledgamer120 has signed off.**

_PandaPuff007:_ Mello, stop Matt from going through Near's room; it's completely disrespectful.

_chocowhore14:_ You know him, L. When he starts hunting around for his games, you can't stop him.

_ttlysexi69:_ Everyone from your little crew is a complete jerk. Do you know that, Ryuuzaki?

-------------

Time went by, Light and Mello bickering and L trying to stop them. Eventually, Matt rejoined the chat.

-------------

**goggledgamer120 has signed on.**

_chocowhore14:_ Did you get it? I saw you stomping out in the rain with those ugly duck galoshes on. : p

_goggledgamer120:_ Yeah, I had to go outside and ask him about it. Now I'm all wet.

_chocowhore14:_ Where was it?

_goggledgamer120:_ In his pocket. I don't know what the hell he was doing with it, but I got it back. Hey Yagami, do you game?

_ttlysexi69:_ Do I_game?_ I play World of Warcraft online sometimes.

_goggledgamer120:_ Let's go. Give me your email.

_ttlysexi69:_ My email? Give me yours.

_goggledgamer120:_ No, just give me yours. Are you going to wimp out on me?

_ttlysexi69:_ Fine. I'll PM you.

_chocowhore14:_ Haha, you've got some dumbass email address, don't you, pretty boy?

_PandaPuff007:_ Don't address Light like that, Mello. If I recall correctly, when you were younger, you had a make-up phase. Don't be hypocritical.

_chocowhore14:_ L! I told you not to mention that in front of anybody:-o

_PandaPuff007:_ What is ":-o"?

**goggledgamer120 has signed off.**

**ttlysexi69 has signed off.**

_chocowhore14:_ wtf?

**chocowhore14 has signed off.**

_PandaPuff007:_ Is everyone gone? How rude.

**PandaPuff007 has signed off.**

-----------------

L looked over at Light, who was scowling and clicking away at something L assumed to be the game.

"He's killing me!" Light exclaimed.

"What did Light-kun expect?"

"I don't know!"

L rolled his eyes and discreetly clicked the link that Light had sent him earlier.

-----------------

**goggledgamer120 has signed on.**

**ttlysexi69 has signed on.**

_goggledgamer120:_ rofl, I made you my bitch, Yagami.

_ttlysexi69:_ Whatevs

**PandaPuff007 has signed on.**

_PandaPuff007:_ Light-kun! I see the DX now!

_ttlysexi69:_ Good for you.

**chocowhore14 has signed on.**

_chocowhore14: _Did you beat him, Matt?

_goggledgamer120:_ It was pwnage.

_chocowhore14:_ Lol That's what I thought.

_ttlysexi69:_ stfu Mello

_PandaPuff007:_ I don't understand any of what is being said.

_ttlysexi69:_ Let's keep it that way. Btw, there's something in your hair.

_PandaPuff007:_ Where?

_ttlysexi69:_ No, higher.

_PandaPuff007:_ Here?

_ttlysexi69:_ Lower.

_chocowhore14:_ Are you two in the same room?

_PandaPuff007:_ Yes.

_chocowhore14:_ Lol nerds.

_ttlysexi69:_ Higher.

_PandaPuff007:_ Come over and get it for me.

_ttlysexi69:_ Fine.

---------------------

Light crawled over to L and tried to pick the white fuzz out of his hair, but somehow it got buried even deeper in the black mess.

"Dammit, Ryuuzaki, your hair _ate_ it!"

L slapped Light's hand away with a scowl. "Light-kun, my hair is not a separate entity from me!" he snapped.

"Will you hold still?"

"No! Get away!"

Thus another one of their struggles commenced, leaving Mello and Matt to sit quietly for some time.

----------------------

_chocowhore14:_ Matt. What do you think they're really doing over there? ;-)

_goggledgamer120:_ lol I don't know, they've been gone for ten minutes.

_chocowhore14:_ Well, I'm bored.

_goggledgamer120:_ Me too. What does Yagami look like?

_chocowhore14:_ He dresses like a business man's assistant and walks like he's got a stick up his ass.

-----------------------

Light grunted as he was flipped over onto the floor and tried to get L's knee off of his chest.

"Get the hell off of me," he growled.

"Light-kun's aggression when attempting to remove the lint from my hair has caused me to use physical force to restrain him."

"…You're so long-winded…_Ouch!_"

L put more of his weight onto Light and the teen gave up, going limp under him with a dramatic sigh. The detective grabbed his computer off of the couch and put it on Light's stomach.

-----------------------

_PandaPuff007:_ I have returned.

_chocowhore14:_ Where's the bitch?

_PandaPuff007:_ He has been thoroughly defeated and is now lying under me.

_chocowhore14:_ You show him, L!

_goggledgamer120:_ Was it good?

_PandaPuff007:_ Was what good? Throwing Light upon the floor?

_chocowhore14:_ If that's what you want to call it. X3

_PandaPuff007:_ Yes, it was mildly amusing. It held my interest for a little while, but now I am bored with it. When he becomes unresponsive, then it is less than fun.

_goggledgamer120:_ WTF Near just snuck into my room and took my game again!

**goggledgamer120 has signed off. **

_chocowhore14:_ I hear them yelling. Gotta go.

**chocowhore14 has signed off.**

_PandaPuff007:_ Why am I always left alone?

**PandaPuff007 has signed off.**

------------------

A/N: I know, not "internet." But it morphed from them surfing the web into this crazy-ass IM barrage.

Anyway. Whew! That was a –helluva- lot of work. Don't expect another chapter like this...but it was still fun to write.

**Note:** I have no idea how World of Warcraft is played online. Please ignore any weirdness and forgive my improvisations.

**-- **I don't know what messenger service they're using. It's a...uh...special one, just for the sake of the story. I didn't want to deal with "invite" stuff, etc and bore you all to death.

**Please review! Or L's hair will eat you!**

Up Next: Bowling


	29. Bowling

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!! XD

-----------------------

"Has Light-kun come up with that graph yet?"

"Just a minute, Ryuuzaki."

"Light-kuuuun."

"Just a _minute_."

Light swiped the paper up from the printer and handed it to L. "Here."

L chomped into his candy bar and looked down at the graph Light had made of some new Kira statistics they had found. "Mm's ooo," he said, mouth full.

Light sighed and slumped back into the chair. They were in the workroom with the others and his father had been shooting him and L strange looks all day.

_We're not doing anything weird…Why is he looking at me like-_

"Light-kun looks exhausted."

"I am. You've had me working on that graph for five hours."

L shoved a thumb into his mouth and picked some chocolate out of his teeth. "I have a bowling alley in the basement," he said suddenly.

Light lethargically swiveled his head around and crossed his arms. "Don't lie, bastard," he grunted.

"I just thought that Light-kun should know." L sat next to him and began memorizing the graph.

The team worked in silence for a little while after that, Light's curiosity and frustration building up in him:

_A bowling alley? Why would there be a bowling alley? He's such a liar, just look at him! He always acts so nonchalant about things, even when there's a crisis. Bowling alley…_

…_But what if there is one? What am I saying; I don't even like to bowl. It's so stupid, not to mention that one time when I was a kid…That was a disaster._

_But why does he have to lie like that? Is he testing me? I see him looking at me! I hope he knows I see him! I won't turn my head! His eyes are going to burn me!_

_STOP! Stop looking at me! Stop it before I rip your arm off! He's making me crazy! He's making me insane! This has to stop! I have to end this! Can I strangle him? No, Watari probably has a black belt. He'll break me in half._

_But why did he have to say that there is a bowling alley?! WHY? I won't give in! I won't surrender! NOT NOW!_

Finally, he boiled over:

"Why would you lie about something like that?!" he hissed quietly, fists clenching his hair and tugging on it.

"Hmm?" L asked, looking over from his computer with huge eyes.

"What the hell kind of freak lies about a bowling alley in the basement?! This is a high-security _skyscraper_ in the middle of a metropolitan area! Why would there be a bowling alley in the basement?" Light kept his voice low so as not to disturb the others.

L motioned for Matsuda to bring him another cup of coffee. "Because Light-kun likes to bowl," he said.

"No, I don't! You don't know that! You don't know anything about me! Shut up!"

"Light-kun-"

"Shut up!"

L just stared at Light for a few minutes before slurping up his coffee and going back to the computer. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Light straighten his clothes and flip his hair back.

_Light is so vain. I wish he'd stop flipping his hair every two seconds. It's so-_

…_There he goes again! The flip. Flip. Flip. It's out of his eyes! He can stop now! Flip. It's incessant!_

_He knows I lied about the bowling alley to see his reaction. I wanted to see how he would approach a blatant lie for my records, and he seemed to bottle it up and then explode quite violently. Up by-_

_Flip! Stop flipping the hair! It looks fine! Stop! Flip, there it goes again. And again! Can I cut it?! Can I cut it off? Then he'll be bald! Ha! Then he won't have anything to flip, will he?! He'll be BALD!_

"Can Light-kun pass my cherries?" L asked quietly.

Light slid the cherries over to L without a word and started up on another graph. He glanced over just as L popped a whole cherry, stem included, into his mouth and clenched his jaw when L took out a knotted stem.

_Ooo, isn't he cool! Ooo, I'm sooooo jealous that he can tie a cherry stem with his tongue! There he goes again! He always does that! Look at the way he sort of blinks when he's tying it! That's so irritating! If he thinks he's impressing me, it's not working! Because I've been with plenty of people who can tie stems and are horrible at everything else!_

_Eew! He spit the pit out onto the ground! Can't he at least put them on a napkin?! That's revolting! I hope it gets lodged into his foot when he stands up!_

"Ryuuzaki, can I have that paper back? I need to write some notes on it."

L handed Light the chocolate-smudged paper.

_Looks like Princess Light doesn't like that bit of chocolate on the paper. I'm so sorry, your highness! I bow before you, your highness! I'll try not to eat in front of you, your highness!_

_Why is he so disgusted with the chocolate? He's holding it so daintily! …Not that I don't, too, but still! His nose is wrinkled! I am not dirty! I am L!_

Light looked at L, who held his gaze steadily.

_Those black eyes. Is he even human? Is he a robot? Will he stop staring at me?!_

L stared._ He's flipping his hair again! He's doing it deliberately, I know it!_

Light bit his lip._ He lies about a bowling alley, knots the cherry stems, smudges the paper…_

…_flips his hair, acts like I am filthy, snaps at me…_

…_makes fun of me, embarrasses me in public…_

…_talks all the time, makes me feel awkward…_

…_hits me, kicks me, humiliates me…_

…_sends me to inappropriate websites, butchers my fish…_

…_doesn't appreciate my cooking, gets me drunk…_

…_hangs all over me, tears the blankets…_

…_tears the blankets, yells at me…_

…_yells at me, bites his lip like that…_

…_licks his lip like that…_

…_flips his hair, so confident with himself…_

…_knots those cherry stems so skillfully…_

"I will admit that Light-kun was right; there is no bowling alley."

"It's okay, I knew you were testing me."

L popped a cherry out into his mouth.

Light flipped his hair.

They got back to work.

------------------

A/N: "Minor annoyances," for sure! XD That was fun to write.

**L: "Please review! If I don't get reviews, I become boring."**

**Light: "And I become nice."**

…We don't want that, do we?

Up next: Fixing


	30. Sick

A/N: I totally changed the chapter on you guys! DX Sorriez!

**--**Sorry if the last couple of chapters haven't been quite up to par. I'm really overloaded right now. :'-(

------------------

"Ryuuzaki…"

"Hm." L had been asleep for the first time in over forty eight hours and resented being awoken because of some incessant whining like: "Ryuu, I have to go the bathroom!" or "Panda puff! Turn up the temperature in here!"

It was different this time: "Ryuuzaki, I don't feel well at all…"

L buried his face into his pillow for a few seconds before slowly sitting up and leaning over to address Light. The other boy was curled into a tiny ball on the far side of the bed.

"Light-kun needs (_yawn_) to move over here if he wants me to have a look at him," L mumbled.

"I don't want to move…"

"Very well. Goodnight."

Light whined in protest and flung a sweaty palm out to slap L's arm with. "Nooo…"

With a resigned sigh, L scooted over and forcibly turned Light onto his back. He was faced with a very pale, sweat-drenched, glaring teenage countenance and almost shrunk back in shock.

"…Light-kun is ill," he stammered, resting a hand on Light's forehead. "Matsuda must have given him the flu."

"Fix it!"

"I will not react to Light-kun's aggravation at this time because he is sick, but I _will_ suggest that he _keep quiet_."

Light snapped his mouth shut and tugged the blankets over his head. A muffled "fine!" came out from under the nest.

"Light-kun is a child when he is ill." L lugged himself out of bed, looked at the clock which proclaimed "4:00 AM," and went into the bathroom to find a thermometer. He came back in and pulled the blankets down gently to reveal Light's face.

"I don't want it," Light snapped. "I hate those."

"Light-kun will put this in his mouth."

"No. I'm sick; that's all we need to know."

"Either Light-kun will put this in his mouth or I will be forced to put this inside of him using the other method."

Light hurriedly opened his mouth and accepted the thermometer. L was tempted to pat Light on the head for good behavior, but thrust a hand into his own hair instead.

After they established that Light had a temperature of 101, L stood and stared down at his complaining roommate.

"I know that it is prudent to put a cold towel on the head of someone with the flu," the black-haired man said, thumb in mouth, "and that soup is good to serve..."

"Well, get me a cold towel and make me _soup!_"

"Light-kun is a dictator!"

With that, L set to work: He shuffled into the bathroom, retrieved the wet towel, and slapped it down onto Light's forehead. Then he went into the kitchen and whipped up some chicken soup from a can, following the directions precisely.

Light sat up shakily as L came in with the food.

"Does Light-kun want this on his lap?"

"I'll drop it."

"Does Light-kun want me to feed him?"

"No, absolutely not."

After several failed attempts to eat, Light conceded to have L feed him some of the soup, before his pride kicked in and he refused the rest of it.

"Brat," L muttered, grabbing a green bottle of medicine he had brought with him.

"Is that non-drowsy?"

"…Of course."

"Well, give me some!"

L grit his teeth together, reminded himself that Light wasn't in his right mind (not that he ever was), and poured the medicine out into the plastic cup. Light snatched it away from him and began to swallow it, but gagged and held it away from him.

"It tastes like chemicals!"

"Of course it does. It is composed of-"

Light held a hand up before L had time to ramble about the ingredients and downed the rest of the medicine in one gulp. "Please don't give me a chemistry lesson right now."

L huffed, placing the medicine on the nightstand and staring down at his suspect.

A moment went by.

"Are you just going to stare at me like that?" Light said tiredly, pulling the covers up to his chin.

"Yes."

"Stop."

"No. Up by two percent."

"Stop."

"Up by three percent."

Light groaned and burrowed completely under the covers, mumbling something about "panda puffs" and "thermometer insertion."

Though he felt a little bad about the lie concerning the "non-drowsy" medicine, L settled down and prepared himself for a few more hours of sleep.

He had no idea what was coming.

-------------

A/N: Short, I know. But I still like it! XD Next one is a whopper, so this is just a baby chapter!

**Please review! Or Light will come and order you around!** (sooo not a threat…)

Up next: I can't tell you! That'll ruin the last sentence of this chapter! XP


	31. Dentist

A/N: It's not as long as I had planned, thank God. XD

Thanks for reviewing, everyone!!!

--------------------

A few days later, after Light had recovered, L woke up to Light shaking him roughly and yelling _right in his ear_.

"Ryuuzaki, your phone's going off. Shut it up!"

"It seems Light-kun is feeling better today," L grumbled, plucking his phone up form the nightstand and flipping it open. "(_yawn_) Hello, Watari. Yes. A what? I refuse. No, I…No. I don't want to! Neither does he! No, I hate it. I hate it!"

L grimaced at what Watari was saying and his hand clenched the phone tightly. Impossible! This couldn't be happening, even Watari wasn't this cruel. But this, this was mortifying. It was hell.

Intrigued by L's terrified expression, Light listened closely and heard Watari scolding L on the other end:

"Now you listen to me, young man! You'll go and I don't want to hear another word about it!" the elderly man was saying.

"I don't want to!"

Light snickered and L reached out and pinched his face.

"Oww, Ryuuzaki! Your fingers are really strong from the way you hold things all the time!" Light hissed, cupping his cheek in his hand.

"Very well. Yes, ten minutes it is." L snapped his phone shut and threw it to the side, narrowly missing Light's head.

"What's wrong?" Light asked.

"Watari took the liberty of making us _dental_ appointments."

Light sat there on the bed, blinking at L for a moment, before smiling hugely. "That's what you're so upset about? Getting your teeth cleaned?" he teased.

"Yes."

"Widdle panda puffykins is afwaid of the big, bad dentist?"

"Does Light-kun want me to pinch him again?" came the controlled reply.

"No!"

Light pouted for a while as L got into his crouch and chewed on his thumb, apparently calculating something about the impending dental visit.

"I have an eighty two point one percent chance of having more than one cavity," L said suddenly, not moving from his position. "Light-kun has a two percent chance of having a single cavity."

"Does that make me Kira?"

L lowered his eyelids. "Does Light-kun _want_ that to make him Kira?"

"Do you have to answer everything with a question?"

"Does Light-kun want me to get that thermometer back out?"

Light ignored him and got up, tugging L into the bathroom to get primped.

"Light-kun! Don't touch my hair!"

"Hold still!"

Light finished getting ready and, after a few minutes of L glaring at the wall and Light glaring at L, the doorbell rang.

"Come on, Ryuuzaki."

L looked ready to cry as Light pulled him to the door by the chain. Right as Light went to open the door, L panicked and crouched down.

The teen was jerked back by the sudden weight and he whirled around with a glare.

"Ryuuzaki, move!"

"I refuse. This is completely unnecessary."

"No it's not! Your teeth are probably rotting all over the place!"

"That is _none_ of Light-kun's business."

"I'm never going to go anywhere near your mouth if you don't go!"

"Do I need to explain to Light-kun that that is an incentive for me _not_ to go?"

"Ryuuzaki!" came Watari's voice from outside the door. "If you go, I'll bring you cheesecake later on!"

"…Cheesecake," L muttered, eyes widening. "I enjoy cheesecake."

"Good, now can we go?" Light demanded.

"…Okay."

----------------

The car ride there was completely silent, and once Watari dropped them off in front of the building, L freaked out again and tried to run back to the car but the elder began to drive off.

"Dammit, Watari!" L yelled, stomping his foot on the ground.

The two saw Watari wave goodbye in his rearview mirror as he left them.

"You're a little pissed off tod,-" Light began, but L glared at Light, "um…never mind. Can we go inside, then?"

Without a word, L went storming (as much as he could storm with his characteristic shuffle) into the office. The door creaked loudly as he opened it and he recoiled at the distant sound of drills. Light came up behind L and pushed him in. "Will you just go?" he said loudly, blushing when he saw that there were many people in the waiting room, staring at the handcuffed pair.

L walked up to the counter to check in, oblivious to the looks they were receiving.

"Hideki Ryuga and Yagami Light are here," he mumbled.

The lady smiled hugely and handed them both clipboards with what looked like hundred-page forms fastened onto them.

"Here you are, sirs! Please take a seat and return those papers to me when you are finished!" she chirped, and L stared at her blankly before following Light to the chairs.

The people in the room - an old man, a young couple with three kids, a disgruntled teenage girl with her mother, and a middle-aged man – all stared in silence as L and Light sat down. Light looked at the table next to him and grinned when he saw a coffee pot and some foam cups on it. After pouring himself some, he turned toward L.

"Do you want coffee, Ryuuzaki?" he asked quietly.

"Yes."

Light handed it to L and began sipping his own drink down. L stared down at the black liquid for a moment before also drinking it, but he gagged suddenly and clawed at Light.

"There is no sugar in this!" he whispered fiercely.

"There's none on the table. Calm down."

Glaring at Light, L reached into his baggy pocket, procured several lint-covered sugar cubes and, much to Light's disgust, dumped them into his steaming coffee.

"That's gross, Ryuuzaki!" Light hissed, but L ignored him and attempted to stir the coffee with his finger, but Light swatted at him.

"Light-kun should not aggravate me at this extremely turbulent and intense time."

"…Turbulent?"

Receiving no response, Light threw his cup away and noticed the young couple across from them staring in horror at L. He looked over. L was just sitting in his usual pose, stirring coffee with his finger. Nothing strange.

Shooting a snotty look at the couple, Light snatched up his clipboard and began filling it out while L slurped down his drink. He flipped through the legal stuff rapidly, reading every bit of it, and filled out his information.

"Fill out your form," he nagged L.

L sighed and filled his out, Light grimacing at his sloppy handwriting.

"How are they going to read that scrawl?"

"My handwriting is efficient. Light-kun's handwriting is simply obsessively neat, like everything else about him."

Light scowled and obnoxiously slashed his pen around when writing his signature, accidentally losing control and ending it flying across the room toward the glaring teenage girl. She screamed and ducked and the pen lodged itself into the wall.

"Sorry!" Light said, jumping to his feet.

"Are you some kind of a maniac?!" the mother exclaimed, pulling the pen loose from the wall and tossing it back at Light.

Light caught it and sat back down quietly.

"Light-kun certainly knows how to make a fool of himself," L quipped.

"Shut up."

"Up by four percent for attempted homicide with a pen."

"Shut up."

After a while, they turned in their papers, sat back down, and one of the three little boys approached them.

"Are you the bad guy?" he asked L, who stared blankly at him with his wide, black eyes.

"No, I am," Light said, trying to stop the kid from provoking the testy L.

"But you don't look like a bad guy. He does, cause he looks creepy. Like a vampire."

"How did _you_ find out that I am a vampire?" L asked the kid suddenly, looming over the boy.

"Daddy!" the boy squealed, scurrying over to the young man with his wife who had been glaring at L earlier. "Daddy, that guy's a _vampire!_"

"Control over children's rudeness is essential to child rearing," L drawled at them, eyelids low.

"You keep away from my kids, pervert!" the woman snapped. The family then moved over to the other corner of the room, away from L and Light.

"Pervert?" L breathed, staring down at his sandaled feet.

"Well, I can't help but agree with her on that…" Light muttered.

"What did Light-kun say?"

"…Nothing. You're a little edgy right now. Why don't you calm down?"

"_Hideki Ryuga!_"

L jerked his head up at the shrill sound of the dentist's voice and fumbled around with his coffee for a moment.

"_Hideki Ryuga!_"

Light snatched the coffee out of L's hands and slammed it down on the table next to him. "Ryyu…ga, she's calling for you. You have to unlock us."

"That is what I'm doing, Yagami-kun!"

"Oh, so we're on a last-name basis now?" Light snapped as L took the chain off both of their wrists and shoved it into his pocket.

"..." L stood and shuffled over to the dentist, eyes downcast.

"Follow me, sir!"

Light snickered as L disappeared down the hallway and he poured himself another cup of coffee.

He was glad that he wasn't that dentist.

------------------

"Please, sir. You must sit down."

"I had no intention of coming here. I was forced."

"That's fine, sir, now please sit down."

L's eyes bugged out when the woman began preparing the tools for his teeth. "I…do not feel well…"

"Sit!"

L sat.

The woman, composing herself and bringing the smile back to her face, lowered his seat back and leaned over him. "Open wiiiide," she sang.

L opened his mouth and her face contorted in shock for a moment before she looked away.

"Sir…do you _brush_ regularly?" she choked out.

"…I try to." L felt like a child trying to lie his way out of this.

With a sigh, she grabbed her tools and set to work.

----------------

Meanwhile, Light had been called into the room across from L's and he stood, arms crossed, waiting for the young hygienist to get his act together.

The man fumbled around with his tools, throwing them out haphazardly on the tray, and Light couldn't stop himself from commenting:

"Are those _sanitary?_"

The man looked up jerkily. "I believe so," he replied.

"Are you certain?"

"Fairly."

"…I suppose that'll have to do."

After an awkward pause, the man gestured for Light to sit down and he began scraping away at the teen's teeth.

"So. Have you been on any vacations lately?"

Light closed his eyes. _Doe he honestly think I can answer him while he's got his hands in my mouth?_

"Sir?" the guy asked, with a nervous chuckle. "Sir, did you hear me?"

Light nodded, eyes still closed.

"Um…so? Have you?"

Light shook his head.

"Where do you go to college?"

At this point, the caramel-eyed boy decided to just ignore the man and he didn't respond at all.

The scraping got a little rougher.

--------------------

"Sir, you have five cavities."

L let out a little noise of shock and shoved a thumb into his mouth unconsciously.

The woman stared down at him, brow furrowed. "Sir, do you do that often?" she asked.

"What?"

"…Suck your thumb."

"No." L said quickly, pulling the digit out of his mouth.

"Hmm…Anyway, we're going to have to take care of as least two those cavities. I can do it today, if you'd like. If I don't get to it soon, you will start showing signs of tooth decay."

"Tooth decay?"

"Yes."

"…Fine. Fill the cavities."

--------------------

Light yelped when the man slipped and punctured his gums.

"Ouch!" he exclaimed, sitting up and glaring. "I'm _bleeding!_ You made me _bleed!_ _Un_believable!"

"I-I'm sorry, sir…"

Light scowled. "Just don't let it happen again!" he barked.

The man swallowed and grabbed his metal tool a little tighter. "Y-yes, sir."

--------------------

L was sweating through the seat when the dentist came in with her syringe. He clenched the armrests nervously.

"Open up," she said.

He slowly opened his mouth, jaw quivering…

--------------------

Light screamed when the man accidentally sprayed him in the face with the rinsing device.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! My hair! You _drenched_ my hair, you incompetent moron!"

"…You think _that_ is drenched, sir…?"

--------------------

L and Light smashed into each other when they both went walking out of their rooms at the same time. Light was soaked and L's face was swollen on one side.

They stared at each other for a moment before storming out of the building side by side.

"You had cavities, didn't you Ryuuzaki?" Light asked.

L nodded, tenderly touching his cheek. "What happened to Light-kun?"

"The hygienist taught me the true meaning of the word _drenched_."

"Ah. Shall I call Watari?"

"Yes."

When Watari picked them up, he glanced at L for a moment. "Would you require anything to eat, Ryuuzaki?" he asked.

"Something loaded with sugar," the detective grumbled.

"You never learn, do you panda puff?" Light asked, climbing into the car.

"Neither does Light-kun, as he gets into fights with everyone he encounters."

They rode in silence for a while before something occurred to L.

"By the way, is Light-kun still frightened of coming near my mouth?"

"…Not as much, but I still wouldn't go anywhere near your _body_."

L pinched him.

---------------

A/N: Well, that was fun. XD Dentist idea from **DoYouFindMeDreadful**. Thankies!!

--I am now officially taking ideas for this story! Suggestions encouraged!

--If you guys are looking for a TON of DN doujinshi, go to my profile & click on the link to it. ;-D I dug up a pretty awesome page.

**L: "Please review! Or I'll pinch you."**

**Light: "It hurts, trust me."**

Up next: Gardening


	32. Gardening

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!!

----------------

L and Light were seated at their table, Light eating some ramen and L with a slice of cheesecake.

"Will Light-kun stop _slurping_ his ramen?" L asked tiredly.

"…I guess," Light replied, heaving a sigh. "I didn't know I was being loud."

"Light-kun is always loud."

"I am not!" Light snapped.

"Light-kun is proving my point."

Silence.

"Go to hell, Ryuuzaki."

"No." L chomped into his cake and stared over at Light dully.

Light scowled and flung a noodle over at L's face with his chopstick, but he missed and it hit the wall.

_Schlap!_

L turned to look at the noodle. "Good job. Light-kun should be on an archery team with his impeccable aim."

Light buried his face in his hands for a moment before standing up and stomping over to the noodle to get it off of the wall. He peeled it off and put it in L's hair, then turned back to wipe off the sauce.

"You know Ryuuzaki, this beige color is pretty boring," Light criticized, stepping back to take a good look at the wall. "Actually, this whole place is rather dull."

L plucked the noodle out of his hair and flung it around so it stuck on Light's ass. "I agree," he mumbled through his cake. "Would Light-kun like to liven up the place?"

"Yes. Maybe…an indoor garden?" Light took the noodle off and draped it over L's cake.

L raised an eyebrow. "Where would we put it?" he asked.

"We could have it in one of those glass cases they come in…over there next to the window," Light said, pointing.

"What flower colors would Light-kun like?"

"Well-"

"Besides pink."

-----------------

They had Watari bring in a glass case about the size of the fish tank, some soil, and what looked like half of a nursery's stock of flowers. Once the elderly man left, L and Light stared at each other.

"Get to work, Light-kun."

"What? You're helping me, right?"

"Why should I?"

Light rolled his eyes. "You may as well, seeing as we're _chained_ together," he said.

L lowered his eyelids just slightly and Light knew he was coming up with a percentage of something ridiculous, like Light wanting to plant flowers made him Kira by fifty percent.

"You can't come up with anything, can you?" Light smirked.

L jerked his head up. "What?"

Light pulled L toward the bags of soil. "You can't come up with a reason why you shouldn't plant flowers with me, _and_ you can't figure out one of your stupid percentages because I'm totally innocent right now."

L glowered. "I should not plant flowers with Light-kun because bonding with him is unwise," he mumbled, but quieted when Light handed him a bag of soil.

"You lose, therefore you dump the soil."

"I didn't know Light-kun was competing with me," L said, pouring the dirt in anyway.

Light reached in and started fussing with the soil, trying to make it even as L haphazardly emptied the bags.

"Ryuuzaki! You're being careless!"

L stepped back and watched as Light tried to level the dirt, then he turned and picked up one of the plants.

"Light-kun needs to move so I can plant this flower."

"We should map out where we're going to plant them first. Don't just plant them willy-nilly."

"Move." L shoved Light to the side, tired of his nonsense, and removed the flower from its plastic container. He hunched down and planted it without a word.

Light glared at L's back. "Fine, you know what? You take that half of the container, and I'll take the other half," he said firmly.

L turned around and locked gazes with Light. "Very well. If Light-kun wants separation, then he shall get it."

"I do!"

"Fine!"

They both set to work; digging, arranging, and planting for over an hour until Light started getting antsy because of their tense silence.

"Where's my iPod?" he demanded.

"I do not keep track of Light-kun's possessions."

"Yes you do."

"…It's on the coffee table."

Light turned around and dug through L's trash on the table and found his iPod under it, smeared with cake icing. Wrinkling his nose, he went over to L and used the detective's shirt to wipe off the frosting.

"If Light-kun is attempting to disrobe me, then it's not working," L drawled, shoving another plant into his half of the glass container.

"No, I just don't want your panda gunk all over my iPod."

After a few minutes, L heard singing coming from his roommate.

"…_girsu just wanna have-u fu-un…hmmm…girsu…"_

Not thinking twice, L yanked the iPod away from Light and threw it over onto the couch. "Light-kun will not sing." he said.

"You're so _mean_ to me!"

"And Light-kun tortures me with his voice."

Light huffed and planted up the last of his flowers. L finished soon after.

They stood back and looked at it. One half had the flowers perfectly aligned, alternating colors and when L looked closely, he could see that Light had made a pink heart shape in the center.

On L's half flowers were scattered, not coordinated, and looked wild.

There was a gaping line of unused dirt down the center.

"Why did Light-kun make a heart? It looks ridiculous," L said.

Light crossed his arms. "Well, I sure as hell didn't make it for you!" he snapped.

L wondered if he had said the wrong thing.

---------------------

A/N: Poor Light.

That was fun to write. XD Lotsa fun. I'm on a writing spree.

--Note: The garden: It sorta looks like a fish tank, just with plants. Not fish.

**What the hell is Light singing this time?** "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," by Cyndi Lauper. DoYouFindMeDreadful suggested this. ;-D

**Please review! Or Light will fling a noodle at you!**

Up next: Dancing


	33. Dancing

A/N: Thanks for reviewing, guys!!! XD

----------------

"_Like a virgin!_"

L cocked his head to the side as he stepped out of the shower. He was fairly certain that that wasn't Light's voice, so at least his roommate wasn't singing again…

"…_touched for the very first ti-ime!_"

The rapid thumping of footsteps was coming from the other room. _I hope Light isn't exercising again…_

Grabbing the handcuff from the counter and pulling on his jeans (deciding to get back to his shirt and underwear later), L walked into the living room and blinked a few times when he saw what Light was doing:

The teen was gyrating his hips and throwing his arms around haphazardly, wearing a too-small t-shirt and some torn jean shorts.

"Is Kira killing you?!" L yelled, running over to Light and gripping the younger male around the shoulders. "Light! Light, are you okay?!"

Light stopped moving around and blinked at L, surprised that the oddball detective had dropped his strange speech patterns and was _yelling_ at him. "What…?"

"Are you okay? I have to…I have to…," L mumbled, letting go of Light and rushing over to the phone. "…Call an ambul-"

Light shut off the music he had been playing on L's laptop and shook his head. "Ryuuzaki, I'm fine. Calm down."

L, clutching the phone in one hand, whirled around. "You're fine?" he asked, out of breath.

"I was dancing."

There was a beat in which L, breathing raggedly, stared at Light in disbelief.

"I was just dancing," Light repeated, adjusting his shirt absentmindedly. "Ah...sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I hope you're not pissed off…"

L slammed the phone back on the receiver and slowly walked over to Light. His posture was more upright than usual as he stared into the teen's eyes for a long moment before stepping forward and embracing him.

"You're fine," L whispered.

Light tensed up and felt the quickened beat of L's heart against his chest. Tentatively, he wrapped and arm around L and leaned his head on the bony shoulder. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm just a really bad dancer, I guess."

L gave Light one last squeeze and stood back with a sigh. "Yes, Light-kun is a horrible dancer."

Light grinned, relieved to see L acting normally once again. "Care to join me?"

"Absolutely not."

The murder suspect snorted and turned his music back on.

"_Like a viiiirgin! Oh!_"

"Light-kun! Turn that down."

"No!" Light moved back to the middle of the room and began dancing again. He moved his ass around and sort of wiggled completely out of time with the beat.

"Well, will Light-kun _please_ change out of those denim shorts?!" L called over the pulsing song. This earned him a little shake in his direction.

"Light-kun is going to be the death of me!"

"Come on, Ryuuzaki!" Light moved over to L, wrapped his arms around the detective's long neck and commenced to grind against L's leg.

"Light-kun!" L exclaimed, shoving Light away from him. "Stop that."

"Okay, fine." Light moved back to his little dance floor. "It's not my fault I'm a better dancer than you. You don't have to be _jealous_, you know."

"I am jealous neither of Light-kun's mediocre dancing abilities nor of his skimpy, revealing clothing." _Which I wish he wouldn't wear…_

"Whatever." Light smiled when the next song came on:

"_First I was afraid, I was petrified…_"

L bent down to pick up the cuffs he had dropped in his earlier panic, but felt a hand on his arm. Before he could register what was happening, he was being spun around and dipped down in Light's arms.

"_I will survive!_"

L's head flung back, and for a second everything was upside-down and he felt his stomach dancing around at a much faster pace than him.

"_Oh, as long as I know how to love…_"

"Don't you _love_ this song?"

L grunted a "No" when he was pulled upright again and twirled to the side.

Light snickered and flung L around some more. "Looks like panda puff's got two left feet!" he said when L tripped.

"Dammit, Light-kun!"

Now, Light knew that when the dreaded "Dammit, Light-kun!" came out of L's mouth, it meant that he was big trouble. In a panic, he suddenly let go of L's arm in mid-swing and the detective went flying. L stumbled, lurching forward and stepped right on a mini garden rake they had gotten for their flowers, effectively bruising his left shin. With a cry of pain, he tripped again and his momentum sent him crashing into the wall.

"Oops."

Light watched as L slowly picked himself up and came stalking toward him.

"Light-kun has caused be great physical and emotional anguish today," L ground out.

A new song came on.

"_Shake your bon bon, shake your bon bon…_"

"Light-kun made me think he was dying, then he did an inappropriate and stimulating dance, and commenced to twirl me into a wall."

"Who am I stimulating?" Light challenged, crossing his arms.

"Everyone!"

"There's no one in here but _you_, panda puff!"

"Well, then Light Bright is stimulating _me_, isn't he?"

"Well, I must be!"

"_Shake your bon bon…_"

"What brilliant powers of drawing conclusions Light-kun has! I am amazed!"

"Sarcasm doesn't really _suit_ you, Ryuuzaki."

Another song came on:

"_Ice cream and cake! Ice cream and cake!_"

"Light-kun is a brat! He is promiscuous, irritating, egotistical, a perfectionist, loud, shameless, and demanding! He will turn his music off and return my laptop to me before I am tempted to deal with him in a physically violent manner!"

Light walked over and closed L's laptop quietly. He unplugged it from the speakers and handed it to L without a word.

L snatched it away.

"You don't have to be so mean…"

The black-haired man looked up and began to see The Pout forming. "Light-kun-"

"I'm not…like that…"

"Of course not. I was just angry."

"But you said I was…all those things." The Pout was in its complete stage: wide eyes, hands behind back, down-turned mouth…

L took a deep breath and wondered just _how_ Light was able to make him furious one moment and guilty (though he hated to admit it) the next. He decided to just get it over with: "Ah…I…am remorseful for my verbal outbursts and…um…for threatening Light-kun's bodily well-being," he mumbled. "How can I make it up to him?"

Light perked up immediately. "I want a nice meal," he said. "A _nice_ one. Not one made by Watari; I want to go to a restaurant. Then maybe I'll forgive you for your grievances against me."

"Light-kun will receive his meal and he will not use this against me." With that, L went shuffling out of the room, laptop clutched to his chest and a cloud over his head. "I need to put the remainder of my clothing on."

Light smirked. _He's too easy to play. Maybe I should act like he insults me more often._

"Light-kun certainly recovered from his emotional trauma in an expedited manner!" came a yell from the other room.

Light rolled his eyes.

"Ed-ike a virrrgin-u…touche-d for za very first tiiiime-" 

-------------------

A/N: Whee! It's Light Guilt Trip Time!!! XD Fun. I was thinking of how to get L to voluntarily dance, but then when I wrote it, it went past even _my_ boundaries of OOC…

Note: Songs not misspelled by Light's accent are ones he's dancing to; he is only singing the very last line.

**What the hell songs are those?**

- "Like A Virgin" by Madonna, at the beginning and then sung by Light at the end. Draw your own conclusions. ;-)

- "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor

- "Shake Your Bon Bon" by Ricky Martin

- "Ice Cream and Cake" by Buckwheat Boyz

**Please review! Or Light will come and dance in your house!**

Up next: Restaurant


	34. Restaurant

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!! XD

---------------

"Where are we going?"

No response.

"Is it expensive? It had better be to make up for-"

"Light-kun is absolutely despicable."

"…I expect dessert."

---------------

Once Watari had dropped them off, L (in his usual jeans and a button-up shirt Light had forced him to wear) walked up to the host and grumbled something.

"What was that, sir?" the man said, peering down at L over his long nose.

"We have reservations."

"Name?"

"Hideki Ryuga."

The man took another look at L, who was slouched there, with Light next to him blinking hugely at everything. "You share the same name with the idol, sir?" he asked, grabbing a couple of menus and leading them to a table in the corner.

"Unfortunately," L responded. He clenched his jaw when Light stepped on the heel of his shoe.

"Sorry!"

"Your waitress will be with you in a moment."

L sat down next to the wall so he could see everything going on in the restaurant and rested a hand briefly on the handcuffs in his pocket. "If Light-kun tries to make a break for it," he said quietly, "I will not hesitate to strangle him with-"

"Will you _stop?_" Light snapped. At L's silence, he rolled his eyes and looked around the room to scope out any potential gossip victims. There was nothing –_nothing_- but couples in the restaurant, Light noticed immediately, and his eyes shifted over to the normally-sitting but still odd detective next to him.

"Light-kun shouldn't crane his neck around to stare at others."

"Well, don't _watch_ my neck."

L watched as Light deliberately turned around again and he shoved a thumb into his mouth. _If Light wanted to come here to escape me –52 percent chance of that being true- then he has a higher risk of being caught. Kira wouldn't want to cause a scene. But he may have brought me here to force me to sit normally and weaken my deduction skills…Such a clever mastermind would surely think of a way to-_

"Look at this candle…" Light blew at the candle on their table lightly. "I like candles…"

_He's acting clueless to throw me off! He really does have this thought out. Candles, really!_

Light opened his menu and glanced at it for a few seconds, eyes moving rapidly from side to side, before closing it and setting it back down. "I'm getting lobster. Do you want an appetizer?" he said.

L just stared blankly at him.

Light sighed and leaned forward. "Ryuuzaki, come back to Earth, just for a few hours."

L blinked and looked up. "I heard Light-kun!" he said loudly. A few of the couples around them stared.

"What did I say?"

"Light-kun is getting lobster. And no, I do not want an appetizer." L opened the menu for a split second and looked at it. "I have come to a decision."

"That's great, Ryuuzaki, but our waitress hasn't come yet," Light said, looking around again. "It's been a little while now. Why don't you go tell the host?"

"I do not want to. We will wait," L said.

"Hello, sirs," came a sudden voice, and the two looked up to see a young woman smiling down at them.

Light grinned back. "Hello."

L grunted.

"Sorry for the delay. What can I start you off with…?"

"Water," they said simultaneously.

The girl raised an eyebrow. "Very well. And would you two like any appetizers to start with?"

"No," L said firmly.

"_I_ would like something, Ryuga," Light said, tense.

"Light-kun does not require appetizers."

"Yes I do. Don't make a scene."

"I am afraid Light-kun's thighs are begging him not to order the appetizer."

Mortified, Light turned back to the waitress and shook his head. "I'll…pass on the appetizer."

"I'll go get you your water, then." The girl walked away, biting her lip in an obvious attempt not to burst out laughing.

Light leaned forward and L flinched a bit.

"What the hell was that? Are you _trying_ to embarrass me into my grave? And my thighs," Light said quietly, "are just fine."

L couldn't help but lean backwards a bit more. "I was being honest," he defended.

"I'm going to _crush_ your little panda face once we get out of here."

"Here is your water."

Light leaned back and shot the girl another fake smile. "Thank you."

L, eyes wide and hands sweaty, just grabbed his glass and downed half of it.

"And what will you be having tonight?" the waitress asked, staring at L in confusion.

L slammed his glass down and handed the waitress the menu. "I will have the mixed tempura. And _he_," he gestured at Light, "will have the lobster. Light on the sauce, well cooked."

The waitress took Light's menu and smiled at the teen. "I wish _my_ boyfriend would order for me," she said wistfully, walking off.

Light and L just stared in silence for a moment.

"…What did she say, Ryuuzaki?"

"I'm…not sure, Light-kun."

"Excuse me sirs."

They looked up and saw a middle-aged woman beaming down at them.

"Yes?" Light said.

"In honor of our couples' night, we have randomly selected a pair to get serenaded by acclaimed pop star…"

_Couples' night?_ L thought. _Dammit, Watari!_

"…if you would accept this?"

"Okay."

L blinked. What had Light said?

"Wonderful. It'll be in about thirty minutes." She walked off.

"Light-kun!"

"Hmm?"

"I don't want to be serenaded! And we are not a couple!"

Light rested his head on his hand. "I know. I just thought it would be fun. Besides, you owe me for saying that about my thighs," he said.

L heaved a sigh and leaned back in his chair. "If I tell Light-kun that he has…_fetching_ thighs, then will he call off the pop star?"

"No, but it'll make me feel better about my outward appearance. You've made me all self-conscious…"

L waved the waitress over and ordered himself some wine.

--------------

"…So then I said to him that I didn't want to tell him what she said that she heard about him, and he said to me to tell her that her friend could tell him later! Isn't that _strange?_"

L was on his third glass by now and was still waiting for their food to come while Light babbled on about something.

"But her clothes were so _ugly_ that I couldn't help but say something. I mean, when you're trying to get together with someone, you don't wear that! You have to show a little skin!"  
L took another huge gulp and ran a hand through his hair.

"And _she_ told _me_ that I'm ugly! Unbelievable! I'm not ugly! Everyone always tells me I'm ugly! I mean, I give my appearance a lot of consideration, but…I just don't really…Maybe I can do something different. But calling me _ugly_…Do you think I am?" Light asked, looking over at L expectantly.

L set his glass down. "What?" he said.

"Do you think so?"

_I didn't hear him…I don't want him to threaten me again. I believe he was talking about how one must expose some skin to be attractive._

"Yes, I agree completely."

Light's eyes bugged out and he leaned back. "What?"

"I agree." L bit his tongue and shifted around a bit. _Light doesn't seem too happy about that answer…_

"You…really agree?"

"Ah, well…," L decided to alter his answer a bit, "It depends on the circumstances. One day it's good, another it's unpleasant. Does that offend Light-kun?"

Light brought a hand up to his face. "Um, I…guess not. I asked you, so…you're just being honest, right?" He looked down at his lap, brow furrowed.

_Why is he upset? What did he ask me? I can't ask him, or he'll be angry with me._ Deciding that he would rather keep Light how he was presently than have him be angry, L quieted and took another sip of wine.

Suddenly, they heard music start and the lights darkened. A young man in a suit walked up next to their table and brought a microphone up to his mouth.

"This song is dedicated to…what are your names?" he said cheerily, holding the microphone up to Light.

"Light," he said quietly, still thrown off over the "ugly" discussion.

"Ryuga," L grunted.

The man smiled and began singing loudly. All eyes were either on him or were staring oddly at L and Light.

Light, who normally would be loving the attention, was attempting to cover up his (apparently unattractive) face in any way he could. He settled for pretending to wipe his mouth with his napkin for an extended period of time. L looked over at him and tried to understand what the teen was doing, but came up with nothing.

"…_my loooooooove…"_

The song ended and everyone clapped politely as the lights came back on. The man leaned down and spoke into Light's ear.

"I'd love to show you a few singing techniques later, if you're interested," he whispered.

Light's eyes widened a bit. "Umm, I-"

"Please remove yourself from our presence," a voice cut in.

Light looked up. It was L, and he looked very offended.

The man scoffed and leaned back down to tell Light something else. L watched this in disbelief, clenching a hand around the seat of his chair.

…But it was when the man reached up and brushed a hair out of Light's face and Light _smiled_ that L decided he had to take action. He stood up, straightening to full height, and glowered down at the singer. "If you do not leave immediately, I will have to use physical force to remove you."

The man stood and backed away a little bit. "Okay, okay, buddy. You don't have to be all crazy about it…" he said. With that, the man pushed his way into the back of the restaurant and disappeared.

L sat back down and regained his trademark glazed expression. "Light-kun is excessively responsive to outside stimuli," he said dryly, as if he hadn't just threatened someone.

"Well Ryuuzaki, in case you need reminding, we are not together. Therefore, you do not need to protect me from outside stimuli." Light sighed. "You just blew my chances with a pop idol."

"And Light-kun is currently blowing his chances with the world's top three detectives."

"Here's your food! Sorry for the wait."

Light leaned back as his lobster was placed in front of him. "Well, maybe I don't _care_ about detectives," he said snappishly.

L inspected his tempura and began picking at it, not responding.

"Will you eat with your chopsticks?" Light asked, not waiting for an answer and shoving them into L's hand.

"Only if Light-kun eats with his."

"I can't eat lobster with chopsticks."

"Then I cannot eat tempura with chopsticks."

"Fine."

"Fine."

They both dug into their food, finishing it quickly and silently shooting glares at one another all the while. The waitress came and took their dishes away and handed them a dessert menu.

"What should we get?" Light pondered, purposely holding the menu our of L's reach.

"Give me the menu."

Light lazily looked at the menu, still not letting L get a hold of it.

"I know very well that Light-kun has memorized the menu by now."

Light rolled his eyes and finally relinquished it to L, who grabbed it and swept his eyes over it once.

"I want the apple tart," Light said.

L looked up. "Light-kun knows that I am not fond of the apple tart."

"Well, that's what I want. And it would be silly for us to get _two_ desserts."

"…But I want the cake."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

The waitress came over in the middle of their bickering and asked them what they wanted.

L, with a heavy sigh, handed her the menu. "We'll have the apple tart," he mumbled.

"No, make that the chocolate cake," Light said to her.

"The cake it is," she said, walking away.

L blinked slowly at Light. "Light-kun is going to use this to get something else out of me," he said suspiciously.

"No. I'm just being nice."

"Light-kun is never nice."

"So I'm ugly _and_ mean?" Light asked with a little sigh.

"When did I ever say that Light-kun is ugly?"

"Earlier. I asked you if you thought so, and you said that you _agreed completely,_" Light said.

"I do not think Light-kun is ugly," L responded quickly. "I suppose I misheard him."

"Oh." Light leaned back and crossed his arms. "…Okay, then."

The waitress came by with the cake and L grabbed the fork and dug in, thankful to have something to stop the awkward conversation. "Does Light-kun want some?" L asked, mouth full. Unexpectedly, a spit-soaked crumb of cake flew out of L's mouth and landed right on Light's nose.

"Oh, _gross!_" Light hurriedly wiped his nose clean and stared disgustedly at L.

"Sorry. It seems Light-kun's long nose was the target of my cake."

"My nose isn't _long!_ At least it isn't curved up like yours!" Light made a curve gesture in the air but stopped when he noticed several people staring at him.

L held his fork out again. "Cake?" he asked.

"No, _thank you_."

L shrugged and ate it, dropping a little bit on the shirt he was wearing.

"My shirt!" Light exclaimed. "Ryuuzaki, that's not one of your old rags you're wearing! That is an expensive designer shirt!"

Tired of hearing Light's complaints, L decided to use his trump card: "Up by five percent."

"What did I do?!"

"Light-kun is being annoying and is obviously trying to make me lose my temper. Every time he complains, the percentage will go up," L proclaimed, mouth full.

"That's not fair at-"

"Five percent."

Light crossed his legs with a huff and looked away from his companion.

L finished his cake and the waitress took his plate away. He and Light sat quietly for a while, waiting for their bill.

"Do you find it a bit awkward that everyone around us is kissing?" Light asked finally.

L looked around. Everyone around them was, indeed, kissing. He shrugged.

"I just think it's awkward, is all."

Their bill came and they both grabbed it at the same time. Thus began a tug-of-war over the check, both holding opposite ends of the leather case.

"Let me pay for my half, Ryuuzaki."

"Didn't Light-kun want to be taken out? That includes me paying for him."

"No, I just wanted your company."

"Light-kun does not like my company."

"Yes, I do."

"Give me the bill."

"No. I want to see how much my lobster was!"

"Light-kun is forgetting that I am a multi-millionaire and can _take care of it!_"

"Don't treat me like some penniless damsel!"

"Stop acting like one!"

"Go to hell!"

With an especially hard tug, Light wrenched the bill free from L's hands. It fell to the side and knocked the candle over, setting the tablecloth on fire.

---------------

"Light-kun?"

"…Yes?"

"I hope Light-kun doesn't mind that I am paying for the damages to the restaurant. Or does he want to pay for half?"

"…No, I'll let you take care of it this time."

--------------

A/N: Poor guys.

**Please review! Or L will spit a crumb on your nose!**

Up next: I haven't decided yet. :-)


	35. Laundry

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!! XD

L looked around the bedroom and noticed something:

It was filthy.

"Will Light-kun clean up?" he called loudly.

"Ryuuzaki, you know I'm on my way into the bath!"

"Will Light-kun postpone his three-hour vanity spree to clean the bedroom for the betterment of the both of us?"

Light stuck his head out of the bathroom door. He was wearing a light pink shower cap. "Dammit, Ryuuzaki! Just clean the room yourself!" he snapped.

L shoved his hands in his pockets and slouched over to where Light was peeking out.

"I am willing to make a deal with Light-kun."

"What?"

"If Light-kun cleans now, then I will send him on a vacation."

Light raised an eyebrow. "…Where to?" he asked.

"Wherever he wants," L said smoothly.

The teen narrowed his eyes for a moment and L knew that Light was looking for any loopholes in his proposition. "Well," he said, "you said you'd _send_ me on a trip."

L nodded.

"I want you to _take_ me on a trip."

"…That's pushing it, Light-kun," L muttered.

"Pleeeease?" Light unleashed the puppy-dog eyes.

L stared back down at Light with an equally intense gaze.

They stared. And stared some more.

"Fine!" L finally exclaimed, breaking under the pressure and stomping his foot.

"Ryuuzaki, did you just stomp-"

L interrupted him. "Light-kun will wipe that smile off of his face and start cleaning before I inflict pain upon him!"

"You always say that but you never follow up on it!" Light shot back.

Letting his temper get the best of him, L reached out and pinched Light's nose in between his thumb and index finger.

"Ow! Ouch! Ryuuzaki, let _go!_"

L wrenched his arm up, pulling Light's face up with it. "It seems Light-kun's long nose has attracted my fingers," he said, smug.

"It's not- Ow! Let go!" Since Light had only been peeking out of the door, L had no clue about his roommate's state of dress. With one more sharp tug, L pulled Light out from behind the door and the younger man went sprawling on top of him.

L landed flat on his back with an "Oof!" and blinked up to see Light –a very naked Light- glaring down at him.

"Light-kun is without clothing!"

"Good deduction, _genius!_" Light yelled, climbing off of L and cupping his red nose in his hand.

L sat up with him and got an eyeful of something he hadn't intended on seeing that day, if ever. "Light-kun! _Cover up!_" He got on his knees, pushed Light into the bathroom, and slammed the door shut. "Stay in there and bathe! The deal is off; I'm going to clean!"

"But, what about our trip…?"

No answer. L, resolved to tidy up by himself, walked away from the bathroom and faced their bedroom again. Now…How did one go about cleaning up…?

_I've seen Light do it a thousand times! The clothing…I must pick up the clothing and give it to Watari to be washed…Oh, but I sent Watari out to pick up some cake for me. I certainly don't want to just leave it down there for him like he's a servant. Perhaps…I can wash these articles of clothing myself? Yes! That is what I will do._

With that, L found a laundry basket in the closet and threw all of the dirty clothes in it. He found himself beginning to hum, but then reminded himself that he was not simple-minded like Light.

Grunting, L lifted the ugly wicker basket up. "Light-kun!" he yelled.

"Yeah?" came the muffled reply.

"I am going to partake in the chore of washing these clothes! I am locking Light-kun in the apartment and I trust that I do not need to remind him that there are cameras on him at all times!"

"Alright, whaaatever. If you want so badly to watch me in the bath, that's your own business. I'll be sure to give you a good show."

L sighed and took the basket downstairs to the laundry room, tripping a few times on the way. Once in there, he set the hamper down on the ground and stared at it.

_Watari never taught me how to do this…_

He decided that it would be logical to divide clothing based on wearer , therefore preventing the unnecessary spread of any germs. He dug around for Light's clothing, which was relatively easy to pick out because of its brightness, and threw it to the side.

A pink shirt, a red shirt, a bright sea-green tank top, those annoying little denim shorts, several pairs of khaki pants, a few different styles of brightly-colored underwear, and…

…There they were!

_Success!_ L thought, holding up the little blue athletic shorts Light liked to taunt him in. _I shall rid myself of these once and for all!_ He looked around to find where he could stash them, but couldn't think of anything and decided to crumple them up and stuff them in his baggy pocket.

With a little smirk, L kicked his laundry to the side and threw Light's into the washer. He glanced over the many buttons and switches and figured out how to turn it on easily enough. Then he opened the cupboard next to the machine and looked for some detergent.

_Dark, Super Dark, Light, Extra Strength, Double Mega Strength, Triple Protection, Bleach…_

Deciding on the "Double Mega Strength," L grabbed it, measured out the correct amount, and poured it into the washer. Then he closed the lid.

He waited.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Meanwhile, Light was enjoying his bath. He had found a rubber duck under the sink next to the bubble liquid and was twirling it around in the tub.

"I hate ducks," he muttered. He gave it a squeeze.

"_You're my favorite bath time buddy!"_

Light screamed when the duck's little voice came on, but gathered himself and cleared his throat. "Dammit, why do they make toys like this?"

He squeezed it again.

"_My playtime pals love to bathe with you!"_

"What playtime pals?" Light grumbled. He squeezed it again.

"_You've been a naughty boy, Light! Don't touch Ryuuzaki's things!"_

With a little yelp, Light threw the toy out of the tub and it went sliding to the far end of the room.

"_I'm up for anything. Get ready, lover boy!"_

"Shut _up!_" Light yelled. Apparently L had gotten a personalized duck toy for his amusement, but Light wasn't very amused at all.

"_What position do you want it in?"_

"I have to silence it!" Light went splashing out of the bathtub and walked over to the toy.

"_Up by five percent, Light!"_

Light stomped down on the toy's head and its voice became warped and gave out. He leaned against the wall, out of breath.

_Damn Ryuuzaki and his quirks!_

"Damn Light and his colorful clothing!"

L held up a ruined once-pink shirt and, in a panic, fished through the rest of the dried, shrunken laundry. Defeated, L shoved the ruined clothes into the basket and stomped upstairs with them. He opened the door and saw Light sitting on the couch with the remnants of something yellow next to him.

"I did Light-kun's laundry."

Light went over to inspect it and let out a little shriek when he saw the state his clothing was in. "Ryuuzaki! You murdered my clothes!"

L hunched down a bit more. "I apologize, Light-kun. I waited for two hours down there and it did not come out the way I had envisioned," he said sheepishly.

Light sighed and crossed his arms. "Well, you owe me a trip to make up for this."

But L ignored him. "Light-kun! My duck!"

Light spun around when L went rushing over to the duck. "It wouldn't shut up, so I silenced it."

"Light-kun _smashed_ my duck! He _crushed_ it!" L complained, inspecting the damage. "I had that personalized!"

"I know. Sorry."

The two glared at one another for a little while before Light gave up under L's furious look.

"How can I make it up to you?" the teen asked quietly.

"Light-kun can finish cleaning the bedroom."

"…Fine."

L pointed down the hall. "Go, before I put the chain back on," he ordered.

Light, wondering how he got suckered into this, dragged himself into the bedroom.

Later on, L watched the footage of Light in the time he had left the suspect alone. He sent the duck clip to Mello for the blonde's collection of Light-blackmail.

A/N: There you have it. What it is, I don't know. But there you go.

So, how do you guys feel about the "trip" idea? I have it (half-assed) outlined if you want me to do it.

**MiaoShou** gets credit for the "laundry" idea. :-) Thanks!

**Please review! Or L will pinch your nose!**

Up next: Picnic


	36. Picnic

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!! XD It's not letting me reply again…

----------------------

"It's soooooooo nice outside…"

"Light-kun is suuuuuuuch a pest…"

Light flipped onto his stomach. It was one o'clock in the afternoon and the two were lying in bed, working on Kira charts. L wouldn't stop his rapid typing, even as he bit into some coconut…thing.

"Don't you want to go outside and get some fresh air?" Light asked.

"Actually, the air outside would only be approximately-"

"I don't need your nerdy percentages. It's a _saying_, Ryuuzaki. It means that when you're sick of being stuck inside for _two weeks straight_, you get the urge to go outside. It's human nature."

L looked down at Light. "Nerd…?" he said, a little piece of coconut flying out of his mouth and into Light's hair.

"Yes, you're a nerd. Get the coconut out of my hair," Light sighed.

L picked around, much like a monkey would, and pulled it out of Light's hair. He stared at the shredded coconut for a moment before offering it to Light. "Does Light-kun want it?"

"Oh, _yes_, Ryuuzaki! Such a _precious memento_ would be a shame to pass up!" Light drawled, rolling his eyes and burying his face in his pillow.

L frowned down at Light. "I didn't know Light-kun would be so excited over a piece of coconut," he said, confused.

Light let out a muffled groan.

-----------------

"I guess that this outing will do Light-kun some good. It may help to clear his head."

Light grinned and pushed L out of the car. They were getting dropped off at the park by Watari for their picnic and the teen was ready to be outside. He grabbed his basket and was tugged over to the path by L.

"Light-kun brought several truckloads of food, I see."

"Now, now. You don't have to be sarcastic."

Choosing not to comment about hypocrisy, L allowed Light to pull him over to a rather large grassy hill. They looked up at it.

"Does Light-kun wish to trek up that hill?" L asked, dreading the answer.

"Of course I do!" Light replied, shifting the basket to his other hand and beginning to walk up.

"Light-kun! Wait! These sandals you made me wear are disagreeing with my feet!"

"Well, make your feet more agreeable!" With that, Light began his perilous journey up the grassy, sunny hill.

L managed to keep up, but just barely, and when he turned around to glance down he had to keep himself from losing his balance. They were up so high! Several other picnicking people and park-goers were staring at the chained pair in confusion.

L turned back around and was greeted with Light's ass right in his face.

"Light-kun needs to move!"

"I'm losing my footing!"

"I don't want Light-kun's behind in my face!"

"I'm going to fall!"

L, deciding that he had to take charge of the situation, placed a firm hand on Light's ass and shoved. Light went stumbling the rest of the way up the hill after the mighty push, and once at the top, he plopped down to catch his breath.

"That…was…terrifying!" he said, hand over his heart.

L crouched next to him and opened the basket. "That's because Light-kun's thighs weighed him down," he said factually. He frowned down at the basket. "Did Light-kun pack food in this?"

Light swatted L out of the way and reached inside his basket. He pulled out a blanket and laid it out with a flourish, followed by plates, chopsticks, a fork for L, cloth napkins, his iPod, a battery-operated fan, a first-aid kit, some sunglasses and sunscreen, a camera, a little hair-grooming kit, and a stick of strawberry-flavored lip balm.

He pushed the basket over to L. "Dig in."

L, deciding to think about Light's odd habits later, looked in the basket and found a mound of food. He picked around and pulled out a bag of gummies for himself and a couple of chicken drumsticks for Light.

"Take the chain off for a sec. I need to remove my shirt."

L unlocked the chain, reached over, and tapped Light's head with a drumstick.

Light jumped when he felt something hit him in the head. He continued taking his shirt off and looked over at L.

"Did you just hit me with that chicken leg?" he asked, blinking rapidly.

"I wanted to ask Light-kun if he wanted the chicken."

"I do."

"Very well." L threw the legs down onto Light's plate and helped himself to his gummy worms after reattaching the chain.

Light shook his head and reached for the sunscreen. He rubbed it on his chest, arms, but gave it to L when it came to his back.

"Put some on my back, Ryuuzaki."

L's eyes grew huge and he started coughing violently.

Light looked back over his shoulder. "Just put it _on_, panda puff!" he demanded.

Shakily, L picked up the bottle and squirted a liberal amount onto his hand. Without thinking, he slapped it onto Light's back.

"_Cold!_" Light shrieked, inciting a few strange looks from people below.

L bit his lip and hurriedly rubbed it in. "I am inexperienced in the field of sunscreen lotion application," he said.

"Obviously. Make sure you get my shoulders."

"I will." L finished his rubbing and Light turned back around and picked at a chicken drumstick.

They sat in relative silence for a while.

"What the hell possessed me to wear pants?" Light muttered suddenly.

L looked away from the lip balm he had been eyeing and stared at Light. "Light Bright is clueless about certain things. He can be a bit of a dim bulb, if you ask me."

"Oh, really funny, Ryuuzaki." Light sat quietly for a few more minutes before he started shifting around uncomfortably.

"I…I can't wear these pants! They're too thick!"

The moment L saw Light reaching for his belt buckle, he knew he had to intervene.

"Light-kun will not disrobe in public."

"I have boxers on!" Light argued. He jerked away from L and slid his khakis off quickly.

"Light-kun's boxers have toucans on them!"

"I happen to _like_ toucans!"

"Fine. Light-kun can make a fool of himself. I do not care." L dug a lollipop out of the basket and shoved it into his mouth.

Light slammed himself down on the blanket, turned his fan on, and put his earphones in.

They stayed like that for over two hours.

--------------------

"Ryuuzaki?" Light's voice was loud as he spoke over his music.

"Yes?"

"Pass me my chips."

L narrowed his eyes and dug around in the basket for a moment. He pulled out the bag of chips and handed it to Light, who snatched it away and ripped it open enthusiastically.

"What is Light-kun_doing?_" L asked, a little startled.

"I'm taking a potato chip…" L took the chip out and held it up in the sunlight for a moment. "…And _eating_ it."

L watched as Light bit into the chip like a man possessed and turned back around toward the tree he had been counting the leaves on.

"Light-kun is animalistic when it comes to chips," he said under his breath.

The teen finished his bag relatively quickly and stretched back on the blanket with a little purr.

"Light-kun is a feline."

"Ryuuzaki is a puff head," Light said, mocking L's tone.

L scoffed and returned to this thoughts.

--------------

After a while, L actually began to enjoy the sound of the birds chirping quietly, the tingle of the sun on his face, watching the kids with water guns come running up the hill at him…

…Wait.

"_Soak 'em!_"

L held an arm up just in time to save his face from getting wet, but the sunbathing Light had no warning.

"_Holy hell!_"

L heard Light's scream and in the corner of his eye, he saw the younger man rise up and attempt to chase after the brats. It was an impulsive choice on Light's part.

Light slipped and went tumbling down the hill, the boys laughing and still spraying at him as he fell. As if it were in slow motion, L felt the chain yank and he grabbed the blanket as he went sliding down the hill next to the somersaulting Light. Luckily, the detective had the blanket to make it easier for him and it was as if he was going down a rather large slide.

It wasn't the same for Light.

"Ha ha! Get him!"

"Look at him flip over!"

The kids ran down next to Light and continued soaking the screaming young man until he reached the bottom of the hill. Once his momentum stopped, the boys ran off and Light lay face-down in the grass, silent.

L, who had remained in his crouch during the whole ride down, cleared his throat and removed his lollipop from his mouth.

"Light-kun's iPod was smashed."

"I know."

"Light-kun's sunglasses are broken."

"I know."

"Light-kun's rear end is exposed."

"I know."

L climbed off of the blanket and draped it over Light's bottom half. The toucan boxers had been torn off somewhere near the middle of the hill.

Light began to cry.

------------------

Later that night, as Light was inspecting his thirty-something bruises, L looked down at him.

"I had a very pleasant day; maybe we can do that again sometime."

"Ryuuzaki."

"Yes?"

Light pushed L off of the bed.

------------------

A/N: At least L had a good time sliding down that hill…

It's 2:30 AM. I'm delirious. I produce crack.

**Please review! Or Mello will blackmail you!**

Mello: "I wasn't in this chapter. Why did you mention me in the Review Threat?"

Me: "Shut the hell up before I delete you, Mello."

Up next: I haven't decided yet! I might start on the trip…


	37. Cruise Part 1

A/N: If you're not okay with AU, turn back. Cause I'm taking liberties with these boys.

------------------------

**PandaPuff007 has signed on.**

**chocowhore14 has signed on.**

_chocowhore14:_ L!!!!! We ttly signed on at the same time!

_PandaPuff007:_ Has Watari contacted you about the cruise, Mello?

_chocowhore14:_ Yes. But he didn't tell me why we're going on it.

_PandaPuff007:_ There are several scientific and psychological justifications for going on this trip.

_chocowhore14:_ Yeah, suuuuure. Try telling Near that. He's all pissed off cause you're making him go.

_PandaPuff007:_ And Matt?

_chocowhore14:_ He doesn't really care either way. But does your little friend have to come with us?

_PandaPuff007:_ Light is coming. End of discussion.

_chocowhore14:_ DX Fine. Jeez, you're grumpy today.

_PandaPuff007:_ Light is having a fit because he can't find the shorts I am hiding from him. He's packing everything he possesses.

_chocowhore14:_ o.O I'm not going to ask why you're hiding his shorts.

_PandaPuff007:_ You will figure it out. I have to go calm him down. Please make sure Matt packs a suitable amount of clothing, and stop bothering Near. I'll see you tomorrow; Watari will pick you up from the airport.

_chocowhore14:_ I'm not bothering Near!

**PandaPuff007 has signed off.**

-----------------------

"Light-kun," L snapped, shutting his laptop.

Light looked up from his suitcase. "Yes?"

"Light-kun is making a commotion."

"I'm packing. Unlike you, I require more than white shirts, jeans, and lint-covered gummy worms to keep me satisfied. Now where are those shorts…?"

"I also require peace and silence, two things that Light-kun is _not_ providing me with!" L shifted around and leaned forward to pluck something out of Light's suitcase. The younger male blushed and crossed his arms.

"I need that!"

"Light-kun _needs_ a pink stuffed rabbit?"

Light tried to snatch it away, but L held it out of his reach. "Give it back!"

L smirked and twirled it around by its ear.

"Give me Mumu!"

"_Mumu?_"

Flustered, Light reached again and got a hold of his rabbit, slapping L's hand away and putting the toy delicately in his suitcase.

"Did Light Bright need Mumu while growing up to support and comfort him?" L asked dryly.

Light ignored L's taunting and tried to slam his suitcase closed dramatically.

…It didn't close.

"Light-kun has packed too many items and his case will not shut."

Light pushed down on the case and tried to zip it closed. "I don't (_pant_)…need your…(_grunt_)…narration, Ryuuzaki!" he said with some effort.

"Down by two point seven percent for idiocy." That said, L went over, shoved Light to the side, and also tried to zip the oversized luggage.

"It won't work," Light said knowingly.

"Yes, it will." Turning around, L picked Light up bridal-style and sat him on top of the suitcase, effectively closing it all the way.

"Ryuuzaki!"

L zipped the luggage closed and returned to his crouch on the bed. "Light-kun's substantial weight was beneficial to the-"

Light interrupted him. "Will you stop going on about my weight?!" he exclaimed, climbing down off of the suitcase.

"Why does that bother-"

"It's a cheap shot! It's something Mello would say. Speaking of him," Light said, sitting next to L, "are you sure he's coming?"

"Yes."

"But I hate him!"

"He's coming. End of discussion."

"…I'm not a _kid_."

"Tell that to Mumu."

-------------------

The next day, the three boys arrived from England and the group set off in L's limo, Watari driving them.

"Move _over_, blondie."

"You move over, slutface."

Mello, Light and L were squished in a row in the limo's seat, Light being crushed in the middle.

"L, make him move!" Light whined, looking next to him at his companion.

L leaned forward and frowned at Mello on the other side of Light. "Mello, please make room for Light-kun's hips."

Light groaned. "Will you shut _up_ about my hips?!"

On the other side of the limo sat Near and Matt, playing with a robot and a video game respectively.

"They are fools," Near said quietly.

"Hn," Matt responded.

The rest of the ride went on like that and after sitting in traffic, they arrived at the dock where their ship was.

"Have a nice time, boys," Watari said once they had unloaded everything. He got back into the limo and sped off.

L fished the tickets out of his pocket and handed them out to the rest of the group.

"Can we go? I wanna see the ship!" Mello said eagerly.

"Yes, Ryuuzaki. We have to let the _kid_ explore the ship," Light encouraged.

Mello turned toward Light. "How about we see who's a kid after I beat the hell out of you?"

"Like you could do that, girly."

"Bring it on!"

Just as they were about to fight, L pulled Light back and Matt grabbed onto Mello's shirt, not looking away from his game.

"We will go now," L said, jerking Light back over toward him. "Collect your things and follow me."

They grabbed their suitcases and went over to the ship to wait in line. Once they got to the top of the ramp, a woman took their tickets and told them where to go:

"To get to your rooms, go straight, turn left, go up the elevator to your floor –the gold elevator, not the silver,- go right, left, left –not right, - _left_ and go straight and you will see your rooms near the end of the hall. Have a nice trip!" she chirped.

They entered the ship and stood off to the side to confirm what they had heard.

"No, she said _right_, Near," Mello snapped.

"I am smarter than you, Mello. She said left."

"Will you two silence yourselves?"

After some deliberation, they decided to listen to what L thought was best and went that way. After a few wrong turns and Mello tripping Light several times, they made it to their rooms.

"You three have room 775," L said. "Light-kun and I will be right next to you."

Matt grabbed the key card and opened their room without a word. L peered into it.

"You three have a bunk bed and a normal bed. I expect you to figure out your sleeping situation in an adult-like and controlled manner."

Hearing this, Mello shoved his way in and hauled himself up onto the top bunk.

"Matt gets the normal bed!" he said. "Near, you get the bottom bunk."

Near's eyes narrowed a little bit and he stepped into the room. "Mello, I do not want to have to fight you for that bed."

Matt, still playing, walked over to his bed and plopped down on it.

"…Contact me later," L said, closing the door right when Near shot one of his robot missiles at Mello. He walked down to where Light was standing outside of their door.

"Ryuuzaki?" Light asked.

"Yes?"

"Why does it say that?"

L frowned and looked at what Light was pointing at. It was a little sign on their door that said _Bridal Suite._

"Bridal suite?" L breathed. "Why would we…?"

He slid the card in and the door unlocked with a beep. They stepped inside.

There were the usual objects: a desk, a couch, and a TV in the tiny living room, a kitchenette, but when they walked into the bathroom the first thing they noticed was a see-through shower.

"No way," Light said, with a shake of his head. "There's no way I'm staying in this suite."

L jut blinked a few times and went into the bedroom.

"Oh, Lord."

A large, heart-shaped bed with red and pink silk sheets and a bottle of chilled champagne on said bed told Light and L all they needed to know about this particular bridal suite.

"This is unbelievable!" Light exclaimed, throwing his hands into the air. "This is just _perfect._ Of all the rooms Watari could have gotten us, he accidentally put us in this perverted suite! I can't _stay_ in here!"

"Light-kun will have to deal with it," L said. "I do not want to cause a scene asking to change rooms and I need to stay near those three in case they cause a ruckus."

Light whirled around to face L. "A _ruckus?_ I'll show you a ruckus if you don't get us out of this room!" He put his hands on his hips.

"Hey!…Woah." Mello came into the bedroom and looked around in shock. Then he smirked at Light. "Looks like you'll be getting what you want tonight, Lightooo."

"Shut your mouth, brat!"

L sighed. This trip was not going so well and they weren't even at sea yet.

-------------------

That night, once the ship had taken off, L and Light climbed into bed and laid down, ready to sleep.

"Ryuuzaki?"

"Yes?"

"Why is there a mirror on the ceiling?"

-------------------

A/N: It starts. Details about the cruise will be given next time.

**Please review! Or Near will throw his robot at you!**

Up next: Cruise Part 2


	38. Cruise Part 2

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!! ;-D

----------------

L awoke to whistling. He opened his eyes and stared at the reflection of himself for a few moments, not ready for his day to officially start. He shifted his eyes over to Light's reflection and saw that the boy was sitting next to him, was on _his_ laptop, and seemed to be watching something.

"How did Light-kun log on to my laptop?" L asked, singing an arm over his face so he didn't have to stare at himself. He shifted around and felt something digging into his back.

"It was pretty easy. _I hate Light-kun_ isn't a very effective password," Light responded, voice booming because of the headphones he had in.

Groaning, L turned over and pulled out the thing under his back. "Light-kun needs to keep control over Mumu. It has caused my back to be in pain." He tossed the rabbit over at Light's face, but missed.

"Mumu is not an _it_. She is a female, and should be addressed as one."

The black-haired investigator hauled himself up into his crouch and leaned over to look at what Light was watching. "Why is Light-kun watching _Snow White?"_

"I like the dwarves." The teen slammed the computer shut and handed it to L. "I finished that chart you wanted me to do, puffykins."

"Do not call me that. I expect another chart by tomorrow."

"Yes, Ryuuzaki-_sama_, whatever you say."

"Light-kun should not mock my authority over him."

"Who gave you authority over me?"

"…I did. I am L."

Light rolled his eyes and began to get up. "Can we go eat now? I head Mello getting up over two hours ago."

"No. Sit."

Light sat.

L turned his head toward his roommate and smirked. "Does Light-kun still think that I do not have authority over him?"

The caramel-eyed boy just grabbed Mumu and pulled his knees up to his chest.

----------------------

"Come _on_, you two!" Mello screamed, pounding on the door of the bridal suite. He, Matt and Near were waiting outside for the handcuffed duo.

"Maybe the bridal atmosphere affected them too muc-No! Dammit, I lost again. I can't get past this level," Matt said. He frowned and reached into his pocket for a cigarette.

"You cannot smoke in here, Matt," Near droned.

"Yes, he can!" Mello said. "Why don't you go shove that airplane-…Hello, L!"

L cringed when Mello launched himself at him but before he knew what had happened, the blonde was sprawled on the floor, courtesy of the mass murderer chained to his wrist.

"Don't _maul_ him, Mello!" Light snapped.

Matt reached down and helped his friend up with one hand, still playing his game with the other. Mello stumbled to his feet and snarled at Light.

"You're _insane!_" he yelled.

L took a deep breath. "Light-kun, do not assault Mello when he is simply displaying his affection toward me. Mello, don't accuse Light of being mentally unstable." He looked at Near and Matt. "Near, please don't make loud rumbling sounds with your airplane toy. Matt, put that cigarette out this instant."

There were little groans and grumbling at L's speech, and Matt took an obnoxiously long drag of his cigarette, but the detective pressed onward:

"We will go eat breakfast. Mello, you will not gorge yourself. Near, you will not play with your food. Matt, you will put that game away. Light-kun will not make any outrageous, egotistical speeches or get into any fights. Let us go onward."

L turned and shuffled down the hall, his troupe of mismatched companions following him in silence the entire way. Once the elevator arrived at their floor, they crammed themselves inside and rode down to the buffet.

"Get me an orange," Matt said to Mello. "I'll go find us all a table."

"Alright." Mello entered the line next to Near and grabbed a plate. He looked over at the white-haired boy and saw the he had placed his toy plane upon his dish.

"What, are you going to eat your plane for breakfast?"

"Perhaps I will eat your arms instead, Mello."

Mello backed off and went down the line, picking at various things and trying not to get too much food. He ended up behind Light, who was carefully selecting an apple to eat.

"Will you just grab one, you pansy?" Mello said in Light's ear.

The other male whirled around. "Maybe I'll just shove this down your throat, you little brat," he snarled.

"Light-kun must control his irrational temper," L said, not looking at either of them. "Mello, do not call Light-kun a pansy, however surprisingly accurate such a label could be." He grabbed a pastry and yanked Light over to where Matt was seated.

"Matt, put that game away," L ordered.

Matt sighed and placed it on the table. "Sorry, Ryuuzaki." He sat back and proceeded to stare at Light.

Light looked up from his apple and raised an eyebrow. "Why do you wear those goggles?" he asked.

"They look cool."

"…Whatever you say."

Near cam and sat down next to Light. He had a piece of toast next to his plane.

"Near, please remove your plane from your dish," L mumbled through his pastry, a few crumbs falling out of his mouth.

Near twirled his hair and made the plane fly off to the side to where Mello would sit.

…Whenever he arrived, that is.

"Where's the brat?" Light asked after awhile.

"Maybe he got lost," Near suggested. Matt glared at him.

"Maybe he's just really choosy about his food."

L turned around and tried to pick Mello out of the crowd. This was relatively easy because the blonde was currently yelling at a fellow traveler.

The detective turned back to his pastry once he saw Mello get punched in the face.

Oh well.

-------------------

After breakfast, Light complained about being inside too much and they agreed to go out on the deck to the pool. Mello, sporting a rather impressive black eye, huffed when Light came out in his little swim shorts.

"I see why you hid those other shorts from him," he whispered to L. "He's preening like a peacock."

"Ah…Yes, that is one of the reasons I took them away. Unfortunately, he procured these new ones. Watari must have purchased them for him without my knowledge…" L trailed off and ate a sugar cube he had stashed in his pocket.

"Hey, Light!" Mello said loudly. "Put some clothes on!"

"Don't be jealous, blondie!" Light retorted. He then tugged on the chain and pulled L over to some lounge chairs next to the pool.

Near, in his usual garb, took his airplane over next to L and sat down.

"Hello, Near," the detective said. He was crouched on the lounge chair with Light sprawled out on the seat next to him.

"Hello."

Matt and Mello made for the pool and Mello shoved a few kids out of the way to get to the diving board.

"Do you know how to dive, Mello?" Matt asked as his friend stepped onto the board.

"It can't be too hard; I know how to swim."

"It's not the same thing," Matt mumbled, standing off to the side and playing his game.

L watched as Mello tried to balance on the diving board but was distracted by Light's face suddenly appearing right next to his. "What does Light-kun want now?" he inquired dryly.

"I know you have my new sunglasses in your pocket. Give them here," Light snapped, eyes squinted in the sun.

"I do not have them." L chewed on his thumb and turned forward again.

"Look, if you want them, just say so! Don't _steal_ them from me."

"I _said_ that I do not have them. Light-kun will have to check his suitcase."

"Give them to me!"

"Perhaps Light Bright can ask his Mumu if it has seen them."

Light let out a little frustrated noise and leaned forward, abruptly plunging his hand into L's pocket and digging around.

"Light-kun! Stop it, this is a violation of my space!" L exclaimed. He tried to shove Light away, but to no avail: the teen was on a mission.

Light frowned when he felt his hand hit some fabric –familiar fabric- and he pulled it out.

"My shorts!"

Several screams were heard as Mello dove into the pool, nearly missing a group of young girls as he flung himself into the water, his stomach making a loud slapping sound on contact.

"My game! Dammit, Mello!"

Mello resurfaced, cringed at his red stomach, and saw Matt glaring at him from the side of the pool. "What?"

Matt waved his video game player around in the air. "You _soaked_ it! You are fail, Mello! Epic fail!" he said, storming off.

"Wait, Matt!"

Meanwhile, Light was holding his blue shorts and having a stare-down with L.

"Light-kun's shorts were bothering me."

"So why did you have them in your _pocket?_"

"To get them away from Light-kun."

"You're a damn pervert! That's what it is! God knows what you were doing with them all that time!"

"Light-kun needs to realize that when he wears clothes like that, it has negative effects upon the people around him!" L argued.

"Well!" Light said, getting up and turning around so his ass was right in L's face. "How do you like _this?_ Huh? What about these shorts?!" He wiggled around and glared over his shoulder at the quickly angering man behind him.

Without a thought, L grabbed Near's airplane and slapped Light's ass with one of the long wings.

"Ouch! You jerk!"

Near watched as Light attempted to hit L, but the black-haired man kicked him away and suggested that they return to their bridal suite to "settle their differences."

The white-clothed boy sighed and looked at his plane. He'd have to get a new one.

-----------------

A/N: Belly-flops suck.

**Please review! Or L will slap your ass with a toy plane!**

Up next: Trip Part 3


	39. Cruise Part 3

A/N: Thanks for reviewing! Dear Lord, I made it to 1,000! So now, as a half-assed way of expressing my utmost gratitude, I present you with this smiley-- :-D

------------------------

L and Light let loose on one another once they entered their suite:

"_Must_ Light-kun taunt me in such a way? That is embarrassing and undermines my-"

"-Your _authority_, I know," Light finished obnoxiously. "Look, I just found it strange that you had my shorts in your pocket, okay? Your yelling is completely unnecessary!"

"I am _not_ yelling! I am…bellowing!" L responded, stepping forward and grabbing a hold of Light's thin shoulders.

"Get your paws the hell off me."

"Do not refer to me as if I am an animal."

"You know what…?" Light began to say, but he cut himself short, reached an arm up and pulled L's hair. "_That's_ what I think of you and your panda puff!"

Insulted (but not really knowing why), L moved forward but Light stepped back simultaneously. The detective scowled and continued to back Light up until the backs of younger male's knees hit the edge of the heart-shaped bed.

"What are you going to do," Light challenged, "tickle me to death? Threaten me some more? Suffocate me with Mumu?"

"Light-kun should not provoke me," L ground out. He stood there, completely still, contemplating his next move.

"Why, does that make me Kira?"

"Yes, that is why I do not want to hear Light-kun saying things like that."

"What, you don't want me to be Kira now?" Light asked with a little smirk.

"Up by three percent." L tightened his grip on the shoulders beneath his hands.

Light's eyes widened in anger. "You are unbelievable! I can't...do you even know what the total percentage is right now?!" he exclaimed. "You can take your percentages, your jibes, your monkeys and fish and flowers, your ostrich hair and your attitude and _shove_ them! Because as far as I'm concerned, we are _through!_" He made an exaggerated hand motion and stomped a foot.

L let his head loll back for a moment to stare at his reflection in the ceiling mirror and think, _This is not my life. I am not here, dealing with this moron and these kids. I am in a room, on my computer, reading essays about scientific theories._ He inhaled slowly and looked back at Light. It was a rough return to reality.

"Light-kun, we cannot be through because we never _were_ in the first place," he stated. "But perhaps I can rectify that. Would Light-kun like to be my boyfriend?"

"…You…did you…?" the brunette stuttered, but then he smiled hugely. "Would I! Yes! This is great, now we can-"

L allowed his expression to become blank and glazed-over and he blinked slowly. "_Now_ I will proceed to fulfill Light-kun's wants," he said. "I am afraid I am going to have to break up with him. We are through."

"Wait…"

L moved away from Light, climbed up on top of the bed, and grabbed his laptop and turned it on, intending to change the password.

Light turned around in stilted, jerky movements. He stared at L for a few seconds before he put his hands on his hips and altered his stance. He leaned forward and took a deep breath…

_Here it comes._

"You can't get with me and then break up with me! That's impossible; it's never been done before in the history of mankind! It's completely unconscionable! If anyone's going to break up with anyone, it will be _me_ with _you_ because you're such an utter _ass!_ You're rude, careless and immature and I hope you rot in hell! We're over!"

L listened while typing away on his computer and looked up once the rant stopped.

"Is Light-kun quite done?" he drawled.

"…I guess so," the teen murmured. He crawled over next to L and slammed himself down onto the mattress.

Silence reigned for two hours. Then,

"Ryuuzaki?"

"Hm."

"Did that, um, mean anything?"

"Light-kun should not assume that my actions meant anything significant. I was merely solving a problem: Light-kun said that we were through when, in fact, we were not a couple. I evaluated the situation, took pity on Light-kun's idiocy, and decided to validate his words by making us an item. Then, I merely demonstrated to him the proper usage of a breakup line. That is all. It was purely scientific." With that, L went into his pocket and pulled out some half-melted chocolate candies.

"Does Light-kun want a candy to make him feel better about our breakup?"

"…Fine."

----------------

Later that day, Light was watching _Willy Wonka_ and he heard L mumble something about "regaining power." Not really hearing the detective over the Oompa-Loompas, Light just nodded and didn't say a word when L took the chain off his own wrist and handcuffed the brunette to the bed.

"I'vu got anothza puzz-a for you…" 

"Stop singing, Light-kun!"

Light looked up. "Go to hell! _Oompa…"_

L just slouched over some more and closed the bedroom door before making his way to the bathroom. _I am glad I only have two more days on this accursed ship._ He heard some thumping in the room next to them and a yelp that sounded like Mello. _Hmm._

The black-haired man closed the bathroom door and stared at the shower. _This is excessively complicated. What are these buttons for…?_ He turned a few nozzles, knobs and handles and the water turned on.

-------------

Right after L disappeared, Light was in the middle of a song when he heard a knock on the door in the other room.

"Ryuuzaki?" he Mello calling. "Come on, open the door! Matt won't stop hitting me and I have to get away from him, but Near is by the pool and he creeps me out. Can I come into your room for a while?"

"Ryuuzaki's busy!" Light yelled. "Screw off!"

"Oh, it's just you?! Well, in that case, I'm just coming in!"

"Damn you, Mello!" Light closed his movie and sat up straight. "He gave you a key?"

"Yeah!"

"Fine! Just come in, then!"

Light heard the door beep and open and he listened to the boy's footsteps slowly walk down the hall. He heard Mello open the bathroom door.

A scream. "I'm so sorry, L! I'm so sorry! I didn't know…It's _see-through!_"

"Get out of here, Mih- Mello!"

Light snickered and heard Mello approach the bedroom door next.

"Are you in there, bastard?" There was a light knock, and the blonde pushed the door open and poked his head in. His eyes bugged out when he saw Light chained to the bed, the older male now wearing his little blue shorts.

Light, not knowing why Mello was surprised, crossed his arms and gave a hair flip. "Ryuuzaki had to leave me here," he said. "He never takes me anywhere with him."

"What…kind of relationship do you two have?" Mello stuttered out.

"What do you mean? Oh, if you heard our 'breakup' earlier, then that was just Ryuuzaki being weird. He didn't really mean any of that."

"But…but…why are you…?" Mello tried to point at the chain _attached to the bed_, but his hand wouldn't move properly.

"Spit it out, ass-face. I don't have time for your gibberish." Light sniffed and made a show of yawning.

Meanwhile, L turned off the shower tried to find a towel. Not finding one, he was about to put his old clothes on, but didn't want to deal with Light's fury so he went slinking to the hall closet to find one.

"Light-kun had better not be making any loud noises," he said from the hallway. "And he had better be in the same position I left him in. I don't want him causing any trouble and I hope he doesn't force me to use physical methods to make him obey me."

"O-Obey him?" Mello whispered. He stepped toward Light. "He…What does he _do_ to you?"

Light held back a smirk when he realized that he could completely exaggerate what L put him through and make the detective look bad in front of his number one fan. "Well, when we get into arguments, he _always_ kicks me in the face when I get too 'loud.' He's punched me in the stomach several times, threatened to kill me and dismember me…He mocks me all the time and _loves_ humiliating me in public- that's his favorite. He threatens to abandon me and-"

"-And I will severely injure Light-kun later on if he keeps talking like this."

Mello and Light both jumped and looked over toward the door. L was standing there in a towel, glowering at the brown-haired teen.

Light gave a little "meep!" and attempted, rather uselessly, to hide under the blankets.

"The top of Light-kun's enormous head is sticking out, therefore nullifying his feeble efforts at hiding himself."

A small, muffled "It's not enormous!" was heard, but L ignored his roommate and looked at Mello.

"What do you need, Mello?"

"Uh…nothing. I'll leave you two to your business. It's just…Why didn't you tell me that you two were…" Mello clasped his hands together, "an item?"

"Light-kun and I are not together. Where did you get such an idea?"

"Ah, well…Light's chained to the bed in the bridal suite and everything, I mean-"

"Mello."

"Yes?"

"Remove yourself from this room."

The boy stepped back and forced a little grin. "Yes, Ryuuzaki. Um…see you at dinner?"

"Possibly." L was now focusing on the lump under the bed sheets, eyes narrowed.

"Okay, bye!" Mello said, rushing out of the suite without another word.

After Mello came stumbling into the room, Matt put out his tenth cigarette for the day and asked him why he was so shaken up.

The yelling and thumping they heard through the walls was enough of an answer for both of them.

------------------

Mello walked down to the pool where Near was, scarred from what he had witnessed in the bridal suite and angry at Matt for throwing a cigarette butt at his face and calling him "fail" again. He spotted the white-haired boy easily among the other vacationers.

"Hey, Nancy Near."

"If you call me that again, I will burn your chocolate."

A little shaken, Mello huffed and sat down, biting into his chocolate bar possessively.

Not looking at him, Near continued playing with his plane and asked, "Why do you do that?"

"What? Eat chocolate?"

"No. Why do you bite off more than you can fit inside of your mouth?" Near began playing with his hair and he made his plane "crash" into Mello's chair.

"My mouth is larger than you know!"

"I don't doubt that."

"What the hell kind of a thing is that to say?!" The blonde slammed his chocolate down, stood, and grabbed Near's plane.

"Bring that back, Mello!"

"Come and get it, Neeeear!" Without giving the other boy a chance to grab it, though, Mello tossed it overboard, the other people on the deck staring and moving away from them.

Near seethed.

--------------------

The rest of the day passed with everyone in a nasty mood: Matt went through withdrawals without his game and smoked like a chimney, Mello ate chocolate and avoided the handcuffed pair, Near played with his robots and lamented the loss of his plane, and L and Light gave each other the silent treatment.

They were all happy that there was only one day left.

--------------------

A/N: There you have it. LxLight- it lasted for about four seconds. XD Don't worry; it will be longer the next time they get together. I just felt like teasing you guys and pissing Light off.

What the hell is Light singing this time? The Oompa Loompa song, from the old Willy Wonka movie.

**Please review! Or Mello will toss you overboard!**

Up next: Trip Part 4 (Final part. Includes drunkenness, karaoke and humiliation.)


	40. Cruise Part 4

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!

-------------------

"Light-kun, it is our last night upon this ship."

"Hmph."

L ground his teeth together and glared down at the teen's back. Light had been carrying on this silent treatment for a day and, though he was reluctant to admit it, the black-haired man felt strange without the constant chirping of Light's voice next to him.

"I already apologized for leading Light-kun on and breaking up with him. It was callous and rude of me," L mumbled, typing up some formulas on his computer. "But I am growing weary of staring at your backside and sitting on this bed."

Light just curled up a bit more under the bed sheets. L let his head fall back and hit the headboard with a grunt.

"Does Light-kun have the desire to eat dinner?"

A little whine was his only answer.

"If I…purchase Light-kun something when we return to our apartment, will he accompany me to dinner?"

Light uncurled and slowly turned over to face L, eyes wide. "What will you buy me?"

"Anything Light-kun wants will be his," L said carefully. "But I will not 'take him out' anywhere."

"Well…I guess I can work with that," the caramel-eyed boy said, expression brightening noticeably.

L closed his laptop. "To dinner, then?"

"To dinner."

As he watched Light fuss around in the mirror, L decided not to mention that his 'deal' really wasn't any different from the norm. He couldn't deny Light much, but the already conceited teen did not need that feeding his ego.

------------------

The exhausted group of five went down to the dinner buffet, got their food and sat down. L, being the only one who could legally get alcohol, ordered some sake so he could get through the night. Once it was served, Light leaned over and pestered him.

"Let me have some, Ryuuzaki."

"May I remind Light-kun how he gets when under the influence of alcohol?"

A little scowl. "Quit being so mean to-"

The detective interrupted him: "Fine, have some. I expect Light-kun to monitor his own-"

Light took a massive swig of the drink.

"-intake. Matt, put that cigarette out!"

"Yeeees, Ryuuzaki," Matt droned. He dropped it into his water and proceeded to pout.

Near loaded his army figurine with a foam missile and shot it over at Mello's forehead. It bounced off and landed in Light's quiche.

"Near, you're such a little freak! Why the hell do you have to launch stuff at me all the time?!" Mello exclaimed, slamming his fork down.

"Because you threw my plane overboard!" Near retorted.

"Near, do not shoot things at Mello. Mello, do not throw Near's possessions into the ocean," L said, not looking up from his shortcake.

Light snickered and took a huge bite of his quiche. He frowned when he felt something chewy and foamy in it, but just shrugged and washed it down with L's sake.

It was cruise ship food; he shouldn't expect much, anyway.

"May I have some sake, too?" Mello asked L.

"Go ahead, Mello."

-----------------

"And then…and then he _chained me_ to the…seat and these bikers came next to me…and Ryuu…he…beat the crap outta them!" Light giggled and leaned into L, making a weak slapping motion with his hand. "You shoulda _seen_ it!"

"That's cause Ryuu's a…big crime fighter!" Mello added, face blotchy and eyes half-closed.

"I _hate_ not having my beepy things!" Matt exclaimed, slamming a fist down on the table. He, like Light and Mello, had had a gratuitous amount of the sake and was currently very drunk. "I need my beepy things!"

"Oh, shut up!" Mello said, still laughing.

"You know, Ryuu, you got…you got something in your puff…" Light mumbled. He scooted his ass over so it was half-resting on L's chair and began picking around in the mass of black hair.

"Ha! Light-chan looks like an…um…a…_monkey!_" the blonde screeched. He broke out into a new fit of giggles.

"Light-kun is being very physical," L noted, mouth full of chocolate cake.

"Yeah…that's what _he_ said!"

This caused Mello to laugh even harder and fall out of his chair. Matt stared down at him.

Near kept playing with his army toy. "Ryuuzaki, should we let them carry on like this?" he asked quietly.

"They are harmless as of right now."

"Hello, guests!" came a voice amplified by a microphone. Everyone looked over to a stage that was set up to the left of the tables. An very enthusiastic-looking woman was the one talking. "It's kaaaaaaraoke night!"

Many cheered. L and Near sat and stared silently.

"Now, who wants to go up first?! Groups are welcome!"

"Hey, I got an idea!" Light said excitedly. He stopped pulling L's hair and turned to Mello. "We needa go up there and…do the singing."

"That!…Sounds like…it's a good thing to do…"

"Let's go!" Light grabbed Mello's arm and dragged the younger boy up to the stage. Naturally, L was jerked out of his seat by the handcuff and went stumbling up behind the drunk pair.

"You three look like you can sing!" the woman said. She gestured them toward the row of microphones they had set up and asked what song they wanted.

"I want the…umm…Spice Girls!" Mello demanded, his slurred voice booming out into the room.

"Okay!" The woman gestured off-stage and the music started up within a few seconds.

"Light-kun, I do not like this," L hissed urgently. "I want to-"

"When you're feeling sad and low, we will take… nnnn…you gotta go…" Mello's rather scratchy voice was echoing out into the crowd. Light joined in, his slurred accent adding another dimension of confusion to the song. "Smia-ing dancing-u, evadything is-a free…" 

L, horrified at being up on a stage, shifted behind the singing fools, who leaned against each other and continued belting it out. Then they started dancing- Mello made repetitive thrusting motions with his hips and Light jerked his body around. The stage people turned on some strobe lights and other people were dancing at the foot of the stage…Everything was such a mess that L didn't notice Matt fumble with a mini video camera he had and tape the whole thing.

"_Shake it to the right!"_

"Light-kun…"

"La la la la…" 

Mello passed out.

Light giggled some more and collapsed next to the blonde.

L buried his face in his hands.

"Spice up your life! Ahhh…" 

------------------

"Oh, God. Ryuuzaki, kill me…"

"Just give it some time, Light-"

More retching.

"-kun."

L looked up when Near entered their bathroom.

"Matt is sleeping. Mello is laying in bed and complaining about nausea. What should I do?" Near asked dryly.

"Make sure that they have water available to them-"

L had to pause to let Light's vomiting noises stop.

"-so their hangovers will not be too unbearable."

"Ryuuuuu…"

"Please excuse us, Near," L said, turning back toward Light with a sour look on his face. "Light-kun made a stupid decision. I should not be taking care of him but I am, purely out of the kindness of my heart."

Light let out a pitiful whine and leaned forward on the toilet.

"Come on, now. Stand up."

It took several attempts, but Light stood, leaned on the counter and brushed his teeth a few times. He (supposedly) couldn't walk back to the bed, so L carried him over and laid him down.

"Light-kun should not expect me to do this in the future. I will not baby him when he gets himself into unpleasant situations," L scolded, perching himself on the bed next to his roommate.

"But Ryuu still has to buy me stuff…" Light mumbled before falling asleep.

-----------------

The next afternoon, Mello awoke to see Matt hovering over him with a video camera.

"Watch this."

Trying to blink his way out of his throbbing headache, Mello squinted up at the footage and saw himself and Light singing and dancing to a Spice Girls song. He figured he could edit himself out and add it to his Light Blackmail Collection.

-----------------

The group packed and left the ship, all relatively quiet but in better moods because they would be getting away from each other. Watari picked them up and, the three younger boys headed off for the airport.

Light, happy to be back in his own bed, leaned to peer over L's shoulder at the detective's laptop. "So, what did you find out about me on our cruise?" he asked.

"Light-kun's percentage of being Kira has gone down four point seven percent," L murmured. "But his percentage of being sexually promiscuous has gone up by thirty three point four percent."

Light slammed himself down and burrowed under the covers, making a mental note to bankrupt L with that 'deal' they had made.

------------------

A/N: Whew! And we return to the apartment. Why they went on the cruise? You'll find out later…

I know MMN left without a flourish or anything, but I am really tired and I don't want to write that in. I might add it tomorrow or something. I'm writing in the wee hours of the morning again…

**Please review! Or Matt will film you doing something embarrassing!**

Up next: Purchases


	41. Purchases

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!!

------------------

L watched as Light clicked through endless internet catalogues and kept adding things to his "shopping cart."

"Does Light-kun really find three different foot scrubs necessary?" L asked, shifting over on the couch to have a better view of Light's computer.

"Yes…Hey, Ryuuzaki, will you go get me my ostrich?" the adolescent responded.

L blinked. "Why should I fetch the ostrich for Light-kun?"

"Because I greatly treasure the things you get for me and I would like it near to remind me of your _authoritative_ presence in my life. Ooh, bunny slippers!"

L stuck a thumb into his mouth and rubbed it against his teeth, trying to compute what the younger male had just said. "…I will be back," he said finally, removing the cuff and walking into the bedroom to get the ostrich. He came back with it and sat it next to Light.

"Thank you, Ryuuzaki." Light grinned and leaned into the giant stuffed toy.

"What is Light-kun buying now?" L inquired, putting the cuff back on and trying to convince himself that he had not just been manipulated.

"Well, I'm getting some moisturizer, a new hair brush, some lotion…"

"Anything useful?"

Light rolled his eyes and continued his list. "A few books, some underwear, a pillow, a robe, _ahem_…a mini LCD TV, a Segway…"

L's eyes grew wider. "Light-kun purchased a _Segway?_ Why?"

"I got one for you too!" the teen said defensively.

"I do not wish to hear about any more of Light-kun's dimwitted decisions."

----------------

The next day (thanks to overpriced 'next-day' delivery), a few men brought up a some boxes to the apartment and Light dug in immediately.

"Ryuuzaki, open that one!" he demanded, shoving a box over to L.

"I do not want to," L complained, but he opened it anyway and pulled out a fluffy lavender robe and a matching furry pillow. "Here." He draped the robe over Light's head but kept the pillow next to him.

"Ooh, look!" Light shrugged his way into his new robe and held up something for L to see.

A doll.

"I found these antique dolls and thought I'd get one for my sister's collection for her birthday on Monday. It's nice, isn't it?"

L cringed a little bit and plucked the doll out of Light's hands. It had a glass face and a plush body and was wearing a pink lace dress. It had curly blonde hair under an old-fashioned hat and wide blue eyes that followed L when he moved. He supposed it was a nice doll and that Light's sister would like it for her collection, but…

It was creeping him out.

"Light-kun must put this doll back in the box," L said. He handed it over to Light, dangling it by its arm.

"Why?" Light looked up from his foot scrub, confused.

"Because…It may chip if we leave it out."

"No it won't, _genius_. Put it on my pillow you're hiding behind you." Light turned his back to L and immersed half of his body in the next oversized box. "Just don't sit on it!"

L grit his teeth and laid the doll face-down on the pillow next to him. He stared down at it for a few minutes, trying to think of a way to get it out of his sight.

"Hey!" a voice whispered into his ear.

"_God!_" the detective exclaimed, tipping over from his crouch and slamming onto the floor.

Light raised an eyebrow down at the sprawled out man and held up a facial kit. "I got you this to fix your skin…Why are you so jumpy?" he said.

L hoisted himself back up into his squat and snatched the kit out of Light's hands. "Light-kun shouldn't talk in my ear like that."

"You're getting weird about something. Is it…" Light thought for a moment. "Is it that doll?"

"Certainly not!"

"It _is!_ I knew it!" Light crawled over and picked up the doll, shoving it in L's face and making it talk to him. "I'm going to get you tonight, panda puff!" he said, mimicking a little girl's voice. "I'll unleash my doll fury upon you!"

"Get it out of my face!"

Light pressed on. "I'll be standing over you and-"

L let his facial kit drop, snatched the doll out of Light's grasp, and smacked the teen's face with his other hand. When Light went tumbling to the side, the older man huffed and steeled himself for the melodramatic "Why do you always hit me?" speech he would have to endure.

But Light said nothing as he picked himself back up and he crawled back over to his box, leaving L crouching there with the doll.

L blinked. "Isn't Light-kun going to yell at me for hitting him?" he asked.

"No."

"He isn't going to give some long-winded rant about my abusive nature?"

"No."

"…Very well." L frowned and set the doll back down on the pillow.

There was silence for some time after that, Light unpacking his things and L glaring down at the floor. Finally, the older man couldn't hold it in:

"Why isn't Light-kun yelling at me or demanding anything of me? Why isn't he hitting me back?" he blurted out.

"I don't see the point, you're going to be a jerk anyway," came the response. Light kept his back turned to L. "If you really want me to hit you back…"

"No, I do not!" L said.

"Then let me look at my new stuff, ostrich face!"

"Fine!"

L rubbed the back of his neck and angrily calculated percentages in his head. He hardly noticed when some panda slippers were thrown at him.

"Those will stop you from spreading your grime all over the place," Light drawled, their argument apparently being ignored. He revealed some purple bunny ones he had purchased for himself.

"Light-kun likes purple," L muttered, slowly putting on his panda slippers. "It suits him."

"How does it suit me?"

Ready to shoot a witty and insulting comment at Light, L looked up, saw the glare his roommate was sending at him and decided to not insult the psychotic mass murderer any more that day. "Purple is a…pleasant color," he choked out awkwardly.

"So. You think I'm pleasant?"

"I did not _liken_ Light-kun to purple. I meant that it suits his personality. He may draw his own conclusions based on that," L snapped.

Light turned back around and have a little "hmph!"

-----------------

L woke up that night and felt something on his stomach. His eyes fluttered open and he muttered something about roller coasters before focusing on whatever it was on his belly. At the sight of the doll, he yelped and sat up quickly to dislodge it. His eyes narrowed when he heard Light snickering beside him.

"Dammit, Light-kun!"

"You should have seen your face!"

L grabbed the doll and shoved it at the other male. "Up by three percent for attempting to give me a heart attack using an antique toy," he sighed, laying back down heavily. "…And being extremely annoying."

"Good night, Ryuuzaki!" Light said in the doll's voice, grabbing the toy and placing it on his nightstand.

"Light-kun?"

"Yes?"

"Shut up. And by the way…"

"What?"

"Light-kun is a shameless gold digger."

------------------

A/N: XD They're so mean to each other. It would be funny if they went to a therapy session. _(Blinks)_ I might do that for the next chapter. And then after that, they can go on their Segways. I'll stop rambling now.

**Please review! Or Light will put a creepy doll on your stomach!**

Up next: Therapy (Which I just randomly thought of ten seconds ago…)


	42. Therapy

A/N: Thanks for reviewing! (Those of you who don't know what a Segway is, go to segway. com.)

------------------------

L was flying. Surrounded by cakes, he soared through the whipped cream clouds and dodged flying Peeps. It began raining cherries and strawberries and he floated on his back, catching them in his mouth one by one and enjoying their plump sweetness…

"Ryuuzaki."

Wait. Why was Light's voice in the sky with him? L looked up and saw a huge light bulb high above the clouds.

"Ryuuzaki!"

"Is Light-kun God?" L asked. "If he is, then he must send down more strawberries…"

The bulb flickered. "Will you wake up, panda puff!"

L was unpleasantly jerked from his fantasy world by a swift slap on his stomach, courtesy of the impatient teen laying next to him. His eyes fluttered open and he groaned at the sight of Light's face hovering above him.

"Light-kun is _killing_ me…" he moaned, dragging a hand down his face.

"Stop whining! Your phone rang a few minutes ago and you slept right through it." Light placed the phone on L's chest and stared at the detective expectantly.

"That's because of Light-kun's new air purifier!" L snapped, pointing at the humming, fan-like machine in the corner of the room. "It's too loud!"

"Well, I wouldn't have had to buy one if _somebody_ learned how to keep his smelly food _out of the bedroom!_"

"Light-kun!"

"Ryuuzaki!"

L scowled and shoved Light away from him before picking up his phone and seeing who had called him.

_Watari. What does he want…?_ L mused, dialing the elder's number. Light tried to wiggle back over near him, but the older man kept him at bay with a well-placed kick.

"Ah, hello Watari."

Light huffed and sat up, stretching cattily as he listened to L.

"No. We do _not_ have problems. There is no basis for it…" L was saying, distractedly fiddling with the chain. "We are not in need of those services, Watari…"

The younger male continued his stretching and he kicked out a foot at L's shin, which was blocked easily.

"No…Light-kun and I…I suppose that would be a good opportunity. Yes, sir. No, I won't. Okay. I _wont!_ Goodbye." L stood and climbed out of bed, dragging Light behind him over to the closet.

"What's wrong, Ryuuzaki?"

"Does Light-kun remember that dental appointment?" L asked as he crouched down and rummaged through the heap of identical white shirts on the floor.

"…Yes." Light cocked his head to the side. "Why?"

"Watari has made us another appointment without consulting me first."

The caramel-eyed boy kneeled down next to L and began folding the shirts that the detective was tossing to the side. "What, is it the doctor this time? Dermatologist? Proctologist?" he inquired.

"No. It is a counseling session."

Light dropped the shirt he was holding. "Counseling? As in _therapy?_ We don't need to go to therapy! We're not _dysfunctional!_" he exclaimed.

"Yes, we are."

"No!"

"Yes."

"No!"

"Quiet. I am no happier about this than Light-kun is," L said, voice tense. He found the shirt he had been looking for and slipped it over his head. "We are going because it may provide new insight into Light-kun's personality for the Kira case."

"You're still accusing me of being Kira! Ryuuzaki, take a good look at me!"

L looked over and saw a disheveled boy in bunny slippers, folding shirts and staring at him with huge eyes.

"Do I _look_ like a mass murderer?" Light demanded.

L blinked. "Right now Light-kun simply looks pathetic."

Light rumpled up all of the shirts he had been folding.

------------------

Watari dropped them off in front of a beige building and zoomed away, leaving L and Light to stare at the door and then each other.

"Go!" Light snapped, causing L to frown and open the door a little too quickly. Inside the small waiting room was a young couple sitting in a thick silence. The receptionist looked up and smiled.

"You two must be Ryuga Hideki and Light Yagami, correct?" she asked.

"Yes," L answered dryly.

"Doctor Kyoto will be with you in a few moments. Please sit down."

L crouched in a seat across from the couple and nibbled on his thumb. Light narrowed his eyes.

"Why do you have to make so much noise with your thumb?" he hissed.

"Why does Light-kun have to make so much noise with his big mouth?"

"I do not have a big mouth!"

"Light-kun has a large mouth, head and ego."

"Oh, _you're_ one to talk!"

They sat quietly for a while after that, the silence only broken when the couple across from them started winding up.

"Cut that out!" the woman snapped at the man.

"What did I do!"

"You're _swallowing_ loudly again. Do you know how irritating that is?"

The man gave an obnoxiously loud gulp right in her face and she gasped in disgust.

"_Stop_ that," she repeated, a bit more amplified this time.

"I can do whatever I want. If you don't like it, remove yourself from my presence," he replied. "You are embarrassing to be around, anyway."

"You're so rude to me!"

"Be quiet!"

"Fine!"

Awkwardness overtook the room again as the four of them all sat there without a sound.

"Doctor Sato will see you two now," the receptionist said to the couple after a few minutes, sending them into an office down the hall. She turned to L and Light. "Doctor Kyoto should be ready for you two in about five minutes."

L nodded and glanced over at Light, who had been quietly glaring at him for a while. He felt the handcuffs in his pocket and decided to threaten his suspect in case the teen tried to make a run for it.

"If Light-kun attempts to bolt, then I will chase him down, take him back to headquarters and tie him up in a chair."

"I'll bet you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"Good morning, you two!"

They both looked up to see a woman with a clipboard grinning down at them from over her think glasses.

"How are you?" Light asked politely.

"I am well. And you?" she replied, gesturing for them to follow her down the hall.

"Fine," they both answered simultaneously.

"Please, have a seat."

They entered the serene office and sat on a couch across from a leather chair. The woman sat across from them and crossed her legs politely.

"Now, how long have you two known each other?" she asked.

"About a year," L answered, not caring if he was accurate or not.

"And how long have you been in an intimate relationship?" she continued.

"We are not intimate with one another," L answered through clenched teeth.

She scribbled something down and looked at Light. "I couldn't help but notice, Light, that you look disturbed by this," she said. "Why is this so?"

"No reason," he answered, crossing his arms. "Maybe I'm just _annoyed_ by Ryuga being _insensitive_."

Kyoto cleared her throat and directed her attention back to L. "How do you feel about this statement, Ryuga?"

"I think that Light-kun tends to exaggerate things and create unpleasant situations for the both of us," L snapped.

"Well, Ryuga is openly cruel to me and has no respect for my opinions."

"Light-kun is stubborn and rude."

"I can't help but notice that the way you sit is very protective, Ryuga," Kyoto said gently. "Will you tell me why you sit like that?"

"His reasoning ability drops if he doesn't sit like that," Light answered, rolling his eyes. "It's just another one of his quirks."

"I can answer for myself, Light-kun!"

"What are you going to do, _hit_ me again!"

"Ryuga hits you, Light?" the woman asked.

"All the time!"

"Light-kun is exaggerating. He provokes me and hits me first half of the time!"

"Shut up!"

"Fine!"

"Now, sirs," Doctor Kyoto said, marking something on her paper, "I am going to have you do an activity with each other." She pulled out a couple of clipboards and handed them over to the men.

"You are going to write letters to one another. Express yourselves freely and candidly. After you're done, you'll exchange them for each other to read. Okay?"

"Okay," Light mumbled.

L just nodded quietly.

They wrote for about three minutes and when they were done, the therapist told them to exchange the letters.

"Um, fine…" L said, shifting around a little bit. He shoved it over to Light and took the one written for him :

_Ryuga, I don't think you know how mean you are to me, so I'll spell it out for you while I can:_

I wish you would be a little kinder to me. You yell at me, disparage me, and humiliate me on a daily basis. I try to express myself around you, but you constantly shut me down. I think you do this unconsciously and I am willing to forgive you if you want to apologize.

By the way, look at her shoes! They're sooooo ugly. Eew.

_Yours,_

Light (A little happy face was also inserted here.)

"Yours?" L muttered. He bit his lip and looked over at Light, wishing he had known Light hadn't gone into too much detail while he had been writing. L was going to catch hell for what he wrote:

_Light,_

You are the most irritating person I have ever met in my entire career, and that is saying a lot considering the people I have had to deal with in the past. You are overbearing, embarrassing and pretentious and you leave me in a state of emotional turmoil after everything you say and do. If I had the opportunity to eliminate you from my life, I would. But alas, I am stuck with you and your attitude until certain things are resolved and justice is carried out.

You take advantage of my kindness, show no respect toward me and create unnecessary drama for yourself and everyone around you.

-Ryuga

"Have you read your letters?" the therapist asked.

L fixed his stare at her, nodded, and tried to ignore the look Light was shooting at him.

"Will you respond to them out loud now? Light, why don't you go first?" she urged.

Light shifted around and began distractedly folding the letter into a paper crane. "Well…thanks for being honest, Ryuga," was all he said.

Kyoto stared at him for a moment, jotted something down, and looked at L. "What about you, Ryuga?"

L just shook his head.

"O-kay. Well, now I'm going to have you two do something else. Please follow me outside." She led them out a back door into a courtyard littered with trees and planter boxes and held up a cloth.

"You're going to have to lead each other verbally through this courtyard. Now, who would like to be blindfolded first?"

L looked over and saw that Light was just standing with his arms crossed. He figured that Light wouldn't want to talk to him at this point and suggested that his roommate be blindfolded. Light nodded and the therapist tied the cloth over his eyes.

"Direct him over to the other side of the courtyard," she said, nodding toward L and standing back to take notes.

"Light-kun, walk straight."

Light tentatively took a tiny step forward and reached his arms out in front of him in hesitance.

"Keep going," L said, squinting and calculating how long it would take at this current pace: That was approximately forty-seven minutes. L didn't have time for that.

"Light-kun, keep walking until I tell you to do otherwise!"

"You don't have to yell!"

Happy to have the younger man talking again, L followed Light's tiny steps for the next minute or so.

"Turn on a fifty-eight degree angle to the left and continue for five paces."

The therapist raised an eyebrow when Light followed these directions precisely and figured that the two in front of her must have been math majors.

Light kept going and accidentally shifted to the right a bit, hitting his foot on a planter box.

"Dammit, Ryuga! Do you want me to kill myself!"

"Light-kun only tapped his foot on the box! Keep going!"

"How that hell do I go if you aren't directing me! You're horrible at this!"

"Shut up and keep walking."

"Tell me where to go!"

"Straight! Go straight! Light-kun is unbelievable sometimes!"

"That's it!" Light exclaimed, ripping the blindfold off suddenly and whirling around toward the therapist. "I'm done! I can't do this with him!"

"Very well," she said calmly. "Would you two like to go back inside and do some verbal activities?"

"Yes," L affirmed.

They headed back inside and Dr. Kyoto sighed and sat down, the two seated across from her.

"Okay. Now, what would you say the difficulties between you two are?" she asked.

"Light-kun is incompetent," L said simply, staring at her with huge eyes.

She nodded. "Light, how do you feel about this statement?"

"I feel like Ryuga doesn't accept me for who I am."

"That is because Light-kun is too loud and boisterous."

"And you two are roommates?" Kyoto interrupted, writing something on her paper.

They nodded.

"Would you consider each other friends?"

They just stared at her.

She glanced down at her paper one more time before looking back up. "Well, I am going to give you my opinion on the state of your relationship," she said. "I believe that you two enjoy each other's company more than you are willing to admit and you act hostile toward each other to cover it up. I've seen this numerous times. In fact, my colleague councils two people just like you. Maybe you saw them out in the waiting room."

There was silence as they stared at her and she stared back, waiting for a response.

"That's ludicrous," L muttered, chewing on his thumb.

"Completely unfounded," Light added.

"That's okay if you don't agree with me. How about this: You two say one kind thing about the other's personality. Ryuga, go first," she replied.

L wrinkled his nose a little bit and chewed down harder on his thumb. "Hm…Light-kun is very…energetic," he said awkwardly.

"Now you go. Light."

Light crossed his arms. "Ryuga is…generous," he forced out.

L perked up at that. "That's because Light-kun takes advantage of my funds," he accused.

"I do not!"

"Okay, sirs. Here's what I'm going to have you do: you're going to work on complimenting each other at least three times a day until our next session in two weeks. In addition to that, I want you to journal down your daily experiences and bring them in next time," Kyoto said interrupting the oncoming fight. "Please work on this; I know you two can get past your differences. Until then, I cannot be much help to you."

L and Light said their goodbyes and left in a huff.

Once back at the apartment and getting ready for bed, L decided to compliment Light when the boy switched on his air purifier:

"Light-kun is very good at picking out obnoxiously loud air purifiers," he said factually.

"Well, you're good at being a complete jerk-off."

They both had a fitful sleep that night.

--------------------

A/N: Ouch. I'll get back to the therapy in a week or so- It's going to take a lot more then one session to get anywhere with these two.

**Please review! Or Light will wake you up with his air purifier!**

Up next: Miniature Golf


	43. Mini Golf

A/N: Thanks for reviewing, my pretties! (Wizard of Oz reference) And your little dogs, too! Sorry, I'm caffeinated again.

------------------

L didn't wake up to Light shaking him.

When he got up and dragged the teen out of bed, he received no protests.

When he snapped at Light for leaving his slippers in the doorway, the boy leaned down and moved them out of the way without a word.

Now, this was all very peculiar, but L decided to go along with it. He figured Light was either pouting or was feeling particularly complacent that day. But it was when L commented on Light's poorly matching outfit and Light just hummed that L figured it out:

Light must have been planning his murder.

"Ryuuzaki, will you hand me the salt?"

L jerked his head up and slid the salt over to Light with a little grunt. "Light-kun is very…calm today," he observed.

Light grinned a little bit and accidentally poured too much salt on his breakfast. "I'm trying to make life a little easier for you, Ryuuzaki," he replied. "You obviously don't like my company, so I thought that if I act less like how you described in the letter, I might be able to get you to like me."

So _that_ was it.

"I need to tell Light-kun that I was exaggerating-"

"No, don't try to be nice about it. You were expressing yourself candidly, which is what I wanted you to do. I'll admit that it was a bit…roughly worded, but I understood the gist of it," Light interrupted. He shifted around a little bit and looked up toward the ceiling. "_You are overbearing, embarrassing and pretentious and you leave me in a state of emotional turmoil after everything you say and do. If I had the opportunity to eliminate you from my life, I would,_" he quoted. He looked back down at L. "I don't want you to _hate_ me, Ryuuzaki."

"I do not hate Light-kun," L responded quickly. "I get frustrated with him, but…"

"Well, I'm going to act how you want me to, okay?" Light said. "For example, I was going to mention how there's a new miniature golf course and arcade a few blocks away, but I won't because I don't want to hassle you about it."

_WAS going to mention?_ L thought wryly. "Well, I suppose that, if Light-kun is going to behave himself, I could take him to the golf course…"

"Really? I mean, you don't have to, but…"

"We will go later today."

L watched Light clean up the dishes and decided that he may like this new version of the boy living with him.

-----------------

They got to the castle-themed golf course and walked up to the window where they rented the clubs.

"Welcome to Camelot Clubs and Arcade. How many?" the girl asked half-heartedly.

"Two adults," L answered.

She looked at L, then at Light, then at the chain, and sighed as he handed them two blue balls. "All of the hot ones…" she muttered, turning around and grabbing the clubs for them.

The two men shared a confused look.

"Here." She awkwardly handed them the golf clubs out the window but accidentally smacked Light in the face with one of them.

L cringed and waited for the bitching to start…

…Nothing. Light just rubbed his face and shrugged when the girl apologized repeatedly.

"Alright. Have a nice putt…" she said as they walked off.

"Nice putt, indeed," L mumbled to himself.

"You can go first," Light said, standing back and shielding his eyes from the sun.

L set up the ball and tried to calculate the distance to the little hole hidden under the first "castle," but failed.

"Light-kun," he said.

"Yes?"

"I have never done this before and am unable to appropriately estimate the force needed to successfully hit the ball into the ."

"I can help-"

L swung the club back and hit the ball as hard as he could.

"-you."

The ball went flying high in the air, over the castle and landed next to a group of young teenage girls. They screamed and jumped out of the way. L ignored them.

"It is now Light-kun's turn," he said, scowling and chewing on his thumb.

"Okay…" Light went up, hit his ball, and it went right into the hole.

L glared at him.

"I can show you how to do it properly, Ryuuzaki. You weren't _too_ far off…"

The investigator went on to the next hole and snatched the ball away from Light. "Light-kun knows that that was a horrible attempt!" he said as they were crossing a little bridge over an artificial, chlorinated creek.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to insult you."

"Light-kun!" L stopped walking, finally getting fed up with this new passive man connected to his wrist.

"Yes?"

L turned around on the bridge and stared intensely at Light. "Light-kun is being bland!"

The caramel-colored eyes lit up in shock. "Bland! I'm _bland?_" He seemed to finally be winding up. "I'm trying to be nice to you! Do you know how hard this is! I'm so out of character right now it's not even _funny!_"

"Kira-kun has returned."

"Oh, shut the _hell_ up!"

Suddenly, everything that had happened the day before, combined with L's current rudeness, pushed Light over the edge. So he decided to push L over the edge.

…Of the bridge, that is.

L screamed as he toppled over into the water and got completely soaked. Of course, his arm jerked back and the chain became taut, making Light lose his balance and fall in right on top of L.

"Glub!"

Light struggled to get off of L so he didn't drown the black-haired an beneath him. He grabbed the bony shoulders and pulled L up.

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry, I didn't think I'd fall on top of you and push you under like that! Are you alright! I know CPR! Do I have to resuscitate you!"

"Light-kun! You're hysterical, stop talking!"

Light looked at the drenched detective in front of him and weakly tried to move some of the wet black hair that was plastered on his forehead.

"Please don't touch my face."

"But…your panda puff is deflated."

"I do not care about the state of my puff. My eyes, however, have a massive amount of chlorine in them and are therefore burning. Hence why they are still closed."

Light waved his hands around uselessly for a moment, as if trying to swat a fly. "What do I do!"

"I do not know."

"Well, I could lead you inside to the bathroom if you just squint a little bit."

L opened his eyes to tiny slivers and allowed Light to lead him off of the golf course and into the arcade bathroom.

"Here you go, Ryuuzaki." Light wet a paper towel and handed it to L, who hurriedly wiped at his eyes.

"I am going to _thrash_ Light-kun one of these days, mark my words."

Light cringed.

------------------

They decided to leave their golf clubs outside for the time being and stay in the arcade to get some pizza.

"Look at these brats," Light muttered, weaving through the hordes of little kids swarming around.

"Light-kun's percentage has skyrocketed, by the way," L said once they were in line. He reached down and squeezed some water out of his jeans.

"So am I at four hundred percent yet?"

"Quite possibly."

They bought the pizza and went to sit at a filthy table littered with ketchup packets and straw wrappers.

"Eew, Ryuuzaki! Clean it off!"

"No. Sit."

"I don't want to!"

"Well, stand then!"

"Maybe I will!"

"Fine!"

"Whatever!"

L perched himself on the seat of the table and Light stood next to him. They commenced eating.

"Light-kun has not given me _my_ compliment yet," L said suddenly.

The teen scowled and stared down at his pizza for inspiration. He received none. "Umm…You're really good at…math?" he forced out.

L turned his head around in a deliberately slow manner and gave Light a disbelieving look.

Light chomped into his pizza.

---------------------

After the grease-soaked meal, they decided to forego the golfing and try a few of the arcade games. They got change and headed over to a motorcycle game that Light wanted to try.

"Light-kun's virtual driving skills will be just like his real-life ones," L commented as Light got on the bike.

"And your point is?"

"There is no way Light-kun is going to win this game."

Indeed, the teen crashed within ten seconds of starting and a large, yellow "GAME OVER" flashed on the screen.

"Fine! What do you want to do?" Light demanded.

"I would like to attempt that game," L said, pointing at a video game called "Zombie Shootout."

They went to that one and L easily got through the first few levels. He pushed a button and it spat out a long chain of tickets at them.

"Woah, look how many _tickets_ that guy got!" a little boy said to his friend.

"He can get, like…Twenty prizes for that!"

"What are these prizes they speak of?" L asked Light as he folded up the string of tickets.

"Well, there are a lot of things you can get. Want to go to the counter?"

"I suppose I could."

They walked over to the prize counter and L stared at the items behind the glass. A man walked over.

"Looks like you got a lot of tickets," he grunted, grabbing them from L and shoving them into a machine. He stared at it for a few moments until it made a little noise. "You got one hundred and eighteen. Go ahead and choose something."

"I would like that clock," L said, pointing at a clock that was shaped like a panda's head.

The guy gave him a weird look for a second. "Alright, buddy. But you still got eight tickets left after that." He handed L the clock. "What else you want?"

"I want an easer." L gestured toward a bin of rainbow, fish-shaped erasers and the man grabbed one and slammed it down next to the clock.

"Here. Have a nice day."

They walked away and L handed Light the eraser.

"This is for Light-kun. Hopefully he will use it when his writing becomes uncontrollable."

"Hmph." Light shoved it into his pocket.

"Hey, look! It's Light Bright!"

Light froze at the sudden voices behind him. "Oh, no…"

"Heeey, Light Bright! Who'd have thought we'd see you here?"

L turned around and saw two teenage boys approaching them, waving and chuckling.

"Woah!" one of them said, noticing the handcuff. "Didn't know you _swung_ that way, Brighto."

"Make them go," Light whispered.

"Hey, Bright!" The other one grabbed Light's shoulder and turned him around. "Hey, didn't you even hear us? You remember us, right? We were in the same class when we were about…eleven or so. You remember?" he asked.

"Yes, I remember."

"Like that one time we threw his glasses on the roof?" the other one laughed. "That was _gold!_"

"Are you two going to achieve anything by speaking to Light-kun?" L interrupted.

"Um…no?"

"Then please remove yourselves from the immediate area surrounding him."

The boys frowned and one of them stepped forward aggressively. "And why should we listen to _your_ skinny ass?" he snarled.

"Ryuuzaki, maybe we should go…" Light whispered.

"Do you wish to fight me?" L asked casually, as if asking them if they wanted a cup of tea.

"Maybe we _do!_"

"Well, we are going to have to take this outside, aren't we?" L droned, scratching his hair.

"Pfft. Let's go, string bean."

The boys walked out and Light and L followed behind them, Light whispering fiercely in his roommate's ear.

"Ryuuzaki, don't fight them. Can't we just go home? I'll bake you a cake!"

"Don't worry, Light-kun."

"But I don't want to get beat up right now!"

"Light-kun is not participating in this physical struggle."

"What? Why not?"

"Because he is useless and will only get in the way."

"Come on, Ryuuzaki, don't be a jerk! Let's just go back. There guys are crazy…"

They were outside now, in the corner of the parking lot. The two guys shifted around a little bit and looked at L.

"Alright, string bean. Let's go."

"Very well. Light-kun, stay out of my way."

---------------------

Later that night, as L was nursing a black eye and elevating his leg, he asked Light something:

"Will Light-kun still make me a cake although I fought those two?"

"No."

"…But I came out victorious."

"Good for you. Put that ice back over your eye, genius."

"Make me a caaaake."

"No."

"I defended Light-kun's honor!"

"…Fine. What flavor?"

---------------------

A/N:-) Maybe the therapy worked a tiny bit? Maaaaybe? Okay, probably not. Meh.

--**Ajimi-chan**, a vunderful reviewer, thought up the mini golf and L pushing Light into water idea. Thankies!

--And I keep forgetting to give **DoYouFindMeDreadful** credit for the cruise idea. XP You can't yell at me now, prince charming!

**Please review! Or L will hit you with a golf ball!**

Up next: Shampoo


	44. Shampoo

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Ryuuuuu, do you know how boring these graphs are? Uuuugh…"

"I bought Light-kun something."

Light looked up from the bothersome, never-ending graphs L had been forcing him to make for the past few days. "…What? I already have everything I could want," he said.

"But I must dote upon Light-kun from time to time to improve his morale," L explained as he handed Light a bottle of something.

Shampoo.

"Shampoo?"

"Shampoo."

Light cleared his throat. "Is there a…particular reason you got this for me?" he asked.

"Well-"

"Because I can tell you right now that my hair is _clean!_ Look, see? It's shiny and smooth!" the teen exclaimed, standing up from the couch and shoving his head in L's face. "Touch it!"

"Light-kun-"

"_Touch_ it!"

L, in his usual two-fingered way, plucked at a lock of the auburn hair. Indeed, it was very smooth, but… "Light-kun does not have to prove anything to me. I got this for him because I know he is obsessive when it comes to hair products." The older man unlocked the chain from Light's wrist and told him to go use the new shampoo.

"O-kay…I'll be back in a few minutes, then." With that, Light went drifting off to the shower.

L crouched on the couch and turned on the TV.

_Finally, silence is mine._

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN_  
_

"_Za sun'll come outu…tomorrow!"_ Light sang as he lathered up his hair._"Hmhmhm…"_

He squinted through the steam at the shampoo bottle, which read "Strawberry Surprise."

_It doesn't smell like strawberries, it just smells like soap. Lying to consumers again…frauds._

He sighed, rinsed his hair, and went for another handful of the shampoo to make sure his locks were beyond clean.

_I'll show Ryuuzaki…If he thinks I don't wash my hair thoroughly, I'll have him come in here with me next time and teach him a thing or two. He's so rude. My hair is clean!_ He scrubbed harder. _Squeaky clean! I'm lathering, rinsing and repeating, dammit!_

Meanwhile, L heard some horrible singing coming from the bathroom and knew Light was still showering, so he decided to take a look at Light's internet history to make sure the adolescent wasn't visiting any suspicious websites.

"Password," L muttered, narrowing his eyes at the login screen. After several failed attempts, L successfully guessed _Ryuuzajerk_ (much to his offence), and got into the computer. He clicked on the web browser and looked at the history:

_doeshelikeuback. com /results/ yes_

_fanfiction. net_

_manonmanonman. com_ (L cringed and assumed Light had accidentally clicked that one.)

_quiztiemz. com_

_iqtest. com/ results/ supergenius_

_smexyvideos. com_

_tonethatass. com_

"I'm done here," L said to himself, logging out and slamming the laptop shut.

"Ouch!"

Light went stumbling out of the shower and slammed into the door with a _bang_.

"My toooooe," he whined, staring down dejectedly at his reddening big toe. He huffed and tried to look in the mirror but it was fogged up, his toe was throbbing, and he didn't want to deal with the noise of the bathroom fan. So he just wrapped a towel around his waist and went limping out into the living room.

"Ryuuzaki, I stubbed my toe! Is it broken?"

"I highly doubt Light-kun broke his toe." L didn't look up from the chocolate cake he had gotten for himself to cool his nerves.

"But you have to look at it! I don't remember my anatomy class, Ryuuzaki!"

L looked up when Light put his foot on the couch.

The cake fell.

He gaped.

"What's wrong, Ryuuzaki?"

"Light-kun…" _…is going to kill me._

"What? Is it broken?"

L gurgled out a reply, to which Light scowled and put his foot back down.

"Speak up!" the teen ordered.

"Light-kun is a strawberry."

"I am _not_ a strawberry! That shampoo didn't even _smell_ like strawberries!" Light exclaimed. "Look, if you're not going to take care of my toe, then I will. Where's the gauze, Einstein?"

"H-Hair…" L stuttered, gesturing up in the air vaguely.

"Are you on drugs or something? Cause you're acting like an ape." Light went hobbling back to the bathroom. "Is the first aid kit in the cabinet?" he called.

L stood and shuffled into the far corner of the room, crouching down to hide behind the couch. He waited.

"I can't find_theeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhh!_"

The detective cringed.

"_Uuuuaaaaahhhhhh! Ryuuuuzakiiiii!"_ Another screech followed that.

"Light-kun must be reasonable!" L yelled. "He must know that I did not intend-"

"Shut the hell up!" Light screamed, storming into the room. "I'm going to _butcher_ you! I'll hack off your limbs!"

"Up by twenty-two percent," L muttered. He still stayed behind the couch.

"I see you back there, panda face! Get out here and explain yourself!"

L slowly stood up and looked at the pink-haired, enraged Light fuming in front of him. "Light-kun, please understand that this was not the expected outcome. I thought strawberry-scented shampoo would be enjoyable."

"Dumbass!"

Without another word, Light dove on top of L and they went tumbling to the ground. Straddling the detective's hips, Light proceeded to pull L's hair and punch the chest beneath him repeatedly.

"Light-kun! _Control!_"

Left with no other choice, L had to reverse their positions and pin Light down.

"Light-kun."

"My hair…"

"Don't panic."

"But my hair…It's all I had going for me…"

"Calm down."

"I'm…I'm…_ugly!_"

L recoiled when he saw Light's eyes tearing up. "Don't be upset," he said. "Light-kun looks just as attractive as before…"

"No I _don't_!"

L hardly saw the fist flying up at his face, but his previous black eye was refreshed just then.

Light limped back into the bathroom after that and looked at the bottle.

Apparently, he had two weeks of pink hair to live through.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN 

A/N: XD That was random. Completely DoYouFindMeDreadful's idea, so blame him.

**BTW**, I wouldn't go to those websites. The unrecognizable ones you see I just made up. (God knows what they really are…)

**Please review! Or L will accidentally-on-purpose give you pink hair dye!**

Up next: Doctor


	45. Doctor

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!

* * *

"I really should look at Light-kun's toe-"

"No! I don't want you anywhere near me!" Light clasped his hands over his head and ducked down between his knees. "I'm _hideous!_"

"Light-kun will never be hideous, even if he…applied clown makeup."

"So you're saying I'm only one step up from a _clown?!_"

"I never said that…" L shifted over toward Light's couch cushion, trying to get a look at the toe.

"It's pink! Pink! I hate it! I hate my hair, my face, my thighs…"

"Light-kun's toe-"

"I hate that, too!"

"-is purple and blue. It looks worse than yesterday."

"I'm a _freak!_ A multicolored _freak!_"

"I should take Light-kun to the doctor-"

"You might as well just dip me in rainbow dye and be done with it! _Be done with it!"_

"Watari is unavailable right now…"

"Where's Mumu?! I want Mumu!"

"I suppose I will have to drive."

"Whatever deity is messing around with me needs to stop! I am _not_ a mere object to be tortured! I am a dignified, honorable human being!"

"Come, we will have to take that SUV in the garage."

"…Wait, where're we going?"

"Doctor."

"…Give me one of your hats."

L shoved Light in from the driver's side (probably a hasty move considering the injured toe), and climbed in behind him, ignoring the whines and complaints coming from the younger man.

"Light-kun, this is an emergency; I require silence."

Light clicked his seatbelt on and crossed his arms, his purple and red knit beanie shifting down over his head. The stringy white pompom on top of the hat bounced around with his every move and little pink tufts of hair stuck out from under the sides.

L muttered driving instructions to himself as he pulled out of the garage and headed toward the hospital.

"Ryuu, you made an appointment for me, right?"

"Yes, I called earlier today. And do not call me Ryuu."

Light slid his shoe and sock off, put his right foot up on the dashboard, and stared at his toe. It was a mesh of different colors and was still throbbing from the day before. "It hurts…Do you think it's broken? I can't walk on it…"  
"I do not know very much about feet, Light-kun." L clenched the steering wheel as they went slowly moving down the street, breaking sharply every few seconds.

"Hmm. It huuuuuuuurrrrrrrr-."

"Silence! We are nearing our destination."

They drove along quietly until Light, bored, suddenly revealed something he had been hiding under his jacket.

It was the doll.

"_Light-kun!"_

L, shocked, jerked the steering wheel to the side and they went flying up the curb, crashing through a flower bed, plowing over a little picket fence and driving right into the hospital parking lot. He slammed on the brakes and the pair jerked forward simultaneously. Light, who still had his foot on the dashboard, smashed his face against his knee and L started choking when the seatbelt locked.

"Dammit, Light-kun!" L coughed as he undid his seatbelt.

"Sorry! I didn't think the doll would scare you so much! Ow, my face…"

The detective rested his head against the steering wheel and took a deep breath. The doll had flown up onto the dashboard and was staring right at him.

"Well…We got here on time, right?" Light panted.

L slowly turned his head to the side and glared nastily at the pink-haired boy next to him. He got a sheepish grin in return.

"Light-kun is a _moron_." That said, L unlocked the doors and shoved Light out of the passenger side, following him and accidentally smashing his hip on the emergency break. "Ouch!"

"Are you okay, Ryuuzaki?"

"Yes. Pull the beanie down."

* * *

They walked inside and L told the receptionist that Light had arrived.

"The doctor will be with Yagami-san in a moment," the receptionist said to L, who nodded and shuffled over to where the chairs were.

The teen plopped down on a chair behind a middle-aged man who was attempting a Sudoku puzzle and L perched himself on a chair next to him.

"My face hurts," Light whispered, leaning over toward L. "Is it red?"

The investigator unwrapped a lollipop he had gotten from the secretary's counter and shoved it into his mouth. "Light-kun is invading my personal space," he grunted.

"Well, is my face red or not?"

L glanced over and shook his head. "No, but Light-kun's hair is pink and he looks ridiculous in that beanie."

That comment earned L an offended "Hmmp!" and a pout. He turned his dark-ringed eyes toward the man in front of them and stared at the half-finished Sudoku puzzle over the guy's shoulder.

_Those numbers are all wrong,_ he thought as he solved it immediately. He glanced over at Light, who was half-watching a little girl play with a doll across the room. _Light isn't going to do anything about it. Maybe I should tell this man about his errors…_ He kept staring at the puzzle.

Meanwhile, the little girl noticed Light watching her and stood, walking over to him and holding up her doll.

"Do you wanna play?" she asked sweetly.

"Oh!" he said, coming out of his daze. "Um, sure. Why not?" With a grin, he reached out and grabbed the doll by the head, thinking that the girl would let go of it. She didn't let go right away, he tugged too hard and -_Pop!_- the head came off.

"Waaaaaahhhhh!"

L watched silently as Light tried to explain himself to her parents. Turning away, he sighed when he saw that the man in front of them still had the puzzle all wrong.

"That's incorrect," he said, tapping the man on the shoulder.

"What?" The guy turned around and shot L a confused look.

"Your puzzle is incorrect." L smacked on his lollipop and pointed at the columns. "There should be a nine there and a two next to it…"

"Do you _mind?_" the man snapped.

L blinked. "Yes, I do mind. I am trying to correct your numerous errors."

Next to L, Light was getting chewed out by the girl's parents:

"What were you doing with my girl's doll?!"

Light cringed. "Sir, I was trying to play with her-"

"Pervert!"

L's situation was no better.

"Let me see the puzzle," L ordered. He leaned forward and grabbed onto the booklet.

"Let it go!" the man yelled.

"But it's wrong. You can't honestly tell me that you intend for it to be _wrong!_"

"Maybe I want to do it myself!"

"Let me fix it!"

"_Yagami!_"

L and Light both looked up and saw a nurse calling from the door.

"Move, Light-kun."

With one last glare at the man, L let the puzzle go and shuffled behind Light over to the nurse. She took them back and told Light that she was going to weigh him.

"Please take off any removable clothing," she said.

Light cleared his throat and slipped out of his shoes, trying unsuccessfully to hide his star print socks.

"And your hat, sir-"

"I need my beanie!" he said loudly, gripping the edges of it as if she was going to pull it off.

"Let him have his beanie," L muttered to her.

"Step on the scale," she said, staring strangely at the two of them and the chain connecting them together.

"Is this really necessary? Because he," Light pointed at L, "fed me a bunch of chocolate _crap_ a few days ago and I know I packed on some weight…"

"Very well, sir. Please just step into room one and the doctor will be with you in a moment," the nurse said impatiently.

"Thanks…" Light went limping into the room and L followed, holding the discarded shoes by his thumbs and index fingers.

"Light Bright forgot his shoes."

The nurse slammed the door shut, muttering about "nuts" and "fruits".

"She must be very hungry," Light observed, sitting on the table and putting his left shoe back on.

L sat on the chair next to the table and looked up at Light. "Light-kun's socks have stars on them," he said.

"So what?"

"Does Light-kun have a particular interest in astronomy?"

"No, I just enjoy stars on clothing."

"Would Light-kun like me to purchase him some more pairs of socks?"

"No."

A few minutes went by.

"May I see Light-kun's beanie?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I know you just want to look at my hair. I _saw_ you staring at me when I woke up this morning."

"I observe Light-kun when he sleeps from time to time."

"Oh, _that_ makes me feel comfortable. Thanks."

"Light-kun is welcome."

About ten minutes of silence passed after that. Light stared at a chart of the tongue in front of him and crossed his legs. Eventually, he got bored and had to say something.

"Ryuuzaki? How long has it been?""

"I do not know."

"Will he ever come?"

"Probably not." L reached up and snatched the beanie off of Light's head.

"Hey, Ryuu!"

"Sorry for the wait!"

The doctor came bustling in and shot right over to Light's foot, only taking a brief look at the pink hair and gesturing for the teen to take his sock off. When Light didn't respond quickly enough, he leaned down and removed the sock himself.

"Hey-" The caramel-eyed boy started, looking at the man in surprise.

"It's sprained," the doctor said. "Elevate it and ice it. It will be better in about a week. Do you have access to crutches?"

"Um…"

L looked up. "I can get crutches for him," he said to the doctor.

"Yes? Okay, nice seeing you Yegumi-san. Please call if you have any problems."

The man ushered them out back into the waiting area, L still holding the beanie and Light's right shoe and Light clenching his fist.

"Hey, look! Pervert-san is a clown!" the little girl said.

"Get me out of here, Ryuuzaki."

They got outside and Light put his hat and shoe back on, angry that he had left his sock in the office. They had a surprisingly uneventful drive back and once they returned, L made Light elevate his foot and he forced the younger male to put ice on it. After that, he made a phone call to Watari and told him to bring up some crutches later on.

"Ryuuuu…"

"What?" L said, looking down at the stretched out boy.

"Will you take me out somewhere tomorrow?" Light asked.

"Light-kun knows that we have another therapy session tomorrow."

"Will you take me somewhere afterwards?"

"Maybe."

* * *

A/N: Poor Lighto. He's going to be on crutches…Oh well. :-)

**Please review! Or L will crash your car!**

Up next: Therapy Part 2/ Hibachi Restaurant


	46. Therapy Part 2

A/N: Thanks for reviewing

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

L and Light sat in the waiting room at the therapist's office, Light with his crutches next to him and L nibbling away at his thumb. They were the only two in there and some out-of-place, loud opera music was playing. It was when Light started to hum along with said music that L felt the need to say something:

"Light-kun."

The humming persisted.

"Cease that humming."

Light looked straight ahead and deliberately amplified his humming, pulling his beanie down to cover his peripheral view of L.

L scowled and diverted his attention to a fake plant in the corner of the room, attempting but failing to block out the incessant humming rattling his eardrums.

"It looks like you two are getting along well," came the therapist's sudden voice.

L looked up and saw Kyoto gesturing for them to come in, clipboard at the ready. He stood and tried to help Light with his crutches.

"I have it, Ryuga!"

"I am trying to _help_ Light-kun!"

"Now, sirs…"

They both quieted and followed her down the hall. Once in her room, Light flopped dramatically down on the couch and left L to deal with the crutches.

"Light-kun only wants my help when it is inconveni-" L started, but at a questioning look from Kyoto, he quieted, put the crutches down, and crouched next to the injured adolescent.

"Now. Have you two been complimenting one another?"

"No," they said simultaneously.

Kyoto gave a little sigh and jotted something down on her clipboard. "How about you both say three things you like about the other person right now?" she suggested.

Silence. They both stared at her blankly.

She pursed her lips. "Ryuga, you go first."

L, not turning his head, shifted his eyes upon Light for a second and grunted. "Light-kun is…very imaginative," he forced out.

Kyoto nodded. "Very good, Ryuga. Now you go, Light. Keep going back and forth."

"Um, you're good at…puzzles?"

"Light-kun is skilled at folding clothes."

"Your hat collection is impressive."

"Light-kun's cologne is nice."

"You…know a lot of trivia."

Kyoto smiled and nodded, praising their efforts, before asking Light about his injury.

Light chuckled a little. "Well, I was stepping out of the shower and I tripped and stubbed my toe…And then it was made worse when I fought with Ryuga and-"

"You fought? About what?" Kyoto interrupted.

Light cleared his throat and crossed his legs. "Well, it's silly, really…He bought me some strawberry hair stuff that he thought was shampoo and it turned out to be hair dye," he said sheepishly, tugging on his beanie.

"Why did you buy him the hair product, Ryuga?"

L frowned. "I thought he would like the strawberry scent, and I also enjoy strawberries…"

The therapist gave a sudden sharp nod at this. "And why did you want him to smell like strawberries?" she pressed.

"Because I am around him all day _and_ at night-"

"At night? Are you two finally-"

"No! We have to share a bed because of the chain," Light cut in.

Kyoto's eyes widened and she wrote something else down. "Would you care to tell me about this _chain?_" she asked.

Shooting an exasperated look at Light, the detective clenched his teeth together for a moment before answering. "I handcuff him to myself because we are…participating in an experiment right now," he said awkwardly. "I took it off for this appointment."

"Ryuga, it sounds like you are the one who instigated this chain experiment…I'd like to tell you what I think the problem is here," she said, lowering her clipboard.

"And what would that be?" L droned.

"The unresolved sexual tension between you two is straining your relationship. Ryuga, you use these handcuffs as a way to be closer to Light, correct?"

"…" L stared.

Light sighed and let his head drop back against the couch cushion.

"You, Ryuga, have control issues. I would like to do a few exercises revolving around you this time and we will focus more on Light during our next session, okay?" she suggested.

"That sounds just _superb_."

Light smirked up at the ceiling. _Ryuuzaki's in a really horrible mood today._

Dr. Kyoto smiled and stood up, walking over to a desk and rummaging around for a second before pulling out a few pieces of paper and a shoebox.

"Light-kun," L whispered.

"Hm?"

"Get me out of here."

"Here you go, Ryuga," Kyoto said with a smile. She handed L the objects and he stared down at them:

Coloring pages of hummingbirds.

"You want _me_ to color?" he asked quietly.

"Yes. You'll find crayons in the box. Choose whatever colors appeal to you the most."

L frowned. "O-kay…"

"What do I get to do?" Light asked.

"Light, you will be taking a Rorschach test."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Light squinted at the ninth inkblot. "It looks like two people…in bed," he said, cocking his head to the side. "Or maybe an owl…but then if you look at it…hmm…It could be a moth. Yes. It is a moth. Or, no, it could be…"

L sat hunched over his lap (reasoning skills dropped by forty percent), scribbling away at the hummingbird's wings. _I hate coloring_, he thought. _I have always hated coloring. Why am I coloring? This is a waste of my time. I could be convicting that maniac right now, but no. No, L is _coloring_ because that is a fantastic way for the world's three greatest detectives to spend his time!_

The crayon broke. "Damn."

"Oh, that one definitely looks like a knife," Light said as he stared at the last inkblot.

"Up by three percent," L whispered.

"Shut up, Ryuga!" the teen snapped, whirling to the side to glare at L.

"What did you say, Ryuga?" Kyoto asked, leaning forward.

"Nothing. I am done coloring." L held up his masterpiece and Kyoto stared.

"I find it interesting that you colored the entire thing blue, Ryuga."

"That looks pretty gross," Light commented.

"I did not ask for Light-kun's opinion on my hummingbird!" L fired back.

"But _look_ at it! The strokes are going in a _thousand_ different directions! You colored out of the lines!"

L grit his teeth and looked over at Kyoto, who was watching them quietly.

"I think we are done for today, you two," she said, nodding. "Ryuga, I would like you to journal and bring it in next time. Light, I am assuming you forgot about journaling, so I will ask you to assert yourself around Ryuga a bit more and tell me how it goes the next time we meet. Okay?"

"Okay."

She grabbed the coloring page and ushered them out the door.

"And you two should do something together, like take dance lessons," she added. "Do you think you could do that once Light's foot is better?"

L just shuffled away, but Light grinned and nodded. "I'll talk him into it," he muttered. "Goodbye."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Once they got into the limo, Light reminded L about taking him out to eat.

"I do not wish to go anywhere with Light-kun right now."

"…Are you angry with me?"

L took a deep breath. "I am no angrier with Light-kun than I usually am," he responded.

"So you're perpetually annoyed with me, then?" the pink-haired boy asked.

"That deduction is correct."

"But why won't you take me out?"

"Because I want to contemplate things."

"You can contemplate while we eat. There's a really good Hibachi restaurant downtown that we could go to."

L looked over and was immediately attacked by those relentless puppy-dog eyes. He tried to resist…

"If Light-kun will go through piles of data tomorrow, then I will take him to the restaurant. And…Light-kun has to take off the beanie."

"Done."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

They arrived at the restaurant and were seated at the table in between a trio of giggling teenage girls and a middle-aged couple with two young boys. On the wall in front of the table was a mirror and Light stared at his pink hair in horror while L blinked down at the menu.

"Look at his hair!" one of the young girls whispered, breaking out into a shrill laugh along with her friends. Light tried to ignore them and he merely fluffed his hair in the mirror with a huff.

_I still look gorgeous, even though my hair may not be that…visually appealing when it comes to its hue._

"Does Light-kun want fish?" L asked. He pointed at the menu, but became irritated when Light kept messing around with his hair instead of listening to him. "Very well. I am ordering us fish."

"Good evening, all!" the chef boomed out, coming over with his little cart of ingredients. He hit a few buttons on the stove in front of them and took their orders.

L glanced over at Light, who was still flipping his hair around, and the detective started nibbling on his thumb. _Kira is obviously very egotistical. Light's gigantic ego growing even under these embarrassing circumstances implies that he can sustain a blow and press onward. His perseverance raises my suspicions by two percent._

And really…What was that therapist thinking? Sexual tension…Peh! Hardly. Just look at him! I could never be attracted to someone like that. His eyes…those lips…Her hypothesis is completely unfounded!

"Time for the FIRE!"

L jumped and turned his attention back to the stove, where he was greeted with a ceiling-high flame right in his face. He yelped and tilted backward on his stool, teetering on the edge for a moment before tumbling to the ground, arms flailing about in the air. The girls shrieked in laughter, the couple gave him strange looks and the little boys pointed and asked why "panda man" was so scared of the fire.

Light exhaled slowly and stared down at the fallen man. "Nice balance, panda puff."

"Shut up, Light-kun."

"Are you okay, buddy?!" the chef bellowed out as L climbed back into his seat.

"No, I am not okay. I am never okay."

"Alright, it's time for some fried rice!"

"I didn't know you were so afraid of fire," Light whispered with a little smirk.

"I have never liked fire."

"Really? I love it."

"Perhaps Light-kun can set himself on fire, then."

That earned L the silent treatment for quite a while. The chef made the fried rice, served it, and began working on the fish and a stir fry mixture to go with the entree. He began cooking some cucumber slices and he tossed a one of them at L, who caught it in his mouth without a problem, smirking at Light cockily.

"Nice catch, buddy!"

One of the little boys giggled and pointed. "Panda man caught the cucumber!" he squealed.

"Now how about one for our pink-haired friend?" the cook asked, tossing a slice out at Light.

"Ah!" Light tried to catch it but it smacked him in the nose and bounced onto L's plate.

"Light-kun's long nose got in the way," L observed, hiding a laugh.

"Shut up, puff-face. Give me another one!"

"Puff-face…?" L muttered.

The chef flung another one at Light. After that, another. Then a few more. Light failed every time.

"You're no good at this, pink-hair!" the chef laughed.

The teen scowled. "Shut up about my hair, you cheap excuse for a-"

"Temper, Light-kun."

Light glanced over at L and quieted.

L raised an eyebrow. Did he just…obey me? the older male mused.

"Here's your fish!"

The rest of the meal went by uneventfully, the girls sniggering at L and Light and the couple subtly trying to shift away from them. Once they were done, L helped Light back onto his crutches and they went back to the apartment.

While getting ready for bed, Light asked L for a foot massage to help his toe.

"Maybe sometime in the future, Light-kun, I will do that as a last resort. But as of right now, I refuse to touch Light-kun's feet with my hands."

"Whatever, panda man."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: Thanks, ColorlessDreamxx, for the Hibachi restaurant idea!!

**Please review! Or L will fling a cucumber at you!**

Up next: I haven't decided yet. :-)


	47. Nudity

A/N: Thanks for reviewing

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!! Seriously. You guys rock.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Oof!"

L awoke to a leg being flung across his groin. Needless to say, this was an unpleasant and painful experience for the black-haired detective because although he was used to Light being sprawled all over him, he was unaccustomed to having that particular area being smashed.

"Light-kun! Light-kun…leg! It's crushing me!"

Still sleeping, Light seemed to subconsciously take a hint and his leg shifted down a bit lower. L let his head fall back and he regained his breath for a few minutes before attempting to remove Light's leg from himself completely. He reached under the covers and grabbed the bare thigh…

_Bare?_ L frowned and shifted his arm up the leg a tiny bit. _Bare! Where are Light's boxers?! He always sleeps in boxers! Why doesn't he have anything on?! Okay…relax. Maybe he has briefs on. Yes, that is the only plausible explanation. Briefs._ Reassured, L moved his hand to Light's hip so he could shove the teen over, but he came into contact with bare skin again. He recoiled.

_He's naked! What…I saw him get ready for bed! I saw him with clothes on! I would have noticed… right? Should I wake him up? But first, I have to make sure…_

L turned the light on, looked under the covers and confirmed that Light was, indeed, naked.

"Light-kun!"

"I don't wanna, panda-chan…"

L scowled and shook Light's shoulders roughly. "Light-kun needs to wake up and explain himself!" he demanded.

Brown eyes fluttered open and focused blearily on L. "What's wrong, Ryuu?" Light yawned.

"Light-kun is naked!"

"No I'm not…" Light looked under the covers. "Okay, maybe I _(yawn)_ am…Where are my boxers?"

"I do not know, but Light-kun needs to put something on before I throw him out the window," L snapped.

"You don't need to threaten me!"

"Threats are necessary when dealing with someone as strange as Light-kun!"

"Well if I'm so strange, then why are _my_ boxers on _your_ pillow?"

"Because-" L stopped. Slowly, he turned to look at the other side of his pillow and there they were, a large tear down the side ruining the little sunshine prints smiling happily up at him.

Light sat up and pointed an accusing finger at L. "You tore them off, Ryuuzaki!" he exclaimed.

"I did no such thing!"

"Yes you did! The angle at which they are torn _and_ the fact that they are somewhere where I cannot reach clearly show that you stripped me while I was sleeping! _Pervert!_"

L started chewing on his thumb and tried to think of a way to disprove Light's hypothesis, but he came to the same conclusion that his roommate had.

"_First_ you want me to smell like strawberries, _then_ you strip me while I'm asleep! I don't want to know what you have planned next!" Light said as he shifted away from L a bit more. "Take this handcuff off!"

"No."

"Take it off!" Panicking, Light dove at L and tried to get the key out of the older male's pocket.

"Light-kun! Get off of me!"

"No! I want these cuffs the hell off!"

"If Light-kun unlocks the chain, then I will simply dive on him when he tries to escape the room."

Light ceased his searching and stared down at L for a few seconds. He huffed and moved back to his side of the bed, figuring that L was probably right. "Well, I'm going back to sleep," he said. "Keep your paws off me."

"Light-kun does not need to tell me twice."

"Good!"

"Fine."

L watched as Light, still naked, threw himself back down onto his pillow and eventually fell back to sleep. The detective then decided that it would be a good time to do what the therapist wanted and journal his experiences down. He picked his laptop up from the nightstand and opened a blank text document.

_Journal entry number 1_

_Time: 2:58 A.M._

_Light is sleeping without his clothing on because I tore his boxers off in my sleep. I suppose that could be the result of eating too much chocolate cake before going to bed and my subconscious wanting to humiliate him. He pinned me down and attempted an escape, but I convinced him to abandon his poorly-formed plan._

_I suppose that is all I have to say about that particular incident. Thus concludes my first journal entry._

_-L_

L read over his writing and felt that something was missing from it. It was a few hours later, while he was looking at some graphs, that he realized he hadn't written down any of his emotions, but he figured that that was superfluous.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Later that day, they were seated on the couch after feeding the fish and watering the garden, and L decided that he should shower. He chained Light to the side table and went slinking down the hall.

Light watched him go silently and, once he was certain L was in the bathroom, he tried to click into the Photo Booth feature on his laptop so he could look at himself. Typical of his luck, the application wouldn't open. He clicked, typed and forced quit more times than he could count before giving up and grabbing L's computer to use instead.

"Hmm." Light tried many different passwords before _LightIsADitz_ successfully got him in. Slightly offended, the teen opened the photo feature and began checking himself out in the monitor.

_I wish this dye would fade already!_ he thought angrily, fingering his hair. _Hm. Maybe I could take a few pictures for the hell of it._ He clicked the "Take Photo" button and began striking a few poses.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

L stared at his reflection in the fogged-up mirror and scowled when he saw his hair puffing out. _Maybe I could use some of Light's conditioner…_ He opened the cupboard and saw well over thirty different bottles of product. _…Maybe not._

Defeated, he flicked a strand of black out of his eyes and grabbed the hairdryer. _If I brush it while drying, it might become more manageable…_

He spent the next ten minutes blasting hot air into his hair and trying to blink enough so his eyes didn't dry out. He grabbed one of Light's brushes and tore it through his thick locks, a loud ripping sound accompanying each stroke.

"This is _painful!_" L hissed to himself. He scowled and kept going at it for a few more minutes before turning off the dryer and looking in the mirror.

…_Well, that did not turn out at all how I expected it to._

Light slammed the laptop shut when he heard L come shuffling into the room. He looked up at the detective and jumped. "_Holy hell_, Ryuuzaki!"

"Do not say another word, Light-kun."

"But your puff-"

"I am aware of the state my puff is in."

L tried to walk over to the couch with some dignity, but he ended up tripping over one of the crutches and slamming down face-first onto the cushion. He stayed in that position for a few minutes. Light stared down at him.

"Someone could get _lost_ in your hair, Ryuuzaki."

A muffled grunt was all the injured adolescent got in response.

"I mean, it looks like you went trekking through a severe windstorm."

L lifted himself up and crouched next to Light silently. He snatched his computer back and opened it up, clicking on Excel. It didn't respond.

"Well, I'm going to go shower now, Ryuu. I'll be back," Light said. He hopped on one leg into the bathroom, tired of the crutches.

_Hmm. My Excel application will not open. I had better have Watari take a look at this._

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Watari fixed the application with little effort.

He decided to overlook the risqué pictures of Light he found hidden in L's files. He figured things were unfolding as they should.

* * *

A/N: ;-) CoughfanserviceCough. …But you guys don't mind, righto? And yes, L will definitely get a look at those pics next time.

What is this picture application Light is using? It uses a little camera built in to the top of the laptop to take pictures. He's having too much fun.

**NoWaitAuthor** inspired the Light-photo idea (which I sorta tweaked). Thanks!!

**Please review! Or L will come style your hair for you!** (Now _that's_ a real threat.)

Up next: I'm not sure yet. I may skip ahead a few days so they can go to the dance lessons without Light complaining about his toe.


	48. Dance Lessons

A few days later, it was time for the dreaded dance lessons

A/N: Thanks for reviewing! I always like feedback, even though this is total crack…

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A few days later, it was time for the dreaded dance lessons. They got dressed (L in his usual garb and Light in matching blue sweat clothes- "It's a _workout,_ Ryuu!") and got in the limo, Watari driving them.

"What kind of dancing did you sign us up for, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked, examining his toe to reassure himself he was in dancing condition.

L stared straight ahead of him. "I had Watari set it up."

"Well, what kind of dancing did _he_ sign us up for?"

"I do not know."

"Pfff…"

L heard the loud exhalation next to him and immediately knew that Light would be complaining all day, something he was not looking forward to hearing. He reached up and tried to fix his hair (which was still messed up from a few days before), but was unsuccessful. _All_ attempts to tame his hair had been a failure; even when Light had taken some spray and goop to it, it remained the same. The teen proclaimed that it was an entity of its own and was referring to it now solely as the "Puff."

"Don't bother with that forest, Ryuuzaki. Blow-drying it made it indestructible. It would be kind of funny to put rainbow streaks in it and pass you off as a clown," Light commented.

"I disagree," L responded dryly.

"You don't have a sense of humor."

"I do not wish to have one."

"See, _that's_ the problem here. You need to develop your personality a bit more."

"Up by three point seven percent."

"Why?!"

"For being presumptuous."

"…_Presumptuous_, says Mister Justice-puff."

L scowled and turned toward Light. "Putting _-puff_ after everything does not make it amusing," he snapped.

"_I_ think it's amusing, Ryuu-puff. Once again, you have no sense-"

L smacked him in the face.

They sat in silence for a while after that, L chewing on his thumb until he decided to have some of his gummy worms. He reached into his pocket…

Nothing.

He went into the other pocket. Nothing.

_How can I not have my worms? I remember putting them in my pockets just yesterday!_

"Light-kun."

"What," Light grumbled, face still red from the earlier assault.

"Where are my worms?" L asked, eyes wider than usual.

The younger man raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know you had worms! It's not ringworm, is it?! You probably got it from never wearing shoes, you _pig!_"

"I do not have ringworm! I was talking about my gummy worms," L interrupted, growing more peeved by the second.

"Oh. I ate those."

A beat.

"Light-kun _ate my worms?"_

The teen nodded, frowning when he saw L lean in closer toward him. "Yeah, you were napping on the couch and I didn't think-"

"Idiot! Those were my only source of sugar!"

"I didn't know!"

"I cannot go without sugar! I cannot go without it, Light-kun! I cannot go-"

Light rested a hand on L's arm. "Calm down, Ryuuzaki…"

"Do not touch me," L hissed.

Recoiling, Light desperately looked around the limo for something to hold L over during the lessons. All he came up with was a miniature bottle of Scotch and he knew that wouldn't have the slightest effect on L, so he just waved his hands around stressfully while L rocked back and forth, gnawing on his thumb.

"We have arrived," Watari said from the front seat, seemingly not having heard them panicking. He stopped the car and watched them get out, a tiny grin on his face, before speeding off.

"Let's get this over with," Light grumbled.

"Right."

They entered the dance studio and saw five other couples already there- all of them with a man and a woman. Everyone stared at the odd-looking pair in silence.

"Hello!" the instructor - a short, thin man- said as he bustled over to them. "I'm happy you could join us, okay? Now come over here so we can start, okay? Okay."

"I don't like this," Light whispered to L, but the detective seemed to be concentrating on something else. "Fine. Don't listen to me."

"I think you two are gonna like this. Ballroom dancing doesn't require any lifting, so you should be fine, okay," the instructor mentioned as he went to the front of the room, the mirror behind him making it easy for everyone to stare at L and Light some more.

"Okay, we're gonna start with some simple steps. Please spread out and get into position, with the female's hand on top of the male's."

L and Light moved toward the very back corner of the room and glared at one another.

"I hope Light-kun knows that his hand is going on top," L said, grabbing the other male's hand and positioning it accordingly.

Light shook his head and flipped the positions of their hands. "I'm _not_ the girl."

L wrenched Light's arm around, but the younger male was putting up a pretty good fight and he couldn't seem to win. The instructor came over and gave them a "tsk".

"Okay little guy, your hand's gonna be on the top, okay?" he said to L.

"No, it is not."

"Okay, just put it up there like that." He positioned L's hand on the top and pushed them in the path of the other couples. "Okay, now follow the other couples."

He started the music and the others, apparently not complete beginners, began stepping around in a circle to the rhythm. Light, still happy about being the "male," tried to get L to follow the same basic steps as the others, but L just swayed a little bit.

"You have to _move_, Ryuu!"

"I am trying to!"

Light tugged L over to the left to avoid a collision with another couple. The detective tripped and flew forward, smashing their heads together.

"Nice work, genius!" Light snapped, shaking his head in response to the pain. "What's wrong with you?"

"I have not had my required amount of sugar because Light-kun _devoured_ my worms while I was napping!"

"I didn't devour them! I'm not an _animal!_"

"Okay, you two! You gotta move faster, okay now?" the instructor called over to them.

"_Okay!"_ they both yelled back, causing the man to shrink back.

"Move your skinny ass over here," Light ordered. He tugged L over to the other side of the floor. "Quit tripping!"

"Up by three percent."

"Why?"

"For being rude."

"Whatever. Your calculations are off because of your sugar withdrawal, anyway…"

"Get control over your dancing, young man!" a woman's voice screeched next to them.

Light looked over and saw that he and L had accidentally cornered another couple. The wealthy-looking woman was sneering at them.

"_Do_ watch where you're leading your…partner," she added.

"Well, you don't have to get all pissed about it," Light fired back.

"Don't you speak to my wife like that, boy!" the man said loudly, stepping forward.

Light cringed back a little bit. L stared at the floor and thought about sugar.

"Apologize, you little punk!"

"Um…" Though Light didn't want to get crushed by this man, he also felt the need to protect his pride, so he crossed his arms and attempted to stare the man down. It didn't work.

"Sir?" L suddenly asked, looking up at the man.

"What?" the guy barked, still glaring at Light.

"If you continue to bother us, I will physically remove you from this dance studio."

The woman's eyes widened and she stepped back, eyes darting between the slouched-over oddball and the fiery pink-haired teen. "Honey, let's get out of here," she said.

"What?" her husband asked, obviously not willing to let Light get away unscathed.

"We're leaving."

She tugged him out of the studio and the instructor watched them go sadly.

"Come back soon, okay?" he yelled to them.

L, who was developing a rather nasty headache, grabbed Light's hand so the teen's was on top and jerked him back into the center of the floor. He stumbled through the steps and tried vainly to ignore Light occasionally pressing up against him.

"Okay, we're working on dips now, okay? Women, balance yourselves." the dance teacher boomed out. "You two, let me position you, okay." He walked over to the strange pair and showed L how to properly dip Light, but the black-haired man was too busy thinking about sugar and didn't catch all of it.

"Okay, go ahead and try!"

L flung Light down toward the ground haphazardly, much to the instructor's horror. Light tried to steady himself so he didn't bang his head on the floor and brought a leg up right in between L's legs.

"Mrrgh!" L's vision blackened. The last thing he saw was Light kneeling over him, worrying his lower lip.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Oohh…" L was stretched out in their bed, an ice packet covering his pained privates. "Light-kun…"

"Yes? Do you need something?"

"Lollipop…"

"Oh." Light shifted around and lowered his gaze. "You see…"

"Light-kun ate the rest of my lollipops, too?"

"Yes."

"Oohh…"

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

_Journal entry number 2_

_Time: 9:31 PM_

_Light kicked me while I was attempting to dip him. It was painful._

_I am annoyed with him because he ate all of my food, and Watari is going to be busy tomorrow so Light and I will have to go to the store together. I do not enjoy going places with Light._

_Dancing was a failure. Light's body was entirely too close to mine for me to be comfortable and I was unable to concentrate properly due to a lack of sugar._

_-L_

* * *

A/N: XD Poor L… And yes, I did have the guy saying "okay" over and over to be annoying. Success.

**Please review! Or Light will eat all of your food!**

Up next: Supermarket


	49. Supermarket

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!! And…eek. Sorry for the wait, guys. I've been swamped.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Walking to the store shouldn't have been an ordeal.

It wasn't very far away, the sidewalks weren't crowded, and L and Light were handcuffed together, so they couldn't get split up and lost. But Light seemed set on making it into a huge, unnecessary production and L wasn't in the mood for any silly behavior.

"Will you please take these cuffs off? People are _staring_ at us!" Light tried to pull L into an alleyway, but the older man just kept on walking.

"Please, Ryuu? Quite dragging me around like an animal!"

"Quit acting like one!"

Light made a little affronted sound and crossed his arms huffily. The two didn't talk for a while as they passed a few people on the sidewalk, one of them a woman with her little dog.

"Ooh, look at it!" Light exclaimed, kneeling down to pet the dog. "What's it's name?"

"Foo-foo," the woman replied, a blush spreading across her face when she noticed the handcuffs connecting the two opposite-looking men.

"She's a-dor-a-ble!"

L glared down at Light. _Really, was it necessary for him to say it like that? He has to create such a massive show out of everything…_

"Pet her, Ryuu!"

"Do not call me that."

The woman smiled at L. "Don't worry; she won't bite," she assured him.

L, scowling and wishing he had some cake, bent over and reached his hand out toward the dog. It turned toward him, yipped and, showing its little spiky teeth, leapt forward and latched onto his fingers.

"Get it off! _Get the dog off!_" L yelled. Light hurriedly grabbed Foo-foo and pulled her off, shoving the little monster at the woman.

"You should control your _rodent_ next time!" the teen snapped. "Look, it made him bleed!"

"Sh-She's never done anything like this before…" the lady stammered. "I'm so sorry, I-"

"We're leaving. Come on, Ryuu." Light grabbed L's injured hand and tugged him down the sidewalk. L shuffled along and tried to distance himself from the situation; after all, the store was just down the street.

"Light-kun needs to let go of my hand."

"Sorry." Light grabbed the other hand instead.

"Light-kun needs to let go of my hand," L repeated, teeth gnashing together in an attempt to caml his temper.

"Sorry." Alternatively, Light grabbed the chain. He looked down at his own hand, which was covered with L's blood, and gagged. "We really need to wash you, Ryuuzaki!" he said. "You're going to get an _infection!_"

Ignoring the building craving for sugar in his chest, L followed Light down the sidewalk and into the store. The younger man immediately pulled him back to the bathroom and began fussing over the dog bite.

"What if it was rabid?! Maybe it had a disease, or…or…I don't know! We have to clean it!"

"Light-kun-"

"_Clean_ it!"

L closed his eyes tightly for a moment, imagining himself some where far away, preferably somewhere with lots of candy and no Light screaming in his face. Maybe a candy island with a quiet, docile Light sleeping next to him. Yes, that looked nice, or…Who said Light had to be in his fantasy at all?

_Get out of my fantasy, Light-kun!_ L thought to the imaginary sleeping teen. But daydream-Light was just as stubborn as the real one and he ignored L.

"Ah!" L was brought back to the real world when Light shoved his arm under a freezing cold stream of water.

"There. I probably cleaned off all the saliva," the younger man muttered, more to himself than to L, as he grabbed a paper towel and blotted the hand dry. He looked up suddenly, ready to nag L. "Ryuuzaki! Don't you care about your health?! Do you know what kinds of bacteria could have entered your body…"

L tuned him out and went back out into the store, dragging Light along behind him. He grabbed a cart, motioned for the still-ranting Light to push it, and headed off toward the candy bins.

"There's Pasteurella multocida, Staphylococcus aureus, Pseudomonas sp, Streptococcus sp. P. multocida…" Light went on.

_Candy!_ L thought happily as they approached the bins. "Light-kun, look at all of this! Gumdrops, gummy worms, gummy bears, chocolate-covered raisins…"

"Enterobacter, Capnocytophaga canimorsus…"

"Lollipops, jelly beans, jawbreakers…"

"Proteus, Eikenella…"

"Licorice, M&M's…"

"Pr- Are you even listening to me?!" Light exclaimed. He watched in disbelief as L grabbed a plastic bag and shuffled along the line of bins, taking a large scoop of almost everything there. The pink-haired teen held out his arm and moved closer to L. "Fine! I'm going to get some fruit, unlock the chain."

"No."

"Unlock it! The fruit is right over there! I want an apple!"

"No."

"Dammit, Ryu-mph!" Light was cut off when L shoved a giant red gumdrop into his mouth. "Mmmh!" He glowered at L, who shrugged absentmindedly.

"I know that Light-kun likes the red candies, and I deduced that his mouth was large enough to accommodate a giant-sized one," he explained dryly. "We will now venture over to the fruit section and Light-kun may select his apple. I also find it fifty four percent probable that Light-kun will want a banana, maybe even several bananas."

"Muu uh!"

"I will not shut up." L began smacking on his candy as they walked over to the fruit.

"Gah!" Light swallowed the gumdrop. "Are you trying to kill me? That thing was huge!"

"I was certain Light-kun could handle it. Apparently he is weaker than I had originally thought," L responded through a mouthful of chocolate. Light wrinkled his nose at L's breath and sped up to walk ahead of the older man.

"Light-kun has toothpaste on his behind," L observed, smirking when Light hurriedly covered his ass with his hands. "I can still see it."

Light threw a glare over his shoulder and walked up to the apples. He chose a few and put them in a bag while L gnawed on some licorice.

"Light-kun can only have one apple."

"Why?" Light asked. He dropped the apples into the cart and raised an eyebrow.

"Because I am using my funds to provide for him. Therefore, I choose what he eats and does not eat."

The adolescent ignored L and moved over to the bananas, where some unpleasant memories were conjured up. "I shouldn't get these," he said to himself. "But…they _are_ delicious."

"The bananas Light-kun is considering buying are shockingly small," the black-haired man noted, tearing into a fresh piece of licorice.

"Shut up, Ryuuzaki." Light slammed the bananas down and picked up some larger ones.

"Light-kun is going to bruise the bananas if he keeps manhandling them like that."

"I'm not manhandling them!"

After Light chose his bananas and L got some cheese (apparently the detective had a fondness for dairy products), they went over to the meat so Light could "cook L a proper dinner."

"I want Light-kun to make me chicken. That way, I know he cannot replace the meal with one of our pets."

Light glared and started picking through the cuts of chicken. "You've been terribly chirpy ever since you got those sweets. Why don't you focus your genius brain on your candy instead of teasing me?" he suggested.

"Because Light-kun is my subject, not my candy."

"More like your hostage."

"Hn."

They got the rest of their groceries, purchased them and, after an argument over who had to carry the third bag, walked back to the apartment. They entered and L slammed his two bags down on the table.

"Light-kun has to carry everything next time!" he snapped.

"Pfft."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Later that day, as Light was scrubbing the toothpaste off of his pants, he wondered why L would have noticed it in the first place, but he dismissed it as the other man just being very observant.

* * *

A/N: Sorry, guys. I'm officially discontinuing MA.

:-(

.

.

.

.

_April Fools!_ XD Suckers!

Anyway. Innuendo? (Looks around.) What innuendo? I don't see any innuendo.

**Please review! Or GoodMood!L will shove a giant gumdrop in your mouth!** (Lousy threat. That's not anywhere near a threat…)

Up next: Haven't decided yet. Maybe they'll go ice skating.


	50. Ice Skating

A/N: Wow, thanks for reviewing

A/N: Wow, thanks for reviewing!!

And I'm glad my joke got most of you. My work here is done. :-)

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

_Journal entry number 3:_

_9:37 AM_

_I am now in possession of a very large and fulfilling bag of candy, thanks to our outing to the store two days ago. I have also gotten a blood test done to see if I contracted rabies form a dog that bit me, on Light's insistence. It came back negative, but he still wants me to get another test to be certain. I refuse._

_We were down in the workroom today and I got into an argument with Matsuda over whether or not the Earth revolves around the sun. I told him that we actually go in a straight line through countless galaxies and he believed me. Light yelled at me later for being a "jerk."_

Misa also made an appearance down there. She called me a "pervert" then proceeded to grope Light, at which point I decided to take him back up to our rooms to get him away from her. I cannot watch such debauchery and not take action, especially when Light looks like he is about to cry. Honestly, I don't know why she is so blind to the fact that he only loves-

"Ryuuzaki?"

"Hm?" L looked up from his laptop and saw that Light was straightening out the painting on the wall for the fifth time that day. "Light-kun needs to control his compulsions."

"Don't pick on me. I was just wondering if you wanted to go ice skating."

"Why would I want to go ice skating?"

"…Cause you like ice?" Light guessed, standing back and looking at the painting.

"I do not like ice and I do not like skating. The combination of the two is completely unappealing to me."

"Have you ever skated in your life?" the teen demanded.

"Yes. I have experiences in many different activities which Light-kun may find shocking."

Light turned around and shot L a strange look, to which L held up his bag.

"Does Light-kun want a gummy worm?"

"No! You can shove those up-"

"Now, now, Light-kun. There is no need for such language," L interrupted as he slurped down another worm. Satisfied when Light went back to fixing the painting, L turned back to his computer and opened up a graph on the Yotsuba members that he had made. But instead of the graph, it was a picture of Light without a shirt on.

L blinked.

"You know, ice skating would be reeeally fun," Light insisted. "Come on, just for an hour or so?" He shifted the painting to the left a little bit and cocked his head to the side. "Does this look straight to you?"

L kept staring at his computer screen. "No," he answered tonelessly.

"Hm. Well, I'm not going to fight with it anymore; it can just be how it is. Now how about that ice skating?"

"…Ice? What? It is a bit hot…" L responded dazedly.

"Kay. Let's go, then."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Dammit, the lines are really long."

L closed his eyes for a moment and let out a long breath as Light fidgeted around next to him. The younger man was right; the lines were huge and L certainly didn't want to be in it any longer then necessary, so he scanned the people at the registers and found his victim.

"Does Light-kun see that girl working behind the register at the third line?"

Light squinted and nodded. "Yeah, why?"

"Light-kun needs to go and work his magic to get us in faster."

The pink-haired boy raised an eyebrow. "I'm not a _witch_," he said. "And I'm not going to attack her."

"No, that is not what I meant. And of course Light-kun is not a witch…Go and persuade her to let us in," L clarified. "I doubt Light-kun could effectively attack her, anyway…"

"What was that?"

"Nothing, go."

L nudged Light up to the side of the counter, and the other boy gave the girl his very best smile and a sweet "Hello." As Light went on charming the girl, L stared at the ground and pondered the picture that he had found in his computer.

_Was Light trying to flirt with me? That isn't a very effective way to do it…This is a problem. If I mention it, he may misinterpret me…but if I don't, he could become angry and offended. I don't want either of those outcomes…But why did he have to do that? Doesn't he think before he acts?! When did he take that picture, anyway? Unbelievable! He's an idiot. A complete idiot. I can't believe that he-_

"Come on, Ryuu." Light had gotten the skates and was pulling L into the main room with the ice rink. "You're going to have to take these cuffs off, you know."

L shifted his dull gaze onto Light. "Light-kun is stating the obvious. He is tedious."

"I am not tedious! Who calls someone else _tedious?_" came the loud response.

"I do. Does Light-kun want a worm?" L asked, pulling a grimy gummy worm out of his pocket. "It is cherry flavored."

"I don't want your worm!"

"Take it, Light-kun."

"I don't want it!"

L dangled it in front of Light's nose and waved it around a little bit.

"Get it out of my face! It's _offensive!_" Light swatted at it, reminding L of a cat, and batted it to the side and into the ice rink. They stared for a moment.

"Should I pick it up?"

L frowned. "The probability of someone skating over it and getting injured is…five percent," he said. "Picking it up is probably unnecessary."

Light nodded and led them over to a bench, where they both sat and put their skates on. L then removed the handcuff, shoved it in his pocket along with his candy, and threatened Light a few times:

"If Light-kun tries to skate away, I will follow him and immobilize him."

"You don't have to be so aggressive about it!"

They managed to get over to the ice and stood before it, both staring and waiting for the other to go first. After a few minutes of this, L grew impatient and gave Light a little nudge.

"Go."

"No, you go first."

"Ladies first, Light-kun."

"I'm not a _lady!_" With that, Light pushed at L's lower back and sent him sprawling out onto the ice rather ungracefully. Several people snickered and pointed, but L took no heed of them.

"Light-kun! Why did you…ah!" L exclaimed. He teetered around, spun, and slid until he made his way (unintentionally) to the middle of the rink, where the faster skaters were flying around.

Light watched this in amusement. Yes, a little public humiliation was good for L sometimes. He leaned against the side wall and got his fill of L making a fool of himself.

"Please…Ah! Move, I'm coming through! Move!" L kept half-walking half-falling across the ice and through the fast skaters. One girl narrowly avoided him and he flung his arms out in an attempt to gain control. He lost control of his legs…

"I didn't know Ryuuzaki could do the splits," Light muttered to himself. He shrugged and decided that he should help his fallen roommate, tentatively stepping out onto the ice. He sloppily made his way over to L, pushing a few little kids to the side along the way.

"Out of my way, brats!"

L watched, no longer doing the splits but in his crouch, as Light came stumbling over and reached his hand out once the teen was in front of him. "Help me up, Light-kun. This is degrading."

"Okay…" Light wavered uneasily for a second, trying to get his balance. "Okay, here." He grabbed L's hand and pulled, but instead of standing up, the detective merely slid forward on the ice.

"Pull me up, Light-kun!"

"I'm trying to, panda puff!"

"You need some help?"

Light looked to the side at the sudden voice and saw a young man smiling at him. Light blushed.

"Um, well…My friend here can't get up. It would be great if you'd help us…"

The guy nodded, grabbed L's other arm and together he and Light pulled the black-haired man to his feet.

"Thanks a lot," Light said with a little smile. "Um…What was your name?"

"Come on, Light-kun," L grumbled rudely. "We are leaving."

"My name's Tatsuya," the man replied. "So um, are you two just…friends? If so, how would you," he gestured at Light, "like to get a drink with me later on?"

"Um-"

"We are _leaving_, Light-kun."

Light shot a little annoyed glance at L and smiled largely at Tatsuya. "Ignore my friend; he's a little insistent sometimes," he said apologetically.

"That's fine," Tatsuya said. "So, when would you like to get tog-"

"He is not going _anywhere_ with you," L snapped.

The man looked a little angry at that. "Why not?" he demanded.

"Because he is mine." That said, L began stumbling back toward the exit. "Come, Light-kun."

"Uh…" Light stared at the spidery figure for a moment before turning to Tatsuya. "Sorry, apparently I'm taken."

"Light-kun!"

"Coming!"

Neither of them noticed Tatsuya slip on the gummy worm on their way out.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Ryuuzaki?"

"Hm?"

"What did you mean when you said _he is mine_?"

"I meant that…Light-kun is my suspect and I am keeping an eye on him."

"Oh. Okay, then." _Whatever you say, Ryuuzaki._

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: I like possessive!L.

**Please review! Or L will skate over your toes!** (Aha! That's a real threat.)

Up next: Embarrassment


	51. Embarrassment

A/N: Thanks for reviewing

A/N: Thanks for reviewing! You guys are the best. :-)

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Will Light-kun please shut up about that?"

"What? You ask to be ridiculed, Ryuuzaki. I'm _yours?_ Are you going to put a collar on me?" Light teased.

L ground his teeth together. "No, but I _will_ put a muzzle on Light-kun."

Light quieted, folding his arms and glaring over at L. They were sitting in bed, it being seven o'clock in the morning, trying to log the people who had been killed within the past few days.

"Get me some ice cream," L ordered as he unlocked the cuff.

"Someone's bitchy today." Light got up and headed into the kitchen, tripping over L's pants along the way. "Will you pick up your crap, Ryuuzaki?" he yelled as he opened the freezer. "I'm going to kill myself on it someday!"

"Well, we certainly would not want that!" came the sarcastic reply.

"You can get your own damn ice cream if you keep treating me like this!"

"Just get it for me!"

"Fine! What flavor?"

"I do not care!"

"I'll get you vanilla bean, then!"

"Light-kun knows that I am not fond of vanilla bean!"

"Well, tell me what flavor you want!"

"Pistachio!"

"We're out of that!" Light yelled loudly, and he heard the bed creak as L stood and came shuffling into the kitchen. The detective's bags under his eyes were more pronounced than usual. "You haven't slept for three days, have you?" Light demanded as L walked by him and began digging through the overstocked freezer.

"Light-kun is incompetent," was the only response as L pulled out a new container of Pistachio from the depths of the freezer.

"You're unbelievable." Light grunted when L thrust the ice cream into his hands.

"Scoop it for me and come back into the bedroom." With that, L went slinking back down the hall, leaving Light standing with the Pistachio.

"You could be a little nicer!"

L ignored the complaints as he went back to his computer and brought up his IM window:

**PandaPuff007 has returned.**

_PandaPuff007:_ I found several pictures of Light on my computer that you may be interested in.

_chocowhore14:_ What are they?

_PandaPuff007:_ Here.

**PandaPuff007 has sent 2 documents.**

_chocowhore14:_ OMG!

_PandaPuff007:_ Look at the third one.

_chocowhore14:_ He's not around you, right?

_PandaPuff007:_ No, I have him scooping some ice cream for me. It should take him about three minutes to figure out that he has to let it thaw first; I got him extremely agitated.

_chocowhore14:_ XD

_PandaPuff007:_ Anyway, the third one is rather revealing, isn't it?

_chocowhore14:_ Yes. Is that a pink floral print?

_PandaPuff007:_ I don't doubt it.

_chocowhore14:_ Aw, the fourth one is blurred out… :-(

_PandaPuff007:_ I couldn't have you seeing that.

_chocowhore14:_ So why do you think he took these?

_PandaPuff007:_ I believe he- I have to go, he's returning and looks very sour.

**PandaPuff007 has signed off.**

L slammed his laptop closed and watched as Light came huffing back into the room and started one of his wild cleaning sprees.

"Light-kun! Where is my ice cream?" L asked.

"It has to thaw." Light threw a huge pile of identical jeans and white shirts into the hamper. "This place is filthy! All of your clothes are _pungent!_"

"I am not going to have any clothes left!"

"You can borrow some of mine."

After Light called Watari up to take the hamper and L's clothes were taken away, he noticed that the handcuffs were still off, but didn't say a thing about it. If L was going to be an idiot, it wasn't Light's responsibility to correct him.

"Well, give me some clothing, Light-kun!" L demanded. "I do not like standing in my underwear ."

"Fine!" Light stomped over to his closet and tore the doors open. "Do you want khakis?"

"Absolutely not. I will not fit into them because Light-kun likes to wear them snug on his thighs."

Light scowled and neatly shifted his hangers over to reveal _the_ blue shorts. "You can wear these, " he offered, taking them off of the hanger and waving them in L's face. "Don't worry; you won't provoke anyone."

"Is Light-kun implying that I am unattractive?" L fired quickly.

"Of course not. People just won't find a panda in little blue shorts provocative."

"I am not a panda and I will show Light-kun that the shorts will accentuate my finer features."

"I didn't know you had fine features."

L snatched the shorts away and disappeared into the bathroom. Light chose a sweatshirt for L and waited until the older man revealed himself.

"Oh, Lord!"

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A little later, L received a call from Watari, saying that the task force was calling a meeting down in the workroom. He asked if his pants were washed, but Watari said no. So embarrassed, but not wanting to give in to Light, L led the way down the stairs in the blue shorts and a bright orange sweatshirt.

"Ryuuzaki, are those…Lights shorts?" Soichiro asked once the two were downstairs.

"Yes."

Light rolled his eyes and stared down at L's pale legs. Really, had L ever been exposed to sunlight? He looked like a ghost!

"Liiiiight!"

The boy in question cringed at Misa's shrill voice and tried to back away from the blonde blur launching at him. "Ah, Misa…Nice to see you?" he said awkwardly.

"Light!" she repeated. "Is Ryuuzaki touching you? Is he being a pervert? Eew, look at those shorts, gross! He's so _pale!_ I-I'll get rid of him for you, Light! I'll-"

"Silence, Amane," L said softly. "Now, what did we need a meeting for?"

"Wow, those are _some_ shorts, Ryuuzaki!" Matsuda exclaimed, entering the room. "Where did you get them?" He smiled eagerly over at the slouched detective and clasped his hands together.

L ignored the stares and perched himself in a computer chair. "May we discuss the issue that we was called here for?" he droned.

"Ryuu, you may not want to sit like that," Light whispered discreetly.

L's eyes widened and he shifted into a normal sitting position, his face heating up a tiny bit.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"I am finished." L flung the shorts over at Light and came slinking out of the bathroom with his boxers on. "The task force will have no respect for me now."

"Well, maybe you shouldn't have gone strutting around in there," Light retorted as he threw the shorts on the ground. "And sitting like that! What were you thinking?"

"Hn. Oh, by the way: I was researching Light-kun's past and found some rather interesting video footage from his childhood."

Light perked up at this. "What did you find?" he asked.

"Does Light-kun remember a school play when he was eight years old?"

Light frowned and thought for a moment, before his eyes widened in horror. "No, you didn't…"

"It seems that Light-kun…" L trailed off. "Well, shall we watch it?" He smiled a tiny bit and opened his laptop, clicked an icon on his desktop and the video opened:

Thirteen kids were lined up on a stage, all in foam cheese wedge outfits except the one in the middle, who was dressed as a mouse. He had large, floppy ears and a long tail that moved jerkily behind him. Light immediately recognized it as himself when he saw the huge yellow glasses the kid had on. Then, the children started to sing:

"Mousie, Mousie! Squeak, squeak, squeak! Mousie, Mousie what do you eat?"

Young Light stepped forward, the ears falling down over his face. "I like to…eat…" He pushed the ears up and stared blankly out at the audience. "…eat…" he repeated, looking offstage, obviously frozen and forgetting his lines.

"Cheese!" the person holding the camera, who L recognized as Light's father, hissed.

"What did you say, daddy?" Light asked. The kids behind him giggled and pointed, and the music stopped.

The camera shook from side to side, Soichiro shaking his head.

"Move over, Light Bright!" one little cheese wedge said, pushing Light to the side. The frightened boy tripped over his tail and went tumbling down the side stairs. The camera went running over to the fallen Light, who was crying as the music restarted and the cheese kids finished their song.

"Daddy, he broke my glasses!" Light wailed up at the camera. Then the screen went blank as the movie ended.

L and Light sat in silence for a few minutes.

"That was a rather unfortunate experience, Light-kun," L commented finally.

"I hope you're happy that you saw my childhood shame," the teen snapped. "I hated that mouse costume! And that boy who pushed me teased me right up through middle school."

"Hmm."

Later that day, L went through the fridge and offered something to Light. It was a cheese wedge.

"Why would I want this?" he asked with a scowl.

"Light-kun is a mouse."

Light threw the cheese in the garbage disposal and ground it up. L raised the Kira chances by five percent.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

_Journal entry number4:_

_2:38 AM_

_I showed Light that footage of him in the school play and he looked about to cry at the memory of it. It serves as a basis for Kira's motivation, though. And I must mention that I found it slightly amusing._

_I wore those blue shorts in front of the task force today and made a fool of myself. I hope Light knows that I saw him staring at my legs, as they are rather toned despite how they may appear when I wear my jeans. There is a possibility that he may have been shocked by the whiteness, though. A ninety one percent possibility, in fact._

_I am consuming some Pistachio ice cream right now and am finding it very pleasant._

_- L_

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: Sorry for the short Misa appearance, but I really can't write her character without totally bashing her and getting irritated, so I decided to stop before I did that. Oh well. I tried. (Ducks anvil from Misa fans.)

**Please review! Or L will find some embarrassing footage of your childhood!**

Up next: Therapy Part 3


	52. Therapy Part 3

A/N: Thanks for reviewing

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Light awoke to something moving around in his hair. Naturally, he assumed that it was a predator (probably a giant spider), and he jerked his hand up to rid himself of the unwanted beast. But when his hand landed on flesh -_human_ flesh- he scowled and turned around to question the perpetrator.

"What are you _doing_, Ryuuzaki?"

L's hand recoiled and he resumed typing. "I was…inspecting how much of the pink dye has faded. A substantial amount has disappeared from Light-kun's hair," he replied dryly.

Light grunted and sat up. "Well," he said, "I can't help but find that implausible, Ryuuzaki."

"How so?"

"Because you can simply look at my hair and see how much dye has faded. It is unnecessary to touch it, let alone _pet_ it."

"I was not petting." L turned his large eyes toward his roommate. "I do not want to touch Mouse-kun. Go back to sleep."

"I'm not a mouse." Light flopped back down onto his pillow and burrowed under the covers.

"Light-kun certainly is a mouse. In fact, I may have to set another trap for him sometime in the near future-"

"I can evade your half-baked traps any day."

"Mouse-kun did not evade my first trap," L said smugly. He doubted that he and Light were talking about the same thing, and when the other man didn't reply, L opened up a new document and began to journal.

_Journal entry number 5:_

_3:18 AM_

_We have another therapy session today. I fear that I cannot show her these journal entries, so I will have to write some other ones to pose as my real thoughts. So why am I still writing this? I do not know. I want a feeling of completion._

_I showed Light the mouse video and he was greatly embarrassed by it: His ears turned red and he looked ready to cry. I was amused._

_He caught me playing with his hair just a few moments ago. How unfortunate._

_I am going to go talk to Watari. I fear I have not had a thorough, face-to-face conversation with him in quite some time and I suspect that he is not getting me as many sweets because of this._

_-L _

L chained Light to the bed and headed out to talk to Watari, hoping the old man could give him some advice.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Later that day, a grinning Watari dropped the (now unchained) pair off at the therapist's building and they walked in reluctantly.

L felt a hand slip into his own and he recoiled a bit. "What is Light-kun attempting?" he demanded.

"You were going to tromp over that snail and I was going to pull you out of the way, _Ryuu_," Light said as he gestured back at a smashed snail on the ground. "But you killed it, anyway."

"That's because I was forced to wear shoes," L snapped. He opened the door and shoved Light in ahead of him. "Why does Light-kun care about a snail?"

"I think they're cute."

L blinked a few times. "Down by two percent," he muttered.

"Huh?"

"Go." L pushed Light past the receptionist, down the hall and into the office.

"Hello, gentlemen!" Kyoto greeted as the two entered her room. "Please sit down. Light, it's good to see that your injury has gotten better and that your hair is…becoming brown again. Now Ryuga, how are you? Have you done the journaling?"

L perched himself on the couch and Light sat down next to him. He nibbled on his thumb and looked at Kyoto. "I have them right here," he said, holding out some plain white paper that looked like a toddler had written on.

"Oh." Kyoto leaned forward and grabbed the paper with a little frown. She shuffled through them, but after a few seconds of staring, she concluded that there was no way she could read the scrawl. "Ryuga, would you mind reading one of these out loud?"

"Very well. Which one?"

"Um…This one." She held out one written in green pen and L snatched it away from her. He recognized it as the one he had not done a very thorough job on that morning as he was making his fake journals, but he scowled and began to read nonetheless:

"Journal entry number four. I went to the bakery today. It was good. I hope I can go again. Light was nice. We got back and watched a movie. It was called _The Sound of Music_. I did not like it all that much because there was too much singing. So in the words of the movie: So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodbye.

-Ryuga"

Light slowly turned his head to the side and gave L a long, confused look. "Ryuga-"

"That was…nice, Ryuga," Kyoto forced out. "Um…Light, I'm going to have you do journaling this time, okay? Be very _in-depth_ and write your _feelings_."

"Ah…Of course. Yes, that'll be fine."

There was a moment in which L tried to ignore more of Light's staring and Kyoto looked at her schedule for the two. Eventually, L reached over and not-so-discreetly pinched Light's nose.

"Stop staring at me," he whispered.

"Let go of my nose!"

"Why are you grabbing his nose, Ryuga?" Kyoto asked, looking up with wide eyes.

"There was a spider on it." L pulled his hand back and reached into his pocket for a gummy worm.

"Okay…Well, you two are going to be doing a trust fall today. Do you know what that is?"

Light deflated. "I've done one of those before," he said sullenly. "It was with my class back when I was eleven. No one caught me and I broke my fing-"

"I do not know what this activity is," L interrupted.

"Well, since Light knows what it is, I'm going to have him guide you through it. You will be falling, Ryuga." Kyoto moved her chair back and gestured for them to stand. "Go on."

They got up. "Well," Light said, "you face away from me, cross your arms over your chest, and fall backwards and I'll catch you. That's basically it."

"I do not wish to do this," L said immediately.

"We're doing it! Face the wall!"

"I am not comfor-"

Light grabbed L's shoulders and spun the detective around. "Stop worrying about it. Now, cross your arms and fall back," he ordered.

L grit his teeth, crossed his arms and took a deep breath. "Do I go now?"

"Yes."

"Is Light-kun ready?"

"Yes! Go!"

"How do I know Light-kun will not drop me?"

"That's the _trust_ part, genius!"

L fell back and Light stepped forward to catch him, but because the black-haired man was hunched over, his hair was aligned with Light's face, and it made the other man huff in surprise and reach up to scratch his nose. Unable to sustain L's weight with only one arm, Light let him drop to the floor with a "Whomp!"

L stared up at the ceiling. Light scratched his nose. Kyoto tried not to get too discouraged and reminded herself that these two weren't the brightest crayons in the box.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Are you okay, Ryuga?" Kyoto asked.

L shuffled back into the therapy room after examining himself for any injuries in the bathroom at Light's insistence. The guilty-looking teen stood up and fussed over him.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't think I'd drop you, but your puff tickled my nose and-"

"I am okay, Light-kun."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Light-kun's weak arms were not-"

Kyoto frowned. "Ryuga, please don't accuse Light of being weak," she cut in. "It was an accident; there is no need to insult him."

L, surprised at being reprimanded by _anyone_, let alone a therapist, made his way back to the couch without another word. Light shook his head and sat down next to him, crossing his legs and arms.

"Now, Light. I would like you to describe to me how Ryuga has treated you since our last session," Kyoto said, seemingly satisfied to have regained control over the pair.

"He's been nice," Light lied. He didn't want to deal with an angry Ryuuzaki later on.

"Have you two done anything?"

"We went ice skating."

"Oh!" The therapist smiled and wrote something down. "How was that?"

"It was okay. Except, um…" Light glanced over at the still-baffled detective and sighed. "Someone asked me out for a drink and Ryuga became very jealous."

"And you two still aren't together?" Kyoto clarified.

Light shook his head at this, but L looked up.

"What do you mean by _still_?" he asked. "If you are implying that we are going to be together, I can assure you that we are not. I have no interest in Light-kun."

"Then why were you jealous?" Kyoto asked.

"I was not jealous, I merely thought that the man was not suited to take Light-kun out for a drink."

"So you were protecting him?"

"In a sense," L responded.

"Why?" she asked.

"I told you. The man was not suit-"

Kyoto shook her head. "No. Why should you care about what happens to Light?"

"Light-kun is helpless."

"No I'm not!" Light interjected.

The therapist leaned forward. "Why were you protecting Light, Ryuga?" she pressed.

L narrowed his eyes at her and said, "Because I do not wish to see Light-kun come to harm."

"Why?"

"Because Light-kun's well-being means quite a bit to me."

"And…?"

"…And that is it." L pulled a gummy worm out of his pocket and slurped it down. Light blinked, his eyes dried out from darting back and forth between the two.

Kyoto sighed and leaned back into her chair. "Alright. I believe we've made some progress today. I have one last activity or you to do." She grabbed some blank paper on clipboards and a tub of markers and handed them to the two men. "I want you to draw one another. It doesn't have to be masterpiece; just draw any shapes and use any colors that come to mind when you think about each other. Go ahead and start."

Light stared at L long and hard for a moment before grabbing a black marker and drawing the puff, making it take up over three-fourths of the paper. Once done with the outline, he worked on coloring it in and scowled when he got marker all over his hand.

Meanwhile, L carefully plucked a brown marker out of the container and drew a few lines for Light's hair. Then he put some fat pink streaks in between the brown and decided to just draw Light's whole face in pink. He set to work, drawing two circles for eyes, an exaggerated pointy nose and huge lips. He also gave Light a cleft chin, just to confuse the younger man a bit.

Light finished L's hair and went on to draw the face. He made the panda eyes, the curved nose, and drew a single, thin line for the mouth.

"Remember to use whatever colors represent that person," Kyoto told Light. He nodded and sat back.

"I certainly did."

"Are you finished, Ryuga?" the woman asked.

"Almost." L added two gray mouse ears and dropped his marker back into the bin.

"Okay, now you'll show your pictures to one another and explain them. Light, go first."

Light revealed his drawing and L's eyes widened in shock.

"Light-kun! I do not look like that!"

"Yes, you do!"

Kyoto bit her bottom lip at the sight of the picture. It was horrible and ugly, but she couldn't say much about Light's drawing skills without offending her client. "Ryuga, may we see yours, now?"

L held up his picture and Light's face contorted in anger. He snapped at L immediately.

"I am _not_ a mouse!"

"This is precisely what Light-kun looks like in my eyes."

Before Light had a chance to say anything back, Kyoto stood up and held a hand out. "Ryuga, Light, please calm yourselves and give me the pictures for my records. This is the end of our session and I'll see you again in two weeks, alright?"

"Fine," Light muttered. He crossed his arms and followed L out of the building, swearing that he would get the jerk back for that drawing of him.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

That night, Light opened a text document and began his journal entry:

Dear…I should name you something! I'll name you Mumu, sine I haven't been able to find her lately.

Anyway, I had this therapy session with Ryuuzaki today and he did this drawing of me that made me look soooo ugly. I find myself very attractive. He's just jealous cause I have everyone after me and he doesn't! Well, except for one person, but that's a different entry. ;-)

I want to go to a museum, but Panda-chan won't ever take me anywhere! He's probably never even been to a museum before, but when I asked he gave me a look and said that I was being pushy! Pushy! I'll show him pushy!

I have some chips. They're probably the best things I've ever eaten. I think they're onion flavored or something, I'm not sure. They might be garlic.

We're looking into more Yotsuba stuff right now. Ryuuzaki's all pissed off because I figured something out before him, ha! I'm totally having an evil laugh in my head right now.

Gotta go. He's throwing his dirty clothes all over the floor again.

-Light

P.S. The chips are French Onion –and- Garlic flavored. I was right, of course. I know my chips.

P.P.S.S. OMG, I left that creepy doll (which I was supposed to give to my sis, but decided to keep) in the cabinet so when Ryuu opens it, it'll fall on him. LOL.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: Thus begins Light's journal entries.

-Yes, the chips have a purpose.

- If the "so long, farewell, auf whatever…" thing confused you, don't worry about it. It's a Sound of Music reference. :-)

**Please review! Or Light will hide that doll in your house!**

Up next: Haven't decided yet.


	53. Museum

A/N: Thanks for reviewing! Sorry for the disappearing chapter.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

_Journal entry number 6:_

_7:14 PM_

_I am still writing these entries solely because I wish to document my experiences with Light._

_He hid the doll in the cupboard today and it flew out at my face most unpleasantly when I was looking for my stash of gumdrops. The doll chipped and I did not find my stash. Light probably ate them when I was not looking._

_I had a rather interesting therapy session. What makes me slightly ruffled is the fact that the therapist is more accurate than I am willing to admit. She claims that I do not wish to "attach" myself to Light, and I can explain why: I cannot attach myself to someone like that and convict him later on. That would make me most depressed, seeing as I-_

_I am going to go find some gummy worms._

…

_Apparently Light ate them._

_Feeling somewhat melancholy,_

_-L_

"Where are my gummy worms?"

"Um…I don't know. Maybe you misplaced them…"

L scowled, knowing that Light had devoured his worms but not particularly wanting to pick a fight with the teen. He closed his laptop with a sigh. "Very well. If Light-kun gives me my worms, then I will take him to the museum."

Light thought for a moment, thinking of how he had _accidentally_ downed L's candy earlier that day with a little grin. "Take me to the museum first, Ryuu."

"No."

"Yes. I can haggle alllll day, Ryuuzaki. You're out of luck." Then teen crossed his arms and got into a pseudo-fighting stance. "Bring it on, panda face."

"Light-kun is being aggressive."

"So what?"

"Perhaps the museum will pacify him."

"It will."

"I shall call Watari, then."

"Do it."

"Fine."

"Alright."

"Okay."

"Yeah."

Sending a suspicious look at Light, L flipped open his phone and dialed Watari up. He informed the old man of his predicament and got the confirmation to come downstairs immediately.

"Mouse-kun knows that the chain is staying on so he cannot escape, right?" L asked as they stood in the elevator.

"Do you think I'm stupid?"

L put his hands up in defense and shook his head. "Light-kun does not have to jump to conclusions. I only informed him of the chain situation," he said.

"Hmm."

They slowly went down the nineteen floors, Light humming and swaying with the elevator jazz music on their way down.

"Do not hum, Light-kun."

"I can hum if I want to; it's my prerogative." Light increased the volume of his humming and the swaying became more pronounced. Eventually, he touched shoulders with L and the detective was forced to take a step back.

"Do not touch me," L snapped. "I do not wish to have physical contact with Light-kun."

"Well, maybe _I_ want physical contact. You never even consider me!"

"Light-kun wants physical contact, does he…?"

When the elevator doors opened, Watari was slightly unnerved at seeing L pinning Light to the floor, but he didn't let it bother him all that much.

Once again, L's quirks were definitely not something to be disturbed.

"Get off of me, Ryuuzaki!"

"Does Light-kun enjoy this physical…Watari?"

Light, feeling L's hold weaken, wriggled out from under the other man and stumbled out of the elevator.

"Are you ready to go?" Watari asked.

"Yes," L said, standing up with a little grunt. "Let us move out."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

The limo ride was uneventful, Light talking to L about fashion and L ignoring him, and they arrived at the museum right when it opened. They walked in through the huge, palace-like doors and up to a map stand. Deciding to mix things up a bit, L grabbed one written in Persian and unfolded it.

"What does Light-kun want to see first?"

"Modern art!"

L nodded and, having already located the modern art section, scoped out where the café was for a quick cake fix. "Go to the left, Light-kun," he ordered when the boy began wandering the wrong way.

"Oh, sorry. Let me see the map so I can orientate myself." Without waiting for a response, Light grabbed the map and stared blankly at it.

"It's in…Persian."

"Indeed."

"I can't read _Persian!_"

"Then follow my directions. Go left." L decided to take matters into his own hands; he simply headed left and let the chain do the rest of the work for him. Feeling that reassuring tug and hearing a little whine of protest, L allowed a smile to form on his face and let himself, if only for a second, feel an overwhelming fondness for Light. But that was soon shut down when Light actually began to speak:

"Panda-chaaan, why do you-"

"Because as an authoritative figure toward Mouse-kun, it is my _prerogative_," L interrupted. "We have arrived."

Light huffed when he saw that they were at the museum café, of all places, and that there were huge slices of chocolate cake being served buffet-style. "Can you unchain me while you eat your cake?" he asked impatiently. "I'll be right over there in the modern art. Please?"

"I suppose Light-kun will not cause too much of a commotion." L seemed more interested in the cake than anything else as he unlocked the chain and stuffed it in his pocket.

"Thanks." Light left the café and pranced over to the art with a smile on his face. He approached a huge abstract piece and stepped back to get a better view of it, and noticed a familiar face on the other side of the room.

"Oh!" Light approached the man when he remembered that it was the guy from the ice rink. "Tatsuya! I…nice to see you…"

"Light! You're here for the new exhibit, too?" the other man asked. "It must be fate."

"Uh…" Light looked back toward the café, but saw no sign of L. "Yes!" he spun back around and flashed Tatsuya a little grin. "Yes, fate is the reason…"

"Is that weirdo with you?" Tatsuya asked, shifting around. "I don't want him to come after me-"

"He's not around right now; he went to get some cake." It was a strange thing to say at nine in the morning…

"Well, would you like to join me?"

"Okay…" Light glanced at the café once again to be certain that L wasn't spying on him and, seeing no oddballs around, followed Tatsuya over to the next painting.

Meanwhile, L finished his second piece of cake and decided that he had left Light unattended for long enough.

_He's probably getting lonely…He will whine to me about "ditching" him or something silly like that. Hm, there is a gift shop right here. Maybe I should get him something to appease him,_ L thought, shuffling into the little shop. He poked around for a few minutes before deciding on a little teddy bear that was holding an artist's palette and a paintbrush.

"Aw, is this for your girlfriend?" the girl behind the register asked.

"Yes." L took the bear and went out to where Light said he would be.

He wasn't there. Not good.

L took a deep breath and went into the next room, looking around the paintings and through the crowds, but still not finding Light.

_Maybe he went to the restroom…_ L, walking a bit more upright than usual, went into the bathroom, but it was empty. Immediately, a thousand possibilities went storming through L's head:

He could have tried to escape…No, that's unlike him. Twelve percent chance of that. Maybe someone abducted him. They could have lured him out, simple-minded fool that he is, and taken him to God-knows-where. No, that can't be. That can't be, who would want him? L walked out of the bathroom and went through the modern art area again, then moving on to the sculptures and the older paintings.

Still no Light.

Where is he? I can't have my suspect disappearing like this, it's completely unprofessional. Not to mention…very stressful…Who took him? Someone must have taken him and…they could be doing unspeakable things to him. Kira! It could be Kira!

"Hey Tatsuya, maybe I should head back to the modern art…I told Ryuga I'd meet him there," Light said as he finished viewing an old religious painting. He started to walk off, but the other man grabbed his hand and held him back.

"Forget about him, Light. He left you for cake!" Tatsuya argued, shaking his head. "Let's go out in the gardens, okay?"

"…I guess so. He hasn't called me-"

"Come on!"

At the other side of the museum, L was staring ahead at a white wall and clenching his hand around the teddy bear. He had tried calling Light, but the teen didn't have his phone on.

More worried than angry, L made his way to a security guard and demanded access to the camera footage from earlier that day.

"Why?" the guy asked gruffly.

"Because I've lost someone-"

"That's your problem, buddy," the guard sneered, walking off and leaving a very distraught L standing next to a statue of a naked man.

"Fine. Desperate times…" L muttered, flipping his phone open and calling Watari.

"Watari. Tell them I'm ordering an immediate lockdown of the museum."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Come on, Light!"

"I didn't give you permission to grope me, bastard!"

Light was currently storming away from his new "friend" after Tatsuya had made a pass at him in the gardens. He scowled and flipped his phone open.

"Oops." Apparently he hadn't turned it on that morning…A message beeped at him saying that he had thirty-one missed calls.

"I'd better call Ryuu…"

"Light, I'm sorry!" Tatsuya came tripping out from a large growth of flowers and he looked at Light pitifully. "I didn't mean to do that. Oh man, are you calling that panda freak?"

"He's not a freak." Light began dialing the number, but the phone was snatched away from him before he could finish.

"I wish you'd stop with him…"

"Give me my phone."

"No."

Light frowned and was about to thoroughly tell Tatsuya off when an announcement came over the museum intercom:

"All museum guests please remain where you are. This is a lockdown. I repeat, please remain where you are. This is a temporary museum lockdown. Thank you for your cooperation," a voice said loudly. Light looked around at the others in the garden and saw that they were all equally confused: when did museums have lockdowns?

"Maybe someone tried to steal some art," Tatsuya muttered.

"Yeah…"

The intercom came on again:

"Will Light Yagami please report to the entrance of the museum immediately! Once again, Light Yagami: Please report to the entrance of the museum. All other guests, please remain where you are."

"Oh, wow," Tatsuya said. "Well, should I go with you, Light? I mean…"

"Yeah, probably." Light snatched his phone back and took a long, shameful walk through thee museum, everyone staring at him as he slumped along.

"Shit, it's the panda guy."

Tatsuya had voiced Light's thoughts exactly: L was standing at the entrance.

He looked beyond furious.

"Meep!" Light tried to look anywhere but at the angry detective in front of him as he walked up to the entrance doors.

"Light-kun will go out to the limousine and wait for me there," L ordered. "You," he pointed at Tatsuya, "and I will have a talk right now."

Light walked out to the limo and curled up on the farthest seat from the door.

"Ryuuzaki was in quite a state, Yagami," Watari said, looking at Light in his rear-view mirror.

"Really?

"He thought it could have been foul play."

"Is he going to kill me?" Light asked meekly.

"Doubtful."

Light watched as L took Tatsuya around the side of the building and walked out a few minutes later by himself. L entered the limo.

Silence.

"Ryuu…?"

More silence.

"Panda puff?"

Nothing.

"Ryuuzaki? Erm…L?"

Still no response.

"I'm sorry. He…he forced me to go with him. I didn't know my phone was off."

"Light-kun?"

"Yes?"

"I got Light-kun a bear." L pulled a teddy bear out of his pocket and handed it to the teen next to him. Light took it and smiled.

"Thanks."

Later that night, Light felt L playing with his hair again. He thought that they had already established that the dye was fading, but let L get away with it, anyway.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

_Dear Mumu,_

_Omg, ugly museum incident- not even going to get into the details, but Ryuu seems forgiving about it! He's soooo nice sometimes! :-)_

_Anyway, he told me that –EEW!- hes going to fly those little brats out here again in a day or two, which really sucks because I hate Mello! DX Why does he even have them come out, anyway?! They're just a nuisance!_

_Whatevs!_

_-Light_

……….

_Journal entry number 7:_

_3:17 AM_

_I have never been so worried in my entire life as I was today._

_-L_

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: There! That's what I wanted to have as my chapter. And you guys _can't_ tell me that that wasn't better than the one I had up before. Whew. And L will have glasses on at some point (adorable idea from **Mikanis**!)

**Please review! Or…L will cause a commotion and hunt you down!**

Up next: Lake


	54. Lake

A/N: Thanks for reviewing

A/N: Thanks for reviewing! Sorry for the delay- One of my classes is sucking up all my time.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Ryuu…Stop!"

"Light-kun had me in a state of shock yesterday. Overnight, I thought about what happened and decided that physical chastisement was appropriate for him."

"Let go! Let go of my hair!"

L, who was planted in his usual squat right on Light's chest, tightened his hold on the silky brown hair. "Is Light-kun going to run off with strangers again?" he asked calmly.

"No!"

"Is Light-kun going to pick a fight with Mello and the others while they are here?"

"No!" Light exclaimed, trying and failing to wriggle out from under L.

"Does Light-kun realize that he had me in a state of turmoil yesterday and that I am still exhausted from it?"

"Yes! Let me go!"

L climbed off of Light, who propped himself up with a pillow and turned away from the detective in a pout.

"Light-kun is a puppy," L said as he opened his computer

"Well, you didn't have to rip my hair out just because you were _jealous_ yesterday!" Light snapped. "God…"

"I was not jealous." L shifted to the side and grabbed his bowl of strawberries off of the nightstand. "Why would I be jealous?"

"Because I left with Tatsuya," Light sighed. "Obviously…" He turned back around to stare at L.

""Light-kun thinks I was jealous of Tatsuya?"

"Yes. If you weren't-"

"And why does Mouse-chan think that?"

Light scowled. "_If you weren't jealous_, you wouldn't have had a talk with him behind the building."

"I merely taught him not to be so forceful in his pursuit of others," L muttered.

"Hm."

_Journal entry number 8:_

_8:34 AM_

_Light believes that I "had a talk with" Tatsuya. I shall let him keep thinking that for now, and let me say this: Tatsuya will run the other way if he ever sees Light again, guaranteed._

_The mouse also believes that I was jealous yesterday, which is a completely incorrect assumption. I was not jealous. I do not get jealous. I just don't appreciate it when Light goes off with strange men when I turn my back on him for just one second!_

_But I digress._

In other news, MM and N are coming over today. Hopefully they will provide me with some insightful analysis on Light's behavioral patterns. I don't know where to take them, though, because they certainly are not going to like being inside for very long.

_Feeling a bit peeved,_

_-L_

"What are you writing?" Light asked, resting his chin on L's arm. "Did you ever finish that chart on Namikawa?"

"Go away." L shook his arm, but Light didn't move. "Shoo."

"Nmm," Light protested with a shake of his head.

"Light-kun's head is extremely heavy and dense. It is going to break my arm."

"That's because my brain is so big."

L flung his free hand over and smacked Light on the nose, to which the younger man squeaked and moved back, covering his face.

"You broke my nose!"

"I did not. Mouse-chan did make a rather cute squeaking noise, though. Down by two percent."

"It hurts!"

L closed is eyes for a moment and slowly turned his head toward Light. "I did not hurt Light-kun."

"Yes you did! You're so abusive!" Light wailed, still covering his nose.

"Here…Move…" L grabbed Light's hand and pried it off of his face, eyes narrowing when he saw that the nose wasn't even red. "Light-kun exaggerates all too often." He pinched Light's nose and grabbed the teddy bear that had been buried under the covers. "Perhaps the bear will make Mouse-chan feel better?"

Light snatched the bear away and stuck his tongue out. "When are the brats going to be here?" he asked.

"Any minute…"

"Why so soooon?"

"Stop whining." L tugged at Light's hair again and let his hand rest on the teen's head for a little while until his cell phone rang. "Watari? Send them up."

"Ohhh, Ryuuuu…"

"Hush, Light-kun." L snapped his phone shut and rolled his eyes when Light tugged him out of bed.

"I need to get ready! I look ugly," Light said as he began fretting around, looking in the closet for some clothes.

"Light-kun does not look ugly." L reached down and pulled on some dirty jeans over the boxers he had been sleeping in.

"…Says the panda who brushes his hair once a week," Light added, shaking his head. "Turn around puff-face, I need to put on new boxers."

"It is nothing that I have not seen before," L countered.

"Turn around, pervert!"

The doorbell rang.

"Hurry up." L turned around and grabbed some khakis from the closet, shoving them in Light's face. "Put these on."

"But I don't want to wear th-"

"Fine," L said as the doorbell rang again and he dragged a half-naked Light to the door

Light protested. "I'm in my underwear, Ryuu-"

"Quiet."

There was a frantic knock on the door. "L!" Mello screamed from the hall outside. "Hey! Open up! Or are _you_ there, slutface?! Open the hell up, I _hate_ standing out here with Near!"

L whipped the door open and immediately glowered down at Mello. "Do not cause such a racket, Mello. Hello, Near Matt. Near, do not shoot me with your army plane. Matt, put that cigarette out _now_. Watari, thank you for your assistance." He looked up and nodded to Watari, and the old man walked off.

"Light-kun, grab Near's toy box. You three, get your bags and go inside."

"You're such a dictator, Ryuu," Light whined. Mello whirled around and glared at him.

"Don't speak to L like that, you bastard!" the blonde exclaimed.

"Move, Mello," L ordered, sending the boy running off. The detective waited for Light to grab Near's toy chest and drag it into the apartment before leaning over and whispering in the adolescent's ear:

"If Light-kun fights with Mello, I will destroy his monkey, his ostrich, and his bear. Do I make myself clear?"

"Um…Yes, Ryuu," Light whispered quietly. "W-Where are they staying? We don't have space-"

"There is an adjoining room," L said, pointing to a door leading out of the living room. "Light-kun did not notice it before?"

"No. May I put some clothes on now?" Light tried and failed to cover up his red boxers.  
"No."

"But-"

L walked into the adjoining bedrooms, yanking the chain to drag Light in with him. They looked around and saw Matt sitting on a bed, playing his video games and smoking.

"Matt, put that cigarette out!" L snapped.

"Sorry, L…" came the dull, sedated voice as Matt tossed his smoke out the window.

"Where are Mello and Near?" L asked.

"…Huh?"

The black-haired man stepped forward and plucked the game out of Matt's hands. "Mello and Near," he repeated.

"I dunno. Bathroom?"

A crash and the shatter of broken glass confirmed Matt's guess, and L let the game drop on the bed before turning to yell at the pair in the bathroom:

"Mello! Near!"

"…Yes?" Mello called back.

"Clean up the mess! I am not calling Watari to wait on you every time you break something!" With that, L shuffled back into his and Light's kitchen and started raiding the cupboards.

"May I put some clothes on now, Ryuuzaki?" Light tried again.

"No. Up by five percent."

"Why?"

"For being bothersome. Do not pester me again."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"L! Near's bugging meeeee!"

"Cut it out…L! Mello's _pinching_ me!"

L heaved out a long breath of air and let his head fall back on the couch cushion. Light, still in his boxers because L had not let him go into the bedroom yet, looked over at the other man.

"We should go somewhere, Panda-chan-"

"Do not refer to me as such."

Light cleared his throat. "Panda-_sama_. We should go to the lake."

"Lake? I suppose that would be-" L started.

"_Stop it, Near!"_

"-calming."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Oh. My. God. Ryuu! They have _pedal boats!_ Can we rent one? Pleeeeeee-"

L closed his eyes. The group had finally made it to the lake and were lounging at the shore.

It had been cloudy when Watari had dropped them off, but the sun was finally coming out and reflecting off of the clear blue water. Others around them were stretched out similarly, with picnics and little kids scurrying around them. Behind the sand was a large patch of grass with benches and couples, thinking they were hidden, making out next to the trees.

Back on the beach, Matt was off to the side playing his games, Near was messing with a remote control boat, Mello was throwing little pebbles at a couple and watching their reactions, and the chained duo were bickering about flavors of gummy worms.

All in all, it was nothing out of the norm. That is, until Light began whining about the boat:

"C'mon, Ryuu! Please? It'll be fun!" Light pressed. "Please? You never do _anything_ with me!"

L stared over at the boats warily. "That is because Light-kun goes off with other people when I attempt activities with him. I do not like abandonment. Matt, put out that cigarette!"

Light fiddled with the corner of his striped pink and white towel and stared up at L with large eyes and a well-formed pout.

"Nothing Light-kun can do will persuade me to rent out that boat."

Light leaned closer and whispered into L's ear. "I'll bake you a cake later."

"…What flavor?" L asked with a little frown.

"Chocolate."

"Light-kun had better not overcook it this time."

"No…It'll be nice and moist, hmm? I know you like it really rich, with lots of frosting…"

L grunted and shoved Light away from him. "Fine. I will rent the boat."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Move over, Near!"

"L! Mello's pushing me!"

"Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn."

L stopped pedaling for a moment and turned around to glare at the three in the back seat of their little, yellow boat. "Mello, stop pushing Near! Near, don't pull Mello's hair. Matt, stop cursing the video game," he ordered.

There was a collective groan from the back and L turned back around with a sigh. Light prodded him on the shoulder.

"You have to help me pedal, Ryuuzaki. We're not getting anywhere!" the teen exclaimed.

L buried his face in his hands.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"_Row, row, row za boat-u, gent-u-ly down za streaaaam…."_

"Stop singing, Light!" Mello barked, leaning forward and pulling Light's hair.

"Ouch!" Light whirled around and wrapped a hand around Mello's throat. "You little _brat!_"

"Light-kun! Do not strangle Mello!" L yelled. He stopped pedaling and turned around to put an end to the fight.

Near, who was in the middle of Mello and Matt, shifted to the side so he wouldn't get caught up in the mess and crushed himself up against Matt.

"Move over, Near," Matt grunted, not looking up from his game. "You made me lose."

Meanwhile, Mello was clawing at Light's hand, L was frantically tugging at the chain, and Light was attempting to fling Mello overboard. This all caused the boat to rock rather forcefully and, before he knew what happened, Matt's game slipped out of his hands and fell with an audible "Plop!" into the lake.

"I was on level ninety-four," he whispered, staring at the water in shock. "Ninety-four…"

"Light-kun! Let go of Mello's neck immediately!" Left with no other choice, L gathered his resolve and gave Light a well-placed smack in the gut. This turned out to be effective, as Light hunched over in pain and let out a little whimper.

"He tried to kill me!" Mello said agitatedly. "He tried to _strangle_ me!"

"I tried to throw you overboard, you little bastard…" Light forced out over his labored breathing.

"We are going back to shore," L proclaimed. He looked over at Light, who was still curled up from the blow to his stomach, and shook his head. "Light-kun will help me pedal and should expect to have a talk with me later."

Near looked around the boat. _Why must I associate myself with these morons?_

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Light huddled down under the blankets later that day as L lectured him. After the fight, they had returned to the apartment and had been sitting in silence for a while before L started up.

"Every time Light-kun shows violent tendencies, his percentage goes up! If he would stop fighting and acting like a fool, then I would have less of a reason to suspect him!" L ranted. "…Now, I believe that I said I would get rid of the bear, ostrich, and monkey if there was a fight, correct?"

"Yes…"

L leaned back. "Is Light-kun still going to bake a cake?"

"Uh-huh."

"Then I will not dispose of the toys for now." L unlocked the chain. "Go make it immediately."

"Kay…Just let me look at something on my computer first…" The younger man opened his laptop and clicked on a blank document:

_Mumu,_

_Omg, I fought with Mello today! I tried to throw him overboard, but I think L thinks that I was trying to strangle him. I wouldn't kill the brat._

_I have to go bake a cake, but I don't really feel like it. L is pissed off at me, though, so I'm not going to try to talk my way out of it. That never works with him, anyway. :-(_

_My hair's all brown again! Yay! It's gorgeous. But now L doesn't have an excuse to touch it, so I can corner him the next time he's "examining" me! He's ttly transparent sometimes, LOL._

_L made me walk around in my underwear this morning. I'm glad Misa didn't see. _

_I'm going to go put that doll in Mello's bed._

_-Light_

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: I have Teddy Grahams. They are awesome.

-What is Light singing? Row, row…boat….stream…whatever…

Please review! Or L will make you walk around half-naked! (That's a threat. So there.)

Up next: I dunno yet. :-) Blackmail?


	55. Blackmail Part 1

Mello was unhappy

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Mello was unhappy.

Now, this was not an unusual occurrence; Mello was not a particularly cheerful individual, but his level of unhappiness had recently gone from moderate to extreme, and all because of one _infuriating bastard_: Light Yagami.

Over the course of two days, Light had managed to make Mello's life a living hell. From strange dolls under his pillow to stealing every bit of L's attention, Light had clearly been going out of his way to ruin things for the blonde. But it was when Mello saw Light sprawled over L's lap that he decided to bring out the big guns, and he stomped off to his room to dig up his collection of blackmail material.

L watched as Mello stormed out of the room, but was distracted when Light wriggled around on his lap. The teen had forced him to sit normally and things … weren't… quite… computing.

"Why is Light-kun lying across my lap?" the detective forced out.

"Cause." Light smiled up at L, who just stared blankly down at him and slurped away at a lollipop.

"Move away, Light-kun."

"No." Light looked to the side and saw that Mello had left, but still wanted to stay on L's lap in case the little jerk came back in. This wasn't going to be an easy feat, though, as L began shoving at his shoulder.

"Move," L repeated and, mind still a bit foggy from the lack of sleep combined with his sitting position, he brought his giant rainbow lollipop down on Light's head to make the boy get off of him.

Bad idea.

"_Ryuuzaki!_" Light screeched, accidentally rolling off the couch and crashing onto the floor. L's lollipop remained on his head. "Idiot! It's stuck in my hair! Get it out! It's _stuck!_"

"Hold still." L leaned down and tried to separate the clump of hair from the sucker, but failed spectacularly due to him only using his thumbs and index fingers.

Light reached up and clawed round blindly, tears forming in his eyes. "Ryuuzaki, get it out! It hurts!" he exclaimed.

"I said, _hold still_, Light-kun!"

Mello smirked as he found all the pictures and videos of Light on his computer. _Now, what will I do to threaten him…?_

"What are they arguing about in there?" Matt asked, speaking for the first time in a day. He had gotten a new game player and was intent on working his way back up to level ninety-four.

"Dunno."

Voices came through the wall from the other room:

"_Stop moving!"_

"_It hurts!"_

"_It will not hurt if you do not squirm around like that!"_

"_I don't like it! Get it out! Get it out!"_

Matt snorted and went back to his game. "You'd think they could do that in their bedroom or something," he muttered.

"Vrrrrr, vrrrrr," Near made little car noises from where he was seated on the ground. Around him, he had made a giant structure of raceways and was playing with the toy cars L had bought for him.

"Shut the hell up, Near!" Mello barked. Near launched a car at him off of a ramp, but missed.

Meanwhile, L finally gave up and just dragged Light into the bathroom.

"What are you doing?!" Light asked nervously. "Don't cut it! You can't cut it, Ryuu!"

"I am not going to cut it." L turned the shower on. "I am going to _wash_ it."

"But I can do that!"

"Light-kun cannot see what he is doing."

"But…I don't want to take my clothes off!"

"Light-kun wants to mess up his shirt?" L questioned as he unlocked the cuff.

"…Fine." Light took his shirt off, careful not to let it stick on the lollipop, and slid out of his pants as well.

"And Light-kun is going to ruin his silk boxers?"

The boxers came off. L put the chain back on and pushed Light into the shower. He grabbed Light's shampoo, leaned into the stall, and began scrubbing at the younger man's hair.

"The water's too hot, Ryuuzaki!"

"Shut up."

"It's _scalding_ me!"

"Light-kun is making this much more complicated than it should be!" Then L began muttering in English, much too quickly and too heavily accented for Light to catch most of it, so the teen just whimpered and slumped over for L to keep scrubbing his hair.

At last, after two more applications of shampoo, the lollipop and all of the gunk came out of Light's hair and L stepped back to dry his arms and head off.

"Light-kun can come out of the shower now."

Light turned the water off and poked his head out of the curtain. "Give me a towel," he ordered.

"Just get out," L said.

"No. Give me a towel."

"I will pull Light-kun out of the shower."

"I will make you live to regret it."

"Up by two point three percent. Get out of the shower."

Scowling, Light slowly stepped out and snatched the towel away from L without a word, wrapping it around his waist.

"Your puff is dripping all over the place. It's going to damage the floor." Light grabbed another towel from the counter and tentatively blotted at L's wet hair. "We don't want any problems with mold," he whispered.

"Hm."

"Thanks for helping me," Light mumbled after a few minutes.

"What?" L frowned.

The teen cleared his throat. "Thanks. Thanks for the lollipop, I mean…Helping me with it. It was in my hair."

"I know."

L fiddled with his wet sleeves as Light fussed with his hair.

"There. It's a bit deflated, but it'll fluff up in a few minutes, I'm sure," Light said with a little grin. "I have to go put some clothes on and dry my own hair. I hate being wet."

L just nodded. "Light-kun?" he asked.

"Yes?"

"Um-"

"Hey, Light!" came a yell from outside the bathroom. "Light, I need to have a word with you!"

"Wait in the living room, Mello!" L bellowed back, looking quite irked. "Come, Light-kun. We need new clothing."

Once they were dressed, Light and L went back to the couch and went on their laptops. Light opened his journal document and began to type:

_Mumu (who I still haven't found zomg),_

_Ryuu stuck one of his stupid lollipops in my hair and he forced me to go in the shower and get naked in front of him! _:o _It was soooo embarrassing! Why didn't he just wash my hair in the sink?!1/_

_The water was way too hot, so now I'm all overheated and sweaty. I feel really gross._

_I want to get my ear pierced, but I don't think Ryuu will let me. _:( _He doesn't like going out in public with me. w/e_

_Eew, now I remember! He was eating some cake earlier and was getting all into it, like "OM NOM NOM NOM!!11" and I was all "Stop, Ryuuzaki!" and he was all "Light-kun is demanding …blah blah blah" and I was all "Omg!" and he was like "I can eat blah blah blah…" and a bunch of crumbs flew over at my face! I almost threw up._

_Gotta go. Blondie's coming over._

_-Light_

Mello came up to the couch and stared down at Light for a few seconds until the brunette acknowledged him.

"What?" Light snapped.

"Here," Mello said rudely, handing a note to him. Then he turned to L and began talking about something in English.

Huffing, Light opened the paper and read it:

_Do not show this to L._

_I have many very interesting pictures and videos of you, Mouse Boy. Those tiny little boxers don't cover much, do they? And, just my luck, I also happened to come across your address book with your friends' contact information in it._

_If you play with Near and keep him occupied until we leave, then I will forget all about the pictures. Also, I don't want you hanging all over L and trying to seduce him._

_Pervert._

_If you call Near in immediately, I will assume that you accept my offer. If not, you can kiss your hard-earned reputation goodbye._

_-Mello_

Light couldn't stop himself from crumpling the note in fury after he read it. _That little brat got all of those pictures?! How? Did the panda give them to him?_ He looked over at L in disbelief and unintentionally caught Mello's eye. The blonde smirked at him, and he glared back.

_Fine. If Mello wants to play dirty, I'll play dirty._

"Near!"

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: Dun dun dun. What is Lighto scheming? ;-) Tune in next time.

Yeah, I'm evil, I know. But I wanted to split this one up, it just seemed appropriate. Next chapter should be up within a day.

**Please review! Or Mello will blackmail you!**

Up next: Blackmail Part 2


	56. Blackmail Part 2

A/N: Thanks for reviewing

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!! :-) Sorry this took so long. You can yell at me.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"You are going to play with me?"

Light grit his teeth and nodded stiffly up at Near. "Bring your toys in, okay?"

"Why is Light-kun voluntarily playing with Near?" L asked, pausing in his conversation with Mello to stare over at his roommate.

"Because…" Light looked at Mello. "I want to. Don't be so _nosy_, Ryuuzaki."

"I am not nosy. Light-kun is the one with a large nose." L turned back to Mello and resumed talking with him, leaving a very insecure Light to cover his nose and glare down at the floor until Near came in.

"I brought my cars," Near said blandly as he dropped a few toy cars on the ground.

"Oh, um…great," Light mumbled. "Hey Near, do you think you could bring your army figurines in as well?"

"Why does Light-kun want to play with army men?" L asked, turning his gaze upon Light again.

"Because I _like_ army men."

Mello snorted. "I'll bet."

The chained teen let out a little offended huff and slid down to the floor to set the cars up. "I happen to like pandas better, for your information, Mello," he quipped.

L, not listening to Light but thinking about being somewhere far, far away from Japan, blinked when he saw Mello and Light shooting deadly glares at one another. "Is there a conflict that needs to be resolved?" he questioned.

"It'll be resolved when blondie grows up and stops bothering me!"

"Say that to my face!" Mello snapped, leaning down to scowl in Light's face.

"Eew! You _spat_ on me! Control your slobber, Mello!" Light exclaimed.

Near came in just then, a box of green army men in his arms. He set it down next to Light and kneeled on the floor. "Do you want to build something? There are blocks for an army station." he asked.

"Um…Sure." The adolescent dug some blocks out of the tub and he and Near worked on a military base for an hour or so. L and Mello got into a heated argument about white chocolate (L was not a fan) and Matt remained hidden in the other room.

Light smirked as he set up an ingenious contraption that would launch a toy car at Mello's face. Carefully, he stacked up some blocks and had Near put a little ramp on them.

"Near, do these cars wind up?" he whispered.

"Yes. I was going to shoot it at Mello, what are you doing?"

"Same thing."

They stared at one another for a moment until Near grabbed a large, red car and turned a little knob on the back to wind it up. Then he handed it to Light, who set it on the ramp, aimed…

"_Zzzzzzrrrrrr!_" The car flew off the ramp and right at Mello's face.

"Oh, my nose!"

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

_Journal entry number 7:_

_12:28 PM_

Light just sent a rather large toy car flying at Mello's face. It hit the kid in the mouth and successfully broke his nose, so I am having Watari take him to the hospital as I type this. I feel that, unfortunately, I am going to have to reprimand Light in some way, but I do not know how at this point in time. It seems that he is immune to everything I do to him. Physical punishment is completely out of the question, as is yelling at him. I do not think I could bring myself to hit him, and scolding him is ineffective. He is a child.

_What options do I have? The silent treatment does not work at all; he merely talks to himself instead. Threatening him is pointless because he _scoffs_ at me, and I do not wish to destroy his stuffed toys and upset him._

_Perhaps I could make him walk around in his underwear more often._

_-L_

"Light-kun?"

"Uh-huh?" Light looked up at L from where he was still playing on the floor, now by himself because Near had given up on him after Mello had left.

"Light-kun needs to control his impulsive urges. He is going to force me-"

"-to become physically aggressive, I know," Light interrupted sarcastically, setting a little army man next to L. "Here. This is Lieutenant Mind-Your-Own-Business. Maybe you can play with him for a little while."

L reached down, snapped the head off of the figurine with his thumb, and flicked it down at Light. "Now he is Lieutenant Light-kun-Who-Did-Not-Listen-To-Ryuuzaki."

"So you're going to decapitate me?"

L stared blankly at Light. "Yes. I believe that will be an effective method to shut Light-kun up."

"Gosh."

Near came back in just then, carrying a shoebox filled of dolls and clothing for them. "Do you think you could play with these, Light?" he asked carefully as he kneeled down next to the teen.

"Of course I can!" Light leaned over and snatched one of the toys out of the box with a little noise of indignation. "Do you think I'm five or something?"

"Light-kun is five."

"Be quiet, Ryuu!" Light turned around and gave the chain a mighty tug, causing L to slowly tilt forward and fall off the couch onto the floor. "Play with us!"

Near looked away from the two and began undressing a Barbie. Wordlessly, he shoved a Ken doll over at Light and the rest of the toys at L.

"Hmm…" Light frowned down at his doll and stripped the clothes off to redress it. He leaned over and plucked some little blue shorts out of the shoebox, putting them on the doll while humming a little tune.

"What will this achieve?" L asked Near, who ignored him completely. The detective, seeing that Light had grabbed a second Ken doll out of the box, copied his roommate and also grabbed a male doll.

For a while, L struggled with the clothing (putting it on with his odd mannerisms was difficult), Near twirled his hair and stared at the detective, and Light smirked as he dressed and accessorized his two dolls to perfection.

"There." Light stood his dolls up in front of L, who's eyes widened when he saw them: They looked like him and Light. The strange adolescent had even found a furry little hat to match L's hair.

"See? It's got your puff."

"I can see that, Light-kun. But why is yours _leaning_ on mine?"

Near smirked as he watched the pseudo-drama unfold.

"Cause they're hugging."

"Why are we hugging?"

"_We_ are not hugging, the _dolls_ are hugging."

"But the dolls represent us."

"That is true, but we are not the dolls."

"But Light-kun wants the dolls to hug, which implies that he wants us to hug in real life."

Light leaned forward. "Well, maybe I _do_."

"_Well_, Light-kun should not repress his feelings," L quipped.

"Oh, you're one to talk! You with your pathetic excuses to make me walk around half-naked!" Light was heating up, L could see it in the crossed arms and (slightly) frightening scowl that graced his companion's face. "You've got some nerve, Ryuuzaki! You know very well that I have not repressed myself around you!"

"Maybe Light-kun _should_ repress himself so he will be less of an annoyance."

"Alright, you know what?" Light stood up, towering over L with hands on hips. "If you want me to disappear out of your life so bad, I'll do that to the best of my ability. The silent treatment is now in effect!"

L stood as well and looked at Light disbelievingly. "Light-kun cannot go without talking to me," he said firmly. "It is an impossibility."

No response. Light looked down at Near with a little grin. "Okay Near, shall we finish playing?"

"I think I'm going to go in my room…" The white-haired boy gathered all of his dolls with the exception of the "L and Light" ones and shuffled off silently.

"Who is Light-kun going to take his energy out on?" L demanded, ignoring Near.

Light plopped down on the couch and L perched himself next to him, facing the younger man.

"Is Mouse-kun going to pout?" L leaned in closer. "Hmm? Is this what Mouse-kun wants?"

Light grabbed a magazine off of a side table and flipped through it.

"Up by one percent."

Light flipped another page.

"Up by one percent."

Flip.

"Up by one percent."

Flip.

"Up by one percent."

When Light just kept reading, however, L gave up on that method and simply stared at the teenager with his blankest, most irritating expression. That was also ineffective.

"Light-kun is a brat. He is angry because I rejected him numerous times and he will not come to terms with that. Pity."

More time went by and L decided to smack on some gummy worms right in Light's ear. Nothing. A couple of hours passed in silence.

"Light-kun has been ignoring me for approximately three hours, twenty-seven minutes and two seconds. I am shocked," L mumbled finally. "Would he like to join me in bed? I will bring the whipped cream."

Ah, that worked.

"What?!" The brunette whipped his head to the side and gaped at L. "Ryuuzaki, what did you say?"

"I asked if Light-kun is right in the head. I have some calming cream," L said, keeping his face as expressionless as ever. "If seems that Light Bright is a bit uptight."

"Yeah, you're right. I should go…take a bath."

L unchained the other man and, as Light walked off toward the bathroom, he thrust a foot down to the floor and knocked the dolls over.

That was the last thing he wanted to look at.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Later that night, after Mello returned from the hospital, he grabbed Light's address book and set to work emailing everyone in it copies of the blackmail material.

Light would regret breaking his nose.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: This chapter seems like nonsense, but it has a purpose, I swear! And I'm really sorry for the long wait; I had lots of crap to do.

And yayer! We have art! Go on my profile (the link should be up by now, if not check later) and look at the gorgeous art **MiaoShou** did for the karaoke scene. And if you haven't read his fics for some unacceptable reason, go take a look at his page. Now, or I'll personally come after you! (Still not a threat.)

-Did you guys catch my Brady Bunch reference? Yeah, I'm _that_ cool.

**Please review! Or Light and Near will launch a car at you!** (That also goes for y'all who have this on alert...)

Up next: haven't decided yet. They might go to therapy. ;-)


	57. Family Outing

A/N: Thanks for reviewing

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!! :-)

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

_Dearest Mumu,_

_OMG! My friends are calling me and stuff, telling me that the bratface sent them all the pictures and videos. I'm sooo embarrassed. And all these girls are asking me out and I'm like "No way, honey. I'm taken." And they're all "By who?" And I'm all "…"_

_Cause it's not like I can tell them I'm living with the world's greatest detective. Speaking of him, he took my phone away because of all the people hitting on me. Whatevs._

_Matt's sitting across the room from me right now. I really hate those goggles he wears. I wonder if he and Mello are together? I'll have to investigate._

_You know we only have one more fish that's alive?! It's ttly slow and depressing. I wanted to kill it, but Ryuu wouldn't let me. He never lets me do anything. He's such a dom._

_He didn't like my dolls yesterday, but that's cause he's still in denial. I should just jump him and be done with it, but he'd probably kick my ass. I'm really tired of Mello clinging all over him all the time, and I'm all "Back off, bitch!" He isn't going to back off, though. He's a crazy little bastard._

_And Near sucks too, just because._

_Oh, and I _heard_ Ryuuzaki say "whipped cream" yesterday! I'm not crazy! He asked me to join him in bed and said he'd bring the whipped cream! He's got some maaaajor issues._

_I'm going to try to kill that fish again._

_-Light_

"Light-kun, do not go near the fish tank."

"I'm not!"

L watched as Light tried and failed to be stealthy, slowly inching toward the fish tank while pretending to stare at a painting on the wall. Eventually the teen made it over there, chain between the two taught, and he quietly grabbed the net sitting next to it.

"Come here, little fishy…" Light whispered as he lowered the net into the tank. "Here, fishy, fishy…"

"Pfff…" L let out a long sigh and decided that the best course of action would be to get Light away from the tank in a timely manner. He grabbed the chain and pulled.

"Aah!" Light yelped, and landed on the floor next to the couch with a loud thump.

"Light-kun keeps trying to kill the fish, but he will not succeed. If he wants to exercise his murdering capabilities, then he should go after Matt _who is smoking again._"

Matt jerked his head up and hastily took the smoke out of his mouth. "Sorry L…" he said. "I…uh…"

"Never mind, Matt." L turned his gaze back down to Light, who was looking up at him from the floor. "Light-kun, do not give me that look," he ordered.

"What look?" Light widened his eyes.

Not replying, L reached down and thrust a hand into Light's hair.

"W-What are you doing, Ryuu…?"

"Pulling Light-kun back up onto the couch."

"_Aah!_"

Matt watched as L dragged Light up by the hair and the teen tried to loosen L's grip.

"Stop it, Ryuu! You're going to kill me!"

"Go for id, L-d!" Mello cheered, entering the room at hearing Light in pain. He sauntered over to the couch and smirked down at the pouting Light.

"Heddo, Ligdt bulb." His voice was nasally because of the thick bandages covering it, and L had to hide a snort.

"Get out of my _face_, Mello." Light raised an eyebrow. "Shouldn't you be taking care of your pointy little beak?"

"Light-kun should not provoke Mello," L warned, sending his companion into another pout. "Mello, go play with Near."

"Yed, L!"

Mello walked off and L, not expecting to get anything out of Light for a little while, opened his laptop:

_Journal entry number 8:_

_9:53 AM_

_Something is going on between Mello and Light that I do not now about, but I do not _care_ either, so I will leave it alone._

_In other news, we have narrowed down the case: Higuchi is our suspect. I intend to capture him and hope that Light does not get the power back._

_The mouse is pouting right now because I pulled his hair. Mind you, it was not enough to injure him, but certainly enough for him to attempt a guilt trip on me. It will not work. He keeps going after that poor fish._

_I am not well. It seems I am in an eternal state of discontent because of the possibility of Light becoming Kira again. If that happens, if he regains his cunning and his ability to kill, I fear that this will not end well. Truthfully, he is at two percent right now because I am fairly certain that _this_ Light is not Kira. The other Light, though- the one before the confinement- I am at ninety seven percent with._

_I will admit that I had considered, very briefly, becoming intimate with him solely to work the truth out, but now…I would get nothing out of him. And that would be against my personal morals: Deceiving someone to that extent is unconscionable._

_I have been thinking about another issue as well: There is always the possibility of Light getting killed by another Kira if they have connections and some sort of conspiracy develops, and if that happened…The thought of waking up with him next to me, and him not breathing…_

_I have not gotten much sleep as of late._

_-L_

"Ryuu?"

"Hn?" L closed his laptop and blinked over at Light.

"Can we go somewhere?"

"Where?"

"I dunno. May we go eat?"

L just stared at Light for a few moments, and the adolescent shifted around uncomfortably. "If Light-kun wishes to eat, then we shall eat."

Okay, we can go to that family restaurant downtown…Are you feeling alright? You look a little," Light cocked his head to the side, "exhausted."

"I am well," L answered with a nod.

"Okay…Are you sure? Can I do something?" Light fussed.

"There is nothing…Actually, yes. Yes, there is something Light-kun can do."

"What? Anything."

"Stop fighting with Mello."

"…Fine."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"How many?"

"Five."

The group had arrived at the restaurant after a surprisingly quiet ride there and were being seated at a corner booth. L followed the waitress and the others trailed behind him.

"Okay! Welcome to the Jungle Restaurant! Please do not touch the animals and enjoy your meal!" the waitress chirped, handing them menus. Mello looked upset at being handed a children's menu, but held his tongue after getting a stern look from L.

The Jungle Restaurant was appropriately named: There were animatronics of gorillas and elephants throughout the building and the ceiling was covered wit fake vines. The five were seated next to a gorilla that supposedly "came to life" from time to time.

"I'll be back in a sec to take your orders!" With that, the waitress bustled off and left the group to sit in silence for a bit until Mello spoke up.

"Howd come I god a kiddy menu?!"

"I received one as well," Near said to the blonde. "It's nothing to get worked up over."

"I don'd wad kid fudd!"

"That's really too bad, Mello," Matt commented as he opened his regular menu. "Whaaat a pity."

"A lod of hedp you are, Matt," Mello snapped.

On the other side of the table, L flipped his menu over to the dessert section, looked at it for less than a second, and made his decision. Then he turned to Light. "What is Light-kun going to get?"

"I might just pick off of what you get, Ryuu." Light wrinkled his nose at the list of food in front of him. "The servings look too big."

"That does not sound like a good idea."

Light frowned and looked at the detective. "Why not?" he asked.

"Because Light-kun will consume most of my food," L said, exasperated.

"No I won't! I'm not a _pig!_"

"Light-kun is correct, he is not a pig. He is a mouse, and mice like cheese. I am purchasing a slice of _cheese_cake, therefore-"

"Alright. I'll get a sandwich, you don't have to get into a deductive speech about cheese."

"Cheese_cake_, Light-kun," L corrected.

"That's what I said."

"No, Light-kun said _cheese_, not _cheesecake._"

"No, I didn't!"

Meanwhile, Mello glared down at his menu and decided on a grilled cheese sandwich.

"What are you getting, Mello?" Near questioned.

"Grilled cheese."

"Me too."

Mello made a disgusted face at the white-haired boy next to him. "Don'd _copy_ me, Nead!"

"I made my decision before I asked you about yours, Mello!"

Matt lit a cigarette and leaned forward to watch the argument properly.

"Wed, you shouldn't be nosy, Nead!"

Near began twirling his hair. "What was that, Mello?" he asked. "I couldn't hear you because your voice is so _nasally_."

Mello huffed and covered up the bandages on his face. "Go to hed!"

"I don't know of a place called _hed_."

"Argh!"

Eventually the waitress came and took their orders. She brought two coloring pages and a little cp of crayons for Near and Mello, smiling.

"Here you are, little guys!" she said before walking off jauntily.

"I don'd wad dis," Mello said, shoving the paper over to Matt, who in turn slid it across the table to L, who flicked it to Light.

Light smiled. "Ooh, it's a panda!" he said excitedly. "Give me the crayons."

So Light and Near colored their panda drawings, L observed a little boy at another table who was fighting with a Rubik's Cube and solved it in his head, Matt smoked and played his game, and Mello glared down at the table.

"There." Light smiled and pointed at his picture, giving L a little nudge. "See? It's you."

A gigantic, exaggerated puff had been drawn on top of the panda, dark rims added under the eyes, and blue jeans drawn on it. It even had a gummy worm hanging form its mouth.

"That is nice, Light-kun," L muttered, going back to solving his mental Rubik's Cube.

Time went by in silence after that until the waitress brought the food. She served the grilled cheese on plastic plates shaped like elephants, smiling at Mello and Near.

"Aw, what happened to your nose, honey?" she asked.

"He," Mello jabbed a finger over at Light, "broke id wid a car."

"Oh, my."

Light cleared his throat. "I didn't _intend_ to break it…" he said awkwardly to the woman as she gave him his sandwich.

She left and the five began to eat, not speaking to one another for several minutes. Matt used one hand to eat his chicken and the other to play his game under that table.

"Matt, put the game away."

"Yes, Ryuuzaki."

More silence. Light scowled and tried to bite through his sandwich, but he discovered that a thin, disgusting-looking chicken bone was in his way. "Alright, I'm done here," he mumbled, shoving the food away and picking up his fork. "Let me have some of your cake, Ryuu."

"No." L slid over and moved his cake out of Light's reach. "Why does Light-kun want my cake?"

"Cause there was a bone in my sandwich and it practically made me throw up." Light reached with his fork and managed to get a bit of the cake. "Mm, that's good."

L looked down at the gouged cake, horrified. "The next time Light-kun reaches for my cake," he said dangerously, "my _fork_ will go up his-"

"_Rrrrraaaaaaaawwwwrrrr!"_

Apparently, the mechanical gorilla had come to life. It was right next to Matt, who jumped and sent his game flying off the table, into the air, and right into the primate's mouth, which clamped down around it and smashed it.

Unfortunately, the two electronics didn't mix well, and sparks came shooting up from the gorilla as it malfunctioned. It made an odd noise and more sparks came out, its arms and head moving around spastically. Then, with a great hum, the power went out in the restaurant.

"My game!"

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Later on, as the three visitors got ready to go and Matt complained about having been on level ninety-eight, L had a short talk with Near:

"Near. Do you see Light as being in any danger?" L asked quietly. He had started an argument between Mello and Light to drown out his conversation.

"Not right now. From the data you've given me, I really can't see why Kira would target him," Near whispered. "Though is certainly seems as if he is the first-"

"I know. Thank you, Near."

The white-haired boy frowned a little bit and looked like he was about to say something, but just shook his head. "Keep in touch, L."

"I will."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"…so much more peaceful without them here. Hey, Ryuu?"

"Yes?" L kept his eyes shut and enjoyed the feeling of his new pillow beneath his head.

"I got you something at the restaurant shop while we were evacuating…"

"Did Light-kun pay for it?"

"I left the money there."

L grunted when he felt something placed on his stomach. He pried his eyes open and looked at it.

"It is a panda."

"Yeah. I saw it on the way in and thought it looked like you."

"I do not have any use for this, Light-kun." L grabbed the little stuffed toy and put it on the nightstand. "Good night."

"…Yeah. Night."

Once he heard Light's breathing become deeper, L plucked the panda off of the table and set it back on his stomach. He resigned himself to another sleepless night.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: :-) Fluff! But you guys like it, right? I mean, come on now.

PowerOutageGorilla is my favorite character in this whole fic. And yes, the Jungle Restaurant is a rip-off of the **Rainforest Café**. Go on their website to see exactly what it looks like.

-Hey! I made a Deviant Art account so I could screw around on that site. The link's on my profile under "homepage". Don't expect any art out of me or anything, but if you're on DA, feel free to drop by and say hello.

**Please review! Or the mechanical gorilla will come and screw up your electricity!** (Oh yeah, that's my best threat so far.)

Up next: Therapy Part 3


	58. Therapy Part 4

A/N: Thanks for reviewing

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!! Holy crap, 2,000.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

_Mumu! _)':

_Ryuu didn't like the panda! _D: _I'm so embarrassed!!11 I don't even know where he put it._

_We have therapy today, but I really don't want to talk to him. Now I'm all trying to avoid and stuff, which is hard because HE'S CHAINED TO ME! I feel like a jackass._

_Oh, I have to make up a fake journal for the therapist. Gotta go._

_-Light_

Light, not looking over at the man next to him, opened another text document and began typing his fake journal:

_Journal:_

_I'm happy. Everything is happy. I am well._

_I like Ryuga and Ryuga likes me. We never fight or anything._

_All of my friends like me, too. I'm super popular._

_Okay. I have to go._

_-Light_

The teen wrinkled his nose and reread the entry, shrugging and printing it out without another thought.

"Light-kun is going to make us late for our appointment."

"Nuh-uh."

"Uh-huh."

"Nyaaa." Light stuck his tongue out.

"Light-kun is a lizard."

"Quit staring at my tongue, Ryuu-pervert."

L scowled.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

The two had arrived at the therapist's office and Kyoto had just finished reading Light's fake journal entry when she announced what she would have them do today:

"Alright, gentlemen. Light, thanks for your," she quirked a brow, "_insightful_ journal entry. Today I am going to have you two work on communication. We are going to do something called 'word association'. It is when you-."

"Okay, okay. I know what that is, I think of a word and he responds with what first pops into his mind, right?" Light interrupted.

Kyoto nodded. "Um, yes. The purpose of this is-"

Light, ignoring her, frowned and thought of a random word: "Cantaloupe," he barked at the detective perched on the chair next to him.

"Pineapple," L shot back.

"Beach."

"Sunscreen."

"Speedo."

"Private."

"Bed."

"Sleep."

"Sex," Light smirked.

"Feet."

Light leaned back from L. "Feet?" he asked, surprised. "What, do you have a foot fetish or something?"

"Possibly."

"What do you see in feet?"

It is my turn to start the game now," L declared, thinking of a word. "Kira."

Light frowned and crossed his arms. "_L._"

"Genius."

"Panda Puff."

"Frustration," L ground out.

"Sex."

Kyoto leaned forward. "Okay, you two, you've gone in a circle. Please-"

"Hair," L continued.

"_That's_ why you touch my hair all the time!" Light exclaimed, leaning away from the investigator. "You creep! You have some sort of hair fetish, too?"

"Light-kun is the one who brought up sex twice. This leads me to believe that he is a nymphomaniac."

"I am _not_ a nymphomaniac!"

"Oh," L said, feigning disappointment. "How unfortunate. I thought that I had Light-kun all figured out."

"Please, gentlemen," Kyoto tried again. "Please try to control yoursel-"

"You don't know me!" Light said loudly. "If you did, you wouldn't…_shut me down_ all the time!"

"I shut Light-kun down because he is overeager and presumptuous."

"Why do you two think this of each other? Please explain yourselves," the therapist interrupted, feeling lost. "Please, what is it?"

"_It_," Light told her, making a vague gesture toward L "is _him_ never appreciating me."

"I do not appreciate Light-kun because he never does anything useful," L droned. He pulled a gummy worm out of his pocket and slurped it down.

There was silence.

"Asshole," Light muttered.

"Moron."

"Freak!"

"Maniac."

"_Pervert!_"

Kyoto decided that this discussion was getting nowhere fast and that they should move on to another activity that may be more productive.

"Please stop insulting one another," she ordered, making the two males recoil away from each other. "Now you two are going to say one thing that you do not like about the other," she said firmly. "This exercise will help you with patience and acceptance. Ryuga, go first please."

L glanced over at Light. "I do not like it when Light-kun tries to kill our fish," he said sternly.

"But it's half-dead _already_, Ryuu!" Light protested.

"It bothers me."

"Why does it bother you, Ryuga?" Kyoto asked, looking a little confused. "And why would Light want to kill a-"

"Because it is violent, and Light-kun being violent makes me fear for my own safety."

Light crossed his legs and shot L a weird look. "Whatever," he snapped, "it's my turn now. _I_ don't like it when you go for three days without bathing."

L didn't have to see Kyoto; he could _feel_ her disgusted look penetrate through him. "I do not like it when Light-kun spends hours organizing our sock drawer," he countered, and was delighted to see Light's face grow red in embarrassment.

"Well, I don't like it when you make me walk around in my underwear."

"I think we're done with this exercise," Kyoto announced, crossing her legs. "Um… Okay. Okay!" she said, blinking a few times, "We're going to do something else. Light, please describe Ryuga for me."

"What?" the teen asked. "What do you mean?"

"She means _describe me_, Light-kun," L said as he slurped on another worm. "That means to give an account in words of, including all the relevant characteristics, habits and-"

"_Thank you_, panda puff, for the formal definition!" Light interrupted before turning toward Kyoto. "Ryuga is…pushy, rude, tactless, abusive, unsanitary-"

"Some positive traits, Light," Kyoto said.

"Oh. He's smart, protective, cute, generous-"

"Very good," she therapist praised, turning to L. "Now you, Ryuga."

"Light-kun is loud, infuriating, obsessive, screechy, immature, dimwi-"

"Okay, now move on to his good traits."

L put a thumb in his mouth and stared at Light's shoes for a few long, awkward moments.

"I like Light-kun's shoes," he said simply. "He has good shoe taste."

"Um…" Kyoto glanced at Light and forced a little grin. "Okay, Ryuga. That's a start…"

"My _shoes?!_ That's the only good thing you have to say about me?" Light exclaimed. "Here, if you like them so much…" He leaned down and ripped off one of his designer shoes. _"Here!"_ With that, Light proceeded to smash the opening of the shoe right onto L's nose. "Here, you like them now?"

"Aagh!" L cringed back and kicked up, successfully hooking his foot onto Light's arm and pulling the shoe away. _"Light-kun!"_

"Okay, you two-"

"Hmph!" Light threw his shoe back on the floor and stood to cram his foot back inside. "I'm going to use the restroom," he told Kyoto. "Feel free to give Ryuga shock therapy while I'm gone."

"Light-" L called after him.

The door slammed shut.

"-kun."

"Okay," Kyoto said slowly, smoothing out her skirt and shifting around a bit. "Ryuga, obviously your reluctance to compliment Light offended him and he got it into his head that…shoving his shoe in your face would resolve the problem."

"I complimented Light-kun."

"I know, but you didn't compliment his personality."

L cocked his head to the side. "Yes, that is true. But that is because there are very few aspect of his personality that I enjoy," he commented.

"Well, we will have to work on that." The woman sighed and shuffled her papers around.

"There is a spider on your shirt."

Kyoto looked up at the oddball. "Huh?"

"A spider." L pointed at her. "On your shirt."

"Oh!" She squinted down at her chest. "Where?! Get it off!"

L grunted and stood up, shuffling over to the therapist and leaning down to locate the spider on her black shirt. "Please do not move," he requested, as he went in to pluck it off of her.

"What's going on in here?!"

L exhaled slowly and closed his eyes at Light's shriller-than-usual voice. "Light-kun…" he said, turning around and crushing the spider in his hand, "Please control yourself-"

"_Un_believable!" the teen roared. "I leave you alone for one minute-"

"Light-kun-"

"and you start hitting on that whore of a therapist-"

"Light."

"_Groping_ at her like an animal!"

Kyoto stood up and cleared her throat. "Please, Light, the situation isn't what it looks like," she explained. "There was a spider-"

Light stepped forward and flipped his hair back to get a better view of his target. "Oh, a spider, was it?" he snarled. "Alright, _doctor_, let's see how you feel about this!"

"Light-kun!"

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Ohhh…"

"Light-kun is rather thickheaded sometimes."

"How was I supposed to know she's a black belt, Ryuu? Ohhh-"

L placed a new ice pack on Light's forehead and let his hand run through those silky brown locks. "Well," he said, "I suppose our therapy sessions are over. I believe we made some progress."

The younger man snorted weakly and looked up at the man crouched on the bed next to him. "Yeah, we found out just how incompatible we are," he said wryly. "I'm going to sleep. Night, Ryuu."

"Goodnight, Light Bright." L opened his laptop.

_Journal entry number 8:_

_11:21 PM_

_Light got into a nasty fight with Kyoto earlier. It turns out that she is a third-degree black belt. I could have intervened, but I guess I was entertained watching Light try –and fail- to be possessive of me and assert himself physically. I believe that the sign for this is "XD."_

Higuchi is giving us some trouble. I fear we will be going after him fairly soon; perhaps within the next week. I do hope I get to show off my new helicopter skills. I have had to study up on that for the past few months, though I will never admit it to the brat or Watari.

_I hid the panda Light got me under my pillow…_

_I feel a huge sneeze coming on. I think I will save it for Light tomorrow morning; he hates it when I sneeze in his face. Speaking of him, I believe I forgot to mention that he stuffed his shoe in my face earlier today, which ranks in my top five most unpleasant experiences of my life._

_I want some cake right now, but it mysteriously disappeared within the past day. Light eats all of my food and then complains about gaining weight._

_I have to go._

_-L_

He closed his computer and went to turn the light off…

"Ryuuzaki?"

"Yes?"

"You called me _screechy_ earlier."

"Yes, I did."

"Do I screech?"

"Like a monkey, Light-kun."

"Oh..."

"Goodnight."

"Hmph."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: :-)

Yes, the chain was off during the therapy session.

**Please review! Or you will get Light's shoe shoved in your face!** (Obviously a completely valid and frightening threat…)

Up next: I don't know the title yet!


	59. Tensions

A/N: Thanks for reviewing

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!! Sorry I couldn't reply; FFN wouldn't let me log in…

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Ohhh…" L groaned. Once again, he had awoken to Light squirming around on top of him. "Damn."

"Mrrgh." Light, still asleep, jerked a knee up into L's groin.

"Oof!" Not wanting to wake the teen up, L shifted around to move the offending knee away, and sighed when Light shifted over to rest his head on the detective's arm. L reached over and began to play with his roommate's hair.

"Hmm?" Light grunted, eyes flickering open. "What's wrong…?"

"Nothing, go back to sleep. It is only…three in the morning."

"Kay." Light snuggled over into L's chest with a little contented purr. "You're warm."

"Shh, Light-kun is not awake," L whispered. "He shouldn't speak."

"You're nice, Ryuu."

"And Light-kun is also nice."

"You'd better believe it…"

"If I did not believe it, then I would not have said…wait." L paused, looking under the covers. "…Does Light-kun have boxers on?"

The only response L got was a loud snore.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

The next day, the two were lounging in bed somewhat peacefully when Light began to sing to the movie he was watching.

"Hakuna matata…What ah wonduful phrasu…"

"Stop."

Light leaned away from his computer to sing right in L's face and push the detective to new levels of irritation. "Hakuna matata…Ain't noo passin' phaaaaasu!"

"Light-kun should know that I do not like The Lion King and that I do not like that song."

The only response L got was some humming in his ear and Light bouncing around a little to the music, making the bed shake and subsequently knocking L's cake onto the floor.

"Alright," L grunted, reaching into his pocket for the key, "if Light-kun wishes to behave like a toddler, I will let him." He unlocked the cuff and snapped his end to the headboard of their bed. "I will be in the other room."

"Whatever!" Light bellowed over the music blasting through his headphones. "Oh hey, could you bring me some chips when you come back in? I'm really hungry!"

"Light-kun does not have to shout!"

"What?!"

"_Light-kun does_…never mind."

_Journal entry number 9:_

_Light is watching The Lion King right now, and I cannot help but be reminded of the phase Mello went through when he was younger. He would watch that blasted movie over and over, and every day it would be "Hakuna Matata, L!" "Have no worries, L!"_

_Enough of that. In other news… Well, there really is no other news. I think I may be coming down with a cold, so I will go and take some medicine. It would not do to have the lead investigator of the Kira case sniffling like a child._

_I am off._

_-L_

L went slinking over to the kitchen and searched through the cabinets for some medicine. He found one that said was for "cold/cough" and decided that it would be best. After gagging down the sour green syrup, he grabbed Light's chips from the counter and made his way into the bedroom.

"Here." He threw the chips at Light and climbed onto the bed. "Light-kun is going to be very heavy-set if he keeps consuming so many of those."

Light plucked an earphone out. "What?"

"Nothing. I am going to sleep to offset my cold." L laid down, facing away form Light, and closed his eyes.

"You're sick?"

"Yes."

"Oh, I have this really great remedy to get rid of colds. I can go make it for you."

"That is not required; I already took something."

Light reached over and rubbed between L's shoulders. "You didn't take that green stuff, did you?" he asked.

"…Yes, I did. Why?"

"Oh," Light moved his hand to massage L's lower back instead. "It just made me sort of…loopy. I'm sure you'll be fine."

"Loopy?"

"Yes. You'll be okay, just go to sleep." Light smiled. "And you owe me a massage."

"I will not massage Light-kun," L protested wearily.

"If you say so."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

When L awoke eight hours later, the first thing he noticed was that he was lying on top of Light. The second thing he noticed was that –somehow- Light's hands were wrapped tightly in the chain and were pinned to the headboard. And the last thing he noticed…

There was definite Light-nudity going on.

"Light-kun?" L slurred, blinking a few times. "Is Light-kun alive?"

"Yeah." The teen's voice was muffled.

"What did I do?"

"Nothing much. You just _tied me up and stripped me_, and then you fell into this really deep sleep for a few hours. Your breath is repulsive."

L moved off of the younger man with a grunt. "That is all I did?"

"Yeah. Oh," Light added lightly, "and you professed your love for me."

L froze. "What?" he asked carefully.

Light nodded and turned his head to grin up at the detective. "Yeah, and it's about damn time, too," he quipped.

"I…revealed everything?" L whispered, still in a fog from the medicine. "Everything?"

"Y-eees." Light hid the devious smirk that threatened to take over his face. "_Every_thing, and in great detail. Some of it was a bit surprising, you know. You really shouldn't fantasize about me so much."

"I do not…I…Light-kun is lying."

"Nope. How do you think I got in this position in the first place? I didn't tie _myself_ up, you know." Light grinned and wriggled around a bit. "Besides, you can't take it back now. You already asked me if you revealed everything, implying that you consciously know of these fantasies and-"

"I think…I need to talk to Watari…" L got up and shuffled out of the room.

"Wait, untie me first! Ryuu!"

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Watari listened patiently as L stuttered out his problems and eventually figured out that Light had set up a trap for him.

"Unbelievable! The audacity…He has some nerve, and such an infuriating confidence that…I just…" L trailed off and shoved a thumb into his mouth. "What do I do?"

Watari leaned back and crossed his arms. "Well, Lawliet, what do you want to do?" he reasoned. "Do you want to actually…pursue a relationship with him, or not? Bear in mind that he is Kira."

"He is not Kira right now."

"But he may be in the future."

"I know."

"And you're willing to accept that?"

"No."

Watari sighed and stood to put a hand on L's shoulder. "There is your answer, Lawliet," he said quietly. "Now you need to go deal with this accordingly."

L nodded. "Please do not enter our apartment for a while, Watari," he added. "Light is definitely going to have a hissy fit."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"About time you came back! Take these chains off!" Light demanded when L entered their bedroom.

"I have something to tell Light-kun."

"What?"

"I have no real desire to be in a relationship with Light-kun and have…minimal feelings of love for him." L braced himself for the Kicked Puppy Look he was going to receive, but it didn't help much. "Light-kun should not give me that look."

Light whimpered and buried his face in the blankets. A muffled squeak could be heard every few seconds.

"Is Light-kun upset?" L inched toward the boy and kneeled on the bed. "Is Light-kun crying?"

No response.

"Do not cry." L leaned down to brush Light's hair to the side. "Light-kun?"

"Go away!"

"No. Look, if Light-kun wants a kiss…then I will give him a kiss, but just this once," L offered. "I will give him a kiss on the _cheek_, and it will-Mmph!"

Light had cut him off with a surprise kiss right on the mouth.

"Mm!" L pulled back and wiped his mouth. "Light-kun!"

"Did you like it?"

"No!"

"Well, untie me then!"

"Fine! And I advise Light-kun to keep his mouth _away_ from my body!"

There was a thick silence between the two as L untangled the chain and locked one end back to his wrist. He then got up and led Light into the living room, where they sat next to each other on the couch and stared at the blank TV screen.

"I hate you!" Light exclaimed suddenly, crossing his arms and legs and glaring over at L. "I hate your panda face!"

"Light-kun assumes too much," L countered.

"You're a moron! It would be _terrible_ to have sex with you, anyway. You'd probably start spouting off percentages in the middle of it."

L turned to look at the other man. "Light-kun would not let me get a word in," he snapped. "And he would scratch my back like a feline."

The teen made a little affronted noise and leaned away from L. "You're saying that _you_ would be on top?!" he asked, wrinkling his nose. "No way!"

L's face slowly contorted into a large smile, something Light did not remember seeing before, and the detective actually burst out laughing right in Light's face. "Light-kun…thinks that _he_ would top?!" L coughed to try to regain his composure. "That is an impossibility!"

"Wh- I hate you so much!"

"I would lay there and Light-kun would begin talking about fashion and pop culture. We would get nowhere for _hours._"

"I'm glad you're finding this amusing."

"Light-kun is an uke. Arguing against this is fruitless."

"You're so horrible!" Light pinched L's neck and flipped his laptop open angrily.

_Mumu!_

_I kissed him! Heehee! And now he's all acting like he hated it and stuff, which is ttly cute cause I –saw- his eyes light up. He's soooo in denial. Lol!!_

_So he took this medicine that made him, like, pass out, right? And I took my clothes off, pulled him on top of me, and tangled my arms up in the chain. Then I got him to sorta confess how he feels for me! Sucker!_

_I have to go!_

_Love,_

_Light_

_P.S. Omg, he sneezed in my face earlier and it was so gross. Like, throw-up time! I think he did it on purpose, but he'll never admit to it._

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: Hehe, they kissed, happy now?

And **hey**! Please go take a look at my weird crackfic I posted a little while ago. It's not really great or anything, but it is amusing to write…

**--And I have a poll** up on my page about where you guys want me to take this fic, cause it has two directions it can go in at this point. Please vote in it, all the results are anonymous and stuff.

Thankies for being so patient, guys. I'll be less busy in two weeks, okay?

**Please review! Or L will chain you to the bed!** (Ahem)

Up next: Kite Flying (Mary Poppins, anyone?)


	60. Kite

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Letsu go fa-dy a kite!"

"No."

"Up to za highest height-u!"

"Light-kuuuun…"

"Let'su go fa-dy a kite and send-a it-a soaring! Up a-through za at-mos-phere-"

"I am going to launch Light-kun into the atmosphere," L snapped, looking over at the teen sitting next to him on the couch. "And I do not appreciate Light-kun sending Watari, who works for _me_, out on silly errands!"

"But it's not silly!" Light insisted, leaning over to rest his head on his companion's shoulder. "It's a kite! Haven't you ever flown a kite?"

L took a deep breath and pushed Light off of him. "No, I have not."

"What kind of a childhood did you have?!" Light stood up to go feed the one remaining fish, chain becoming taught between the two men.

"An educational one." L craned his neck to make sure Light wasn't going to try to kill the helpless fish, frowning when he saw the brunette messing around with his pants.

"I hope," L said quickly, "that Light-kun is not going to attempt to shove the fish down his pants."

"I'm not!" Light spun around and flung his hands in the air, as if he were being arrested. "They were just unzipped! Do you want to see?"

"No." L pried his eyes away, and flipped his laptop open.

_Journal entry number 10:_

_11:55 AM_

_Light and I have not spoken about the kissing incident that occurred three days ago. I really do not know how to approach this situation._

_He seems to have gone back to normal, though his "flirting" has increased. And by flirting I mean him making unnecessary bodily contact with me, such as leaning his head on my shoulder. I, in my usual manner, reject him every time._

_The kiss was odd and impulsive, but I feel my response to it was even more so. I said that I didn't like it, perhaps a bit too harshly as he smashed his face into the mattress and started to whine. I am not going to elaborate any more on the events leading up to the kiss, they are too unclear._

_Anyway, he sent Watari out to buy a kite for us so we can have "a super fun time together!" and go to the park with it. I am not amused._

_-L_

"Ooh! Ryuu! Watari's at the door to pick us up!"

L groaned inwardly and had to lean his head back for a moment, staring at the ceiling. "Oooooh…"

"Why are you sighing, Ryuu?" Light asked, perky. "Come on, let's go!"

"If we must."

L allowed the younger man to lead him down the hall and into the elevator. They stepped inside and the detective couldn't help but notice that Light was standing right in front of him, shaking his behind to the elevator jazz music.

"Stop dancing."

"I'm not dancing." Light grinned and looked over his shoulder at L.

"Yes, Light-kun is dancing."

"Well, don't watch me." The shaking became more pronounced, and L moved forward to grab Light's hips to put a stop to it, when the elevator opened.

"Oh, my."

Light looked up to see Watari standing right there, looking a little surprised.

"Oh, Mister Wam…Watari!" L exclaimed, moving away from Light and shuffling out of the elevator in a rush. "Um…" He looked up at the man who raised him and cleared his throat. "Hello. Can we go now?"

Watari seemed to recompose himself and he nodded, turning on his heel and leading the two out to the limo.

"Hey, Ryuuzaki," Light whispered. "Do you think he…interpreted that the wrong way?"

"Possibly, Light-kun," L said tensely. "Quite possibly."

"Oh. Well, that's sort of embarrassing, isn't it?"

"…" L sighed again.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Ooh, he got the kite I asked for!"

L looked at the gigantic pink dragon that Watari had purchased for them with a small frown. "Does Light-kun think that he can handle such a large dragon?" he asked, slipping a thumb into his mouth.

"I can handle anything." Light, delighted, began tearing the plastic off of the kite as L led them through the park and over to a relatively clear field, with only a few other people around and some scattered trees. It was very windy out, and L wrapped the coat he had brought tightly around his shoulders.

"Help me!"

Before he knew what was happening, the black-haired man was holding a pink dragon that was about three times his size while Light unraveled the long white string that was attached to the tail.

"Light-kun made me look strange in front of Watari," L complained quietly.

"He doesn't care," came the dismissive response. "He's seen worse."

"How does Light-kun know that?"

"I don't, I'm just trying to make you feel better." Light finally undid the string and nodded to L to let go of the kite. "Go on."

"What if Light-kun flies away with it?" L asked, blinking against the wind.

"Just let go of it!" Light exclaimed. "I'm not made of paper!"

"Fine." L let it go and watched as it violently whipped up into the sky.

"See? This is nice!" Light let the sting unravel all the way and squinted up at the dragon, which was completely fanned out, its red tongue waving around wildly.

Some time went by, Light and L both staring up at the kite, until Light decided that he wanted L to experience the kite-flying.

"Here, take it!"

L grunted and plucked the plastic holder out of Light's hands. "Light-kun is going tooooo-!"

"Oh no!" Light screamed as L was dragged away. He stood, frozen, as the detective half-flew in the air, unable to dig his feet into the ground and stop the kite.

"Light-kuuuuun!"

Light blinked and shook his head, finally realizing that he should chase after L and save him. He took off, stumbling over the cuffs of his too-long khaki pants as he sprinted after his roommate, who was dipping to the ground and rising into the air rhythmically.

"Hold on, Ryuu!"

L clenched on to the handle as he was lifted into the air again, letting out another cry. He saw that he was quickly approaching a tree and tried to touch his toes to the ground, but all that accomplished was to make his untied shoes fall off.

Light took longer strides to catch up with the other man, but unfortunately tripped over one of L's shoes and fell face-first on top of a patch of prickly weeds.

"AAAAHHHH!"

L craned his head back when he heard Light's scream and lost sight of the tree ahead of him.

WHOMP!

L slammed onto the ground and looked up to see the kite get tangled in the tree branches.

"…That was unpleasant."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Ouch! Stop…Ouch!"

L sighed and plucked the last thorny weed out of Light's face. The brunette had little red spots covering his cheeks and lips, and was staring ahead with the most pitiful expression.

"This hurts…"

"Light-kun is not the only one in pain. I slammed into a tree and am currently bruised in several sensitive places." L shivered at the wind and looked up at the kite, still stuck in the tree.

"Well, that was really horrible. You don't weigh anything!" Light snapped. "What are you, ninety pounds?!"

"Be quiet. I want Light-kun to go fetch that kite from the tree." L pointed at the dragon. "Then we can go home."

"I can't climb trees!" Light held his hands up. "Do you see claws here?!"

"I want the kite back."

"Well, go get it yourself."

"No."

"Leave it here, then!"

L scowled. "I suppose that is acceptable," he conceded. "Shall I call Watari?"

"Yeah. I'm freezing."

"Here." L slipped out of his jacket and tossed it at Light.

"Aren't you cold?" Light put the jacket on without waiting for an answer. "Thanks."

"Mmhmm."

Light turned away to stare at the kite as L called Watari. He huffed when he saw two little boys running over to it.

"They'd better not think they're going to get…" he whispered, but stopped when one of the kids began scaling the tree like a monkey, obviously wanting the dragon.

"Hey!" Light stood and stormed over to the boys. "Hey, that's our kite, you little brats!"

"It's ours now!" the boy on the ground yelled back, sticking his tongue out. "Finders keepers!"

"Do you want a taste of hell, you little-"

"Light-kun, please don't unleash your fury on the children!" L yelled from where he was squatting in the grass. "Oh, we are fine, Watari, he is just screaming at some small kids."

"They're stealing our kite!" Light finally made his way over to the kids and grabbed one end of the dragon. "Give it here, or I'll

"Stranger danger! Stranger danger!"

The last thing Light saw was a little foot shooting out toward his groin before he was rolling on the ground, eyes watering and L running over to him.

Wow, Ryuuzaki runs really strangely… he thought vaguely, before he was overcome with pain.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"You sort of stoop forward when you run, is all."

"I was coming to Light-kun's help!"

Light snickered when the angry detective unlocked the chain and stomped off into the bathroom. He opened his computer.

_Mumu!_

_We flew a kite today, but Ryuu was too light and is picked him up into the air. It was funny until I scratched my beautiful face up in all these weeds. And then these kids tried to get our kite and one of them kicked me. I'm still sore. "Stranger danger" my ass._

_And guess what? Ryuu gave me his jacket today! XD And he was ttly staring at me earlier in the elevator._

_I hope he'll actually respond to me soon! I'm getting really antsy here._

_Love,_

_Light_

_P.S. Tatsuya called me today, but I didn't tell Ryuu. I'm not really sure what to do about it, b/c I like Tatsuya, but I know SuperPuff will come to the rescue if I actually try to meet up with him._

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: Sorry for the long wait! I'm really busy, as you guys can tell, and I may not update for a couple of weeks, okay? (I'm going to Disneyland!) I'll write whenever I get free time, though, so I might be able to get one out before that. Thanks for your patience.

I'm going to keep the poll up for a little while longer. Please vote if you haven't yet, it's completely anonymous and everything.

I'll hopefully update "Daily Life" tomorrow, for those of you who are reading that.

-Light is singing "Let's Go Fly A Kite" from Mary Poppins, at the beginning.

**Please review! Or L will come flying after you! Especially y'all who have this on alert or in your faves, okay? Thanks a lot!**

Up next: I don't know…


	61. Disco Fever

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Light jumped and let out a little "Moop!" when his cell phone began to vibrate in his back pocket. Seeing that L didn't notice, he slid it out and buried himself under the covers of the bed to read the text message.

"Why is Light-kun burrowing?"

"…Cause I'm _cold!_"

"Huh."

Light rolled his eyes and went back to his phone.

_Light,_

_We need to meet up sometime, like we talked about yesterday. I'm not busy tonight, are you? Maybe we can go to that new dance club, if you can get away from the spider guy._

_-Tatsuya_

"Hmm." Light frowned down at the phone and tried to determine what the best course of action would be. Well, he could always insist that L couldn't interfere with his dating life, but L would probably launch into a speech to argue against that.

…Or he could just act cute and hope L fell for it.

"Ryuu?" L poked his head out of the covers and pinned L with his trademark heart-stopping smile. "Ryuuuuu…"

L stopped his rapid keystrokes and looked down at the adolescent. "Yes?"

"Can we go out somewhere later on?"

"Where? Does Light-kun wish to go eat somewhere, because I would be happy to take him to-"

"No," Light interrupted. "I mean, I want to go on a date."

L blinked a few times and began chewing on his thumb. "Light-kun is asking me out on a da-"

"Not with you. With Tatsuya."

Silence. Light held L's gaze.

"Tatsuya?"

"Yes."

"He is the one from the museum, correct?" L asked, voice a bit louder than usual.

Light nodded. "He wants to take me out."

"Why?"

"…For a date?"

L leaned forward and set his laptop to the side. "No," he said slowly, "I mean, _for what purpose?_ What does he think he is going to _get_ out of this date?"

"It's just to have a little fun, Ryuuz-"

"Because _I_ know precisely what he wants, and he is not going to get it. Case closed."

"Ryuuzaki!" Light sat up, a bit miffed that he was going to have to take the other approach to this. "You cannot control my private life, and if I want to further enhance my relationships with others, then you have no right to stand in my way!"

The other man frowned a tiny bit. Sometimes he forgot that Light matched him in intelligence…

"So if you want to be difficult, then I have no qualms about-"

"Light-kun?"

Light stopped ranting and calmed down noticeably. "Uh-huh?"

"Light-kun can go, but he must know that I will be accompanying him and will be monitoring his every move," L said snappishly, his frown deepening as he turned back to his computer. "I still do not understand what is so appealing about Tatsuya."

Light slammed himself back down and snuggled into his pillows. "_Maybe_," he said quietly, "he is appealing because he actually expresses interest in me."

L bit down too hard on his thumb and pierced the skin.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"If he attacks you, I will not hesitate to eliminate him."

"I know."

"If he touches you, it had better not be here," L rested his hand on Light's hip, "or here," he moved down to his thigh. "Anywhere else is acceptable."

"Then how come _you_ can-"

"And if he says anything inappropriate or harmful to you, he will have to face dire consequences," L finished, appearing more intense than Light had seen him in a while.

"Calm down," Light hissed as his phone began vibrating. "Be quiet."

"Tatsuya must understand that Light-kun is not his."

"Quiet!" Light snapped, answering the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi, I'm on my way. I'll meet you outside, okay?" Tatsuya said cheerfully.

"Kay. Oh, and there's one minor thing I forgot to mention earlier…" Light trailed off, looking at the strangest person in the world, who happened to be standing right next to him.

"What is it?"

"I have to bring Ryuu with me."

"What?! The spider?!"

"He's not a spider, it's just that we're in this experiment where we have to be chained together, and so he's just going to be tagging along. He won't bother us," Light explained hastily. "So I'll see you right at nine, then?"

"…" There was a pause and a deep sigh on the other line. "Okay, bye."

Light hung up and tugged the chain to get L to follow him out the door. "Come on, Watari's waiting."

"Hm."

_Ryuu's really angry about this whole situation, _ Light thought. _I hope he doesn't carry out any of his threats._

After much coaxing and Light yanking at the chain, they eventually arrived downstairs and got into the limo.

"Light-kun altered his physical appearance quite a bit for this date," L observed, staring over at Light, who sat across from him on the leather seats. "But I must ask why he is wearing sweatpants. We are going to a restaurant, correct?"

"Oh." Light shot a little guilty grin over at L. "There's been a change of plans. We're going to a club. It's disco night!"

"What?"

The look on L's face was one of complete disbelief and confusion, something Light was certain he had never seen before.

"A club. You don't mind, do you?" Light asked.

"I do mind! I do not dance, and I am seventy five percent sure that Light-kun is going to injure himself if he attempts to!"

"I can dance!"

"I disagree!"

Light folded his arms and huffed his way over to the other side of the limo. "Fine, you know what? You can just watch while Suya and I get our groove on," he said, sticking his nose up in the air. "You can just _watch_," he repeated.

"I do not want to watch Light-kun get his groove on with 'Suya!'"

"We have arrived, sir," Watari's calm voice interrupted L before he began a new tirade. The detective looked out the window and was horrified to see bright neon lights and huge crowds outside of a thumping club.

"Light-kun!"

Light ignored his companion and pulled him out of the limo by the chain. "Ooh, I see Suya!"

"Light!"

Tatsuya came walking over immediately, a charming smile plastered on his face. "You look great, Light."

"Thanks, so do you." Light put a hand on Tatsuya's shoulder and pointedly ignored the slouched man chained to him. "Want to go in?"

"Yeah."

L followed Light into the club, the crowds outside of it all giving him strange looks, and he dug around in his pocket for a gummy worm to distract him from this uncomfortable situation.

"I need a drink first," Tatsuya called over the pulsing disco music. "Come on!"

They wound through the sweaty, gyrating bodies and L nearly choked on his worm when he felt someone slap his ass. Even worse than that was the way Light and Tatsuya were so very close to one another…But who kept slapping his behind…? L looked behind him, but saw nothing but lights and dancing shadows.

"It's hot in here!"

L jerked his head around to see Light dramatically rip off his button-up pants, revealing the dreaded blue shorts that he had thought Watari had gotten rid of.

"Can you hold these, Ryuu?" Light asked, throwing the pants back at L and stepping up to the bar with Tatsuya.

L let out a little cry and pulled the pants off of his face, throwing to the ground without another thought. "I need to have a word with Light-kun!"

Light ignored him and began chatting about something with Tatsuya, whom L was beginning to develop a very intense hatred towards.

"So does he ever leave you alone?"

Light shook his head. "Nope, Suya, we even have to sleep together!"

"What an asshole!" Tatsuya glared back at L and downed the rest of his drink. "Hey, buddy, do you think you could take the chain off just for a few minutes? I want to dance with Light."

"…I…do not-"

"Come on, Ryuu!" Light begged. "You'll still be able to watch me!"

"Okay-"

"Yay!"

L unlocked the chain and took a very deep breath to refrain from strangling Tatsuya with it.

"Keep within my sight, Light-kun," he whispered in Light's ear. "Please do not wander off too far."

When Light felt L's hand on his back, he immediately pulled away and tugged Tatsuya out on to the dance floor to get down with his bad self.

L, meanwhile, planted himself on a bar stool and watched.

He watched the admittedly amusing disco moves.

He watched Light smile more than he had ever seen, and noticed a tiny little dimple that appeared on Light's cheek when he was particularly happy.

He watched that bastard _Suya_ groping all over _his_ suspect.

"Ugh." He swiveled the stool around and ordered himself some sake, not that, with his alcohol tolerance, it would do very much.

"You look a little depressed."

L looked to the side and saw a young woman smiling hugely at him. He supposed she was attractive, but knew right away that she didn't match his intelligence level.

"Hn."

"What's wrong? Date ditch you?" she pressed.

"He is not _my_ date."

"He?" The girl blinked and leaned back. "Oh, you like men?"

"I like one person, and he happens to be male. I do not like other men," he droned, taking a heavy swig of his drink. "And I do not like you."

"Ooh, you're pretty dark," she thrust her breasts out at him, attempting to be subtle about it. "I like that."

"Please do not talk to me any more."

"But you're cute. And you're all playing hard-to-get and stuff…"

"If I must reiterate," he snapped, turning towards her, "I like one person, and he is occupied right now. Please get out of my face."

"Jerk." The girl got up and stomped off, and L decided to move away from the bar to avoid any more potential encounters. He looked back over and saw Light and Tatsuya still going at it that stupid bastard Suya practically molesting the brunette.

"Enough." L slammed his sake down and shuffled over to the dance floor, making his way between people and ending up right behind Light.

"Light-kun!"

"Huh?!" Light whirled around and wrinkled his nose. "What are you doing here, Ryuu? Go drink some more!"

"No. I am done with this."

"With what?"

"This game!"

"I'm lame? That's not very nice!" Light yelled over the music. "Go away!"

"This _game!_" L repeated.

"Miss Fame? Who's that?"

"We are going home!"

Light understood that one, but unfortunately Tatsuya beat him to responding:

"Get out of here, you freak. Can't you see Light's actually having a good time?"

L couldn't deny it: Light did look like he was having fun dancing, but he couldn't help but want to put a stop to it, because it wasn't with him.

"Dammit, Light-kun!" was probably not the best thing to say, but he did anyway.

Tatsuya snorted and began to dance again, striking a few ridiculous poses to the music that was blasting L's ears out. "Forget him, Light!"

Light hesitantly turned back around and began to grind again, and L, completely offended, just stood there and stared.

…That is, until Light accidentally smacked into him with his hips and sent him flying.

Light cocked his head to the side, and he swore he heard a little "Light-kun!" in the distance, but he figured he was just imagining it and went back to his grooving.

L stumbled backwards and slammed into a huge man, who shoved him to the side and into _another_ huge man. This went on for a while, L getting pushed around like a pinball, until he circled around the dance floor and made it back over to Tatsuya and Light, now sporting a few fresh bruises.

"Heeey, you're the one with the cute ass!"

L looked away from Light and saw a young man next to him, leering right in his face.

"Excuse me?"

"You have a cute ass! Wanna dance?"

"No!"

"Great!" the guy yelled, obviously not hearing L as he grabbed the detective, turned him around, and began to move against him.

"Stop!" L tried to pull away, but the guy apparently thought he was dancing.

"Wow, nice move!"

"I am not trying to move!" L yelled, frustrated when the man grabbed his hips and forced him to dance to the ridiculous disco music.

"You want to go home with me?" the guy screamed in L's ear.

"No!" L, deciding to end this foolishness, swung his hand back in a self-defense move and flipped the guy onto the ground. "Please do not approach me again!"

"Owww…."

L turned away and spotted Light out again. He walked over, now no longer caring about Light's happiness.

"Light!" he yelled, grabbing Light's hand and pulling him to the side. "We are leaving!"

"No, not yet!"

"Yes!" L pulled the chain out and locked them together again. "Follow me _now!_"

Light tugged Tatsuya along and the three, slamming into various people on the way, eventually made it outside.

"Hey, what happened?" Tatsuya demanded, frowning over at L.

"Light-kun and I are leaving. Say your goodbyes." L flipped his phone open and called Watari up. "Hello? Yes, we are ready. Yes…"

"I had a great time," Tatsuya said, turning his attention back to Light. "Do you want to get together again soon?"

"Yes, that sounds nice."

Not noticing that L was watching, Tatsuya leaned in to give his date a kiss, but was met with air.

_Huh?_ He opened his eyes and saw that L had pulled Light back toward him.

"That is enough," the oddball said.

"Why do you act like that when you two aren't even together?"

"Suya-"

"No, Light," Tatsuya, interrupted, "I want to know why. What's your deal, _Ryuu?_"

"My deal?" L stepped forward, pushing Light behind him. "My _deal_ is that you are touching my Light-kun, and trying to get somewhere with him-"

"Ryuu…" Light tried, but L just squeezed his arm to silence him.

"You are invading my life, and imposing upon-"

"Come on, our ride's here!" Light burst out, pulling a bit harder. "Please? Let's go-"

Tatsuya straightened up and stared down at L. "Well, guess what, little man? Light can do whatever the hell he wants, and is he likes me more than-"

"Come, Light-kun." L turned around and pulled Light over to the limo.

"Talk to you later, Suya!" Light said over his shoulder.

"Wait-!"

They got into the limo and zoomed off, neither saying a word to the other until L couldn't contain himself any longer.

"Why does Light-kun like Tatsuya so much?" he asked.

"He's nice!" Light said defensively.

"That is an unacceptable answer! Light-kun must think that I am immensely stupid to-"

"Will you cut it out?" Light shifted away from the other man and crossed his legs. "I'm done talking to you."

"I do not care."

"Good."

"Fine."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

_Journal entry number 11:_

_1:27 AM_

_Light made me go out with him and his precious Suya tonight. It was a disaster. I will spare the details and write only that I have concluded that maybe I am a tad jealous of Tatsuya's easygoing mannerisms and comfort in crowds. I wish that Light would smile like that when he is around me, but alas, he seems to frown more often than not. Even right now, he's on his computer, still frowning from our disagreement earlier. He is so difficult._

_I do, however, wonder how long it will take until he finds out that I removed his ostrich from our apartment. Hopefully he will want it back._

_Feeling quite dreadfully exhausted,_

_-L_

"Light-kun bruised me earlier," L griped, slamming his computer shut and laying down. "His hips slammed into me while he was dancing to the disco music."

"Well, so-rry."

"Light-kun's hips are enormous." L closed his eyes and tried to calm his mind enough to sleep, but Light's typing kept him up.

_Mumu!_

_OMG, you don't know how happy I am! _: )_ Everything went just as planned: Suya was all over me and Ryuuzaki was FUMING. He doesn't know, but I ha__d my eye on him the whole time he was at the bar, and I saw him watching me._

_And then Suya was going to kiss me, but Ryuu pulled me away and told him off. I sort of feel sorry for leading Tatsuya on, but he called Ryuu a freak, so he deserves it._

_Love,_

_Light_

_P.S. I ate all of Ryuu's chocolate-covered raisins! He's going to kill me!_

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: There, I got another chapter out before all of my busy stuff goes down!

This is dedicated to my love **DoYouFindMeDreadful**, cause he inspired this mess of a chapter. Shake your groove thang.

**Please review! Or L will hide all of your things and hold them hostage!**

Up next: I don't know yet!


	62. Coupons

"Where's my ostrich

A/N: I live! Thanks for all the reviews and the well wishes for my vacation, guys, I had a blast. And now I'll get on with it.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Where's my ostrich?"

Light watched as L kept digging around in the fridge, completely oblivious to his ostrich crisis.

"Ryuuzaki, I want my ostrich. You removed it, didn't you?" Light asked. He poked L's lower back. "Hey! Do you hear me? Did you burn it?!"

"Did Light-kun eat my cheesecake?" L called from the cold depths of the fridge.

Light sighed and crossed his arms. "Look, just give it back and I'll pretend it never happened," he said firmly.

"Give what back? The cake?"

"_MY OSTRICH!"_

L cringed as the teen's voice boomed and echoed inside of the refrigerator. "Light-kun sounds like he has a microphone!" he gasped, backing out of the fridge and hitting his head on the way. "Ouch."

"Give it back!"

L looked up to see Light in full pouting mode: arms crossed, lower lip jutting out, and eyes wide and watery. "Light-kun must have misplaced his ostrich," he lied. "He is careless."

"How can I misplace something that's two-thirds my size?! Where do you think I lost it, in the _toilet?_"

"I do not know." L slammed the fridge closed and shuffled over to the messy kitchen table, cheesecake in hand. "Light-kun needs to clean this table off."

"I'm not your maid," Light protested, but giving in anyway and straightening some loose papers. "Look at this mess. Why…" he trailed off, holding a tea-soaked paper up. "Were you _clipping coupons_, Ryuu?"

"I like to be thrifty, hence my clothing."

"But…" Light peered closely at the array of coupons before him. "These are all from useless places! Look at this one: _Eat any two slabs of steak at The Beef House, and get a free Barnaby the Dinosaur wrist band._ Why do you want this? You don't eat slabs of steak!"

"Light-kun is missing the point!" L defended.

"No I'm not!" Light shuffled through the papers and read another one: "_Show this coupon at any participating Happy Handy Mart and, with your purchase of two Slushy Ice Drinks, get a free Handy Candy Dispenser._"

"I throw away the ones that I will not use."

"Then throw all of them away!"

"No, I want to look through them."

"Why?!" Light stood and crumpled all of the coupons up, sweeping them to the ground in a flourish. "We never go anywhere like this! We don't need these coupons! Well…" Light plucked one off of the floor, "except maybe this one for chips. And that one for ice cream…Maybe that Beef House one isn't _too_ far-fetched…"

Within fifteen minutes, L was halfway done with his cake and Light had organized all of the coupons into neat little piles on the table.

"There, happy? And I hope you know that you're taking me to The Beef House sometime," Light snapped, flipping his hair with a little sniff. "That is, if Suya doesn't take me there first."

L shot a glare at Light and downed another piece of his cheesecake. They sat silently for several minutes until the detective decided to pry a bit:

"Can Light-kun answer a question for me?"

"I guess." Light turned away so he wouldn't have to watch the oddball eat and stared at the wall.

"Is Light-kun a virgin?"

Light jerked his head around to stare wide-eyed at L, who merely blinked and brought another forkful of cake up to his mouth. "Wh-What?"

"Is Light-kun a virgin or has he had sexual intercourse with another?" L smacked down his cake and cocked his head to the side.

"Why do you need to know?"

"I believe that it will help the investigation."

Light crossed his legs and tried to stare L down, but that (as usual) didn't work, so he finally heaved a sigh ad leaned forward.

"Define _virgin_, Ryuuzaki."

L's eyes widened a fraction. "So Light-kun has had sexual experiences? With whom?" he asked.

"That's not the question here, is it?" Light responded, feeling a bit more confident about the conversation.

"Was it a male?"

"That," Light answered cockily, "is none of your business, pervert puff."

L stood abruptly, sending the fork clattering to the floor. "Light-kun will tell me who he has had sexual relations with, or I will become very cross with him," he stated firmly.

"I don't think so."

"I do think so. This is crucial information."

"I won't tell you until you give me my ostrich back."

L took a deep breath. "The ostrich," he ground out, "is in the closet in the next room. Now tell me."

Light smile a little and leaned forward, resting his chin on his hand. "Shall I list the people in alphabetical order, then?" he questioned throatily.

"…" Glowering, L planted himself back into his crouch on the chair. "That is not necessary. Never mind."

"I can tell you who is _going_ to be on my list," Light continued conversationally. "Tatsuya, once we get these handcuffs off."

"Light-kun intends to engage in sexual activities with Tatsuya?"

"Is there something wrong with that?"

"I cannot allow that."

"You have no control over my sex life," Light scoffed. "Why do you care, anyway?"

"I do not like Tatsuya. I have made this clear several times, including last night in the disco club." L stood back up and walked over to the couch, dragging Light along behind him. He sat down and grabbed Light's cell phone off of the coffee table. "I want Light-kun to call Tatsuya right now and end his relationship with him."

"No!" Light swatted the phone away, but was pinned back onto the couch in response.

"Light-kun will break up with _Suya_ right now," L hissed. "Call him."

"No, I like him. Do you know what it means to _like_ someone, Ryuu?"

"Call him," L repeated.

"Fine!" Light snatched the phone away and punched a few buttons to call Tatsuya. The other man picked up on the first ring.

"Light? How are you? Did you have a nice time last night?"

"Um…" Light looked over at the detective next to him. "…Tatsuya, I can't see you anymore."

"What? Why not? Is it that-_that creep?_ What is he doing to you over there? Do you want me to come over-"

"No, I just don't want to see you anymore. Kay? Bye."

"Don't hang up! Ligh-"

Light closed the phone and shoved it back at L. "Here. I really hate you sometimes." He leaned over onto L's bony shoulder. "But I'm all yours now."

"…Light-kun was always mine." L reached up and rested a hand on the teen's head.

"I beg to differ." Light's voice had dropped to a whisper, and he turned his head to the side to look at L properly.

"…Hmm." L felt his breathing become heavier. He dropped his hand down to Light's shoulder and pulled the younger man closer to him-

_Riiiing! Riiiing!_

L blinked slowly and pulled away from Light. "That would be my phone."

Light sighed and looked away as L carefully opened his phone with two fingers. "And I was so _close_…" he muttered. "So close."

"Hello, Watari? Yes? We…We will be right down. Okay." L closed his phone and ran a hand through his forest of black hair. "Light-kun, we are needed down in the investigation room."

"Why?"

"Misa has arrived with proof that Higuchi is Kira."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: Dun dun dun! Yeah, that would be episode…21, I think? And then they have the Sakura TV plan and stuff. I'm probably going to come back and edit this chapter later, but I just wanted to get it out.

Sorry it was so short, but it's more of a transition chapter than anything else. : ) Next chappie should be out within two days.

**Please review! Or L will come and steal your coupons!**

Up next: Helicopter


	63. Helicopter

A/N: Thanks for reviewing!!

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

_MUMU!!_

_OMG! Soooo much stuff has happened today, I can't even get into it. All I have to say is…_

_HELICOPTER TIME!!1_

_Ryuu's going to take us out on a helicopter to catch Higuchi! He just told me! I'm sooo excited; I've never even been in a –plane- before, let alone a helicopter._

_You know, I'm kind of worried about what's going to happen when we catch Higuchi, because…I just really don't want to be locked up again, if Ryuu decides to be a jerk and acts like I'm Kira or something. DX No fun!_

_Oh no, he's glaring at me. Gotta go._

_Love,_

_Light_

"Light-kun! Move, we have to go!"

"But…" Light tried to protest as he was pushed out of the investigation room and up the stairs. "Shouldn't we take the elevator?"

"It is out of commission. Move!"

"You're in a big hurry, aren't you?Calm dow-"

In response to this, Light received a mighty shove at his lower back and he proceeded to fall up the stairs. "Oof!"

L closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. "If Light-kun," he ground out, "cannot balance while going up the stairs, then he is not fit to accompany me in the helicopter. I know he is very excited about this, but he must control himself until we are finished with this…episode."

"Okay," Light grunted as he got up, "I'll try to be more careful."

"Good."

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

They had made it up the stairs and into the helicopter, and Light was presently having what appeared to be a panic attack.

"Is this seatbelt secure?! How far up are we going? Are you sure you know how to operate this thing? Are you listening to me? This is important! Lives are at stake here, Ryuuzaki! _Lives!_," Light exclaimed, tugging frantically on his seatbelt to make sure it was locked in, but his hands kept slipping because of the sweat so he moved on to L's.

"Light-kun must calm himself." L gently plucked Light's hands away from his waist and set them back on the teen's lap. "We need to take off now, so I can achieve perfect timing and make a formidable entrance. Watari, are you ready?"

"Yes," the elderly man answered, cocking his gun and nodding sharply to L.

"Very well." L proceeded to his several buttons and flick a few switches, none of which processed in Light's frazzled mind, and the helicopter lifted into the sky.

After taking numerous deep breaths, Light brought himself back into reality and blinked down at the city below him. "I guess this isn't soooo bad," he commented. "Ooh, there's my aunt's house! And…was that guy _naked_ on his roof?"

"We are closing in on them," L said, effectively blocking out Light's mindless babble. "And Light-kun's percentage has decreased by point eight percent."

"Oh, that's _splendid!_" Light clapped his hands together and looked at L. "Does that mean I'm only at two hundred thirteen point two now? Goody!"

"Shut up, Light-kun." L gave the helicopter a sharp turn to the left and effectively made Light hit his head on the side of the aircraft.

"Ouch! Be more careful how you fly this thing, Ryuuzaki!"

"...My apologies." L reached down for the thermos of tea that Watari had brought for him and took a swig of it, burning his tongue most unpleasantly. He slammed the drink back down next to Light and sighed heavily.

"Is that tea, Ryuu?"

"Yes."

"May I have some?"

"No," L answered, but was not surprised when Light opened it and chugged some of the drink down anyway.

"That's hot!" Light gave a little smack of distaste and shook his head. "Ouchies!"

"Please do not gulp the tea down, Yagami," Watari interjected. "It's piping hot."

"Thanks for the late warning!"

"Don't speak to me like that, Yagami!" Watari ordered, offended.

L let his head fall back onto the seat. _Why me...? _"Light-kun, respect your elders," he said. "Watari-san, please do not yell at Light."

"And don't you tell me what to do, young man," Watari said, his even gaze making L recoil a bit as childhood spankings flashed through his mind.

"Sorry, Watari-san."

"Watari's in sniper-mode, isn't he?" Light whispered to L, only getting a curt nod in response.

Eventually, after a good deal of tense silence, they made it over to their destination and L landed the helicopter (rather roughly) on the highway near Higuchi's car.

"That's an awful shade of red, don't you think?" Light asked, pointing at the car and wrinkling his nose in distaste. He glanced at L and saw that the other man was paying no attention to him. "Well, you're rude." The teen crossed his legs and twirled his hair around as L barked orders at the task force members and Aizawa.

_Hmm. I bet I'd look good with curly hair,_ Light mused, picturing himself with a full head of wavy, golden locks. _Ryuu would look horrible, though._ A disturbing image of L wearing a powdered wig popped into Light's mind and made him shudder in horror. _Eew._

Light yelped and was brought back to the situation when Watari cocked his gun again, very loudly and right in his ear.

"You don't have to be such a donkey, Watari-san," Light hissed, hoping the old man would hear him.

"Light-kun, do not call Watari a donkey," L cut in. Then he turned his attention back to the notebook Light's father was passing around and decided he wanted to take a look at it.

"Please bring that notebook to the helicopter."

Light hummed quietly to himself as Mogi brought the Death Note over to them.

"Thank you," L said, taking the notebook from Mogi's hands. He held it up and peered at it closely and, upon seeing the Shinigami, everything was piecing together…

"Dammit, Light-kun!"

While trying to reach over to grab the notebook, Light knocked over a thermos of tea that had been sitting next to L. The steaming hot liquid made a puddle in L's seat and soaked through his pants and into his skin.

"Ouch!" In pain, L jumped out of the helicopter and dropped the notebook on the ground next to him. "That is hot!"

"Sorry, Ryuu!" Light scrambled out of the copter and scurried over to the other side. "Are you okay? Oh, I really didn't mean to burn you. I'm sorry-"

"Be quiet!" L snapped. _Must Light always destroy my moments of genius…?_

"Well, here." Light bent down and picked up the notebook.

L jumped when he heard a very loud, jolting scream come from the boy next to him and jerked his head around to stare at Light. "Light-kun…?" He reached out to take the notebook back. "Please give me the notebook when this screaming fit has passed."

…But Light kept yelling for a few more seconds and, when he looked back at L, he had this nasty little smirk on his face that was really very unattractive.

"Light-kun, give me the notebook." L shook his head to the side to get the hair out of his face; it was blowing from the helicopter blades, which must have been accidentally turned back on to full speed when he had jumped out of the aircraft. "Give it to me."

"…I can hold on to it for now," Light said firmly. "I'm going to check if these names match the victims."

_Light is acting strangely…_ "Why did Light-kun scream like that?"

"The Shinigami frightened me, L." Light began to turn to get back in the helicopter, but L would have none of that. He grabbed the notebook and tried to pry it from Light's death grip.

"Give me the notebook," L insisted.

"No, let me look at it for a while," came the unusually controlled response. "I only need a few minutes to check these names-"

"Light-kun is being stubborn." L pulled harder, and soon an all-out tug-of-war ensued.

Meanwhile, the task force members watched as the two geniuses fought over the evidence, and a collective gasp arose when something unfortunate happened:

L, apparently fed up with the game, let go of his end of the notebook. Because of the force with which Light had been pulling, the teen's arms whipped back and he lost his hold on it. The notebook went soaring through the air, turning and whirling around, until it hit the blades of the helicopter.

_Whirrrrrrr!_

The notebook was no more.

L stared in shocked horror as his evidence was shredded by the helicopter blades and little strips of paper rained down around them.

"Light-kun!"

Light looked down to see L shooting death rays at him. "Um…oops?"

"Light-kun _shredded_ the notebook! Unbelievable!"

"Sorry, Ryuu-"

"Do not give me…" but L trailed off when he saw that Light was no longer in the strange state he had been in earlier. "Ryuu?"

"That's your name, isn't it?" Light whimpered. "Please don't kill me."

"Light-kun called me 'L' earlier."

"No, I didn't." Light wrung his hands together and inched toward the helicopter. "So…Should we get going, then, Ryuu?"

L, still putting together everything that had happened, gave a slow nod. "Yes, Light-kun. We should go, seeing as the _only solid evidence we had_ has been effectively destroyed."

"I already apologized for that!" Light squeaked. "You're going to give me a hard time about that for _weeks_, aren't you?"

"I am going to give Light-kun a hard time about it for years," L corrected. "Light-kun has made me extremely angry."

"Meep!"

The ride back was mostly silent, with the occasional awkward apology from Light. L didn't say a word, except when Light was going to push the "shiny red button" and almost ejected them from the helicopter. Immediately after they returned, L unlocked his side of the cuff, snapped it onto the stair railing, and excused himself to use the restroom.

"Hurry up-"

L slammed the door in Light's face.

"-Ryuu." Light scowled and stared down at the floor, berating himself for being so clumsy. Honestly, he didn't even know why he had put up such a fight for the notebook in the first place! Why didn't he just let L have it...? His musings were interrupted, though, when a loud string of English echoed out of the bathroom.

_I may have not payed much attention in English,_ Light thought, _but I know that those are some very offensive words coming out of Ryuuzaki's mouth. Wow, I didn't even think he knew those! Is...What did he just call me?_

Meanwhile, L finished his cussing fit and leaned over the sink to stare at his reflection. Seeing that he had a significant amount of drool accumulating at his mouth, he splashed some water on his face.

"Do not kill Light," he whispered at the mirror. "Do not kill him, even though he is a damn fool. He is important to this task force and to me, and although he may have just torn apart this entire case, he must not be harmed physically..."

"Are you okay in there, Ryuuzaki?" Light's voice boomed through the door. "Please don't hurt me!"

L didn't respond, instead reminding himself not to kill the teenager a few more times and calming himself down. When he emerged from the bathroom a few moments later, he was relatively composed. He slouched over to Light and put the cuff back on.

"Light-kun should not provoke me at this time," he droned. "If he does, I cannot be held responsible for what I do to him."

"...So what do you want me to do?"

"Be silent and stand there while I analyze the situation."

"Kay."

L analyzed the situation for the next twenty minutes, and Light grew impatient. He began rocking around on his heels and humming a little off-key tune to himself. It was when that tune began to morph into a symphony that L felt the need to do something.

"Very well," the detective snapped. "Since Light-kun cannot control his musical urges, I will leave him in our apartment and go to the investigation room myself."

"...Okay."

L took Light to their room, chained him to the bed, and went back into the investigation room to discuss the problem with the team. They weren't much help (Yagami defended Light, Mogi stood and stared, and Matsuda fussed over Misa), so L turned to his computer and looked at a blank Excel spreadsheet for a while. He typed in some numbers to make himself look busy, but for some reason couldn't take his mind off of the brunette upstairs.

...Ahem, off of _Kira_ upstairs.

It was clear to L that Light had become Kira, due to the boy's radical personality change when he had touched the notebook. But, how would L convict him _with no evidence? _It was also more than suspicious that Light had been the one to shred the notebook. Now, L really had nothing to go on, unless they miraculously found another Death Note or Light became Kira again through some sort of ridiculous divine intervention.

_This is all very inconvenient,_ L complained to himself. _And a massive waste of my eating time. I'm done here._

"I am going back upstairs to question Light-kun of a few things," L announced, standing up. _I need some cake. And possibly a glass of wine..._

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Ryuu! Kyaaaaa-"

L had entered the apartment to hear whining coming from the bedroom.

"aaaaaaaa-"

"Light-kun will be released from the bed when he is quiet!" L yelled, jerking the fridge open.

"...But Ryuuzaki, I have to use the bathroom!"

L found his cake and, not bothering with a fork, grabbed it and bit off a piece, not giving a damn about the crumbs sprinkling their previously Light-approved, sparkling kitchen floor.

"Hold on, Light." L stuffed the rest of the cake into his mouth and whipped the cabinet open to get to his wine. Popping the cork off, he poured a liberal amount into a glass and shuffled into the bedroom.

"Oh, _great_," Light snapped immediately. "You're drinking wine. You know how you get when you do that."

"Light-kun is not in a position to question my drinking habits," L retorted. He went forward and unlocked the younger man from the bed, after which Light sprinted to the bathroom.

"You just get really lethargic and grumpy when you drink!" Light called, as be did his business. "And I don't want to get into a fight right now!"

"Light-kun, we have a huge problem on our hands right now," L said back, sliding out of his jeans and settling into bed. "I must decide where to take the investigation now."

"You have Higuchi, so let me go. Question _him_." Light came back in and shot L one of his bitchiest glares. "I can be out of your life now."

"Light-kun is still not cleared." L finished off his wine and threw himself down on his pillow. "...I will tell him the rest of my theory tomorrow, when I am not under the influence of alcohol."

"Alright." Light settled himself next to L with a little grunt. "Whatever, just don't wake me up in two hours."

"Very well. And...I should tell Light-kun right now that I will not be putting the handcuffs back on."

"Oh, okay. G'night."

"Night."

Although both of the men thought about it, neither of them asked why they were still sharing the same bed.

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: : ) Only one or two more chapters to go, guys. Please don't yell at me. (hides)

And yes, we have ventured into the AU now, but hopefully it's to your liking. The notebook getting shredded works for me! Any little details about the Death Note and Misa, etc. will be dealt with next time.

Anyway, if was kind of fun writing DownToBusiness!L and SniperMode!Watari. Poor L, but at least he won't be heartlessly murdered this time, right? Okay, I'll go now. It's 4:57 AM and everything is very blurry and strangely amusing...

Up next: I dunno what to call it yet!


	64. Something Like A Finale

A/N: People

A/N: **People! Light is not Kira anymore! Death Note getting destroyed equals no more Kira.** I guess I didn't make that clear, which is totally my fault. : )

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

Hey! Didn't read my A/N yet? Please do!

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

"Ryuu?"

"Yes?"

"It's been…fifteen days."

"I know."

"Are you still angry?"

"Not, not really. Everything has been taken care of."

"Oh, good! Does that mean you'll take me out somewhere?"

"No."

"Oh."

"…" A sigh.

"So, I'm pretty much cleared, right?"

"Yes. Well, I suppose I shall just have to keep Light-kun in my presence and make sure he does not come in contact with a Death Note-"

"For how long?"

"For the rest of our lives."

"Ah. So, till death do us part, then?"

"…That seems to be the case."

"So we're totally a couple!"

"…Ohhhh, God…"

"Don't be forlorn! We're going to be together forever and ever and ever!"

"…"

"…And we'll have a big house and a dog and we can solve cases together and we can get new fish and I'll have my ostrich and you'll give me Mumu back and we'll find a new therapist and we'll go to the beach and skiing and snowboarding and surfing and we'll like each other more and we'll have a nice holiday season and we'll decorate and go see those bratfaces and-"

L blinked over at the overexcited teen, and Light quieted immediately.

"Light-kun has a domestic view of our life together," he stated.

Light nodded and shifted a bit closer. "And…?"

"…I suppose that that is acceptable."

"So we're a couple?" the brunette asked.

"That seems to be the case, as we are never going to find others that are suitable to be with us," L reasoned, nestling a thumb between his teeth. "And I do not intend to be single and celibate for the rest of my life."

"So will you kiss me now?"

"Um…" L shook his head around to make his hair cover his reddening ears. "Yes, that is called for at this time." He quickly turned his head to the side, leaned forward, and gave Light a badly-angled, incredibly sloppy kiss before pulling back and clearing his throat.

"See, you're not dissolving or anything," Light chirped. "I'm not _acidic_."

"I can see that."

Light stood up and gave a long stretch. "Alright, I'm going to go lie down. You can join me if you want."

L watched Light sashay out of the living room and down the hall.

"And leave your laptop in there!" Light added.

L smiled. Sure, Light could be a loud, embarrassing, useless bastard. With the ostrich, and the yelling, and the oh-so-loveable little fits…

…But sometimes, the minor annoyances were worth living with, and L was more than willing to endure every minute of chaos for even a brief second of…ahem…A feeling of intense attraction?

"Come _on_, panda puff!"

"Shut up, Light-kun!"

DNDNDNDNDNDNDNDN

A/N: And I'm serving up a hot and juicy **sequel**, complete with 100 percent crackiness and no unfunny drama guaranteed. It goes by the name **Minor Dilemmas** and is on a webpage near you! Simply go to my profile and scroll down to read the freshly-released first chapter entitled "Airport."

**Angry about the length of this?** Sorry, but these were the last MA drops I could squeeze out of myself. : ( I'm done here. Plz don't yell at me.

**THANK YOU** IN BIG, LOUD CAPS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED/ FAVED/ ALERTED THIS!! I was going to list all of you, but that didn't work out. Oh well. Consider yourselves all glomped for reading up to this point! That goes for anonymous people too, thankies! And thanks to you guys who have me on author alert, too! : )

Teehee!

And on that note, I'll take my leave. (bows)

Thanks again, everyone!! : )

**-MP**


End file.
